After we dressed and talked for a little while, we finally left the room. Before we walked out, I’d had an image of what Hedonism looked like in my head, but it was completely and utterly wrong.

It was nothing like I’d read in my books. There were no dungeons or dark corridors that led to salacious sex rooms. There were private rooms where couples could play. I had just had one of the best orgasms of my life inside one to prove it.

Hedonism was more like a nightclub, with the loud music, women dancing on pedestals in the middle of the room without any clothing, and a bar in the middle of the room. “This is it?” I looked up at him after I took it all in.

“Yeah, babe. Your books are bullshit.”

“But… But…I pictured it differently.” Where were the whips and chains, the St. Andrew’s crosses, and the rest? There had to be more. “I refuse to believe this is it. There’s no way this place is just a nightclub with private rooms for screwing.” My eyes roamed over every inch of the space and honed in on Izzy, sitting at the bar with James. I grabbed Joe’s hand, dragging him with me, and headed straight for her.

“Hey,” Izzy said with the biggest smile when she saw me.

“Listen, this can’t be all there is.” I pushed back the few strands of hair that had settled on my shoulder. “I’ve been listening to you talk about this place for years. I’m a little let down, Izzy.”

“That’s on another level.” She pointed down and smirked. “Jimmy and I rarely come up here. This is for the more vanilla crowd that just likes to watch.”

Peering over my shoulder, I saw James and Joe giving each other that look…like I was asking for trouble. “Watch what?”

“Have you looked around?”

“Well, no.” I rolled my wedding band with my thumb.

“Just look, Suzy.” She pointed toward a dark area in the corner. A crowd had gathered, but I couldn’t see a thing. “May I?” she asked James, and it caught me so off guard that my head snapped in her direction.

“Yes, you may.” James had a different demeanor in this space. He wasn’t the sweet, playful man I had grown to love. There was a presence to him. Something had shifted between them inside this building. Izzy had explained their relationship to me many times. I’d read enough about Dominance and submission, but I could never picture Izzy being able to submit to anyone…even James.

“Come on.” She yanked on my hand and led me toward the group in the corner. She leaned in, speaking quietly in my ear. “Look.”

My eyes followed hers. On the other side of the crowd, there was a couple lying on a bed, surrounded by sheer curtains. But they weren’t having a drink. They were fucking each other’s brains out with everyone watching in fascination. The man had her on all fours and was pounding into her so hard I wondered how she’d be able to walk when it was over. We used to fuck like that, but with kids, it became not as common.

“That’s enough for you,” Izzy said and touched my arm. “Breathe, little Suzy.”

“Shut up, Iz. Give me a minute.” I was transfixed by the rhythm of the music and the movement of their bodies… It was like watching the best porn in the world.

“I never would have taken you for a watcher.” She bumped her hip into mine and chuckled softly.

I batted her away and took a step closer, shutting out the world. I don’t know how long I stood there watching before there was a tap on my shoulder. “Let’s go, sugar. That’s enough for you tonight.”

“But, Joe, do you see this?” I pointed toward the man still pounding into her like a beast. I didn’t know what he was on, but there was no way any human could screw as much for as long as he did without dying.

“I do.” Joe shook his head but smiled. He wasn’t judging me, and I wasn’t embarrassed at my gawking either. “Do you want to see the other floor?”

My head snapped up, forgetting all about the sex scene in front of me. I felt like a kid at Christmas. “Really?”

“Izzy and James got us a visitor’s pass. We’re only able to watch and can’t participate in any way.”

“That’s okay.” I leaped into his arms out of sheer excitement. “This is the best day I’ve had in a long, long time, baby.”

“I knew you were a freak, princess.”

“You did this to me.” I nuzzled my nose against his before peppering his face with kisses.

Izzy and James approached, and my mouth gaped open bigger than it had been before. Izzy had her collar on, which she never took off, but this time, there was a leash attached to it.

“What the what?” I whispered in Joe’s ear.

“Don’t ask. I’m going against everything I believe in to get you to see the club. Don’t remind me of what she looks like.”

“But she has a—”

“I know.” Joe turned with me still clinging to his body. My eyes fell back on the couple on the bed and the beast of a man still thrusting into her with Herculean effort.

“Sorry about this, Joe,” James said, unable to look him in the eye. “There are rules on that floor. Izzy’s my sub and has to either crawl at my side or be leashed.”

Joe’s jaw tightened. “Let’s not talk about it. We’re ready.”

I inched down Joe’s body and turned to face Izzy. She didn’t look like the scary, kick-ass girl I knew. She looked like a woman under the thumb of her Master and completely in love. I kind of envied her. She gave herself to James. I had given myself in a way to Joe, but he didn’t truly own me. Not in the same way James did Izzy.

---

I stared up and watched the fan as it rotated, casting shadows against the ceiling. My mind was still filled with the images from the club. It was everything I dreamed and more.

“Did you like tonight?” Joe asked from my side.

I turned and took in the beauty that was my husband. “I did. It was just so…” My voice trailed off because I couldn’t put into words exactly how I felt.

“I know.” He sighed and pulled my body closer. “Do you want to go there again?”

I bit my lip because the thought of it secretly gave me a thrill. But when I walked out of the doors at Hedonism, I said good-bye and knew I’d never step foot inside there again. “No. It was a fun night, but I don’t think it’s a place I could go again.”

He propped himself up on one arm and stared down at me, his eyebrows drawn downward. “Why? I could tell it turned you on.”

I swallowed down my momentary embarrassment because Joe knew I had a kinky side to me. “It’s just not my scene. I love reading about it, and seeing it once was amazing, but it’s not someplace I want to go on a regular basis. It’s not me, Joe.” My fingers found his face as I traced the line of his jaw. “It’s not us.”

“We can be anything we want. All I want is for you to be happy. I’ll do anything to make that happen.”

I smiled up at him, more in love than I think I ever had been. “I’d rather not go there. I can never be your sub. Although I like you being bossy in the bedroom and when we role-play, I’m not ready to have sex in front of strangers.”

“Thank fuck,” he groaned, smashing his lips into mine. “I don’t want to beat the fuck out of someone for staring at your body. I don’t know how James fucking does it.”

“Different strokes for different folks.” I giggled because I said stroke and instantly forgot my age. “Actually, I don’t want anyone to see your perfect body. I’m not into sharing you, love.”

He hovered above me, staring into my eyes with lust. “Although, I regret not following through on my plan now.”

“Tonight was perfect.” Though his plan—based on the items on the tray—would’ve been amazing, I realized sometimes things were better left imagined than realized.

“Are you sure? I can get James to get us back inside.”

I shook my head and looped my arms around his neck. “All I want is you. Nothing else. Nothing more.”

He smiled down at me with softened eyes. “How did your last appointment go? We haven’t had time to talk about it.”

“Really good. I know I was pissed when you wanted me to go talk with her, but she really helped.”

“I can tell she helped you with everything. It’s just nice to have my sugar back.”

“I was always here. Just a little lost for a while.”

He crawled between my legs, settling his body weight on top of me. “I’ll always be there to rescue you, my love. No matter what happens, I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.”

“I’d never expect anything less.” Wrapping my legs around his waist, I could feel his hardness against my middle. I kissed him, drowning in him for a little while.

Joe had tried to make my fantasies come true tonight. But the thing he hadn’t realized was I already lived them. The day I met him, everything in my life changed. Never did I imagine having a man like him and three beautiful children. Life was perfect. Months ago, I didn’t feel that way.

I’d felt like I was spiraling down a black abyss without an end and unable to have the happiness touch me. After many therapy sessions and lots of love from my husband, I felt like I was finally able to see the little joys in life.

My children were beautiful and healthy, my husband was as devoted and loving as ever, and I couldn’t ask for more.