Four weeks until Christmas

Thanksgiving weekend was predictably hectic. Tom thought turkey was supposed to make people sleepy, but it only made them hungrier for deals. Black Friday nearly destroyed him. Two co-workers “called out sick,” and he was stuck holding down the fort with Eddie, the assistant manager. Tom found himself managing up a lot when he was working with him. Eddie took smoke breaks nearly every hour, never checked other stores if they didn’t have something in stock, and for any cash register function the slightest bit complex, he called for Tom.

Fortunately, Kirsten offered to come in. As goofy as she could be, when things got busy, she stepped up and put on her serious employee gameface. Kirsten was a senior in college and planned to leave retail behind when she graduated. They started at The Décor Store the same day. It wasn’t until they both discovered their mutual love of the TV show Broad City, particularly the classic episode about pegging, that their co-worker relationship gelled into friendship. Tom’s closest friends all came from stores in the mall. Retail folk had been in the trenches together.

Tom had Monday and Tuesday off from work after the holiday. He relaxed on his mom’s couch and took advantage of her cable TV. He happily got sucked into a seven-hour marathon of House Hunters. Even though it was all fake, it still made for good television. When he returned to the mall on Wednesday, he just so happened to park outside the South Wing.

Oops.

It was cold out, so his best option was to walk through the South Wing to get to The Décor Store. And if he happened to check out Hot Mall Santa, then so be it.

He did this every morning and lunch break for the next week. That moment of seeing Hot Mall Santa provided a stronger jolt than his coffee. Whenever he was about to think about Antonio, Hot Mall Santa shoved him out of his mind.

Word about Hot Mall Santa must have spread. The lines for Santa’s Workshop went to the edge of the snowy landscape. Women scrounged up any kid they could find to get up close to him. Some women and gay men went solo, hoping for a chance to sit on his lap. The workers dressed as elves, who had mostly been there for ambience, now had the job of crowd control. But no matter how busy he was, Hot Mall Santa nodded his head at Tom each time he passed.

He’s toying with me…and I like it.

The quick pinch of attention was enough to make Tom float through the hectic atmosphere of The Décor Store. In the aisles, he heard women talking about Hot Mall Santa with each other, like he was an event to be experienced. Tom wondered what kind of women he dated. They had to be no less than supermodels. What do hot people talk about on dates? Or do they just stare at each other?

“Hey Tom.” Antonio came up to him at the cash register with a schedule in hand. “Would you be able to close tonight?”

“Did Arnie call in sick again? Suffering from a case of New-Star-Wars-Movie-Itis?”

“No, it’s for me.” Antonio tipped his head and parted his lips slightly, an expression that would usually make Tom insta-swoon, but his mind was still cloudy with his daily head nod from Hot Mall Santa. “Milo’s sister is in town for dinner unexpectedly. She loves to surprise us.”

“Sure. No problem. Is it me and Eddie then?”

“It’s you. Eddie is off today. I think you’re capable enough to close the store. You’ve seen me do a thousand times, and I know you can handle it.”

“Doesn’t a manager have to be here to close?”

“I can give you my keys. I know you can do this. It’ll really demonstrate your management potential.”

Tom could close the store with his eyes shut. He had spent years aiding managers in the process, helping them count the money, fill out bank deposit slips, and do a final walkthrough of the store. He was excited for the opportunity.

“Thank you so much.” Antonio put a hand on his shoulder, which went straight to Tom’s Christmas tree. “I owe you one.”

* * *

The next day, Kirsten came into work with a story to tell. She sat on the part of the counter that held the tissue wrapping paper and sipped her iced coffee.

“I met Hot Mall Santa,” she said with absolute seriousness.

Tom wanted her to keep going. He didn’t even tell her that employees weren’t allowed to be eating or drinking while on the floor.

“Go on,” he said.

Kirsten hopped off the wrapping station and paced behind the register. “I said to myself enough was enough. If other adults could sit on his lap, then so could I! So I got to the mall early and waited an hour in line.”

“An hour?” That was the kind of wait to ride a ride at an amusement park, not a mall Santa.

“I busied myself listening to Savage Love podcasts. I learned some really great tips for giving a hand job. It’s all about positioning your elbow.”

Tom stopped her from demonstrating and made sure no customers were around. There weren’t. It seemed Kirsten was more careful than he gave her credit for.

“BTW, I was not the only childless person on that line. Lots of ladies and gay men.”

“Really?”

Kirsten heaved out a dramatic breath, one filled with painful longing. “Tom, he is ridiculously hot. Up close, he is even more attractive. Like The David statue, although I bet he has a much bigger—hi, ma’am. Is that all for you today?” Kirsten took a gravy dish from a lady and rang her up. “Are you a member of our rewards program? If you sign up today, you’ll get ten percent off your purchase.”

The lady’s cheeks were red with second-hand embarrassment. Tom’s probably were, too. She shook her head no to the rewards program.

Kirsten finished completing the transaction and wished the woman a Décor Store Day, which was not an official company line no matter how hard Kirsten tried to make it one.

“I think The David is a grower, not a shower. Anyway,” Kirsten said. “It was my turn finally.”

“Did you sit on his lap?”

“Fuck to the yes. I sat on his lap and kinda swished around.” Kirsten demonstrated, moving her hips and butt, receiving odd looks from nearby customers. “I told him I was trying to get comfortable.”

“You gave him a lap dance,” Tom said.

“Huh. I guess I did.”

“And did he…respond?” Tom was more curious than he should’ve been. His inner fantasy world hoped that those daily head nods were something more.

“Ugh, no. Not from what I could tell. Those Santa pants must be thicker than we think.”

“What did he say?”

“He stuck to the script. He asked me if I was good girl this year. I told him no.” Kirsten bit her lip. “I asked what Santa does to bad girls.”

“This sounds like a bad porno.”

“It was a legitimate inquiry. He said bad girls don’t get any gifts. He said I should work on being a good person blah blah blah.” Kirsten rolled the cash register stapler in tissue paper. “And that was it.”

It sounded anti-climactic to Tom. He had had more of a conversation with Hot Mall Santa without having to stand in line.

“What was he like?” Tom asked.

“Personality-wise? I don’t know. Who cares? He’s hot. That’s his personality.”