CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
For what may be the first time in her short life, Kate slept late, and Jenny left her to it. Knowing her daughter’s resilience, she’d be up and bubbling with energy soon enough, so Jenny decided to take advantage of the unusual peace and quiet.
At least, that had been the plan.
Instead, she found herself sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of tea cooling in front of her as she gazed out into her backyard, mind occupied with thoughts of Derek.
For God’s sake. She was smiling again.
Sitting there, smiling. Like a besotted idiot. A firm knock came at the door and she jumped up so eagerly that the chair nearly fell over.
Real cool, Jenny. She fast-walked to the door.
She’d be astonished if it was Derek. What possible reason could he have for coming back so soon? She took a second to straighten her face and stop smiling, damn it.
Then she opened the door, and she had no trouble whatsoever not smiling. “Dean,” she said blankly.
“Hello, Jenny.”
Dean ducked his head and leaned toward her. As he did, Jenny leaned her upper body back, putting out a hand, palm against his chest, to stop him.
Dean straightened with a laugh. “Awkward. I was just going to kiss your cheek. Muscle memory. I didn’t think.”
Jenny stared at him. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
She frowned.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked.
“Why?”
“Honey.”
“Ugh. Come in. But you don’t get to call me honey anymore, remember?”
“Yep. Sorry. Again.”
“Is that why you’re here?” she asked over her shoulder as they went to the kitchen. “Apologies?”
“Thought you weren’t interested in my apologies?”
“I’m not.”
“Then, no. I’m not here for apologies. I wanted to catch up with the mother of my child. Is that so strange?”
He was standing close beside her as she filled the coffeemaker. Too close. His heat pressed against the bare skin of her arms, the scent of his familiar cologne battled with the aroma of freshly-ground coffee, and she didn’t like it. It felt wrong.
“Go sit down,” she snapped at him. “And yes, it’s strange. Last time I checked, we weren’t exactly on catch-up terms.”
Dean scraped a chair over the floor as he pulled it out from the table. He sat, stretching out his long legs, angled toward her as she made the coffee. “We’re not enemies, either. Are we?”
Jenny finished preparing his coffee without answering and took it, along with her refreshed cup of tea, to the table.
“You remember how I like it.” Dean smiled over the rim of his cup.
Dean Hansen was a good-looking man, and he knew it. His golden brown hair was in an expensive cut and, even on a Saturday, styled. His body was toned. His smile was killer. He’d never ruin his perfect skin with tattoos, or his well-groomed eyebrows with a piercing.
Or his dick.
Jenny choked on the thought, her tea went down the wrong pipe, and she coughed until her face turned red. She breathed in through her nose until she’d gotten it under control, and blotted her tearing eyes.
Dean’s smile turned quizzical. “You okay?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Good.” Dean lifted his cup and took another meditative sip of coffee. The expensive watch on his wrist caught the light.
Jenny blinked, and it hit her. The Dean sitting before her looked like the Dean she’d married, not the Dean she’d divorced. That Dean had been a mess. The stress of his debts and the divorce had left them both a mess, if she was honest. But Dean seemed to have bounced right the hell back.
Jenny’s hackles went up. Not with jealousy—she was doing just fine, thank you very much—but with suspicion. “Why are you here? As in, why are we catching up now?”
Dean ran a hand through the side of his hair and clasped the back of his neck. “I don’t know. It seemed like the right time. I’m doing good. I wanted to check that you were, too. You and Kate. Where is my daughter, by the way? Not still in bed? It’s after ten.”
Jenny’s brows rose. “We’re doing fine. Both of us. And yes, Kate is still in bed, since she managed to catch a cold from a classmate and was sick all day yesterday.” She waited a beat. “Kate started kindergarten.”
Dean nodded. “Is she enjoying it?”
“You care?”
A pained expression crossed his face. “I care. I never stopped caring. Caring was never an issue.”
Jenny knew that. He cared about Kate, heck, he cared about Jenny. The problem was, he hadn’t cared enough.
They’d had this argument over and over again. Jenny had held that if he’d cared enough, he’d have stopped gambling before they lost the house, and everything in it. Dean had maintained that the reason he’d gambled more than he should have was because he cared so much.
They’d never managed to agree on it.
The only things they’d agreed on was that their marriage was over, and that Dean wouldn’t fight for shared custody of Kate.
He hadn’t been in a position to fight for anything at the time. He’d been broke, hounded by creditors, and his brilliant solution had been to leave.
“Can I see Kate?” he asked.
“I don’t want to wake her.”
Dean’s face tightened.
“Seriously, she was throwing up and everything yesterday. You can see her if she gets up before you go, but I’d rather not disturb her.”
“Of course.”
“I’ve never kept her away from you, Dean.” Even though she could have.
Jenny had worked hard to find some compassion for Dean. She’d had to dig deep, but she’d managed to conjure some up. For Kate’s sake. He was her father. She had a right to know him, to see him, if that was what she wanted.
Jenny had worked even harder to make sure that Kate would never need Dean.
As far as Jenny was concerned, it was punishment enough that he’d lost his family and had only seen Kate twice since the divorce.
Although, he didn’t look as if he was suffering much now.
“You’re looking good, Dean,” Jenny said.
He arched a brow.
She rolled her eyes. “Not like that. Are you serious?”
Dean chuckled. “Hopeful, but not serious.”
“Don’t bother with hopeful, either.”
“I’m messing with you.”
“Uh-huh. So. Why are you here? In your fancy clothes with your very nice watch. And are any angry men going to be breaking down my door to chase you around and strip those fancy clothes and very nice watch off you?”
Dean shifted his jaw from side to side. “I deserved that,” he said.
“You think?”
“Never stop being feisty, honey.”
“If the divorce didn’t knock it out of me, nothing can. Still not your honey.”
Dean burst out laughing. He stopped suddenly, but the humor remained when he said, “I fucked up letting you go, didn’t I?”
“You know it.” You didn’t let me go. You walked away.
Dean tapped a forefinger on the table. “This is nice.”
“My table?”
“This. Us. Hanging out, talking. Not shouting.”
“I’m going to make this real clear, Dean. There is no ‘us’. I don’t want you to think—”
“No, no.” He held up his hands. “I’m not going there. I don’t want you back.”
“Good.”
“I’m in a good place, Jenny. I don’t want to mess up again. We don’t work.”
Jenny felt something deep inside ease at his statement. The last thing she needed was Dean trying to get back in her life.
“But I do want to be in your life again.”
Damn it.
He continued, “In Kate’s life. It’s taken me time to get my head straight but yeah, I’m looking good, I’m feeling good. I’m doing good.”
“You got help? Stopped gambling?”
Dean’s eyes flickered from hers and he swallowed.
Ah. No. He hadn’t stopped. He was just winning.
“I’m living in Mayfield,” he said. “I’m renting at the moment, but I’m thinking about buying a house.”
“You should give Lila a call. I’m sure she could find you something special.”
Dean looked horrified. “I dread to think what Lila would do. Find me a property cursed by vengeful spirits and sitting on a sinkhole, probably.”
“To be honest, I don’t think she’d bother with the house, I think she’d find a sinkhole and drop you in it, but who knows?”
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere near Lila. Not after she kicked me in the junk. My balls still hurt when it rains, you know.”
“I hear old injuries do that.”
“So. You’re okay with me seeing Kate now and then?”
“I’m not going to lie, Dean. I don’t want you around.”
“I guess I can understand that.”
“But I won’t stop you. I’m not making you into some sort of villain, because that shit isn’t healthy. If Kate wants to see you, then yes. You can visit. I’m telling you right now, though. This Dean, the one I see in front of me? This Dean can visit. With his nice haircut and fancy watch and good mood. The wreck you were last time Kate saw you? No. I don’t want that man in her life. I don’t want my daughter to go through what I did.
“You don’t know what it’s like to watch your father…disintegrate…in front of you. Fail you, every single day. If you stay on top of things, I’ll allow you in. You slip? I’m stronger, now, Dean. I won’t hesitate again. I have custody. I will shut you out, and I’ll enforce it.”
His mouth tightened. “I don’t—”
“Dean.”
“Fine.”
Jenny gazed at him. “You want another coffee?”
Unable to meet her eyes, Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “Sure.”
The mood had been ruined, though, and neither of them were comfortable. They chatted about superficial topics. Dean’s manner was stiff. Jenny’s wasn’t much better, distracted by his unexpected reappearance. She’d seen him a handful of times since the divorce. Spoken to him on her cell once, when she’d told him to lose her number.
“Listen,” Dean said. “I have to go. Before I do, I…well, there’s no good way to say this. I’m just gonna come out and say it.”
Jenny stilled.
“I told you I’m doing good. What I should have said was, I’m doing really good.”
“Congratulations?”
“I want to give you some money.”
“Huh.” Not what she’d expected him to say.
“Child support.”
“I don’t want your money, Dean. I don’t need it, either.”
“Kate’s my responsibility, too.”
“Wow.”
“I know! All right? Fuck, Jenny, I know I fucked up!” His face darkened.
Jenny got to her feet. Yeah, she was rethinking the whole be cool and let him see Kate thing right about now. “Dean,” she groaned. “Why couldn’t you have stayed away?”
“Because I wasn’t in a position to do any good or be any good for either of you then. But now I am.”
“For how long? You’re still gambling.”
“I never said I was, and that’s beside the point. I want to give you money.”
It had taken Jenny a long time to get herself stable, and to pay Elle back for all the help she’d given when she’d moved back to Emerson. This was her life, her house, and her daughter. “You don’t get it. We don’t need you.”
“You are so fucking stubborn, Jenny, you always have been and I swear—”
“Daddy?”
They both swung to face the doorway where Kate was standing, her eyes large and wary.
“Hi, baby.” Dean reached out to squeeze Jenny’s arm, mouthing, I’m sorry. He waited for her to nod before striding over to Kate and snatching her up.
Kate was rigid for a moment before she gave him a tentative hug back.
Jenny’s heart ached at the cautious way her daughter held herself.
Dean noticed it, too. He set her down but kept a hand on her shoulder as he crouched. “How are you, honey?”
Kate nodded. Her gaze flickered to Jenny, then to her father. “Where’s Derek?” she asked Jenny.
Oh, no.
Dean’s face froze but when Kate looked back at him he was smiling.
“Derek’s at home,” Jenny said.
“Derek Tate?” Dean asked.
“He brought us pizza,” Kate told him. “We watched my dragon movie. Mom, you two didn’t finish watching it after I went to bed, did you?”
“Nope.”
“Good.” Kate looked at her father solemnly. “Daddy?”
He heaved a broken-sounding breath. “Yeah, baby?”
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“I go to school now.”
“You do?”
Jenny left them in the kitchen talking before she burst into tears. She wasn’t sure what those tears would mean. Anger at Dean, frustration. Sadness for the happy family they’d all lost. A mix of all three.
Dean stayed through lunch. Kate seemed happy to have him there, but when he left, she wandered out to the backyard and stayed close to Jenny as she weeded the herb garden.
The afternoon had turned heavy and dark, with low clouds sulking on the horizon, giving Jenny a dull headache.
“Did Daddy come back because he’s jealous of Derek?” Kate asked without warning.
Jenny sat back on her heels and stripped off her work gloves, jamming the trowel in the dirt. “Your father didn’t know about Derek. He came to see you. He wanted to see how you’re doing.”
Kate gave her an unreadable look, then held out her arms at her sides, turning her whole body into a question. “We’re doing awesome, aren’t we?” she demanded.
“I think so,” Jenny said.
“I think so!”
“Then I guess we are.”
“Will he ever come back?” Kate asked.
“I know he’s going to try.”
Another of those unreadable looks. “So, maybe,” Kate said.
Jenny laughed. “It’ll be nice, though? To see your Dad now and then?”
“Yes.” Kate didn’t sound a hundred percent certain about this, and Jenny couldn’t blame her. She hadn’t seen Dean for long enough that he must be fading into a semi-stranger to her. Like the distant relatives you see at weddings and christenings and funerals.
If you were like most people. Jenny, Kate and Elle were the only Finleys left. No distant relatives for them.
Which was another reason, like it or not, that she had to give Dean a chance to be in Kate’s life, even in a small and contained way.
* * * *
“I’m sorry, Derek.” Martin Bradford leaned back in his black leather office chair, lacing his fingers over his midriff. “I can’t sign off on it.”
“You have to,” Derek said.
Derek had gone to high school with Martin. He was a stuffy little prick back then, he was a balding stuffy little prick right now, and he was enjoying the fuck out of himself.
“Can’t,” Martin said. “I want to. But can’t.”
“Right.”
Derek had been to the bank three times to meet with Martin about financing his purchase of the garage. Up until five minutes ago, he’d been feeling confident. Up until five minutes ago, Martin had been making encouraging noises, letting him think it was all going to work out.
“Derek, it’s too big a sum. While your business is doing great, the economy is tight. You’re asking for more than the bank is comfortable lending. The bank. Not me. If it was down to me, I’d take the risk.”
Derek met his sincere gaze and realized with surprise that Martin was telling the truth.
Okay, it was possible that Martin wasn’t enjoying himself after all. There was a good chance that was sympathy in his pale brown eyes. Regardless, he was turning Derek down.
“Shit.” Derek laid his forearms on his thighs and dropped his head into his hands.
He was going to lose the building.
Nowhere else in Emerson would do. He’d driven around, in case the town he’d lived in all his life had sprouted a suitable property without him noticing, but no.
And he didn’t want to move the business to a different site. It belonged where it was.
“All hope is not lost,” Martin said.
Derek snorted a short laugh.
“We can’t finance the full sum, but what I’m going to do is, I’ll push the bank to go as high as I can. Get Mr. Rawlings to accept that.”
“He won’t.”
“Ask him. Ask him to accept a smaller amount, and stay invested. You said he was nostalgic about it?”
“Yeah.”
“Lay it out for him. Paint a picture. It stays Rawlings’ Auto Repairs, on the site where his pops founded it in the sixties, or it gets turned into a Starbucks. Trust me, that’ll frighten him. He takes a smaller lump sum, and gets the remaining balance paid out over ten years. It won’t make that much of a difference. We’re talking about a narrow margin here. Convince him, man. You can do it. Use some of that Tate charm.”
Derek glanced up at Martin and caught a faint tinge of pink on the man’s cheeks. He smiled. “Think that’ll work?”
Martin cleared his throat. “I think it’s worth a shot.”
“All right.” Derek got to his feet and held out a hand.
Martin jumped up, gave him a firm clasp in return. “This is a local bank. We want to support out local business owners. We’re invested in your success.”
“Thanks for the encouragement, Martin. I appreciate you taking an interest.”
Martin turned a little pinker, but he held Derek’s gaze and gave him a professional nod.
Tate charm, huh? Derek left the bank and headed to Megan’s. He stood in line, gazing at the pastry display case without really seeing it. Between trying to convince Jenny they belonged together and trying to get Marshall to not destroy his business, Derek was going to strain a muscle using the Tate charm if he wasn’t careful.
If Jenny found out about Derek’s precarious financial situation?
No amount of charm would be able to talk her into letting him into her life on a permanent basis.
And Derek wanted permanent.
He collected the tray of coffees and drove back to the garage.
He could do this. He’d get Marshall to agree to the new terms. Then, when the time was right, he’d come clean and tell Jenny that, yes, he had a massive loan but it wasn’t the same as Dean and his massive gambling debts.
Jenny trusted him. He knew it, deep down. He just didn’t think she knew it yet.