My blood was boiling as I put the tire chains on. Damn men. My whole life they’d been nothing but trouble. The only way I’d crawled out of the rubble of my life was to play their game. Either way, I came out feeling broken, but hey, that’s life when a girl carried the burden of a sick sister on her shoulders.

I got into my shitty car and glanced back towards the store. Chuck came out and stared at me as he swaggered towards his truck. His smile was gone.

My stomach twisted. “You better not follow me,” I muttered under my breath. The bastard sat in his car leering at me. Determined not to let him rattle me, I rubbed my frozen hands together and turned my key, but of course, my ancient engine took its sweet ass time firing up. I knew he was enjoying my discomfort, but finally, my car revved and Chuck fired up his in response.

“Asshole,” I cursed, my breath exhaling in a mist. Pulling out, I drove an indirect route to the highway just to see if Chuck was planning on a ride along. He was. I slammed on the gas as a light turned red leaving Chuck caught at least two cars behind me.

“Ha, ha. You stupid pig! Go your own way.”

Snow fell softly as I entered the highway going over the narrow mountain pass. Dogwood was one of the most beautiful scenic drives in America, but also one of the most dangerous. Before I set off I did some research and learned it was famous for hairpin turns, overhangs and passages without a guardrail. Mistakes could cost you on Dogwood Pass.

“Snowfall is going to get heavy tonight, folks! Set your alarm clocks a little early and get those shovels ready. We’re gonna get dumped on,” the DJ said.

Turns out I was on a pop channel. Some teenybopper band started to croon about undying love. I scanned for classic rock stations so I didn’t have to listen to their irritating jingle, but it was no use. Everything on the dial turned to static, and the radio was the height of technology in my ancient car. I switched it off.

Clunk, clunk, clunk

Damn, those chains didn’t sound good. At the lookout point at the top of the pass, I pulled over. Bundling into my hat and gloves, I hopped out of the car to check the chains.

“Shit.”

I didn’t know much about cars, but the set on the passenger side was definitely on its last threads. If I was lucky it would get me over the pass, but I’d have to replace them as soon as I got to the valley. Not that I had money for tire chains, but no doubt, I’d figure something out. Always did.

There were a few tourists taking pictures of the vista. I chuckled at one couple that got out, took a photo as fast as they could, then ran back to their car. Like me they were freezing their asses off.

“That’s it, take in the beauty,” I said sarcastically, but even as the words left my lips, I realized the only things I’d actually really looked at up here were my tires. And what a pity that was. It was totally stunning. So perfectly beautiful it was hard to comprehend it was real. I took in my own moment of wonder at the majesty of the mountains.

Then, I pulled the stinging cold air deep into my lungs and wished for this spot to mark the midpoint between my old life and the new one I was dreaming of beginning. I had one job left to do, and that was it. It was only a simple thing and if I saw it to the finish line, I could pay for my sister’s operation.

Once my sister was on her feet, I could start over. Change my whole life because to be honest I’d come to hate my existence that little bit more with every passing day. Now, I had one shot at the life I wanted.

What if you fail?

At least I wouldn’t hate myself forever for not trying and staying stuck in the drudgery and banality my life had become.

The wind heaved a swirl of white into the air, and I looked up.

The skies were packed grey with snow that would be descending all night. I should get going. Back in the car I took a quick glance at the map to remind myself of the whereabouts of the access road I needed. There would be no looking at the map back on the pass, all eyes on the road.

As I drove off, I noticed the freezing couple back in their parked car. They were wrapped up in each other’s warmth. Something about the way they were so lost to the outside world left me strangely cold and sad.

Most of the time, I was fine with being alone. I could tell myself I was better off without love. Human beings were disloyal, greedy, ugly, shallow, selfish creatures. I didn’t need them or that sappy excuse of love to hide my fear of being alone. I had seen the worst in mankind and quite frankly, no thank you.

But sometimes …

I would see something unguarded like the couple in the car and want it. Hell, I would hurt for it. Not for the sex, although that wouldn’t hurt none. I wanted someone to laugh with. Someone to protect me. I wanted that best friend I’d never had. And if he were hot too … now that would be the icing and the cherry on the cake.

“Oh God, stop it, Katrina. You sound like a damn child. Whimpering and carrying on. Grow a pair.”

I began the ascent. The road twisted up, and I fought the car against the heavy wind. The creek below was a marker for my turn. I was close. I looked down. Jesus.

“Best to look ahead or up,” I told myself.

My stomach jittered from looking down at the inhospitable ravine below. One careless move and everything would be over. I stared ahead, but it didn’t help. It was mostly nerves at what lay ahead of me.

A row of aspen trees blocked my view to the lower road where I’d just been. They dropped off and from the corner of my eye I saw a truck.

“Shit.” I doubted myself. “It can’t be.”

Another hairpin twisted around. Through gaps in the trees I craned my neck to see if it was Chuck Pearson’s baby-sick beige truck. In the last glimmers of daylight I couldn’t be sure if it was him. I sped up all the same. A dense area of trees reached over the road concealing any remaining light and the driver behind me. I kept my speed up. The road curved around in a ‘C’ shape that cupped the mountain. As I came out of the bottom side, a truck exactly like Chuck’s entered the top half.

“Damn vulture.”

“Come on, baby. We can do this,” I said, hitting the gas. The car made a grinding sound. “Ugh, why do I have such a piece of shit car?”

I put a larger gap between us. After a hairpin into another section of dense trees, I noticed that the day was turning quickly into night. His headlights were still hovering behind me. I couldn’t let him see me turn off onto the access road coming up so I floored it just before taking a hard turn.

I gripped the wheel to keep control of the car, but I took that turn too fast. It snapped the passenger side chains off causing my tires to slip off the road. I fought the wheel to pull it back up, but it was sheer naivety on my part. I had already completely lost control. I was hitting every tree on that side of the mountain.

It’s funny what you think about in those moments of not knowing if you’re going to die. The car bounced about like a matchbox, and all around me were monstrous noises, but I didn’t even scream.

Time had slowed down.

As the car hurtled towards a massive tree, nothing mattered anymore. Absolutely nothing mattered. Nothing I’d ever done wrong in the past, nothing I’d been dreaming of doing. My dreams, my goals, it all went in a fraction of a second that felt like a million years long.

For the first moment in my life, I didn’t worry about anything. My sister. How I’d find the money for her. What I was going to do next. It was almost a sense of relief. The responsibility had been taken off my shoulders. There was nothing I could do to change what was happening, or anything that had happened before.

If it all disappeared into the blackness it was OK with me.

My life was shit anyway.