This isn’t how I pictured it would happen, but after that night I get a lawyer and we get the custody process started.

Fortunately, I’m not fired from my job after that incident with the laptop. I had to replace it of course, but I got off with a warning.

I can tell Leah’s struggling with it, but she doesn’t go back on her promise. The lawyer says it’s going to take a few months just for all the procedural things to get finished, so I see no reason to change anything up. As far as I’m concerned, Leah’s a part of Ryan’s life for as long as she wants to be.

And maybe I’m being a little selfish, but I need her. I want her around, not just for Ryan’s sake, but for my own. I want to come home to her, to kiss her at night, to hold her in the shower. I want to hear her laugh and goof around with her and hang out on the couch with her for hours at a time. I want everything about her, and it’s more and more obvious to me every day.

It takes a strong person to say what she said and to give up Ryan like that. She’s sacrificed so much for him, so I’m sure it’s almost impossible to let him go. I admire her in a lot of ways, and that’s part of why I need to keep her around. Aside from Ryan, she’s the best thing in my life.

We tell Ryan the truth on a Saturday afternoon. We’re out at the park, just a small little thing down the street from our place. He’s sitting next to me on the bench and Leah crouches down in front of him.

“Ryan honey, do you know who Connor is?” she asks.

He shakes his head, fidgeting slightly.

“Honey, do you know who your dad is?”

He shakes his head again.

I scoot next to him. “I’m your dad.”

He looks up at me and smiles a little bit. “Okay,” he says.

“I’m your father. Do you know what that means?” I ask him.

“Yes,” he says. “Dad.”

Something washes over me. It’s not a big moment, and I’m not even sure he fully understands, but hearing him call me Dad makes all this worth it. Leah glances up at me and I can see something in her expression, and I can guess what it meant.

Ryan’s never going to call her Mom. I wish I could make that better, but I can’t. It’s always going to hurt.

“Come on,” I say to him. “Let’s go okay.”

“Okay,” he says, and he follows me to the swings.

I get him to call me Dad after a few days, and every time he says it, Leah flinches a little bit. I know she’s starting to feel left out, but I don’t know what to do to change that. I go out of my way to try and make things easier for Leah, including picking Ryan up from daycare and doing his routine with him, but nothing makes it all right. Nothing ever will, or maybe I’m just not being inventive enough.

A week passes like that. Leah doesn’t come down into the kitchen and she doesn’t invite me into her bedroom again. I can still feel that tension between us, but I don’t know what to do with it. She seems like she’s slowly moving past it, moving away from what we have, and I can’t blame her. Things are getting more complicated with Ryan all the time, and I don’t know what to do.

It all reaches its peak when I come home one afternoon. Leah wanted to get Ryan from daycare, so I’m alone in the house for the first time in a long time. I crack open a beer and drink slowly, standing in the kitchen and looking out the back window.

The mail slot on the door opens and shuts, and a letter drops down onto the ground. I blink, a little surprised. Mail usually comes earlier in the day, when we’re both at work. I walk over and there’s an envelope there on the floor without anything written on it, no stamps or an address. I pick it up, look at both sides, and pull the door open.

The street’s empty. Nobody’s around.

I close the door, feeling odd. I don’t know what to make of this unmarked letter. Clearly someone brought this here and dropped it through that slot without mailing it. I sigh and bring it into the kitchen, and I think I know what it’s going to be.

I pull it open and slide a single piece of paper out. It’s thick and cream colored. The handwriting is neat if old-fashioned, and I read it slowly with increasing levels of dread.

Connor, congratulations are in order, I believe. You’re to become the legal guardian of Ryan soon, as you should, since you are his father. Nobody is denying that fact, not at all.

I see that you are doing this despite my wishes. I apologize for what happened at the park. That was not well done. We should not have taken that step. I made a foolish mistake, and to make up for it, we have left you alone for these last few weeks.

However, the matter is not dropped. As you will be the legal guardian, you will have control over the boy, and I will make one final plea. If you will not let us raise him, we will take him. I’ve tried to give you time to reconsider, but clearly I’ve been too lenient. So here are the facts.

If you do not give us the boy, we will kill you and Leah, and we will take him. We will raise him as our own.

Or, if you wish to stay alive and in his life, allow us to have him. I will grant you visitation rights. You can ensure that he is growing up safe and sound.

We are not the monsters you imagine we are. Think on this, and make the right choice. This is your last warning. I wish to avoid blood, because Leah is my own niece, but time is running out. Choose wisely.

Yours, Mario Gallo.

I sit in the kitchen and read the letter twice. It fits entirely on one side of the paper, but it seems like it goes on for an entire novel. My spine trembles every time I read the words.

I don’t know what I thought. Maybe some part of me thought the Gallos were done with Ryan and they were letting him go. They made their attempt at grabbing him, and it failed. I thought maybe they’d see that they were making a mistake and move on.

Clearly, that was naïve. They’re not going anywhere and I don’t know why I thought they would.

Leah and Ryan come home a few minutes later. Ryan runs over and hugs me. “Hi Dad,” he says, and I smile at him.

“How’s it going?” Leah asks me as she puts her stuff away and gets started on Ryan’s dinner.

I bite my lip and look at the letter. “Ryan, bud, go play in the other room. Okay?”

He looks at me and shrugs. He teeters over into the living room and sits down on a mat we have out there, dumping out a pile of big off-brand Legos to smash together.

Leah frowns at me. “What’s wrong?”

I don’t say a word. I just give her the letter. She takes it and reads it, her face slowly sinking into horror.

“What do we do?” she asks me.

“I don’t know,” I admit.

“He’s going to kill us.”

“Maybe.” I shake my head. “You’re still his niece.”

“You read the letter. That was keeping us alive before, but… that’s changing now.”

“Since I’m taking custody.” I sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”

“How long do we have?” she asks me.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t say.”

She goes silent for a second, looking at the letter. She puts it on the table and goes back to getting Ryan’s dinner ready.

We don’t talk about it again that night. We got through our routine and end up on the couch together, watching reruns of Frasier on Netflix and not talking. I can feel the tension, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Mario’s coming and he’s coming for blood. He took it easy on us before, tried to convince us, but they’re done with that now. They’re going to get serious, and I better get serious, too.

I’m not losing Leah, and I’m not losing my son. No matter what, I’m not losing them.

Leah puts her hand on my mine and looks into my eyes.