Kat
“Can I see him again, Mom, before we go in?” Scarlett gushes right outside Ryker’s door. She’s talking about Mr. Sleepyhead who’s drooling all over my breast. The girls just got to the hospital. Not wanting to waste any time I ushered them to the second floor where Dad said Ryker’s now staying. My stomach’s in knots. Hands clammy. Seeing him awake for the first time since the accident is overwhelming. But I can’t tell Scarlett no about seeing her baby brother. Even if she doesn’t know they’re related. Not that that matters much to them. Each morning before the girls leave for school they help me feed him. Rox changed her first diaper yesterday. I might’ve bawled like a giant baby in the bathroom after they left for school because of it. We’ll blame it on pregnancy hormones. Sound good to you?
Drawing back the gray fabric I expose baby boy’s smooth cheek and fuzzy head of hair. Both of my daughters step forward, giant smiles lighting their faces as they watch him sleep soundly.
“Awe, he’s so cute, Mom,” Rox whispers, leaning in to kiss his head. Upon stimulation, he nuzzles deeper into my breast making an adorable noise. All three of us stare at him in rhapsody. He’s just… he fills my heart up so much. I never thought I could say that about a baby I didn’t birth. Every day when I hold him, I consider it a blessing that he’s alive, and that I’m the one to care for him. I wish I could say I don’t hog him, but I do. However, don’t you worry, Dad and Bear have both held him numerous times. Even though I can tell Bear’s more leery about cuddling with the newborn than my dad is—who’s gushing Grandpa Ghost, always bearing gifts from the moment he walks in the door. Bear reserves most of his affection for Scarlett and Rox. Part of me wonders if it’s a loyalty thing that holds him back. Like Kade’s discontent makes him pause? Or he’s waiting for Ryker’s blessing? Either way, I’ve made sure the little guy doesn’t go without lots of love, food, sleep, and a clean tushie.
“You wanna give him a kiss, too, Scarlett, before we go in?” I prompt. She nods happily before leaning in to drop a smooch. “Ready?” I add, patting both of their shoulders in support. Seeing Ryker alive and well is going to be a huge relief to all of us, as well as emotional. At least for me, it is. My nose is already starting to burn with the urge to cry, and I haven’t even seen him yet.
Keep it together, Kat.
“He might be sleeping when we go in. So be quiet. He needs his rest. Okay?” I need to quit talking and get this over with. Stop dawdling. Rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.
“Yes, Mom,” they reply in unison.
Here goes nothing.
Pushing the lever to Ryker’s door, I shoo the girls in first like a damn coward. Head tipped down, afraid to make direct eye contact with my… whoever he is to me, or his jackwagon brother, I shuffle my Chucks quietly into the space. The hairs on the back of my neck stand attention. Feeling multiple sets of eyes ghost across my skin, my hands begin to tremble. To keep them busy, I absentmindedly rub my belly. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.
Forcing myself to chill, I swallow my nerves down like a shot of whiskey.
There’s a gasp, and just as I dare to look up, Scarlett screeches an emotionally charged, “Daddy” as she and Rox throw themselves at an awake, teary-eyed Ryker, who’s staring right at me. His mouth drops open in surprise as he hugs our children despite the pain he must be experiencing.
Wait a second…
Daddy?
D-a-d-d-y… what the?!
How did they find out? Who told them?
Oh. My. Shiit… Th-this can’t be happening.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes.
Exhaling a shuddery breath, I massage my tongue against the roof of my mouth to do what… I… I don’t know. I’m… this…
Taking a step back, ready to bolt, my wide eyes soak in the space. One, one thousand; two, one thousand; three, one thousand. My heart pounds faster. I retreat another step, hand poised to yank the door open and go. To where, I don’t fuckin’ know.
As if I’m invisible, and my world hasn’t just disintegrated beneath my feet, Rox and Scarlett pepper warm kisses along Ryker’s cheeks from either side of the bed. His blue penetrating gaze still locked on me, he endeavors to return the sentiment by kissing them back in an adorable haphazard fashion. In my peripheral, a body moves, and I back up against the door, ass molded to the fake wood. Swiveling my attention away from Ryker’s hospital bed and our kids, I find Kade seated in a rocking chair in the corner, his tired eyes fixed on me. Not on my daughters who announced… that his brother’s their dad. Wowza… how’s this possible? Instead, Kade’s staring in my direction as if he expects me to do or say something. That’s impossible, when I’m at a loss for words.
A lone tear trickles down my cheek. I swipe it away with the back of my hand. Impulsively, I reposition one palm on the little guy to shield him from his vile uncle. A flashback of the day Kade and I fought burns through my mind, overriding the need to cry with the protective instinct of a mother bear ready to do battle for her cub. Narrowing my eyes in Kade’s direction, I dare him to say something. To be a dick. To fight me with his brother present. With my girls here. Only, his reaction is different than I expect. Instead, Kade expels a long sigh, scratching the three days worth of dark stubble on his face as if defeated. As if I won. Did I? Is the fight over? Did he back down? The Dickcheese I know doesn’t roll over so easily. It’s not in his blood.
“Baby.” Ryker’s choked, yet oh-so-sexy voice pierces through the room, drawing my attention to him lying on the hospital bed alive, and our children clinging to his side. Scarlett’s head rests on his pec, avoiding the bandages around his arm. The pure happiness radiating from her soft smile hits me smack dab in the chest, taking my breath away. On the opposite side rests my Rox, as she watches me with concern akin to her father’s, the skin crinkling between her pale brows. Somehow they found out. Those two, bright little girls who mean everything to me know that he’s their dad, and neither are upset that I didn’t tell them. I’ve pictured a version of this moment for years. Hoping he’d reappear again. That we’d be a family. Then one year melted into two, then three, until I wasn’t sure it’d ever happen. Yet, here we are. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure how to process all that’s happened. How can I? Shouldn’t I have known they knew it was him? Did I say something out of turn? Not that any of it matters now.
“Baby,” Ryker repeats like a soft caress floating over my skin, coaxing a fresh batch of goosebumps to the surface. Shivering despite my warmth, I relax my posture against the door, head tilted back, shoulders loose, as a wave of relief washes through me at the sound of his voice. A cadence I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear again.
“Tiger, please look at me.”
I’m not ready. Not yet. I need another minute. Possibly two.
Holding up a finger to inform Ryker I’m not ignoring him, I recollect my thoughts to get myself together for my three girls, him, and the little bundle sleeping on my breast. There’s no reason I can’t try to accept this at face value. Let the petty shit from the past lie. Vanessa’s dead. Our slate is wiped clean. We can return to being friends like we were doing before this all went to hell. We’ve endured enough. Today’s a new day. A chance for new beginnings. If this week has taught me anything, it’s that life is precious. One second it’s here. The next, you blink, and it’s gone. Time’s on no man’s side.
“Mom, are you okay?” Rox asks.
Reopening my eyes, and tipping my head down, I nod, trying my best to smile. It’s crooked and half-assed. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”
“Are you mad?” she hedges. Ryker hugs her a little tighter letting her know it’s gonna be alright.
“About?”
Rox chews her bottom lip. “Um…”
“Roxie found out about me bein’ her dad a while ago,” Ryker cuts in, taking the heat off my nervous Nellie. Not that she has anything to be worried about. I’m not angry. Shocked? Yes. Mad? Not at all.
I gentle my tone. “Were you afraid to tell me, Rox?”
“Yes. I didn’t want you to be angry that I found a picture of him at our old house under your bed… I promise I didn’t tell Scarlett until I thought he might…” Her face drains of color. “Die,” she whispers hoarsely, then buries her nose in his pec. Ryker holds on tight to both his kids, those beautiful blue eyes of his shining bright with tears. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat as he swallows hard and closes his eyes for a brief moment to get his shit together. Following suit, I do the same to combat the burning sensation in my nostrils. Darn emotions.
Not wanting the girls to think I’m angry at them in any capacity, I clear the air. “Rox, I’m not mad at all. Just a little surprised. It’s okay you told your sister. I understand you needed someone to talk to. I wish you would’ve confided in me, too. I’m always here for you.”
Brushing a few stray blonde hairs off her face, cheek smashed to Ryker’s chest, Roxie replies, “I know. But you’ve been crying so much. And with you takin’ care of the baby, and doing all you’re doing, I didn’t want you to worry more.”
“Sweetheart, I’m a mom, I worry about everything.” Can I get an amen?
Arching a brow, faking a sly smile, I do what moms do to lessen the load on their children’s shoulders. “Did you know that moms worry so much that we count how many vegetables you’ve eaten each week, so we know you’ll grow big and strong?”
“You do?” Scarlett pipes up for once. For a minute there I thought she was living in her own little Scarlett shaped world full of unicorns, dads, rainbows, glitter nail polish, and babies, in no particular order.
“Yep. And I count how many juice boxes are left in the fridge every single day,” I emphasize, dropping my glasses down my nose with big round eyes for effect. If I run out, Scarlett and Bear will never let me live it down. A big man like that can put Juicy Juice away like a champ. When he’s around, I’m refilling our stock twice a week if not more. I blame it on their drinking competitions. Scarlett swears she’s gonna beat Papa one of these days. It hasn’t happened, yet. Give it a few more years.
“And how many pie slices there’s left,” Kade adds out of nowhere, shocking me to my core.
Where the hell did that come from?
Scarlett snorts a cute laugh. “That’s true, Uncle Kade, she does. She even hides the extra slices in the bottom of the fridge, so nobody touches them.”
Ryker grins knowingly.
Roxie nods in agreement.
I groan, bested.
Being the bigger person, at least in front of Rox and Scarlett, I turn toward Kade and make a silly face, doing jazz hands. “What-ever. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
My antics ignite a round of giggles from my kids, a chuckle from the sexiest man alive, and the most soft, half-cocked, heartwarming grin from my best friend. That I still want to throttle even if the desire isn’t quite as strong as it was an hour ago or a day before that.
Shaping a heart using his long fingers, Kade puts it over his sternum and lifts his chin at me in silent acknowledgment. Another sliver of resentment sloughs off, replaced by unconditional love for my Dickcheese, my best friend, my amigo. Message successfully delivered. Lordy, I sure do love this numbskull.
Throwing the sweet guy a bone, I return the exact same sentiment and chin lift. Surprised by my actions, I swear the poor guy sucks in the sharpest breath I’ve ever heard before covering his face with both hands. Uh… please tell me he isn’t crying or about to. That wasn’t my intention. Crap. Yep. His shoulders are shaking as a tiny hiccup echoes through the small space.
Glancing over at Ryker for help, he inclines his head in Kade’s direction as if saying, “Go on. Give the man a hug.”
Right. I can do this without bawling. I think. No, I can. I can do this. Yes.
Steeling my emotions, I approach Kade like you would a wounded animal—cautiously, and pry a palm from his face. Ignoring the wet streaks painting his cheeks, I ease him to his feet and pull him into my arms, careful not to crush little man in the process. Kade’s strong biceps wrap around my neck, head stuffed into the crook, hot breath steaming the skin there as I massage my hands up and down his spine in soothing strokes.
“I-I’m so sorry,” he sobs softly beneath my ear.
Sucking back my own tears, I peck the side of his jaw. “I know. Me, too.”
“Please don’t hate me.” Kade’s vulnerability guts me. This isn’t like him.
“I could never. Even if I wanna shove the largest eggplant up your ass sometimes for pissing me off, I still love you.”
Kade rewards me with a tiny chuckle, his tense muscles relaxing under my ministrations. “You had to go there, didn’t ya?”
“It got ya to laugh.”
He chuckles again. “You’re good at that.”
Dragging his lips across the shell of my ear, my cheek, Kade pulls back, and cups my face in his big mitts before leaning in to press a single kiss to my upturned nose. Our eyes meet. His rimmed in red, with dark half-moons hanging underneath, indicative of our shitty week full of stress and fitful nights of sleep. “You’re amazing, Kat. And I’m truly sorry for what went down the other day. It was uncalled for. I should’ve handled it differently.”
Laying my hand over his that’s cupping my jaw, I lean into his comforting touch, grinning up at him. “We’re both guilty parties, Kade. I forgive you.”
Kade brushes a thumb across my scarred cheek, his adoring gaze soaking up the contours of my face. “Promise me the next time we fight that we don’t let it fester. I was fuckin’ miserable without you talkin’ to me.”
“Deal.” Yanking my Dickcheese into another hug, we hold on to each other for ages, not wanting to let go, until a little someone makes a squeaking sound between us like he’s about to wake up. His legs shift inside the wrap, tiny toes pressing on my bump.
Upon hearing the noise, Kade makes a hasty retreat. “Whoa, we didn’t squish him, did we?”
For someone who isn’t fond of the baby, the worry etched across Kade’s face seems quite the opposite.
Stroking little man’s bottom as I peek inside the wrap to check on him, I shake my head to squash Kade’s concern. “No. He’s fine. I have a feeling he’s about to wake up. He’ll need a diaper change and a bottle soon.” My nose wrinkles, now remembering what I forgot to bring inside. “Which means we’ll have to leave. I left the diaper bag in the truck.”
The bald hottie lying in bed makes a disgruntled sound in the back of this throat.
“You drove separately? I thought Pops or Ghost was bringin’ ya?” Kade asks.
“No. I drove the pickup that Dad gave me to drive. He brought Scarlett and Rox to the hospital after school, so I didn’t have to make a special trip. I had to come into town anyhow to take the baby to the pediatrician for his first checkup.” Which went splendidly. He’s put on three ounces since birth. Dr. Huggins was impressed, considering most babies lose weight after they’re born. Both of my girls did. As an added bonus, meeting the new doctor, whom I adore to pieces, was the icing on the cake of my morning. I not only got a clean bill of health for Boy Knox, I also tied down a pediatrician for Baby Girl Knox. At least until we return to Indiana, whenever that might be.
“You went alone?” This comes from Ryker.
Turning around so I can see both men at the same time, I reply an even. “Yes.”
Apparently, this displeases them, if their matching scowls are any indication. It’s not like I had a choice. Bear was busy. Dad was grabbing the girls from school. Rosie left. Kade’s been here with Ryker since the accident. What was I supposed to do? Not go? Why? When I’m perfectly capable of driving a truck and taking a child to a doctor’s appointment. I’ve been doing it for years on my own.
Before either of them get a chance to scold me and my choices, I cut them off at the pass. They don’t want to argue with me on this. I’ll win. Mama Tiger always does. “I’m happy to report he’s healthy and growing like a weed.” Not that either of them gives a fuck.
“That’s not the point, Tiger,” Ryker grumbles.
“Then what is?” My attitude comes out in spades, hip cocked, lips pursed.
“You’re carryin’ my kid. ‘Bout ready to fu—freakin’ pop. Ghost should’ve gotten you a car to drive. Not a damn truck. You shouldn’t have to climb that high let alone carryin’ a car seat,” Ryker growls, pauses, then shifts his pissed off gaze to Kade. “What the hell were they thinkin’? Club shit hasn’t been fully handled, and now they’ve got my woman runnin’ around town without protection. In a truck, no less. With a goddamn baby in her belly and another in the backseat. If you don’t fuckin’ get them in line before I get outta here, I’m gonna kill ‘em when I do. Ya got me, brother?”
“Yep, I was thinkin’ the same thing.” Snatching his cut off the couch, Kade slips it on with a halo of ‘don’t fuck with me’ surrounding him. Sheesh, all this testosterone suffusing the air is stifling, and for what? Me riding in a truck with a baby. Damn alpha males and their misplaced macho bullshit. If I didn’t know this was coming from a good place, I’d consider it an insult.
Kade lifts his chin to my blonde angels. “Girls, why don’t you come with me for a bit. Give your mom and dad time to talk. Maybe we can grab somethin’ to eat in the cafeteria, and find the squirt’s diaper bag so your mom can feed him when he gets hungry. You game?”