Lance

Trent had been wild, resistant to authority, and so goddamn charming. Me, on the other hand, I was the older brother who took on too much responsibility. I was determined and ambitious. I did what I was told.

I was also stubborn. Stubborn as fuck, something that could be great in a lot of situations. Beneficial. It meant I never gave up. I was persistent.

Except right now, that trait was fucking with my head. I’d spent years planning this—getting my revenge by taking down Bryan Drayer. I’d learned when I got out of prison that he’d already been knocked down a peg or two. His territory where he sold his guns and his drugs was a place of constant warfare, so much that he was forced out.

Out on the hotel balcony, I took a drag of my third cigarette in a row and watched the lumpy form of Tara in the bed. She hadn’t moved. I assumed she fell asleep.

Our last conversation replayed on a loop in my brain, and goddamn but I wanted to take a knife to my skull and cut it out. None of this was sitting right with me. I was sick to my fucking stomach over using her to get to her brother. In fact, I was sick to my stomach over all of it.

I’d gone to prison for involuntary manslaughter, but the word involuntary was fucking key. All I’d been trying to do was rescue my brother. I wasn’t a violent person—I made furniture for a living. I’d once made a damn good living at it. I had a beautiful cabin and a decent nest egg. Then I’d lost it all on lawyer’s fees. I knew how to fight because in prison, I had to get smart, look big, be tough. I hated every fucking minute of it. I didn’t want to use my fists. I liked running my fingers over soft wood, beautiful details, and the soft skin of a woman. Tara.

I groaned and dropped my head in my hand just as my phone buzzed. I answered it without lifting my head. “Yup.”

“Lance.” It was Hal again.

“You got me.”

“Word is Castor’s crew is stepping it up. They want Bryan out of hiding to take him out once and for all. That might have been why Reb was coming for Tara. He heard too and was trying to get her safe.”

“She’s safer with me than that bastard. Where the fuck did he think he was going to keep her?”

“Don’t know. How long you staying there?”

“Not sure.”

Hal was quiet for a minute. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I finished off the cigarette and dropped it on the concrete floor. I ground the butt with my boot just as Tara rolled over in her sleep. Her dark hair was over her face, and she pushed it off, eyes still closed, lips parted. So fucking beautiful, it made my heart hurt.

“I’m thinking I don’t know what I’m doing,” I said to Hal. I’d told him my history with Tara, that I’d had no idea who she was until…until Reb showed up.

“If Drayer was in front of you right now, what would you do?”

Violent visions filled my head. Ugly things, actions I’d thought about for years but when I tried to picture myself actually doing all of that to Bryan…the images faded.

Hal’s voice cut through the fog. “And what if Tara was watching?”

I wanted to throw up. She was asleep with my come still inside of her, and I planned to use her to find her brother and fuck him up?

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Fuck. Fuck me, Hal. Fuck.”

“I’ve supported you this whole time. You got out of jail so goddamn angry at the world. I thought you’d changed, that the man I knew was gone. I was prepared to give you anything, including Bryan Drayer’s head. But Lance…” His voice cracked on my name, and the sound was like a knife to my gut. “Lance, you haven’t changed that much. You still have the same heart, and this isn’t you. You’re not this man. When this is all done, can you live with this? Can you live with how you used Tara, and whatever you plan to do to Bryan?”

Tara’s eyes blinked open, and our gazes locked. She didn’t move, and the hurt and sadness and—fuck me—regret in those brown eyes…nearly undid me. I’d done that. I’d made her look like that.

My voice came out stronger than I thought it would. “Is the word going around that I have Tara and I’m holding her until I see Bryan?”

“Yes,” Hal said hesitantly.

“Good.”

“Lance—”

I hung up the phone before I could hear any more.

Tara hadn’t moved, and her eyes tracked me as I opened the sliding glass door, came inside, and shut it behind me. I sat down on the side of the other bed, facing her, and braced my elbows on my knees. “Sleep well?”

She narrowed her eyes at me.

I softened my voice. “Look—”

“Nope,” she bit out. “Nope, nope, nope, Nopetown population one.”

I stared at her.

She sat up and flung a finger at me. “You don’t get to come in here with that soft voice, the same one you used the night of the fire. The one that I loved, that made me feel safe and cared for. The same fucking voice where you promised me you’d look out for me. The same voice you used when your mouth was on my skin, your hand between my thighs. No, No. No!” She screamed it at my face, her expression full of rage and passion, and fuck maybe something was wrong with me, because she’d never been this beautiful. She was magnificent angry—fiery and confident.

I had the same passion too. I hadn’t been sure I did anymore, not after I walked out from behind bars, but Tara brought it out in me, the desire to be something better, to make promises that I intended on keeping. “This wasn’t one-sided,” I said. “Don’t act like I pulled one over on you. I meant every goddamn thing I said to you. Including that promise.”

“Who gives a fuck about your worthless promise when you intend on breaking it?” she spat at me. “You’re not taking care of me. You’re using me to get to my brother, and trust me, when my brother falls, it will fucking break me. He might not be the best brother, but he’s all I got and I love him.” She was crying now, angry tears that dripped down her face. “I’m not trying to appeal to your… sensibilities or whatever. I’m just telling you that you will break your promise to me the minute you lay your hands on Bryan.” She swiped furiously at her face, hands trembling. “Shit,” she muttered. “Fucking hate crying.”

“Did you really fall for me?” I asked. I had to know.

She glared at me. “Sure, I fell for a little bit and then caught myself. Now I fucking hate you.”

I deserved that arrow to the heart. I nodded. “Okay.” There was more I wanted to say, much more, but all the words got jammed up and jumbled in my head.

With a growl, she got out of bed and stomped toward the bathroom. She slammed the door, and I heard the toilet flush, then the faucet run, before she stomped back out. “And now I’m stuck in this room with you. For how long? I don’t know. You haven’t told me.” She flopped down on the bed, still talking to herself, because she wasn’t even looking at me. “So I guess I’m going to watch like a million Real Housewives reruns because I’m sure their voices will annoy the fuck out of you. Maybe they’ll annoy you so bad, you’ll take a fucking leap off the balcony. Just leave my car keys behind when you do it, so I don’t have to fish them out of your jeans after your skull cracks on the pavement.”

I loved her. Goddamn, I loved her, and the realization hit me like a gun shot. I squeezed my chest, and she turned her head to me, frowning at my hand. “Having a heart attack? That’d be amazing.”

“No heart attack,” I murmured.

“Shame,” she said, and turned back to the TV.

I didn’t turn away, couldn’t. There were still words filtering from my brain down to my vocal chords, and I didn’t have them in quite the right order yet.

She whirled her head to me. “Are you seriously going to sit there and stare at—”

“I’m not going to do it,” I said.

Her jaw clacked shut, and she cocked her head, brows lowered. “I’m sorry?”

“I-your brother. He’ll come for you. And when he does, I’ll walk away. I won’t touch him, and you won’t have to see me again. I get why you hate me, and you have every right.”

She didn’t speak, and she also didn’t blink. She turned full stone until she shook herself and said. “Come again?”

“I changed my mind.” I rubbed my damp palms on my jeans, needing another cigarette. “Or maybe I never had my mind made up. Maybe I’d just been foggy with grief. I don’t know. But your brother—taking my anger out on him won’t bring Trent back. It won’t make me happy. It’ll make me miserable because I’ll have to live with the knowledge that I hurt you.” I swallowed. “And I don’t want that. Mostly, I don’t want you to live with knowing that everyone in your life breaks promises.”

She didn’t speak for a long time, and emotions flitted over her face like a shuffling deck of cards—hope, pain, wariness. And then… anger. The fire was back just as she curled her lips. “You just want to fuck me again.”

I threw up my hands. “Jesus Christ, Tara. That’s not it.”

She was breathing hard, and I saw it again in her eyes—hope. But suspicion lurked there too. I couldn’t say I blamed her. “It’s okay if you don’t believe me. But my mind is made up. Bryan will come for you, and I’ll let you go with him, and I won’t harm either of you.”

A laugh track blared from the TV, but neither of us looked at the screen. She held my gaze, searching, and if she was a Drayer, then she’d had a lot of experience in her life with reading deceptive men. I didn’t look away.

Finally, she said softly. “You think I haven’t been harmed already?”

My heart thudded, and I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Tara—”

“I believe you that you didn’t know who I was. I do. But that doesn’t change the fact that even if only for a few hours, you planned to use me to destroy my brother. That cut me, Lance. Deep. Soul-wounding. I was with Reb for five years, and he didn’t get even a piece of me. You got…” Her hand fisted the remote with white knuckles. The channel changed. “You got a whole lot.”

I wanted to reach for her, to draw her into my arms, but her body language told me to back off. I trembled with the need to touch her, and it physically pained me to stay away.

“Even as we were walking to my car that morning, I kept thinking about how I didn’t want to leave you. I was already planning on how I’d get back to visit you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Yeah, I did. I’d had her, and I’d lost her. I nodded.

Her face fell, and a sob left her lips. “I’m sorry my brother did what he did to your brother,” her voice was a whisper as tears tracked down her face. “I’m so sorry. But I’m tired of the violence. So tired. A small part of me wishes I could give you what you want. But I can’t.”

“You’ve given me enough,” I said. “If I hadn’t of met you…I wouldn’t be making this decision. I’d still be pissed off and hellbent on revenge.”

“Guess that’s a compliment?”

“Sure is.”

She turned her head to the TV.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

She closed her eyes. “I am too. This is…neither of us asked for this. Any of it. Whoever is moving around our game pieces in this life is having a hell of a time.”

I huffed a short laugh, and my blood warmed when a smile tugged at her lips.

“We’ll stay here until we hear from your brother. Heard Castor is trying to draw him out. Must have been why Reb was coming for you. He knew Castor was looking.”

She nodded tightly. “Okay.”

I stood up. “Gonna shower. Can I trust you to stay here?”

“Yeah.” She met my eyes. “Where am I gonna go? With Castor looking for me, I’m fucked.”

She was right. I tore off my shirt and made my way to the bathroom. When I got to the door, some of the words in my throat righted themselves, clicked into place like LEGOs. “Case you wanted to know, I fell too. I’m still falling. And Tara, I’ll probably be falling for you until the day I die.” I didn’t look to see her reaction, and I didn’t wait to hear her respond. I shut the door, turned on the shower, and punched the tile until my knuckles bled.