Leo
Numbness. It creeps in as I watch her disappear through the door into the bar. One, I can’t believe she walked away, and two, I can’t believe she wouldn’t even listen to me. There’s no point trying to talk to someone who has their mind already set. I know that now. What a waste of breath.
Every step I take, I don’t feel the ground beneath me. I don’t feel the joy weaving itself through the brothers during this festive holiday. I don’t see the happiness.
I only see India sticking to her mom and dad like fucking glue, so I can’t get near her, and then I see the bar.
Fuckers are having a great time all around me and I can’t stand it. What’s so good about Christmas when you don’t get what you want? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
I toss back tequila after tequila and try to forget the girl breaking my heart and taking my future away from me.
Only, after one shot too many, I turn around and she’s all I see. Rage consumes me, and it overrides every secret we’ve shared, every moment we’ve spent together and everything I thought was special.
It carries me back to the table and I kick out the chair and stumble onto it. She chooses to close her eyes rather than look at me. What has she got to hide from? She’s the one calling the shots, making all our decisions, deciding what’s best.
Shit. I forgot to bring a drink with me from the bar. I spy a bottle of beer where my plate used to be, and I grab it. It’s probably mine anyway, if not, who the fuck cares.
“Did you get all you wanted for Christmas, India?” I ask, “Was Santa good to you?”
“He brought too much,” she says, narrowing her eyes at me.
I can feel my dad’s eyes on me and they weigh me down. Fuck this. Pushing up out of my seat, I keep hold of my beer, and get everyone’s attention.
I must have everyone’s eyes on me because as I look around, there’s fucking hundreds of eyes looking at me, I should lay off the drink.
“This summer I met a girl,” cheers fill my ears prematurely, and I hold my hand up to quieten them, and carry on.
“She was kind and funny and sweet,” I pause as I think I’m going to vomit, but it stays down, it’s the pain that’s hurting me, “What I didn’t know, she was selfish, and cruel…and she broke my fucking heart. Merry fucking Christmas.”
I finish my beer and slam the bottle down on the table, the bar is starting to spin around me, but I’m not done yet.
“Leo,” dad warns.
“What’s going on?” mom wants to know.
“I’ll tell you, mother,” I drool out, “My girl who I thought was kind and sweet and fucking funny is going to kill…”
A heavy force has me moving and I’m not sure if my boots are hitting the floor as the exit door is getting closer to me.
I’m thrown outside and the fresh air hits me hard. Bracing my hands on my knees, I lean over and empty my stomach.
When I look up, the door is closed, and dad is the only one out here with me.
“We don’t need to be telling everyone your business,” he growls, “Blurting it out like that wouldn’t have helped you, or her. I thought you was going to talk to her again?”
“I tried, she’s set on getting rid.”
I stumble onto the nearest chair and pat my pockets down for my smokes. I find the pack in my cut pocket, but now I can’t find a light.
“Pull yourself together, son. If you start losing yourself over a woman, you’ll never make it through life, and then I’ll have to step in and shit will get bloody and brutal.”
“She’s going to abort my kid, how the fuck am I supposed to feel?” I snap.
“To everyone in there? Cool as fuck,” he says, lighting my smoke for me, “When you’re behind closed doors, anything you fucking you want.”
“I love her, dad. I thought I knew her, but she’s not the girl I love anymore.”
“I don’t know if this will work out in your favour, I’ve spent too many years looking at situations from both sides, and this is no different. As much as it will hurt you, I can’t force an eighteen-year-old girl to keep a baby. I’m not that kind of man.”
His jaw twitches and I wonder if he’s thinking about when his mom abandoned him, but this isn’t like that, India isn’t planning on dumping our kid, she’s planning on killing it.
Inhaling deeply on the cigarette, I blow out the smoke and sigh simultaneously.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit.
“For today, you’re going to go home where you won’t open your mouth to anyone and you’re going to sleep off the drink. I’ll go and get a prospect to drive you.”
I don’t want to go home to my parents. I want the cabin.
* * *
The saying, everything looks better in the morning, is a load of shit. My head hurts, my stomach is fragile, and I’ve vomited three times. I don’t dare try to eat anything, and only sip from the glass of water I managed to pour myself at five am this morning.
“What’s going on with you and India?”
I don’t bother opening my eyes to JJ. I thought I had locked up when I got here last night, obviously not.
“Nothing,” I groan, trying not to breathe too deeply.
“Bullshit,” he spits, his voice getting louder, “You said she was going kill something until your dad got you out quick time.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Whatever, you don’t want to tell me, don’t, but here, she gave me this to give you.”
For this I open my eyes and he’s standing over me holding a small envelope. He lets it go and it drifts down and lands on my stomach.
For a beat, I don’t move.
I vaguely remember telling her not to come back to town or I’ll make her life hell. Groaning, I sit up and pick up her letter.
JJ fucks off into the kitchen and I open the letter. Her handwriting is neat and easy for me to read through my hazy, alcohol filled eyes.
‘Dear Leo,
I knew you would hate me and it hurts because I didn’t want to be right. I hoped you would hold me and tell me everything would be okay, that we would get through this together. I’m writing this letter because when I try talking to you, we only fight. I won’t change my mind and I don’t want to keep hurting you.
What I’m about to do I know we can’t come back from, so I won’t come back to Willows Peak. I’ll stay away and as much as it will haunt me to lose you, I’ll leave you alone and won’t try to contact you just for my benefit.
I love you, Leo. I hope I will have your forgiveness one day.
India.
I fist my hand around the paper, and the numbness returns.
“Where did she give you this?” I call through to JJ in the kitchen.
“At the club, she came to find me this morning before she left town.”
I’m not surprised she’s gone already, I have no hope of stopping her now.
They say there’s a fine line between love and hate, India has crossed the fucking line. She’s right, we can’t come back from this, and she will never have my forgiveness. I shove the letter back inside the envelope and shove it in my jeans pocket.
“Do you want to get wasted?”
“It’s not even eleven yet, brother.”
“I didn’t ask for the time, I asked if you wanted to get wasted?”
He falls back on the old, dusty armchair and slams his boots up on the small table.
“I think you had enough to drink yesterday, your dad did too to get you out like that. I swear, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him move so fast.”
I vaguely remember him throwing me out the door and saying something about keeping my cool in front of the club. Fuck. This is so screwed, yet by the end of the day, with or without JJ drinking with me, I won’t be able to see straight, let alone think about this clusterfuck of a mess that I’m calling life.