We walk out of the main hotel and wander out on to the beach that surrounds the entirety of the resort. The moon above us is huge and white and glittering, and the turquoise ocean is sparkling out in front of us. I take off my heels as we walk out on to the white sand shoreline, and I relish the feel of the crystals under my feet. If it weren’t for the lingering uncomfortableness between us, it would almost be romantic. But you can cut the tension with a knife, despite the fact all I want to do is make things better.
Zachary pulls up two lounge chairs next to each other, and gestures for me to sit down. I take a deep breath and grab a seat, then Zachary pulls off his suit jacket and hangs it on the back of the lounge. His muscular arms are bulging through his pale purple button-down, and I try not to swoon. Now is not the time to be silly and girlish. I know whatever we’re about to talk about will be serious, and I need to focus.
“Okay, Ava. First off, I’m going to apologize for blowing up earlier this afternoon. I think I had a right to be angry, but I didn’t have a right to yell at you or talk to you the way I did. And for that, I am sorry. I hope you can forgive.”
I nod. “Of course. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t,” he shakes his head firmly. “No one deserves to be shouted at. I spend years being screamed at and sometimes hit, in various foster homes. I know how it feels to be treated like that and I swore I would never do it. So, again, please accept my apologies and trust me when I say it will never happen again.”
I have to wipe away tears that are forming in my eyes as I picture a young Zachary in a horrible situation like that. “I understand. And for what it’s worth, I really am sorry for all of this. For not being honest with you from the beginning.”
Zachary holds up his hands. “No, let’s not go back to that. You’ve said what you needed to say. Now I will say what I need to. Ava, I know that Josie was your sister and sometimes when it comes to our family, we put blinders on, so I’m not sure you knew her as well as you believed.”
“I don’t doubt that. I’ve been wondering that for a long time,” I answer with a sad sigh. “But Zach, without any answers from someone who has been around her for these last months, I haven’t had any idea what is going on. I don’t know what was going on in her head. All I’ve had to go on is what she told me, what I read in her diary. And nothing made sense. I need you to fill in the blanks. Please.”
“You may not like everything you hear, Ava.”
“I don’t care,” I answer, my nerves starting to rattle. “I just need to know.”
“Okay, then. We’ll start at the beginning. About six months ago, Donovan and I were invited to this party at a high rise in downtown Los Angeles. It was one of those rich, entitled billionaire parties where things are going on that a boring guy like me wouldn’t want any part of. But we were trading clients with another lawyer, and he insisted that we meet him there. So, we arrived, and there were a ton of beautiful women there, but I knew they were…”
My stomach drops. I can tell he doesn’t want to say it, so I say it for him. “Escorts. I had a feeling.”
“Right. Well, I don’t know how much you know about the men that usually attend parties like this, but they can be horrible. Especially to women. And after a few drinks, and who knows what else, some of the men started treated the ladies there like garbage. There was nothing I could do to stop it, and the escorts were holding their own. I’m sure they were used to it. But I stopped in the washroom before I left. And then I saw something I couldn’t just ignore.”
“Josie?” I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.
“Josie,” he said with a nod. “One of the men from another firm had trapped her in a bedroom, and he was hurting her. I guess he thought that because she was… well… I don’t know what he thought, but he was behaving like a monster. So, I stepped in and set him straight. Maybe a little more forcefully than I should have, but I don’t abide anyone treating women that way.”
My heart aches to imagine the things Josie went through just to survive, while I was working so hard to try and support both of us like she had done for years when I was younger. “And then?”
“She looked so sad. So broken. I couldn’t just leave her there. So, I sat with her, and we talked for a while. She told me about her life and her baby sister who she loved more than anything in the world. I guess that was you. And she told me about some of the things she was going through. I could tell that something was… wrong.”
I lean back in the lounge chair and let out a long sigh. “Just tell me, Zach. You don’t have to mince words.”
He runs his hands through his hair and looks out over the ocean with wistful eyes. For a moment, I’m not sure he’ll tell me anything, but then he turns back to me, and his face is full of sadness.
“I think she was schizophrenic. Undiagnosed. She was aggressive, delusional, paranoid, angry. She didn’t always make sense when she was telling me stories about herself. She was self-harming. And I don’t think she was even doing the escort thing because she needed the money. I think she was doing it because it helped her feel something, something she wasn’t feeling anywhere else in her life.”
I have to choke down a sob at the thought of my sister being in so much pain but never coming to me for help. Never going to anyone for help. I use a napkin that is sitting on a side table to wipe away my tears, not caring if it’s been used. “How did you end up in her life though, Zachary? How did she end up believing… the things she believed?”
Zachary picks up a handful of sand from the beach and chucks it in the direction of the ocean as if it will somehow make the story easier to tell. But I can already see that he doesn’t feel any better, and it’s easier to just spell the rest out all at once.
“I didn’t want to abandon Josie when I realized something was wrong, so I gave her my number, and asked her to call me. I wanted to help her in any way I could, and at first, that is what happened. She would call me when then things were bad, and I would find her and do what I could to get her out. I’d buy her food, take her to the doctor when she’d really hurt herself, pick her up when she’d gotten into situations she couldn’t get out of. I didn’t even really think about it. I just knew I couldn’t abandon her now that I’d inserted myself into her life.”
I take a deep breath and prepare myself to ask the first of several questions I don’t really want the answers to, but I have to know. “Did you she ever tell you anything specific about me? Did she ever bring up that you should call me?”
Zachary shakes his head. “She was adamant that I not call you. She said you were living your own life, and working hard. She said her sister was smart and independent and didn’t need to be burdened with her problems.”
As expected, this revelation hurts like I’ve been punched in the gut. But I have to keep going. “Okay. And why did she say… Why did she think… Did you…” I can’t seem to articulate the words, but Zachary appears to know what I’m asking.
“I never so much as touched her. Josie was a beautiful woman, but I knew from the moment I met her that she didn’t need a lover. She needed someone to help her and protect her. I think she mistook my care for her for attraction or desire. I don’t know that, by the time I met her, she even had the ability to tell the difference. She’d been working as an escort for a while, and I think she was mistaking concern for love, and desire for concern. Ava, there is no rhyme or reason to the demons that were plaguing your sister, but I need you to understand. I need you to believe that I never would have taken advantage of her. All I wanted to do was get her the help she so desperately needed. I just think by the time I found her at that party, it was too late. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for her. For you.”
That was it. The last straw. I burst out crying, finally letting out all of the pain I’d felt over Josie, all of the agonies I’d felt over lying to Zachary, all of the confusion over the role I’d taken on, trying to avenge my sister. I felt like months of emotion was just pouring out of me, and there was nothing I could do to control it. Zachary reached over to me, and pulled me off my lounge and into his lap, holding me in his arms until I start to calm down until I can take a deep breath. Once I’m breathing normally again, Zachary looks down at me and whispers,
“There is something else I need to tell you, Ava.”
I start to panic all over again. What else could there possibly be?
“Okay…” I respond, apprehension coloring my voice.
“I’m in love with you, Ava.”