After I left Dr. Kane I found it impossible to stay in London. All I wanted to do was go to his flat and let him fuck me, but I was afraid he would start to imagine that I was some kind of stalker. So when Ivana told me that she was sending around the car to take me back to Marlborough Hall in time for dinner I readily agreed.

I had ten minutes before I had to go and get dressed for dinner so I went into the conservatory and checked on the plastic pots where my flower seeds were germinating. I was putting on my gardening gloves when Ivana walked in.

‘Hello, darling. I wasn’t here when you came in.’ She kissed me warmly on my cheeks. ‘How are you?’ Her gaze was searching.

‘All right,’ I said quietly.

‘I’ve been meaning to ask you, how are your sessions with Dr. Kane coming on?’

I felt suddenly guarded. I could not let anyone know what had happened between Dr. Kane and me. It was my fault anyway. I had practically forced him. I took my gloves off, looked up at her and smiled. ‘Good.’

She smiled brightly. ‘Does that mean you are starting to remember things?’

‘A bit.’

Her smile faltered. ‘What does that mean?’

‘It just means that Dr Kane doesn’t want to push it.’

A slight frown was trying to form on her smooth forehead, but the Botox injections held firm. ‘What have you actually remembered?’

‘A few things. Nothing truly important. A birthday party. Walking up to the bell tower. Going to dance school.’

She was staring at me with an unimpressed expression.

‘They are little things,’ I said. ‘I know they sound unimportant to you because you have all your memories, but they are very important to me because I have nothing.’

‘I see,’ she said carefully.

‘The main thing is I feel really well.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘He hasn’t acted…in any way irresponsibly, has he?’

I could feel my cheeks becoming hot but I made my eyes large as if shocked. ‘Of course not.’

‘I hope not. Because I would be absolutely furious if he tried anything with you. I overlooked his past and gave him the benefit of the doubt, even though I was advised not to use him, because I trusted him.’

‘Ivana, I’m a grown woman. You don’t have to protect me as if I was a child.’

She looked slightly hurt. ‘You’re right, of course. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stifle you. I just can’t help it. You’ve always been so delicate. I’ve always felt responsible.’

I reached out and touched her hand. ‘Thank you. I know you want the best for me, but please don’t worry. Dr. Kane is a good man.’

She smiled suddenly, a bright Ivana smile. This one could melt icebergs. ‘On another topic, Wills is coming for dinner tonight.’

I cringed inwardly. No wonder she wanted me back. Wills, or William Henry Asquith the seventh, was the dullard son of a penniless duke who lived three miles away. It was always hoped that we would marry. He had the better title and I the money. To be perfectly honest I suspected he was a closet homosexual, but I knew she had gone to a lot of trouble to set up the dinner and I really didn’t want to upset her. Besides, my sister had said she would be there and I could always count on her to take the edge off a boring night.

‘That’s nice,’ I said politely.

‘Why don’t you wear your blue dress? The one with the sweetheart neckline that we got from Browns. It makes you look quite simply stunning.’

‘That’s a good idea. I will do that.’

She smiled with satisfaction. ‘Right. I had better crack on. It’s been a bit of a nightmare day and there’s so much to do. One of the horses foaled last night. Have to go and check how mother and son are doing. See you later?’

‘OK.’

She turned away and began to walk out.

‘Ivana?’ I called.

She turned around. ‘Yes, darling?’

‘Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I do really appreciate it.’

Her face misted over. ‘I’d love to do more. You are my daughter. Not of flesh, but of spirit.’

We smiled at each other and then she was gone.

Dinner was a dreary affair. It turned out that Daffy decided not to come after all. She went to a party in Fulham instead. Of course Ivana was a wonderful hostess, but Daddy couldn’t stop talking about the new foal. And Wills kept giving me puppy dog looks, which were irritating at best. It was even possible that he was plucking up the courage to ask me out. I invented a headache and excused myself early.

‘Do you want me to send Bertie up with some hot chocolate for you?’ Ivana asked, her face concerned.

‘No,’ I said, feeling really guilty. ‘Please don’t worry. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine once I take a couple of tablets.’

‘Goodnight, darling,’ she said with such feeling that I almost wanted to blurt the truth out to her. I was fucking Dr. Kane and I was missing him so much I couldn’t even bear to sit beside Wills and put up with his fumbling attempts to court me when I knew all he really wanted to do was crawl into bed with a man.

But I didn’t. I knew she wouldn’t understand. Ivana and all the people in my circle placed position and status above silly little things like love and emotions.

‘Goodnight.’

I went to my room and I lay down in the dark. For hours I tossed and turned and in the end I knew I had to go and see Dr. Kane. I got out of bed, dressed, left Marlborough Hall and nervously drove down to London. I hardly ever drove since my accident.

I rang on Dr. Kane’s bell at two in the morning.