I couldn’t remember the last time I spent the night at a friends' place. I always used it as an excuse, but when I thought about it, I hadn't spent all that much time around my friends lately. I wasn’t surprised when a few of them wouldn’t pick up my call. There could have been other reasons, but I couldn’t fault them if they were mad at me.

I managed to find someone to put me up and I was staying with her. I had nowhere to go, and I couldn’t get hold of Ronan. I could have gone to his apartment, but I was sure he wouldn’t be there and I was worried about what I would find if I went there. I had a spare key, he'd made sure I had one once I started staying over so often, but he'd mentioned there were people watching his place. If he decided to have people look for me, it would be the first place he tried.

Why was I even looking for Ronan anyway? I suspected he was using me for whatever reason. I tried not to think too much about what my dad… well, the man that I thought I was my dad for the past twenty-three years, said the last time I saw him. But when I let myself, I didn’t like where my mind went. By his behavior and everything he'd said, I suddenly doubted what he'd initially told me about my mom's death.

If Ronan and this man, Seamus, knew each other, they were probably working together. Probably to screw Quinn over somehow. I didn’t want to know how, though, because I had thought I knew Ronan. How he acted about Quinn that one time they met made a different kind of sense.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

I scowled at my friend, Adele. We'd been discussing my suspicion, but I hadn't told her anything about Quinn's behavior besides that I wasn’t his daughter and he'd kicked me out. I wasn’t sure what was safe to say and what wasn’t, but I needed to talk to someone because I felt like I would explode. I wrote off her piece of advice as her just not knowing the whole story, but I couldn’t entirely discount her.

"Haven't you been listening? I don’t know what to do about it, that is my whole problem. I love him, Adele, but he used me to get close to Quinn. I don’t think he was after the money, like most guys approaching me that know who he is are, but he still used me. I don’t know how to feel about that."

"Shouldn't you at least talk to him first, before jumping to conclusions?"

"I would, except he's not picking up my calls."

I glared down at my phone in my hands, squeezing it, wanting to throw it against the wall in my frustration. At first, he wasn’t picking up, but at some point, he must have turned off his phone. I wanted to be mad at him, after everything that had happened, that he'd kept from me and that I'd realized, for what he was still keeping from me.

But I wanted—needed him. Having a friend close by was great, but I wanted Ronan.

Adele didn’t know about the baby, and I wasn’t sure if telling her would be the best idea with what I was considering. She knew part of the story but not all of it, and I didn’t want her to know too much. Hell, I was probably bringing trouble to her doorstep without realizing it. All he told me to do was leave and I did, but I wasn’t sure if that was the end of it. I had no idea what to do.

"Look, you should calm down. You have a lot to think about and so much has happened in one day. I will support you in whatever decision you'll make, but for now, you should sleep. You look exhausted."

But I didn’t know what decision to make, I didn’t want to decide at all. I could think for myself, but I was having trouble with the current situation. It wasn’t something I could have planned for, not that I had planned a lot that went on in my life, but my parents just not being there and me no longer having a home had never occurred to me before.

Adele, seeing my lost look, crawled closer to wrap her arms around me, comforting me. I was stiff for a moment before I hugged her back tightly, feeling my eyes sting with tears. She was murmuring words I wasn’t paying attention to, rubbing my back in soothing circles.

I realized that Ronan never did the same when I told him that my mom was killed. He was there with me, but he hadn't tried to comfort me, had he? I had just been too distraught to catch it at the time.

Adele stayed with me for nearly an hour before I convinced her that I was okay enough to be left on my own. I gave her a last squeeze before she left me alone in her guestroom. I reached for my phone and stared it for a moment before I tried calling Ronan one more time.

I couldn’t come to a decision, I wasn’t sure I should be making one on my own. I needed to get ahold of Ronan so we could talk about the future, so I would have some idea of what I wanted going forward. I didn’t want to have to think for myself, not after everything that had happened.

But he didn’t pick up.

I let the phone fall to the bed, looking down at the light-colored bed sheets. There was no way I could be strong on my own. If Ronan was suddenly not talking to me, I couldn’t wait for him to decide if and when he wanted to get back in touch. It wasn’t my first choice, not even close, but I would have an abortion.

I was too unstable to look after myself, let alone a baby.