DECK

“Charlie!” I shouted to her retreating back, but she didn’t stop. Her shoulders hunched, she looked defeated. Fuck.

How could one man fuck up so much? I didn’t mean any of those things I’d said about Shiloh. Of course, I thought she could keep the squirt safe. I looked around the area I was standing in and saw all the sparkly shit and feathers. I knew she had been working hard on the costumes for Shiloh’s recital, but instead of thanking her for that, I fucking accused her of not caring about my daughter.

My daughter. No, no that didn’t sound right anymore. I did think of Charlie as a mother to our daughter. I thought that way all the time now. Why I hadn’t told her that before then was a mystery to me.

So why was I such a fucking dickhead?

“Fuck if I know, brother. But you fucking got me kicked out of Julie’s bed.” Darth growled, startlingly me.

Wait, I said that aloud?

“How is Charlie?” I asked him anxiously.

Darth just shrugged his shoulders and took a seat on the chair Charlie had been on earlier when she was happy and smiling my smile.

“Fuck, I don’t know. She knocked on the door and called out that she was coming in just as I was about to sink into the hottest pussy on earth. I rushed back from dropping Stella off for that feeling, arsehole.” Darth grumbled.

“Was she crying?” I didn’t want to know, but I had to.

“Fucking gushing, brother. What the fuck did you say to Teach to make her like that? I swear to God, Deck, you need a fucking how-to manual about women sometimes.” Darth laughed at me.

“Don’t we all?”

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Booth coming in with three beers in his hands. He passed them out, and I gladly accepted, twisted the lid off, and took a long pull even though I didn’t really want it. I wanted to get Charlie and take her to our room, undress her, and tuck her under my body. Skin to skin. Heat to heat. The only way I could sleep now.

“Stella get off okay?” Booth asked, looking at Darth questionably.

“Yeah, she went to her girlfriend’s place. Dropped her off at the front and watched her go in.”

“She didn’t go home?”

“Nope. Said she was too drunk to keep her wits about her or something like that. Sort of a strange thing to say, don’t ya think, brother?”

Booth stared at Darth, but he looked like he saw right through him. If I were in the right frame of mind, I would ask more questions about Stella’s strange comment. But I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I was fucking devastated and pissed the fuck off at myself and my fucking stupid mouth.

“Where’s Creed?”

I took another gulp of beer. “Took Mia home. He’s gonna stay with her tonight. She was pretty upset about Steel taking off to be with Callie. Poor thing. She was crying she had no one to go home to, and then asked Creed if he would take her virginity. She thinks if she is more experienced, Steel will take more notice of her.”

“Jesus,” Darth said, breathing out.

“These chicks are making us soft.” Booth grunted. His beer was sitting untouched on the coffee table in front of him. I could tell he was thinking about his treatment of Stella. Our president needed to figure his shit out concerning his feelings for Stella.

“Speak for yourself, Booth,” I quipped.

Raising his eyebrows at me, he laughed.

“You’re sitting out here after a yelling match with Teach, who is now sleeping in his”—Booth indicates Darth with his chin—“woman’s bed, whom he won’t claim, by the way, but was about lose himself in. Steel is making a fool of himself with a chick who is using him while her sister pines after him, and he knows it. Mannix is banging anyone he can and doesn’t see that Rainn is in love with him. And Creed? Well, I don’t know what the fuck is going through that man’s head, but I know if he does tap Mia tonight and Steel finds out…” He stopped and took a breath. He didn’t need to go on. We all knew how fucking violent Steel could get. Steel might not get that he was Mia’s, and she was his yet, but when he did, I was going to enjoy watching the sniper fall.

We sat there in silence for a minute, digesting what Booth had just said. In many ways, he was right. Those women were changing us, but Booth was kidding himself if he thought it was a bad thing. And I was going to tell him why.

“Do you know how long it has been since I had a nightmare?” My voice was low and quiet. “The day I met Charlie, all the nightmares stopped, as did the hot flushes at night, and the waking up screaming.”

I knew they knew I didn’t do that anymore. It was not something any of us discussed. We didn’t gather at the breakfast table every morning and talk about any one of our latest nightmares. We knew we all had nightmares because we heard them. Every night. Then the pacing began. Mannix’s way was to get up and play a game of pool with himself. The soft clicking of the billiard balls was something we were used to now.

Creed would take off on his bike and hit the road. Sometimes, he could be gone for days.

Steel would go to the workout room and punch the shit out of a punching bag. Darth got down on the floor of his room and pumped out sit-ups and push-ups until he couldn’t feel his body anymore.

Me? I sat in Shiloh’s room and watched her sleep. I counted how many times her tiny chest moved in and out. I watched her like a hawk, every eye movement behind her closed lids, every lip quirk. I never took my eyes from her.

And Booth?

Booth cried. That was the real reason he moved his room over to the other side of the main room, far from the bedroom suites. I found that out one night when I was walking a very colicky two-month-old Shiloh. His sobs had torn at my heart, but I didn’t go to him. I turned and walked her the other way. And from that day, I never passed by Booth’s room late at night ever again. A man had his pride, and sometimes, after the horrors of war, it was all we had left.

“Charlie brings me a calmness I never thought I could have again. She has a smile that is just for me. And I feel like I’ve won the lotto every time she bestows me with one. She loves our daughter like she birthed Shiloh herself. She put her body between danger and Shiloh. She makes me want to be the best man I can be. She doesn’t want to change me. She likes my fucked-up controlling ways. She accepts it for what it is. Me.” I paused to take a pull of beer, not for the enjoyment of the drink but because my voice was hurting, and there was a strange lump making it hard to talk. But I was not finished. “Being in love was never a big need in my life. But then I had Squirt, and she taught us all how to love.”

I shared a look with Darth, and his eyes softened at the mention of our raven-haired girl.

“But Charlie showed me love is the most selfless thing you can do. She loves Shiloh fiercely. She loves the people of this club. She loves me. Loving her is the best feeling in the world, it really is, Booth. It’s worth all the hurt after a fight. It’s worth it because, at the end of the day, I have a woman who loves me beyond comprehension and loves our daughter just as much.”

“Say that again.”

I whirled around so fast, I dropped my beer, and the amber liquid pooled with a bunch of colourful sequins, making a weird-looking concoction.

Charlie was standing there, her tall body encased in what looked like one of Darth’s shirts. Fuck, seeing that made me want to kick his arse. But what slayed me were the tears streaming down her face. She looked destroyed.

“Sweetness,” I croaked out.

Walking towards me at a fast clip, Charlie reached me and grabbed me by my face.

“Say it again,” she repeated, almost frantic.

The light went on in my mind. I knew what she needed to hear, so reaching up with my hands, I took hers from my face and held them firmly against my heart, mine pressing tightly on hers. I dropped my head to her neck and dragged in a deep hit of her scent. Peach and sweetness. My sweetness.

“Our daughter. She is ours, baby. I do think of her that way, and I have for some time now.” I was desperate for her to believe me. Spending a night without her was not an option. Her leaving me because of my stupid mouth was heart tearing.

“Then why are you hurting me with this? After everything, you still don’t trust me,” she cried, her fists clutching tightly to my shirt.

“I do, Charlie, I do. Fuck, Sweetness, I am a prick, and I didn’t mean it. Please, come back to our room, and we will talk.” I didn’t give a fuck that I was begging in front of my brothers.

But when she shook her head no, I felt like fucking dropping to my knees and really begging her.

“Give me the night, Deck. I really have had too much to drink. And you are a little overpowering at the best of times. I need to clear my head. I really only came out here to give Darth a message.” She looked away from me but kept her hands in mine against my chest. “I am going to sleep in with Shiloh tonight. So you can go back and snuggle in with Julie,” she told Darth softly. Her voice was still thick with the tears she had shed.

“Please, leave me alone until the morning. Shiloh will be fine with me,” she reassured me with no hint of sarcasm at all. That wasn’t Charlie’s way. She really was just trying to make sure I knew it.

And I did. I always had. I was just a fucking idiot.

Fuck, if I could, I would kick my own arse.

Pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, she ducked out of my grasp as I tried to bring her in and deepen the kiss.

“Night, honey.” Her sad whispered endearment was nearly my undoing.

“I love you, Sweetness,” I said fervently. Suddenly, I needed to hear it from her, too, but all I got was a slight head nod. No way. No fucking way. “Charlie, say it. Say it, baby,” I demanded, my voice hard and tight—probably because of the fucking cricket–ball–sized lump in my throat.

She gave me a small, sad smile. Nowhere near the hundred watts she always graced me with. “I do love you, Deck, more than anything. But it’s no good without trust. Please, give me until morning,” she asked again, and all I could do was give her a curt chin lift. Words weren’t possible, but I could have fucking cried like a baby right about then. I stood there and watched until she wasn’t there anymore. Just the sweet peach smell of her skin lotion.

 “Fuck.” I growled. I picked up the closest thing to me, an empty cocktail pitcher, and threw it hard, both relieved and pissed off that it didn’t break. Fucking plastic shit.

I’d fucking promised her I wouldn’t screw with her heart again. And look. Not a few weeks later and I was doing the same shit to her.

“Get some sleep, brother. This shit isn’t helping you. Go to your other room and wait until the morning. Give Teach what she wants.” Booth’s advice was sound, but I wasn’t sleeping in the other room. If I couldn’t sleep with her, then I would crash out here on one of the sectional sofas.

“Thanks, brother, but I think I’m good here. Can’t sleep in that bed no more,” I said, meaning the bedroom I used to use to fuck women before I met Charlie. I took her there once before, and that was the last time. That bed held nothing for me anymore.

 Booth needed no more from me. After all our years together and our understanding one another’s feelings and problems, he knew. Thank fuck, I had brothers who knew me.

“Alright, Deck. Goodnight.”

“Night, mate,” Darth said, punching me in the shoulder just a little harder than needed. “She looks good in my shirt, brother.” He chuckled and ignored my extended middle finger.

“Fuck you,” I muttered back with no heat.

I looked at the comfortable couch I had spent many a night on, whether it was by myself or with Shiloh anchored to my chest. But tonight, it was the last place I wanted to be. I wanted to be with my woman. My soul.

Fucking idiot, I berated myself. As I lay down, I knew there would be little sleep had that night.

 

————

 

The screaming wouldn’t stop. I heard my mates crying out for me, but I couldn’t find them. There was too much rubble—bits of sharp twisted metal, shattered bricks that used to be a building—covering their bodies, so I couldn’t reach them, couldn’t see them, but I could hear them. Their screams and the panic in their shouts for help.

I saw Booth on the other side of the rubble pile, desperately trying to dig away some of the debris. His hands were a bloody mess from the metal and the sharpness of the broken bricks.

I could see Steel was lying on the ground, not moving. No, no, no, not Steel. I wanted to go to him, but as I tried to get up, I grunted from the pain in my waist. Looking down, I saw a piece of metal poking out from down near the waistband of my pants. It was covered in blood, my blood.

“Help me, Deck. Help me, Deck.” I could hear the faint pleading, over and over and over in my head.

“You failed us, Deck. You didn’t save us.” The words were shouted at me.

I frantically looked over at Booth once again only to see he was holding a human arm severed from the body it had once belonged to—and I saw the tattoo of a skull with guns for the crossbones. Oh, Jesus, no.

“Deck, help me.” I heard my name over and over, the screaming ringing in my ears.

“Deck, honey. Wake up, my darling, wake up. I’m here.” The voice was changing. It was soft and reassuring, calming me just a bit. I fought against the fogginess of my mind. I knew that voice. I wanted to hear it again.

“Honey, it’s okay. I’m here. Wake up for me, baby.” God, that voice. It was like an angel, an angel who was making my dick hard.

Suddenly, I felt warm hands on my face. Then I felt someone peppering kisses all over. My cheeks, my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, and finally, my lips. They were so warm and familiar.

And then the fog lifted. Sweetness.

Blinking rapidly, I focused in the darkness. My mind was a muddled mess after my nightmare, but the one thing I did see clearly was my salvation.

I sat up quickly and grabbed Charlie, crushing her close to my heaving chest. I was vaguely aware of the oomph she released as I clasped her tightly in my arms. I knew I was probably holding her far too tightly and thought to let go, but her arms came around my waist and held me back just as tight. Oh, thank God.

Even in my fragile state right then, I was aware of movement in the room other than Charlie and me. My commando training refused to shut down.

“You got this, Teach?”

Booth’s voice was different now compared to his voice in my nightmare. He sounded unsettled. My nightmare was just a reminder of the nightmare he would have tonight—or maybe already had.

I felt Charlie’s head nod against my chest, then she moved her head slightly to the side.

“Yes, Vincent, I have him. Go back to bed, sweetie.” Her voice was soft like she was speaking to a child. Gentle. Her use of Booth’s actual given name made me smile into her hair. He hated that name, but there was no way he would ever tell her not to use it. My woman was adored by everyone in my club.

With my face pressed into her neck, I took another hit of her scent. It was something that always calmed me, but not this time. Something was off. Her smell was different—it wasn’t right.

I pulled back slightly and looked to see what was wrong.

“I’m still wearing Darth’s shirt,” Charlie told me softly. She knew what I needed.

Goddamn, this woman was my other half. Reaching out, we both lifted the material from her body and tossed it to the ground. Then I deftly removed my own T-shirt, and she helped me put it on her, covering her beautiful breasts. Her nipples were erect, but it was not the time for anything sexual.

My mind was too muddled and all over the place after the dream that I had. And I just wanted to reconnect with Charlie. The fight we had earlier did me in. If it sparked my first nightmare in weeks, I wasn’t sure, but I was sure she would never feel the need to sleep without me ever again.

My head was now well and truly out of my arse.

I took in her scent and sighed contently.

“Better?” she asked, keeping her voice low and quiet.

“So much better, Sweetness,” I replied. I took her in my arms and lay back onto the warm couch, settling her so she was facing me, my arms wrapped around her luscious body—and not a part of our bodies that weren’t touching. Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my face. She no longer smelt like a cocktail factory but of mint toothpaste.

“Are you okay?” she asked me worriedly. Her eyes were searching my face for any evidence of the nightmare.

This woman. She was asking me if I was okay? Seriously? After what I’d put her through tonight, she was concerned for me.

I ran my hands through her glorious blonde silky hair. The action calmed me even further.

“I’m more than okay now that you are in my arms,” I whispered, keeping my voice quiet. We needed this moment of softness.

She traced her fingers over my jaw and lips. I caught a finger with my teeth and bit ever so gently at the tip.

“I am so sorry, Charlie. I don’t know why I said that shit. I certainly didn’t mean it. Any of it. Shiloh is your daughter.” I raised my voice just a little bit, but I was desperate she got me on this.

“Shhh, I get it.”

Huh? She did? “You do?”

She nodded her head vigorously. “Julie explained it to me,” she said as if that meant something to me.

Oh, God. If Vegas was handing out advice on all that was the men of the Wounded Souls, we might be in some trouble.

“Vegas explained things, did she? What did she say?” This ought to be good.

“She said, and I quote, ‘Charlotte, he is a man. They say stupid shit.’”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. Well, that and she said I may have overreacted a tiny bit,” she said, bringing her thumb and forefinger together.

Hauling her closer to me, I shook my head.

“No, Sweetness, you didn’t. I can run off at the mouth without thinking at times. Pull me up on that shit when I do, okay? Let’s make a pact right now. We never go to bed without one another or angry.” I wouldn’t go through another night like this ever again.

She smiled beautifully at me. “I love that idea. Now sleep, honey. I’m right here where I belong.” Her whispered words were like a soothing balm to my inner turmoil.

“Kiss me, Sweetness,” I demanded quietly.

She complied straightaway. Her lips were so soft, so warm, so perfect. I tried not to rush the kiss because I wanted my woman in charge of it, but fuck me, her kisses were magic. Moving her mouth over mine, she used her tongue to tease me. She swiped it over my bottom lip, and then her teeth dragged it between them. And then she used her tongue to lathe the sting. Over and over, for long minutes, she open-mouth kissed me, nibbling, biting, sucking. She was just enjoying the control of the kiss.

Some nights, we could kiss for an hour or more. For us, it was a way to connect after a day apart from each other. And my woman loved to kiss. But I wanted more.

I put my hands on either side of her face and tilted her head so I could deepen the kiss. My tongue thrust forward and demanded entry, and she gave it to me.

Without breaking contact with our mouths, I shifted so Charlie was on top of me. I spread my legs so she fell between them, her pubis resting on my cock. Her height came in so handy sometimes.

Again, I controlled our kiss. I couldn’t get enough of her taste. My tongue glided in and out of her wet mouth, and with each pass, each stroke, my heart eased and beat normally again. It beat in unison with hers.

“Charlie, I need you,” I begged into her mouth. I didn’t mean for it to go this far, but I needed to be inside of her, to feel her tight heat and to reassure myself that she was mine still.

“Yes, honey, I need you, too.” Her hands reached between and unbuckled my belt, then pulled the button fly apart all at once.

I smirked slightly. She had gotten so good at that, and she loved me wearing jeans with a button fly instead of a zip.

My cock was so fucking hard it almost hurt when her clever little hand gripped him—almost. Charlie worked me up and down, the pre-cum helping her motion. It was all I could do not to erupt in her hand.

“Sweetness, don’t tease me, baby. Take me and put me in you. Guide my aching cock into your warm, wet pussy,” I begged against her mouth. She was the only woman who could make me beg.

Her groan echoed against my lips. She loved it when I talked dirty to her, loved it when I told her what I wanted her to do. How I wanted her. How I wanted to fuck her.

I was so desperate for her. Nothing felt right when I wasn’t with her. It used to be just Shiloh and me, but this amazing woman and her love for me and our daughter was what I needed to exist.

“Deck, I need you to fill me, honey.” Her plea was desperate, much like mine. As she begged for me to fill her, she shimmied out of her panties, and all of a sudden, she lifted herself over me, and with my hand holding my cock in place, she sank down on me. Hard.

“Oh, fuck me, Charlie, that feels so fucking good.” I groaned.

“Yes, it does,” she agreed breathily. Her hips moved hard against my own. She was in total control, but at the same time, she was out of control.

She was setting the pace. Her hands moved from my chest, and she whipped my shirt up over her head. Her breasts, her fucking gorgeous tits, bounced with every canter of her hips. My eyes were glued to hers. Her long, sexy blonde hair was wild and messy from the night’s earlier festivities. Now it would be even messier from my fingers. I pushed up with just the strength of my abs and pushed my hands into her hair. Bringing her mouth down to mine, I devoured her lips, using my tongue to push in, demanding, and mimicking what I was doing to her pussy with my cock. This was the definition of heaven.

“Fuck, Charlie, baby, I need more,” I begged her, but I wasn’t sure for what. I just knew this feeling could never end. Ever.

She must have felt my need for urgency because her hips moved quicker, and she ground harder on me with every downward thrust.

“Deck, come. Come, honey, come before me. Let me feel you come first and spill into me.” She leaned over me and pressed her glorious tits into my face, giving me no choice but to take one pert nipple into my mouth and suck—as if I would not want to. The thought was ridiculous.

Charlie’s arms reached over me to the back of the couch so she could get the leverage she needed to ride me harder. I had released her nipple with a pop and leaned over to take the other one when that fucking fantastic feeling started in my spine. My balls drew up painfully, and without any warning at all, my cum exploded from my dick. My groan was so loud, and I couldn’t give a fuck who heard me.

Then her orgasm took over, squeezing my dick as she released.

“Oh, yes, Charlie. Fuck yes.”

“Deck…” She spoke my name like a prayer, drawing it out. Her face was beautiful when she came. Even as my own release was still coming, I couldn’t look away from how beautiful she looked. Her eyes bore into mine, captivating me. She was like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Needing a hit all the time. To my utter shock, I felt the stinging of tears in my eyes. Fuck me, I was so close to losing this.

I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could and held on. I buried my face in the sweat-dampened valley between her breasts, and I could feel the out of control beating of her heart, which matched my own.

I couldn’t seem to slow down my breathing. My sweetness had me all kinds of twisted up but in such a good way. Never ever had I come before the woman. She owned me.

I took her with me as I lay back down on the couch. I felt so sated and so tired. When I had the nightmares, they took so much out of me. Normally, I couldn’t sleep afterwards, but tonight was different.

Charlie helped me cope in other ways.

“Next time you say stupid shit, I won’t run.” Charlie’s soft voice penetrated my sated mind.

As I pressed a kiss to her hair, I smiled. “Thank you, Sweetness.”

“Next time, I am just going to sic Vegas on you,” she said, laughing.

My dick was still in her, and her laugh caused her inner-wall muscles to grab hold of me. Fuck me, I was close to going again.

“I am sure I will deserve it, Sweetness,” I agreed, holding her as close as I could get her. “Sleep now.”

“Hmmmmm,” she mumbled against my pec.

I felt a small kiss from her there just as I started to drift off to sleep, and as I did, I had the thought someone might see her naked, but sleep was seriously calling me.