I leave the VIP area before he does. I don't know how long it takes me to walk back to the gate, but when I'm there and about to sit down, the redhead calls me—Hayley, I think—and then hands me my cases, the ones that Jason was keeping for me behind the counter.

I slowly take my oversize cases back to my seat with me, wondering when I can get them checked in so that I don’t have to deal with them. Most importantly, I wonder when I’ll be able to do that.

I'm already past all of security since they let all passengers through security with our things after we got them from the baggage carousel because of how everything went down, and how long all the passengers had been waiting. I was surprised by it, but I was pleased. Now I'm not so pleased anymore because it's a reminder of just how bad things have gotten with Jason.

I don't know what I could have said to make him understand I didn't mean to do any of the things he thought I did. It wouldn't matter anyway, and I don't think I deserve for him to forgive me. I just wish he could.

I take my phone out of my pocket and turn it on, but it's dead. It only vibrates for a second, just to let me know that it doesn't have enough charge, and that I need to plug it in.

I sigh as I take a look at the plugging station.

There are lots of people gathered around there and everywhere else. There doesn't seem to be one electrical outlet that hasn't been taken. I don't care. I don't want to communicate with my family right now. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself. I keep glancing at Jason but it’s just making me feel worse.

I take my book out of my bag, and I try my best to read, but I can’t concentrate. I can’t even make my eyes settle on the shapes of the letters. Looking at words is impossible right now, especially because Jason has arrived once again, and now he's working.

He's working faster now, and he's not looking at me. In fact, he's doing his very best to ignore me. I know I deserve it, but it still hurts. I look outside and the weather is letting up now. I should be more excited about the fact that there is not going to be a terrible blizzard, but even though I say this to myself, I can’t bring myself to care.

I just feel like complete and utter shit.

I wish I could do something to fix this, but I need to accept the fact that I'm powerless. Over the intercom, I hear someone say the flight number I'm on. Apparently, they’re going to start assigning people to new flights within the next twenty to thirty minutes.

It's good because I'm starting to get sick of being in this airport, especially sick of being so close to fucking Jason Mayes.

I want to go home to my childhood bed, crawl into it and bury myself under a stack of heavy blankets without thinking about when I’m going to get up next. I know that is not a very mature way to deal with things, but I feel like it's the only way I could even begin to process things right now. I mean, he didn't want to hear my apology. And I know I shouldn't blame him for that, but I can't help myself. I know I was a shitty person, and I know I could have been better, but he could have heard me out.

The more that I’m thinking about this, the angrier that I'm getting. Finally, I see someone move away from an electrical outlet, and I walk over to it as briskly as I can because there are other people eyeing it, so I'm lucky that I get to take a stop right next to it and plug my phone in.

I can see my bags from where I am, so I'm not going to move them. They are too big and cumbersome to attempt that. If I were to move them, that would mean leaving my phone alone, so I sit down on the floor and watch my stuff like a hawk while I plug it just so that it gets enough juice for me to be able to turn it on.

I'm messing around with my phone trying to get it to turn on so that I can text my brother and tell him the new developments. I need some advice. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do about everything that has happened with Jason. Am I even supposed to do anything? He told me to leave him alone so I know that’s what I should do, but this is hard when it’s not what I want.

I also need to text my sister, call my mother, and tell them that I'm probably going to be arriving today. At some point, because I'm still not sure when, but it’s likely to be today.

But my phone is being difficult and I'm struggling to do anything as it reboots. It's taking forever, which isn't helping how I'm feeling. If I could at least have some sort of distraction, then maybe I wouldn't feel so terribly shitty about everything that's just happened. I mean, I would probably still feel terrible about it, but at least I would get a break from thinking about it.

But of course, that's not what's going on. Why would I ever catch a fucking break? I’m about to slam my phone into the ground when I hear a voice over the intercom.

The voice is telling passengers from the first few seats to go up to the counter. I know I’m going to be called soon.

My phone finally turns on after three more attempts. That’s when I realize I have a voicemail from the notification on the screen.

That’s also when the texts start coming in, my phone vibrating in my hand. First, it’s my brother, then it's my sister, and then it’s bunch of other people that don't normally text me but they are asking after me because of the weather.

Everyone knows that I was bound to go to Jackson today, so they're worried about me because of the weather. That's nice, but I'm not going to reply to any of them. I don’t have the energy to do that. I pull up Friendsbook, make a status saying that I'm fine, then turn the notifications off and kill the app. I can’t deal with my friends right now.

After a little while, when I’m dicking around on the Internet and ignoring everyone else, my row number is finally called. I know that means I’ll be assigned to another flight. I yank my charger out of the outlet, walk over to my cases, and start trying to carry them with me to the counter. It’s a struggle and every other person that has been called gets in a line in front of me, but I don’t mind so much. The only shit part of it is the fact that I have to lug my cases around with me and they are as cumbersome as they are heavy, but I know it could be a lot worse.

I could be heading to the counter where Jason's working, but thankfully I'm not. There are a lot of people working the counters, and Jason seems to be working one off to the side. That means I don't have to speak to him, which is great because I don't know what I would say to him. The crowd slowly thins out and the line starts to move. I'm finally facing someone who is supposed to be the customer service representative, I suppose. I’m not paying much attention to my surroundings because all that I can think about is Jason.

The woman in front of me is short, with big light-eyes and a short blonde bob. She’s very pretty and stylish, I think. She shouldn’t be working for an airline. I don’t think Jason should be working for an airline either, though. I shake my head. I need to stop thinking about Jason, need to stop relating everything back to Jason.

He wasn’t even part of my life for a long time before I walked into this airport.

At least he wasn’t an active part of my life before I walked into this airport, which I think makes a huge difference. I could have built him up in my head a lot for it to turn out to be nothing, but that’s not what happened. He turned out to be everything. He turned out to be more than I expected him to be. It upsets me to think just how much I have thrown away by being a fucking idiot.

“Hello, sir,” she says brightly, flashing me what looks like a sincere smile. Part of me wants to ask her why she’s smiling. I don’t get it.

I don’t say anything. I'm vaguely aware that she just greeted me and I’m sure that I should probably reply. But I don't feel like I can, I feel very choked up right now and I don't want to cry in front of this woman who doesn't know me.

I don’t think that she would know what to do with me if I cried. Which is normal, because again, this is not someone I've ever met before. I kind of want to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and cry there, but then I think about what happened in the bathroom with Jason, even the bathroom seems like it has been ruined for me.

I wonder if this is going to last forever. I need to go to the bathroom eventually. I can't have Jason permanently taint public bathrooms.

Even in my own head, I'm aware that I'm being dramatic. But I don't think it matters, because of course I'm being dramatic. I've just lost something that I wanted for such a long time, that it makes sense that I'm catastrophizing.

“Sir,” the woman says. 

“Sorry, hello,” I say as my gaze shoots to her name tag. Her name’s Diana. “I was totally zoning out.”

She flashes me another smile, though it’s not quite as warm this time.

“May I have your boarding pass, please?”

I try to get my boarding pass out of my bag and after pawing around for it for what seems like forever and being unable to find it, making the situation more awkward than funny, I finally hand it to her.

She takes one quick look at it, sets it down in front of her and clicks on her computer a couple of times as I try my best to focus on her instead of on Jason and whatever Jason is doing.

I’m trying not to think about him, but it’s so hard when he’s so close to me.

I can see him from where I'm standing from the corner of my eye and I'm trying my best not to look his way. It's hard though, because she's taking forever, and I want to go up to him. I have no idea what I would say, so maybe it's better that she's taking forever. Maybe it's better that I'm never going to see him again, that he asked me to lose his number.

“Okay, Mr. Diaz.” she says as she reads something on the computer. “I'm so sorry for the delay. I know that you have been waiting a while now.”

I try to smile at her but I’m not sure if it works. “Unless you’re responsible for the weather, I forgive you.”

She smiles at me. It's a fake smile, but at least she's trying. That makes one of us. God, at least I’m trying to do something that isn’t related to Jason. Ugh, even when I’m trying not to think about Jason, I still land right back on him.

It’s fucking awful.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I don't pay attention to it. I don't want to speak to anyone right now, but when I look away to turn it off I set my gaze on Jason again and I notice that he's looking down at his phone, which is in his hands.

He's not working right now, he's moving away from the counter and soon his phone is pressed up to his face, and he seems to be speaking to someone.

He doesn’t look very happy, and I want to go over there and ask him what's wrong but I'm not going to do that.

It's not my place to do that, I remind myself. I know that he doesn't want to hear from me anymore and for good reason. I'm trying my best to make it so that it's not obvious that I'm watching him but I think everybody knows. Hayley certainly knows, because she keeps staring daggers at me, and it's not like I'm trying to hide it.

Part of me wants to flip her off, but I'm not going to do that. I don't want to get dragged out of the airport, especially not because I did something douche-y to Jason. That would just be the cherry on top of a shit sundae.

But soon Jason is moving away from the counter and he's shaking his head. He’s not saying anything into the phone but he looks really upset.

I don't think it's about me anymore. I’m not that self-involved and this seems to be about something else, and it upsets me that I can't go and help him through it. He said something about having to get home soon, so I have a good idea that this is his family on the phone. I don’t know how airlines work but it would suck if Jason had to work through Christmas Eve and Christmas day because of the weather.

I’m sure that he wants to see his mom too, regardless of what I think about her.

Even if I can't get him to forgive me, then at least I can do something for him. I mean, I know that no matter what I do, Jason is probably not going to talk to me again, and I need to come to terms with that. I need to realize that I made my bed so now I have to lie in it, and that's normal.

I need to live with the consequences of my actions, no matter how bitter they taste. But Jason shouldn't have to deal with any of this. He shouldn't have to be in the stupid airport when he could be dancing with a company, because of course he’s amazing.

He shouldn't have to be here when he could be with his family. He shouldn't have to deal with shitty customers—or really terrible ones, like me—when he could be sitting in his front room with his mom and his stepdad.

The good stepdad, not the one that used to beat him up. I need to do something for him, even if it means that my family is going to be pissed at me.

I look at Diana and I smile at her. It's a sweet smile, I think, but it's complete bullshit. I'm not very happy at all—in fact, I feel kind of sick--but I'm trying to turn on the charm. I've heard that I'm charming, and I'm trying to make it work to my advantage, which is not something I do very much. I probably should, considering my career, but I always thought that I would be able to get ahead with my talent. It has taken me years to realize that that’s not a thing and it’s making me feel like I wasted a lot of time, but if I can use my charm for a purpose that isn’t self-serving then that is even better. Especially if I can help Jason.

“What’s happening then, Diana?”

“You're on the next flight to Jackson, Mr. Diaz,” she replies with a smile. “Because there were no free seats, you are getting a business class seat.”

“Sweet,” I reply.

“Yes. I hope that makes up for some of the inconvenience that you have faced here today.”

 It doesn't at all. But it has nothing to do with her. I keep smiling at her, waiting for her to say something else. But she doesn't. So, I have to take the lead.

“Listen Diana. Would it be possible for me to speak to one of your supervisors?”

She nods as she narrows her eyes. “Of course, sir, but is there nothing I can assist you with?”

“You've been super helpful, but I'm afraid this is something that is out of your hands,” I reply, the smile still plastered on my face. “I'm trying to get one of my best friends a Christmas present, and I think that I'm going to have to speak to someone who has a little more authority, because it's about my ticket.”

“Of course. I will call our manager.” She doesn't seem impressed with me, but I don't care about her. I mean, I guess she's fine, but I don't want to deal with her, I want to deal with Jason. If I can’t talk to him then I guess that's okay, but I need to be able to have done something for him at least.

“Where can I check in my stuff?”

“You can check in your stuff over there,” she replies. “Just go to that counter over there, on the very far right and they'll take your cases from you.”

She points to a counter in the very back of the room, and the gate, and I see. Of course it's the farthest away from everything else, but it doesn't matter because hopefully I'll get to speak to a supervisor by then, and maybe I won't even have to check my cases at all.

I have a good idea of what’s going to happen with my bags. I’m going to have to drag them with me to a hotel room, because I don’t think that I’m going to be getting home any time in the next few days.

It takes her a little while, but finally there’s a manager in front of me. I think she’s younger than me with big brown eyes and short black hair. She’s obviously rushed off her feet. I feel bad about making her talk to me, but I don’t see how I have another choice.

She looks me up and down, as if to weigh me up. I get it. She doesn’t know me, and I don't think that she wants to deal with customer complaints. I look for Jason, because I'm not trying to get him in trouble, and I'm worried that this is going to do that. I don't think it is, but just in case, I need to be as discreet as possible. “Is there any chance we could speak somewhere more private?”

“Is everything okay?” she asks. She crosses her arms over her chest, and she moves her head slightly. She does not seem to want to speak somewhere more private with me. I'm going to have to talk her into it.

“Yes. Everything's fine. I just need to talk to you about something, and it's kind of urgent. I’ll get out of your way quickly, I promise. I really need to speak to someone.”

She looks me over, and again, I think she's deciding whether I’m worth her time. If I take up too much of her time, her job is going to be harder, and she's going to have to deal with what would just be a logistical nightmare, like Jason called it.

But I don't think I will, and I think she realizes that I'm not trying to make her life harder.

She nods, and slowly, she walks to the back of the counter, so that none of the other customers can hear us. Thankfully, Jason is not near us. I don't want him to hear us talking about him. I don't want them to think that I'm doing this just to gain favor with him, because I'm doing this because he deserves it. I'm doing this because if anyone should be getting to go home today it should be him. And yes, I may not be looking forward to seeing my family that much, but I'm looking forward to seeing them more than looking forward to staying in this airport. I feel like I haven't slept for days, I stink, I'm hungry, I really want to lay down in a comfortable bed, and I cannot wait to taste my mom's cooking. Plus, with my sister still angry at me, I'm feeling like a terrible son. So, I need to go home, and I know that. And I know that I'm going to get in trouble for this, but I don't care. Because this is about Jason, this isn't about me. And I'm not making it about me for a change. I don't even want him to know that I did it. She stares at me and taps her foot on the floor impatiently. “Okay, tell me how I can help you.”

“I want to give my ticket up so that someone else can use it,” I quickly say. I’m about to explain myself when she holds her hand up and shakes her head.

 “Airplane tickets are non-transferrable, sir.”

I nod. “I know that, in theory, because I bought a ticket for a particular flight that I should not be able to transfer it. But I also know that you're putting me on the flight that I wasn't supposed to go on because of the weather, and I know that this one person also needs to go home and I'm pretty sure he's on the same flight as I am.”

“We are placing everyone from your flight in two different flights sir.”

Yes. But this person works for you.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh. You’re going to Jackson.”

I nod my head as I speak. “Yes. And I know that Jason shouldn't be working right now, but he's doing it because you’re understaffed and you need more people to be working, right? That makes sense, because of everything that has happened with the weather, but I also know that he needs to go home. Just as much as I do.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and cocks her head. “Because of the way airline staff gets tickets, he gets them at the back of the line,” she replies matter-of-factly.

“I appreciate that. But I want to swap my ticket with him.”

“But then you'll be sent to the end of the line.”

“Yes.”

“You would be losing all your privileges as a passenger if you got a staff discounted ticket,” she says. “We’re unlikely to be able to place you in first or business class again.”

I nod. I don’t care about that. I just want to do something nice for Jason, anything nice for him.

She sets her gaze on me once again, right on my eyes. “You do know that means that you could wait until after Christmas for your next available flight?”

“Yes. I do know that.”

“And you're okay with that?”

“I mean,” I reply. I don’t want to explain our entire history to her, but I will if that’s what it takes for her to say that she’ll let him take my place. “We both need to go home, and he's been working for way longer than he should have.”

She doesn’t seem particularly impressed at that. “We all have.”

“I know,” I reply. “And if I could swap my ticket with all of you, I would, but…”

“Okay. If you're sure,” she replies as she shrugs. “You obviously have to sign a document saying that this was your will.”

I didn't even realize that they had documents for this kind of thing, but of course they do. I nod readily, because I don't care about staying here if Jason can go home.

“May I ask you something personal, Mr. Diaz?”

“Sure,” I say as I shrug my shoulders. I don’t care. She can ask me whatever she needs to ask me if Jason gets to take my place on the next flight out of here.

“Do you know Jason Mayes?”

“Yes,” I reply. “We’re childhood friends.”

Her eyes widen as if something has suddenly clicked in her head. I don’t know what Jason told Hayley, but it seems to have spread like wildfire. I shouldn’t be surprised, of course it has. People love Jason wherever he goes, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that his coworkers love him.

“I am,” I say, “that Max Diaz, I mean.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she quietly replies.

“You didn’t have to,” I reply.

“I’ll let him know that you—”

“No,” I reply and shake my head. “Please don’t tell him anything, okay? I don’t want him to know that it was me.”

She seems taken aback by that. She brushes her black hair behind her ear, silver hoops dangling and catching the harsh electric light that fills the room. “I have to ask you one more time, Mr. Diaz. Are you absolutely positive of this?”

“Yes,” I say. “Absolutely positive.”