The shop was closed on Sunday which gave me an entire day to think non-stop about the awful experience with Aaron the night before. I barely slept again, but at least I was able to laze around in bed all day. I stayed under the covers until my stomach howled with hunger and returned there as soon as I finished eating lunch.

It wasn’t until dinner time was approaching that I thought about Sugar. There might not be any mail delivery on Sunday, but I was sure the poor cat needed to be fed again. Not to mention that her litter box was due for a scoop.

I thought about riding over in my pajamas, but the slim possibility of running into Aaron stopped me. I slipped on a maxi dress and stood in front of my mirror, preparing to twist my hair into a neat top knot when I stopped myself abruptly.

The dress might have been long and showed no leg, but it still made me feel sexy. John’s words from the other night came to mind as I took in the state of my hair.

Was neatness really that important to me? If I was being honest, I felt more attractive with my hair in this state of disarray than I could ever recall feeling while polished. With a shrug at my reflection, I dropped the hair tie on the dresser. Looking over my small selection of makeup, I decided to skip that too.

Aaron was probably working and it wasn’t like I needed to impress the cat.

As I made my way down to the car, I realized that I didn’t need to impress anyone.

* * *

I was relieved to see the cruiser was missing next door when I pulled into the driveway. Knowing I wouldn’t run into him today relaxed me and I found myself enjoying spending some time at my childhood home and petting Sugar for a long while after I fed her.

Cleaning up the litter box was less enjoyable, but I made quick work of it. I even paid a visit to my bedroom and lingered around, touching my old furniture with fondness before going back downstairs.

I was toying with the idea of stopping somewhere for dinner on my way home when Sugar meowed from the living room. With a frown, I walked toward the sound only to scream when I bumped into something completely unexpected.

“It’s just me! Jessa!”

A warm hand covered my mouth, stopping the shrill sound from escaping. Tears of panic filled my eyes before I processed the fact that it was Aaron. His face was blurry by the time I regained control of my breathing and looked up at him.

“You left the door unlocked. I called your name when I came in.”

I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away before whispering, “I was upstairs.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron nervously scratched his neck. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No. I was on my way to pick something up.”

“Come have dinner with me. I’m not much of a cook but I can order something.”

The problem with his offer was that ordering delivery meant we’d have at least half an hour of awkward conversation before the food arrived. If we ate something he already had, there would be more opportunities to bolt.

“A sandwich would be good enough for me.”

Aaron gifted me with that ridiculously handsome smile I both loved and hated. When he gently touched my lower back to guide me to the door, I was still too mesmerized by his lips to fully comprehend the touch. It wasn’t until he closed and locked the door that the spell broke.

“I didn’t think you were home,” I said as I tried to subtly put some distance between us. “Where’s the cruiser?”

“Parked in the garage.” Aaron hesitated for a moment, clearly debating about whether to continue or not. “I thought I stood a better shot of catching you if I made it look like I wasn’t home.”

“Seriously?”

“Was I wrong? Or would you not have dumped some food in the cat dish and bolted?”

I wanted to deny it. I really did. But there was no way I could without lying. Considering he was honest with me about what he had done, I figured I owed him the same courtesy.

“You weren’t wrong.”

He nodded and led me silently to his house, giving me a wry look as he unlocked the front door. I rolled my eyes but nodded all the same.

Don’t leave the door unlocked. Message received.

The silence stretched all the way to the kitchen. It only broke when he started buzzing around, gathering everything he had available for sandwiches.

“You have a favorite? I’ve got all the basics—peanut butter, jelly, a shitload of meat in the fridge. I think the ham is almost empty but there’s—”

“Did I do something wrong last night?”

Watching him dart around the room pretending like nothing had happened between us was giving me a headache. Maybe some of it could be contributed to my hunger or how much time I spent in bed that day. Either way, I knew I needed to clear the air before I even considered sticking around.

Aaron was clearly surprised by my interruption. He sighed and closed the fridge, turning to me with a look I immediately decided I hated. More guilt paired with a gentle look that could only add up to one thing.

Rejection.

I went on the defensive before he could utter a single word.

“Because what you did was kind of screwed up. There’s no way I’m in the wrong here.”

“You’re right. You didn’t do anything wrong—I did. I want to apologize for it.”

It’d be so simple to let him apologize, eat a sandwich, and go home and pretend like this never happened. The problem was that I didn’t want simple—I wanted the truth.

“I’d prefer an explanation.”

“What?”

I folded my arms across my chest and glared as I said, “You heard me. Why did you go there at all? Why were you flirting with me?”

“I wasn’t—”

“Don’t do that! Don’t act like I’m blind just because I have no experience to draw from. I might not have realized it at the time, but I damn well figured it out when I had a moment to think.”

Aaron’s eyes narrowed and a cold chill raced up my spine. Did I push too much? The dangerous look in his eyes said yes while my body demanded me to push him more.

My anger rose when he made no move to say or do anything. For the first time in my life, I didn’t write it off or push it away. I let it control my thoughts. I let it control my mouth.

“Damn it, Aaron! Just say it! Did you think it’d be funny to tease the virgin working in the sex shop? Do you really think I don’t get enough of that from my coworkers as it is? Or maybe it was something worse! Do you enjoy toying with women who have feelings for you? Is that why you’ve never been married? Because you’re some kind of misanthrope who—”

My rant was cut off when he let out a loud howl of frustration and slammed his hands on the counter. I jumped and stepped back, my eyes widening when he growled and practically ran toward me.

Survival instinct kicked in—I spun on my heel and ran like hell. Even though I knew Aaron would never hurt me, I couldn’t stop the adrenaline from racing through my body.

In the end, it didn’t matter. Aaron was faster than me and more familiar with his house. He caught me in the hallway close to his front door and slammed a palm against the wall to stop me in my tracks.

“Don’t run from me, sweetheart,” he hissed, his chest rising and falling heavily as he boxed me in against the wall. “Do you seriously think I’d hurt you? I would never hurt you.”

“I-I know.”

“Then why did you run?”

“You scared me.”

I didn’t know if it was the look on my face or the way my voice shook, but his angry expression melted into a frown and he stepped backward until he was pressed against the opposite wall. Not wanting to risk another pointless chase, I stayed right where I was.

“I’m sorry. Again.” Aaron ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “Seems like all I’ve been doing lately is apologizing to you.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It’s just—apologies are all I have to offer until I can stop doing shit to be sorry about.”

My reassurance would mean nothing, so I nodded and waited. The silence seemed to stretch on forever until he finally broke it with another sigh.

“You were right. I was flirting with you. But not because of any of the reasons you said.”

“Then why?”

“Look at you, sweetheart. You’re gorgeous,” he said with a small laugh of disbelief, like he couldn’t understand why I’d have to ask. “What man wouldn’t flirt with you given the chance?”

Quite a few of them, in my experience. Or maybe it was another case of me not recognizing it happening. It was possible that the only reason I figured it out with Aaron was because I wanted him.

“And last night, you were so damn nervous. You’re adorable when you’re flustered, did you know that? I thought you were nervous just because you know I’m friends with your father, but when I figured out the real reason—”

Aaron stopped abruptly and I swore his face turned a light shade of pink. It wasn’t strong enough for me to really call it a blush, but it was there.

“It’s bad enough that I’m attracted to you at all. I can’t be the one who...” he trailed off, the implication clear. “Your father would murder me.”

“You’re not that much older than me.”

I knew I was grasping at straws, but I had to say it. Dad was a decade older than Aaron and the only reason they even became friends was because Aaron moved next door. Our situation wasn’t ideal, but it surely wasn’t impossible.

“I’ll give you that. I’ve met a few couples with an age difference bigger than ours, but that’s not really the issue here.”

“I know it’s not, but how can you be so sure—”

“Think about it for a minute. You think Roger would be cool with you living here if we got serious? You think he’d just sit next door twiddling his thumbs while I was twenty yards away burying my dick into his only daughter?”

I spluttered for a moment—trying my best to string together a coherent sentence—but words failed me. I was too busy focusing on the mental picture.

Aaron noticed. He let out a tortured groan before he huskily growled, “God, look at you. You still want it, don’t you?”

I didn’t even realize I was nodding until he was invading my personal space again. Only this time—there was no threat. Or at least not one I objected to. The heated way he was staring down at my lips could definitely be described as threatening.

“So do I.”

In the split second it took me to register the meaning of his words, his lips descended and pressed firmly against mine. I gasped in surprise and Aaron groaned—taking my parted lips as a sign of permission to slide his tongue between them as he pushed his body up to mine.

Oh... my God.

I always imagined my first kiss would come after a good first date—something chaste and sweet on a doorstep I didn’t even have. Maybe a quick peck stolen during a romantic dinner or moonlit walk.

Not once did I imagine that it’d be like this. That I’d lose myself in a blaze of passion. That I’d feel a hand weaving into my hair and keeping my head from banging back against the wall while this mass of a man kept his warm body so close to mine. That I’d be able to feel his groan of pleasure when I arched my back until our lower bodies brushed together.

My eyes flew open in surprise the moment I felt the evidence of his arousal. Aaron’s muffled moan went straight to my core and I shivered from the sensation.

Just as my lids were drifting back down, he violently pulled back. I opened my mouth to protest, silenced when he leaned his forehead against my neck and breathed heavily against my skin.

“How long?”

“W-What?”

“How long have you had feelings for me?”

It would have been easier to admit if he hadn’t pulled back and placed a finger under my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. I hesitated before answering, not wanting to say something that would weird him out somehow.

“I… I’ve had a crush on you since we first met. It didn’t get really serious until I was nineteen.”

He hummed thoughtfully, smiling a little as he said, “I’ve always thought you were pretty, but it was your twentieth birthday when I realized just how stunning of a woman you’d become.”

I remembered that birthday well. I had plans with Mandy that evening, so my parents threw me a small barbeque during the day to celebrate. Aaron had come home from an early shift looking haggard and Dad rushed over to invite him to grab something to eat.

‘Hope you don’t mind me inviting Aaron to your party, Jess. But it’s important to be a good neighbor.’

It took all my willpower not to tell Dad that Aaron was welcome to stay all day and night. I would have readily given up my evening plans if he hadn’t been so tired.

“Did you really leave my party because you were tired?”

Aaron smiled fondly, like he was proud of me for asking. “No. I was tired when I first pulled up, but totally rejuvenated by the time I came over.”

“Then why—”

“I wanted you. It was the first time I saw you as a woman and I wanted you so much it scared the shit out of me. I left because I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I had no idea,” I said, totally stunned by his confession.

His expression shifted into something almost pained. A look I was beginning to realize meant he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure if he should.

“I missed the next two birthdays on purpose,” he finally admitted. “I took shifts to make sure I wouldn’t run into you.”

“That’s why I haven’t seen you much in the past two years? I thought...” I trailed off as my cheeks turned red.

“You thought what?”

“Honestly? I thought you got a girlfriend.”

In my lowest moments, I would stare at the ceiling over my couch and wonder what his imaginary girlfriend looked like. In every instance, the nameless woman I imagined was far sexier than I could ever hope to be.

Aaron laughed, shaking his head as he said, “No girlfriends. Just me being a coward.”

“You’re not a coward. I understand why you did it.”

That look again. God, I really hated that look. Because even though he hesitated, I knew he was ultimately going to say whatever came to mind and—

“Nothing’s changed since then.”

—and totally break my heart.

“But... But you kissed me?”

Any moment now, I was going to faint from humiliation. I wasn’t hopeful enough to think it’d kill me, but it couldn’t be that much of a stretch to think it’d knock me unconscious.

“I shouldn’t have.”

My brows furrowed together as I stared up at him.

“You’re looking at my lips. You want to do it again.”

“I do.”

“But you won’t.”

“Correct.”

“Then let me go!” I hissed, placing my hands on his chest and pushing. He stepped back easily. The difficult part was ignoring how delightfully hard his muscles felt.

“Jessa, I’m—”

“Don’t say you’re sorry. I don’t care about absolving your misplaced guilt.”

Harsh words, but so very true. He knew nothing had changed all along, yet he still came to my work and instigated this mess. Not to mention the kiss that I’d be stuck reliving for the rest of my life. Would anyone else ever kiss me that way? Was I doomed to compare every kiss I ever received to my first?

Damn him.

Without giving him a chance to mutter another meaningless apology, I stormed out his front door and slammed it behind me. Half-way through the run to Mom’s car, I heard it open and Aaron stepped out, calling my name.

I didn’t look back.