After cleaning up and once again changing clothes, we go downstairs and Jason brushes my hand as we step down the stairs together. It’s not the same as holding hands, I don’t think we’re there yet, but it’s still wonderful.

He says hello to all my family and it’s as if he’s been friends with them forever. Then again, I guess he has been, in a way.

After a few hours, he has to go home, but he returns with a box of cookies and some expensive tea for my parents. My parents like tea and, apparently, he bought some back in the city for them. I smile, because I clearly wasn’t wrong about him at all. In fact, I’m sure that I’m completely right about who he is. He’s the same kind, intelligent, amazing boy that I knew back when we were both just kids

I just wish that he hadn’t asked me this in front of my parents, because it’s throwing me for a loop.

“I, uh, have a ticket for the sixth.”

“Of January? You’re spending New Year here?”

I nod.

“Oh, wow,” he says.

I understand why he’s taken aback. In the industry, we don’t exactly celebrate the new year, not like everyone else does. We still celebrate it but the party isn’t about inviting the new year and saying good-bye to the last one, it’s rather about how many contacts you can make. If you want to work during January, February, or March, you better be at the best New Year’s Eve party that you can find, making the best contacts that you can find.

It’s not really a thing for an actor to skip out on. But I don’t have a choice. I can’t get an apartment between now and New Year’s Eve, finding an apartment in the city in the off-season is already enough of a nightmare. I’m not going to tell them that of course because that would mean that I’m admitting my defeat. And I’m not ready to do that yet.

Not in front of them.

When my mother looks at me, though, it looks like there’s only concern in her eyes.

I can’t help but tell her the truth when she’s looking at me like that. I mean, they already think I’m a failure, so why would this be any different? I’m just going to be proving them right. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that I’m here. Maybe this is where I need to be for the time being, and maybe finding Jason like this was good for me. Maybe I’m not good for Jason and maybe I just need to learn to live with that. This might be the universe’s way of telling me that.

“Honestly, what happened was that Sarah kicked me out, and I haven’t found anywhere else to live yet,” I start saying. “I know that you guys don’t understand how difficult it is to find a place back in the city, but it’s basically impossible, especially around the holidays.”

“So, you’re just planning on staying in Jackson?” Jason asks.

“I mean, only for the time being. If my parents will have me.”

I look at my dad and he gives me a slight nod, which is exactly what I need from him. My father is a quiet man and that is enough of a sign of his approval. They’ll take me back. I visibly sigh with relief. I know it’s not very dignified to do but I can’t help myself. For a second there I wasn’t sure I was going to live. I was very worried. 

“You know there aren’t many acting opportunities in Jackson, right?”

“I know there are not many opportunities in Jackson, yes,” I repeat, a little more bitterly than I intend to. I think that this is Jason trying to watch out for me, which I appreciate but I’m also a little bit annoyed with him because he’s decided to do it in front of my parents.

My parents, who I’m still trying to convince I’m not a failure. But I guess that ship has sailed, so I’m trying to swallow my pride as I say the next thing. “Maybe acting is not for me.”

Jason looks at me, his eyes wide.

“Don’t say that,” he says. “You’re one of the best actors I’ve ever met, plus without you I would have never followed my dream.”

I look at him and scoff.  “Jason, you’ve never seen me act.”

He looks at my mom and dad, and then he looks back at me. “How do you know I’ve never seen you act?”

His cheeks are red, so I know he’s admitting something that he’s embarrassed of.

He looks adorable like this and I can’t help but stare at him. I can’t believe that he’s decided he wants to go out with me, and even as we’re talking to my parents this experience feels incredibly surreal. Jason is sitting next to me, our legs touching, as if this was just a normal thing that we did all the time. It used to be common many years ago, but it wasn’t anymore. And it wasn’t anymore because of me, and I can’t believe I have managed to salvage it somehow.

The weight of what he’s saying finally starts to sink in. “Wait, you’ve seen me act? Like out of high school?”

He looks away. “Well, you know that we’re part of the same scene, right? I’m honestly surprised that I hadn’t run into you before. I went to see you a couple of times when you were in those Shakespeare in the park productions. Then later on, when you were in the contemporary troupe too, the one that performed on the street and did all the wacky experiments.”

“Oh, you saw that?” I say. Now it’s my turn to blush.

“Yeah,” Jason says as he smiles. “My boyfriend at the time was super into theatre so that definitely helped.”

“You went to see me at the theater with your boyfriend?”

He nods. “I told him I used to know one of the performers, which was technically true.”

My parents are staring at us. They clearly know that something is going on between Jason and I but neither one of them is going to bring it up until I do.

And until I’m sure of what this is I’m not going to bring anything up. I don’t want to get burned again, because I know that if I do I’m going to end up handling it like a child. I might be better now than when I was a teenager, but that doesn’t mean much because of course I’m going to handle it better than back then.

“So that means you’re staying in Jackson,” he says, looking ahead.

I shrug. “I have no steady gig to get back for. My agent isn’t even returning my calls and I’m pretty sure I’m dead in the water in terms of anything to do with the theater.”

 Now that I have put out there how dire my situation is, I can’t help but feel a little relieved. The fact that I was carrying this around all by myself made it so much harder to deal with. I feel much lighter already after just talking about it.

But now I’m waiting for my parents to say something, maybe to tell me that they knew it would. That they told me so.

I don’t want to hear it, but I suppose it’s the price I have to pay in order to live here in my childhood home.

Instead my mother and father look at each other, and then they glance at me. But they don’t talk to me.

In a surprise turn of events, they address Jason.

“Jason, honey, how are you liking the big city?”

Jason smiles. “Mr. and Mrs. Diaz,” he starts. It doesn’t matter how many times Jason has been told to call my parents by their first names, he never will. I don’t think he’s capable of it. “It’s very challenging but I have enjoyed it a lot. I’ve gotten so far because of the inspiration that your son has provided for me, because he decided to chase his dreams. Even in the most difficult of times for me, I had that as a frame of reference and how supportive the two of you were.”

My parents look at each other and nod. 

My mom sets her gaze on me. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were struggling?”

I swallow. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want you guys to think that I was failing.”

“You know, Max, your brother and sister come to us when there’s something that they need,” my dad says quietly. “We are always going to be here for you no matter what.”

“Why did you feel like you couldn’t come to us?”

I try to ignore the tears welling up in my eyes. The past few days have been the ones in which I have cried the most in the last few years. It’s been weird, but it kind of makes sense. At least with the Jason thing.

“I don’t know. I guess I was worried that because you guys don’t approve of my choices you wouldn’t support me.”

“Of course we approve of your choices,” my dad says. “We are so proud of you. The fact that you have made it work up until now without ever asking us for a penny has made us incredibly proud.”

“But if you need help, of course we are going to help,” my mom says.

“Thank you,” I reply, wiping my tears away with my fingertips. Jason puts his arm around me and holds me close.

I think this might be his way of telling me that my parents are okay with this, but I still need to speak to them about it. In any case, it doesn’t matter right now. I put my head on his shoulder and take a deep breath, where I can smell the scent of his skin. I love the way that he smells, like expensive tea and British chocolate.

“My roommate is moving out at the end of the month,” he says. “You’d overlap there for a bit but she still hasn’t left and I don’t think she’s tried very hard to find a roommate.”

“She’s just giving her apartment up?”

“She’s getting married,” he says and smiles. “Moving up to the islands, y’know? Leaving the city behind.”

“Rich?”

“Investment banker,” he says. “The richest.”

“So you would just let me stay with you? Don’t I need first month, last month and a deposit? I have some savings, but I was going to use it to buy a house,” I say. “But my living situation—”

He shakes his head. “No,” he says. “Just your portion of the rent.”

My mom smiles. “And when you’re ready to buy,” she says. “Make sure to give us a call. We’ll probably be able to help you.”

“Yes,” my dad says. “Both of you.”

They snicker and for a second, I feel incredibly self-conscious. But then I look around and I sink again into Jason’s shoulder, realizing that I’ve never felt so happy.