Chapter 2

LUCKY

I looked around the compound and smiled. For six months, I had been back and part of the Wounded Souls family again. Of course, these days, it was a bit different than it had been a few years ago. Back when I started prospecting, there were no wives, and Shiloh was the only baby. Not so now, I thought as I heard little Gabe squeal with delight as his father, Booth, held him up in the air while laughing, too. It was a sight to see my pres and former CO laughing without a care in the world other than his six-month-old son’s happiness.

Even Creed, the once broody road captain, had a shit-eating grin on his face. His wife was beside him with her ever-present dog sitting at her feet, or should I say on her feet. Four-month-old Zander was on his father’s lap, gabbing away to himself, saying things only he could understand. Creed smiling again? Fuck, that was great! The whole new vibe around the club was great, but then, in my peripheral vision, I saw something that had me rethinking that. Or, to be more exact, someone. Ignoring the churning in my gut, I tried not to watch the way Ford swaggered into the main room of the compound or the way he held onto Bastian and Shiloh Johnston as if they were the most precious cargo he had ever held. Of course, in mine and everyone else’s opinion, they were, but to see the man who haunted my every waking minute—fuck, even in my sleep—with the kids made my heart beat just a little bit faster.

Watching Ford from afar was a goddamn obsession since I got back from the desert and then the army hospital. Being shot was easy compared to lusting after a man I could never have again. I got a taste of Ford Pellant, and it left me craving more. Heaven was a word that came to mind. Then nothing but fucking hell since.

“Lucky, I need you to go over the payroll with Ford later. I want spreadsheets of all the businesses’ expenses and wages for the last financial year ready for the accountant by Monday morning,” Booth said to me, nearly making me jump out of my skin.

“Jesus Christ, Pres! Warn a man, would ya?” I exclaimed. My cheeks heated, embarrassed for getting sprung staring at the club’s computer expert yet again.

“You flew helicopters in the army, brother. You shouldn’t get surprised. But… if you are going to keep staring at Ford like you wanna dip him in whipped cream, you might want to do that when no one is watching you,” Booth retorted with a smile that was a mixture of mirth and disbelief. “Fuck, did I really just say that?” Booth mumbled, holding his head in his hands.

“Um… yeah. I don’t look like—” I scoffed, taken aback by the comment from my pres. How did this man know fucking everything?

“Yeah, you do mate. Look, it ain’t any of my business, but I’m going to say my piece anyway.” Booth sat next to me on the picnic bench, and from his tone, I could tell he didn’t want to get involved, so I knew what he had to say was important. My relationship, or whatever the hell Ford and I had, was not a topic of discussion as far as I was concerned. But if my pres had something to say, then I would listen.

I sat and waited for Booth to speak. His attention was on Stella, who had their son on her hip and was carefully making her way across the main room that was littered with toys and animals. He let out a relieved sigh when she made it to the other side and disappeared into the kitchen. Once again, I was struck with a mixture of happiness and envy for Booth. Happy because he was finally getting what he deserved after years of drowning in the guilt of his own making, and envy because he had what I wanted with Ford. Love, devotion, and soul-deep passion. I wanted it all, only it couldn’t be with him.

“What’s it like, Booth?” I blurted the question without thinking.

“What’s what like?”

“Being able to be in love with the person who makes you whole. The person you want, instead of the person you think you want,” I blurted out. Goddamn, I am turning into one of the flock! I chastised myself silently. Next thing, I was going to start joining in on the caramel-slice–eating marathons and watching fucking Christian Grey movies.

I turned and looked at Booth, whose gaze was trained on the door his wife had just gone through. A handful of seconds passed before he pulled his gaze from where his life went and aimed those steel grey eyes at me. Booth was both all-seeing and all-knowing, and they were the qualities that kept us alive on missions. I followed Booth into battle in the desert and would follow him as a part of the Souls. My trust in him was undeniable, but his ability to see more than I wanted had me squirming under the scrutiny.

“There ain’t nothing like it, Bryce. It’s a heady feeling to openly love the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Fucking phenomenal when that person loves you back with the same fierceness. You got yourself a problem, brother, when you aren’t honest with yourself. That’s one thing, but it’s a whole bigger issue when you aren’t honest with others.” Booth paused. His glare turned softer, and I saw genuine concern centred at me. “Ava needs to be loved by a man who really loves her for her, not for what she makes you look like. As for Ford, if you can’t be with him the way he wants, the way you both want, then let him go. It ain’t fair to flaunt her around the club in front of him, only to watch his every move with a look that gives him hope.”

Booth’s words hit me exactly where he planned, and guilt and shame overcame me—not shame because I was in love with a man, but shame that I was using Ava and our engagement so I didn’t have to admit I was gay, shame that I was hurting Ford. Getting engaged was a spur of the moment thing. After I got shot while stationed at the FOB, waiting out my time before I left the army for good and joined my brothers back home, Ford was the first person to call. Every day, he touched base with the hospital in Germany, checking up on me and giving the nurses messages to pass on to me, and then again when I was transferred back to Sydney. He made sure I knew my brothers were worried and thinking about me, that he was thinking about me. Then, when Darth and Steel said they were coming up to visit me while on club business, and bringing Ford with them, I panicked and announced I was engaged to Ava, my high school sweetheart. Ford chose not to join the run, and Deck came in his place instead. I knew it was because of me, and the lie I told. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie since I did ask Ava to marry me. We had been sweethearts of sorts back in high school—best friends was a more accurate description. Lots of hand holding, lying in each other’s arms, sweet talking, and chaste kisses. That sort of thing, nothing compelling or life altering. She was a different person back then, not the greedy, money-hungry, status-obsessed person she was now. Stars didn’t explode, and the ground didn’t rock under me when she touched me, not like it did that one amazing night back at the FOB when Ford rocked my world, and I handed my heart over to the man.

My gaze found my fiancée. Ava was with Charlotte and Rainn, a glass of wine in her slim hand, and she was smiling, but I knew her well, and the smile was strained at best. Ava wasn’t good at socialising with people under her class, so when she was put in a situation that didn’t involve benefits or social climbers, a disaster was imminent.

With a heavy sigh, I got to my feet. Booth rose, too, and I could tell he saw exactly what I did. His powers of observation gave me no hope that he was going to let this go.

“Work your shit out, brother. After the hell this club has been through, we all deserve this chance at happiness.” Booth’s words held a double meaning, and I was no idiot, so I got it.

With a chin lift, I accepted the hard slap from my pres with a grunt. “Copy that, LT,” I mumbled before heading off in the direction of the woman I wasn’t in love with but was going to marry. Any thoughts of a particular scruffy-haired man with a body full of tattoos and the darkest brown eyes were shoved into the deepest recesses of my mind. For now.