Jeremy

I really didn’t want to go to this clinic. I had a feeling all they would do there was try to talk me into keeping the baby. I mean, as each day went by, I became less and less sure that I wanted to get rid of it, especially with Alex around every night. We didn’t talk about it the baby, or anything really, because he was so tired every night, but also because I still wasn’t sure how I felt. But just having him there, and knowing that our baby was inside me, made the decision really hard.

But the reality of the situation was we barely had enough money to live. There was just no way we could afford a baby. But if I was really being honest with myself, the bottom line was I was flat out terrified. Every single thing about the situation scared the hell out of me, and Alex seemed to understand that.

“They can answer all your questions at the clinic. From what I hear they’re really nice people. They won’t try to push you in any direction.”

“I don’t know,” I said as we ate an amazing leftover meat stew Alex had brought back from his parent’s house. “It’s all the way in Portville. That’s too far.”

“It’s not too far. Only forty minutes or so. Besides, there’s no clinic like it out here. They take people without insurance and have a sliding scale. We might not have to pay anything since you’re not working. Look, I’m taking my friend there tomorrow. You can come with us if you want or you can stay home. But I’d really love it if you came.” Alex put his hand on mine and I looked up into his eyes. It really pissed me off how he could change my mind so easily just with a touch of his hand, but I immediately felt my heart melt a little.

“Okay, I’ll go. But I don’t want you to go into the visit with me. I don’t need your alpha vibe influencing me.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked. His eyes looked totally innocent but he had to know the effect he had on me.

“I know you’re trying to get me to keep the baby. I can feel it.”

“What you’re feeling,” Alex said as he took my face in his hands, “is hope. I wouldn’t ever try to make you do something you don’t want to do, Jeremy. But I’m hoping, with all my heart, that you will decide on your own to keep this baby. I want a family with you more than anything in the world. So, if you’re feeling anything from me, that’s what it is.”

Between the look in Alex’s eyes when he talked about our family and how thrilled my dads were when they found out they were going to be grandparents, I felt like I owed it to all of them, and to myself, to at least talk to a doctor about what was going on.

The Sunnyside Clinic had a walk-in waiting list and the three of us got there early, so both Shane and I were going to be seen within an hour. And Alex was right, they said I wouldn’t have to pay a thing—for any visit or for the birth—since I was unemployed. I was thrilled that a place like this existed and it was another thing that made the decision to keep the baby a little easier.

While we sat there in the front reception area, waiting to be called, I watched all the different people as they came and went. Couples with children, single pregnant omegas, and even a couple who sat near me who talked about getting artificial insemination. They were so hopeful but sad at the same time, and it made me feel like a giant asshole. Here I was with a baby already inside me, something that this couple obviously wanted so badly, and all I was thinking about was myself.

“Jeremy Holtz.”

When I heard my name I stood up. Alex squeezed my hand, then let go as I walked off to follow the nurse. She took me into an exam room and told me to take off my clothes, get into a gown, then get up on the exam table and wait for the doctor.

Everything happened so fast. From the moment I lay back on the table I closed my eyes and just let the nurse and doctor do their work. Neither one of them said much during the exam, I think because they both knew I was nervous. The one thing I remember was the doctor telling me to relax over and over.

“I had a few questions for you, Jeremy,” Dr. Livingston said after I was dressed and in his office. “It says here that you just started going into heat. Was this your very first?”

“Yes,” I said, still trying my best to relax.

“That’s a little older than most omegas are when they start going into heat. Do you have any idea why?”

I took a deep breath and let it out before answering. As humiliating as this whole situation was, I knew I had to talk to someone about what was going on. And this was probably my best chance to get some information about why this happened to me. “I was a beta until a couple weeks ago.”

The doctor raised both of his eyebrows and looked more intrigued then surprised. “Oh, I see. So you’ve had a status transition, is that correct?”

“I guess so. I didn’t know there was a name for it. I didn’t even know what was happening. I still don’t, really. But my friend … he’s an alpha … he told me that he could tell I had been in heat. There was no mistaking the scent. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have even known I was pregnant. He was the one that insisted I take a pregnancy test. I did and it came up positive.”

“And this was about two weeks ago you say?”

“Yeah, maybe a little less. Things have been insane ever since then. I feel like I barely have a handle on my own life anymore.”

“I understand completely. I’m sure this has been very hard for you,” the doctor said. “But it’s actually more common than you may realize. I went through a status transition myself about ten years ago.”

“So, you’re an omega?”

“Yep,” the doctor said with a smile. “It happened while I was in medical school. I had to transfer to a different school on the opposite side of the country because I didn’t want anyone to find out. I finished my degree after going on a number of hormone suppressant drugs. Back then there was no way an omega could get a medical degree, so it was really the only choice I had.”

“Wow, that’s crazy. I’m kind of in the same boat myself. I was working at the steelyard and, man, if those guys found out I was an omega now …”

“Yeah, unfortunately there’s still a lot of people who are very rigid in their view of the statuses. That only alphas can do certain jobs and only omegas are capable of making nurturing fathers. And at the same time, betas are almost completely erased from the whole parenting thing because they can’t impregnate omegas or carry a baby. But I think people are starting to come around and are more aware these days that everything—status, sexuality, every aspect of human nature, really—is on a spectrum and putting people into boxes isn’t fair to anyone.”

“Wow, I hadn’t thought about it that way. I guess I still have a lot to learn because I’ve been horrified by the fact that I’m an omega now. But it’s hard, when I’ve seen myself one way my whole life, to suddenly accept myself as being completely different now.”

“Well, you’re not a different person, you just have different mixes of hormones pumping through your body that are allowing it to perform new functions. But hormones are very powerful and can be hard to deal with. You know, there is a support group at this clinic for people who’ve gone through your exact transition. There are about six of us that attend the meeting regularly. I head up the group since I am the only staff member at this clinic that has any actual experience on the subject. This week a friend of mine is going to be giving a talk. He’s a police officer who went through the exact same thing as you. One day he was a beta, then, out of the blue, he went into heat and became pregnant, and had to deal with his own issues. He’ll be talking about how he dealt with his transition and answering questions anyone has. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”

“Yeah, totally. Honestly, when I came here today, my main goal was to talk about getting an abortion. I just didn’t think I could handle the pregnancy on top of everything else. Not to mention the cost of giving birth and raising a baby. But now, I don’t know, I guess it would be really nice to talk to some people who’ve gone through the same thing. When is the meeting?”

“We meet on the last Wednesday of the month at seven p.m. So, the next meeting is in two days.”

“I’ll be here. I really like this place and I’m starting to feel better about keeping the baby. It’s gonna be hard, but I’m sure Alex is gonna go crazy making sure we have everything we need.”

“Is Alex your friend?”

“Yeah,” I said with a laugh. “I guess I should start calling him something else besides friend since we’re having a baby together.”

“I’m glad to see you’ve made a decision,” Dr. Livingston said with a smile. “I think this baby will be good for both of you. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to give me a call. But I’m looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday.”

“Thanks, doc,” I said, standing up and shaking his hand. “I can’t tell you how much better I feel now that I’ve talked to someone.”

“It’s been my pleasure.”

Wednesday afternoon I had to tell my parents and Alex about the meeting because I wouldn’t be able to help them with the trees. Alex wanted to come with me, but I told him it was supposed to be a safe space for omegas, and even though I knew he would be cool, they asked that partner’s didn’t come along. But when I got back Alex was wide awake and wanted to hear all about it.

“You need to sleep,” I said as I crawled into bed next to him.

“No, I don’t,” he said. “Tomorrow’s my day off. Mateo is working with my pop so I don’t have to be anywhere in the morning. We can stay in bed all day,” he said with a grin that slowly spread across his entire face. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has,” I said as I lowered my lips to his. Every single day I found something new about Alex that was unbelievably sexy, and the latest thing was how beautiful his thick, dark eyelashes looked when his eyes were closed. It was funny to think of a big, strong alpha as beautiful, but he really was. He was the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen in my life.

“But first I have to hear about what happened at that meeting. Are they okay with you talking about it?” he asked as he pushed his hand up into my hair.

“Yeah, they’re okay with that. As long as I don’t use anybody’s real name. The speaker guy is a cop. Apparently he still works part-time with his partner, who is his husband. It’s funny, because his story is really similar to mine. He didn’t know what was going on at all. He woke up one morning and had flash backs of the night before, then found out later in the day from his partner that he went into heat and they’d had sex. His partner was the one that told him he was probably pregnant, just like you did with me.”

“So, this cop had no idea he was an omega? That sounds a lot like you.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy, but I guess it’s not as uncommon as I thought it was.”

“Wow. I didn’t even know it was possible to not be aware that you were in heat. I mean, it affects alphas so intensely that it’s hard to even comprehend that you wouldn’t know it was going on. But, I guess if you’ve never experienced it before you wouldn’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Yeah, exactly. I just remember it feeling like I was really drunk and insanely horny.”

“So, have you decided …” Alex started, but then paused. I knew what he was going to ask. I hadn’t told him anything about my conversation with the doctor yet. I wanted to see for myself that betas who had turned into omegas and had babies really could be happy. I was still having a hard time picturing that for myself.

“Yeah, I did. I’m keeping the baby,” I said, watching his eyes to see his reaction, and it was immediate. I don’t think even a second past before Alex’s arms were wrapped around me and his lips were on mine. “Oh, my God, Jeremy, I can’t tell you how happy I am. I swear I died inside every time I thought about … about the alternative.”

“I know. But don’t you think this is all happening a little too fast? Do you think we’ll be able to handle this with no money? I mean, we still barely know each other.” I said, starting to freak myself out all over again.

“I know exactly how I feel, Jeremy. I can’t explain it, but ever since that first night with you I’ve known.”

“Known what?” I whispered.

“That I love you. And I love the baby that’s growing inside you.”

I stared up at Alex, completely dumbfounded by the fact that this was really happening. Alex was in love with me and I was going to have his baby.

Then it hit me. This was exactly what I wanted. Alex and the baby, and even my life away from my asshole friends and the job at the steel mill. This was the life I wanted, and the universe had somehow figured it out before I had.

“I love you too.” I said as tears ran down my cheeks. I buried my face in Alex’s muscular chest and felt his hands in my hair. When I looked up at him his eyes were glazed over with tears too. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said that to anyone.”

“Me too,” Alex said as he brought my face to his, then kissed me so gently shivers pulsated throughout my entire body.