Chapter Twenty-One

Four months later . . .

 

“There is such beauty in nature. Why can’t life be just as forthcoming?” Joanne’s voice sounded brittle to her own ears. 

She sighed and sank down on a grassy knoll under a weeping willow, on the banks of the Jacksonville River. It snaked through the hills and surrounding trees in smooth, seductive curves; beautiful in the morning light. The water was green, darker in the shadows and pale in the light. The gentle tinkle of the water was like a musical backdrop.

For all the serenity surrounding her, Joanne’s mind was filled with darkness. The light had been stolen from her—again. This time with finality that had been beyond crippling.

“Hey hon, I’ve been looking for you,” Morgan said as she joined her. “I’m gonna miss this spot. It’s so soothing to just close your eyes and listen to the gentle rush of the water over the river stones.”

“Yes, it’s beautiful here.”

The authorities had moved the majority of the women to their new homes under new identities. There were only three more women who were going to settle in Europe within the following week. Except for Morgan and Joanne.

“So, have you decided yet where you’re going?” Morgan prodded gently, chewing on the juicy end of a grass sprout. “I mean, now that it’s been confirmed that the bastards, Sheikh Juhayman and Hamal are dead, you don’t need to hide anymore.”

Joanne didn’t volunteer the information that her case was a little more complicated. She’d been over the moon when Bruce had told them two weeks after the crash that the bodies of the two men had been found miles from the plane wreck. Finally, she could relax. It appeared that they had survived the crash and had tried to run away but had died from their injuries and blood loss in the process.

“Go home, I suppose,” she responded listlessly. “To L.A.”

Morgan glanced at her with a sharp look. “You can’t fool me, Jo. We both know where you want to go.”

“We also know that he doesn’t want me.”

“He was flat on his back and in pain. He wasn’t thinking clearly. But he has recovered fully now, hasn’t he?”

“According to Jack, yes. He’s back at work and I suppose happily fucking all the subs at the club.”

“I gotta go and visit Club Devil’s Cove,” Morgan lilted. “And you’re fine with that? Him, continuing to sow his wild oats, as they say?”

“It doesn’t matter what I feel, Morgan. He doesn’t want me and I’m tired of bumping my head against a wall.”

“So, instead, you’re gonna mope your life away?”

“I’m not moping.”

“Oh, for fuck sake, Joanne! Snap out of it. You managed an entire army for a year—in disguise, which I know wasn’t easy for you. It’s time to reach deep and get that backbone back, girl! You’re miserable without Max. You love him and even after the things he’d said to you, you still do. That should tell you something. Now, get back there and do something about it.”

“It’s easy for you to talk. You don’t understand—”

“Maybe I don’t but I got to know a woman with more strength and courage than most men I know. You fought for all of us. You defied a society that shuns femininity, to save a bunch of women you didn’t know or owed anything. You could’ve found a way to return to the US when you escaped but you didn’t. Because of you, we all have a chance at happiness. You deserve it too, Joanne. You are the bravest human being I know. Be brave now. Go and get your man.” 

* * * * * * * *

Joanne walked into Precision Secure offices a week later. The long black coat flapped around her legs as she started the search for Max. 

Voices from the ops room drew her attention and she headed in that direction. Max’s voice caused her steps to falter and she came to an abrupt halt just outside the door. Her entire being started to tremble as she listened to him talk.

“You’ve been there yourself, Richard. You know how it feels. What’s the use of going back, just to be told the same thing? I’ll never walk again. I’m paralyzed. End of story. No matter how much I hate this fucking wheelchair, I have to learn to live with it.”

“Max, your injury is different than mine. I looked at the X-rays Ethan took before you were released from the hospital. He and I agree that there’s a chance that the nerves have regenerated. The fractures have all healed by now and the swelling must be completed down. All you need to do is go for an MRI. Come on, mate! I’ve seen you move your feet.”

“Those are involuntary twitches.”

“No, Max, they’re not. I’ve seen you at the gym. There is strength in your legs when you exercise. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself. What exactly did the specialist tell you that day?”

“To be honest, I can’t exactly recall the conversation. I guess I shut down after I heard the word paralyzed.”

“You refused to go for rehabilitation at the time. That was foolish, Max. You might have learned what I already suspect. But you have to get your mindset out of the comfortable rut you’re in. You’re not a coward, Max, so you should at least try to get over that mental block that you’ve set. Make the appointment, Max. What do you have to lose?”

“Disappointment. I don’t think I . . .” Max’s voice faded away as he caught a movement in the open doorway. His face went pale. “Joanne . . . what are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. I was going to fight for a future with you, one last time. Now, I realize I was an even bigger fool than I’d thought.”

“Yeah, as you can see, I’m not the man you used to know.” The bitterness in his voice slammed into her.

“Yes, I can see that.”

Joanne walked closer with a freezing glare in her eyes.

Crack!

The slap echoed through the room. “Holy shithouse!” Richard murmured as he stared at her in shock. He watched Max’s cheek flush red in the shape of her hand. The vein in his temple twitched but he didn’t move.

“I told myself that you chased me away because you were trying to protect me. Now, I realize it was because you didn’t trust me.”

“That’s bullshit, Joanne.”

“Is it? You didn’t trust me, Max. Period! I don’t think you ever did. You didn’t trust me all those years ago either to give you everything you needed. You sure as hell didn’t trust me to love you enough to tell me about this!” She pointed to his legs.

Max slammed his fists on the arms of the wheelchair. His frustration turned his face even redder.

“Look at me, Joanne! This is it. I can’t give you anything. Fuck all! Why the fuck did you have to come back here?” he cried hoarsely.

Joanne ripped open her coat. It fell away from her body. Max stared at her protruding belly. He gasped, desperately trying to breathe.

“You gave me this, Maximilian. But you’re right. I don’t want you around me and my son. Not a coward who is too scared to face reality.”

Max’s face turned to stone, his jaw clenched in rigid fury. “You’re wrong, Joanne. I faced reality the day I chased you away. I can’t walk, and I’ve accepted it.”

Joanne shook her head. “I overheard your discussion just now. There is a chance and that’s the reality you are too scared to face. Nothing in life is guaranteed, Maximilian. But to throw away your chances, in case you might be disappointed, is a coward’s way out. That’s life.” Her voice softened. “How you dealt with the challenges in the past made you the man who I came to love. That man is still there—deep inside you.”

She turned and started walking toward the door.

“Joanne—”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “My love for you hasn’t changed, Maximilian but my son will have a father who isn’t scared to love or to share his heart. Unless you can do that . . .”

She turned and walked away.

“He is my son, Joanne! You won’t keep him from me,” Max shouted angrily. The thought that he might not be the father never once crossed his mind. He knew it was his baby.

The whizz of the wheelchair sounded in Joanne’s ears as she stepped into the elevator.

“Joanne Katherine Blackmore! Get back here!”

She lifted her palm in his direction, smiled sweetly and just as the elevator door slid closed, her sweet voice floated toward Max, “Talk to the hand.”

Max cursed, spun the wheelchair around and ignoring Rhone, Keon, Jack and the rest of the team who had come to investigate the commotion, slammed the wheels into motion, back to the ops room.

“Richard!” His voice bellowed through the entire floor. “Get that fucking specialist on the phone!” 

* * * * * * * *

Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

“I’ve got it,” Joanne shouted to Jack who was busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen, as she walked down the stairs when the doorbell rang.

“If it’s that damn vacuum cleaner salesman again, tell him I’ve got my shotgun ready,” Jack shouted back.

“I’ll be sure to tell him,” she laughed as she opened the door. Her smile slipped. Her mouth gaped open. “Maximilian?”

It had been three weeks since her visit to Precision Secure. She’d not heard or seen Max since and had been too proud to ask Jack about him. She had laid down the gauntlet and had started to believe that she’d gone too far. Now, she was filled with hope as she looked at him. He was as gorgeous as always. His hair had been neatly trimmed and his scruffy beard was as scrumptious as ever. The new silver dusted addition to the sides of his temples and beard gave him an even sexier look than before.

“You’re walking.” Her gaze moved over his legs encased in faded jeans. He was leaning heavily on the cane in his hand.

“Shuffling is a better description,” he said. She looked as ethereally beautiful as ever. Pregnancy suited her. She glowed from the top of her silky, honeyed gold tresses, to her small bare feet. His gaze shot back to her hair.

“You got your color back,” he stated the obvious.

Joanne fingered the shortened blonde curls. “The dark hair was part of a time in my life that I’d rather forget.” She glanced at him. “I thought you liked my blonde hair.”

“I love your hair, no matter its color, baby,” Max said as he walked closer and planted a long, hard kiss on her lips. “May I come in? I need to sit down.”

“Oh yes! Of course,” Joanne stepped back to allow him entry and closed the door behind him. She watched him as he walked slowly toward the living room. She itched to wrap her arms around him and support him but knowing how proud he was, it would be the worst thing she could do.

“Who was at the door?” Jack shouted from the kitchen.

“It’s Maximilian,” Joanne replied as she watched Max lower himself carefully in the wingback chair.

“Hey mate, are you joining us for breakfast?” Jack’s shout resounded back.

“Yeah, but only if you keep your big ass in the kitchen for the next fifteen minutes,” Max returned.

“This is my house. I’ll fucking do what I please, thank you very much,” Jack flung back.

 Max chuckled. “I guess that means I’ve got to talk fast then.”

Joanne found it difficult to tear her eyes from him. He looked like the old Max, the man who loved to tease you all the way into his soul.

 Max stared at Joanne. The past five months had been hell. He’d never felt such devastation as he had the day he was told he’d never walk again. He, who always felt energized and approached life with no holds barred. But it had been more than that. He’d been lonely. It had been blissful to have Joanne in his house, filling it with love and laughter. He’d become lost in the emptiness that now surrounded him . . . the loneliness.

He was left searching, hungering to find something to give him direction, a will to rise above the darkness that was pulling him down—yet finding nothing to ease the turmoil that kept him awake at night. He’d been able to hide it from his friends—to an extent—but somehow, he didn’t think they had been fooled by his forced laughter. Not when the dullness was always there in his eyes.

“Why are you here, Maximilian?” Joanne asked when she couldn’t bear the way he looked at her any longer. The longing in his gaze echoed what she was feeling. She had to hold herself from throwing her arms around him.

“Do you remember the kiss I gave you on your eighteenth birthday, Jo?”

Joanne smiled briefly at the unexpected question.

“Yes, it was on the porch while Jack went to fetch the champagne.”

“It was the sweetest, most honest kiss I’ve ever received. I knew then . . .” His gaze darkened as he watched her cheek suffuse with a rosy tint.

“Knew what?” she whispered.

“That I loved you. It was also the day I knew that I had to stay away from you. Far away. I was so much older than you and you were on the brink of becoming a woman.” He shrugged. “I should’ve stayed away longer but when I saw you again at Jack’s birthday party, I knew I had lost the battle. I didn’t even try to fight it. I should have but I didn’t.” He lowered his head briefly before he continued. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Joanne. Of all the people on this earth, you were the one who deserved it the least, but if I didn’t let you go, I would’ve destroyed you and I couldn’t do that.”

He got up and started to pace. Joanne smiled at that. Even now, still in the process of recuperating, he couldn’t sit still. She watched the ropey muscles in his thighs bulge as he walked back and forth.

“I always thought I was a brave man. I didn’t fear death—I still don’t—but I turned out to be a coward at the time it mattered the most. I failed you when I chased you away. I couldn’t bear to see pity in your eyes or watch as you wither away while taking care of me.”

“It should’ve been my choice, Maximilian,” Joanne fired back passionately.

“Yes, I know that now. I wasn’t thinking of you, it was all about me. What it would do to me and for that . . .” He stopped pacing and leaned on the cane. His stare was intense. “You made me realize just how wrong I had been. That I needed to have the courage to believe in life and love; to believe in myself.”

“And you did that.” She gestured to his legs with a bright smile.

“Because of you. You made me realize what I’ve been refusing to face. That my heart belongs to you and that you are the only one who can wipe out the emptiness that has been sucking me into a black void.”

Max sat down next to her in the sofa. He cupped her cheeks with a smile that could make the angels swoon. “My life has been empty and aimless all these years, Jo and I only fully came alive the times you were with me. When I’m alone in my house, I see your sweet smile; hear your tinkling laugh and your husky voice whispering in my ear when we make love.” He smiled tenderly. “I know now that I need you to make me whole. It has always been you.” His eyes glowed with warmth.

“I love you, Joanne, so fucking much and I can’t be without you one day longer,” he said against her ear. Joanne shivered as the heat of his breath awakened a deep longing. Max’s lips brushed briefly over hers—a soft touch that made her crave more.

“I never thought I’d hear those words from your lips, Maximilian,” she whispered against his lips.

Max gazed into her earnest eyes. He was humbled by the love that shone brightly and openly for him in their depths. He had never doubted her love because it had always been his for the taking— unconditionally. For a moment, he was too emotional to talk. He swallowed hard.

“The fact that you still love me after all the hurt I’ve caused you, is a miracle I will treasure all my life. And I will spend the rest of my life loving you and thanking you for giving me the strength to confront my fears.” He traced her lips, completely enchanted by the loving smile that curved them upward.

“I know this is completely unromantic, but I love you, Jo, with a depth and emotion that I can’t fully articulate. Will you marry me?”

Joanne breathed in deeply. She’d hoped for a declaration of love but not a marriage proposal. Especially as Max hadn’t even mentioned the baby once.

“This is much unexpected, Maximilian. However, I can’t help but wonder if you’re asking me now only because I’m pregnant,” she said and stood up. “I’m afraid I have to say no.”

Max didn’t move for a moment. Then, he slapped his hands on his thighs. “Right,” he said. He got up and started walking toward the door.

“Just that? Right? You’re not going to try and change my mind?” Joanne asked with disbelief painted over her features.

Max turned around. His face was impassive. His broad shoulders lifted in a negligent shrug.

“I declared my love—which is the undying kind, in case I forgot to mention it—I asked you to marry me; you said no. I did everything right.” He turned and took another couple of steps. “Now, if you want me to marry you, baby, you will have to do the asking.” With those cryptic words he made his way toward the kitchen.

“Maximilian Bartolomeus Shaw! Get back here,” she shouted, stamping her foot for added effect. He ignored her, forcing her to run after him.

He glanced at her as he reached the arched entrance into the kitchen. The wicked amusement in his eyes shot a shard of longing to her loins. How he always managed to arouse her with that particular look, she’d never know.

His eyebrows wiggled in a taunting manner as he flipped his palm in her direction.

“Talk to the hand.”

“You . . . I don’t believe this! You did not just do that to me,” Joanne raged with her hands on her hips.

“You better go and help your sister, mate. I think she has trouble breathing. Last I saw an expression like that, it was on a trout you had caught back home,” Max’s amused drawl floated toward her.

“That’s not funny, Maximilian!” Joanne balked in protest but couldn’t stay the smile that curved her lips upward.

Jack popped his head around the door and looked at her. He straightened and walked closer. With his arm over her shoulder he guided her back into the living room.

“Want a few pointers on how to seduce Max, sis?”

“Jack! You’re my brother. I don’t want seduction pointers from you,” she hissed, glancing to the entrance in case Max had followed him.

“Don’t worry, he’s drowning himself in coffee. Can I start being happy for you, sis? Has Max finally seen the light?”

“Gmphf . . . if expecting me to ask him to marry me is him seeing the light, then yes, I guess he has.”

Jack barked out a delighted laugh. “Somehow, I don’t think you’re telling me the whole story.” He hugged her against his chest and kissed her loudly on the cheek. “Now . . . about those pointers.”

“Jack!”

“Seriously, sis. I can help. No one knows Max’s tastes better than me.”

“Hm, I suppose you’ve got a point.”

“He loves kink dress but—”

“I hardly think it’ll be very seductive to wear nipple tassels with this huge tummy, Jack,” Joanne grumbled.

Jack brushed his hand over her belly. “It’s not huge and I have to say, I think it’s time I find a woman. I can’t wait for the day my wife is pregnant, sis. If there’s one thing a man can’t resist, it's the beauty of a woman carrying the fruits of his labor.”

Joanne raised her eyes to the ceiling. “Oh lord, you’re going philosophical on me!”

“As I was saying, Max loves kink dress. If there is a butt naked woman next to one dressed in sexy lingerie in front of him, I can guarantee you, he won’t even notice the naked one. He’ll go for the one who entices and enhances her beauty every time.”

Jack winked at her from the doorway and said loudly. “You’re welcome, sis and you can repay me by naming your firstborn after me.”

“Over my fucking dead body,” Max retorted from the kitchen.

“Ah c’mon, mate. Jack is a good, strong name. Some would even say wholesome.” He taunted as he walked back to the kitchen.

“I’d rather have that wholesome breakfast you promised. At this rate, it’ll be lunch by the time we eat,” Max grumbled.

Joanne sank into the sofa. She smiled as she listened to them bicker and poke fun at each other.

“My Maximilian is back and oh lord, I love him so much.”