My lunch break was over, but I’d spent it at my desk stewing over Jackson’s attitude this morning. I was still pissed, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go home tonight. But I didn’t know if I wanted to share the details of our stupid argument with Sara, and her house was the only place I could go. I kept volleying between which direction to go once the workday ended. It also kept me from calling her during my lunch break to get the details about her alarm company.
“Hey, Rachel, I had a message on my cell earlier for an emergency meeting with a patient. Will you double check that I’m free at one?” Amie peeked her head out of her office and gave me a nervous grin.
It was funny how she acted like what she asked me to do wasn’t my job in the first place. But even if it weren’t, I’d gladly do anything I could to help her. I’d go above and beyond, whatever it took, to help this office run smoothly. I knew how important the lives of these children were, and it was my pleasure to help in what few ways I could. Not to mention, it was a helpful distraction from Jackson and his hateful behavior.
“Sure, hold on one sec.” I pulled my appointment book from my drawer and scanned the daily appointments. “Nope, you’re free.”
“Okay, good. Just jot down Lindsey Beck to keep the records updated.” She gave me a thumbs-up before retreating back to her office.
The mention of her name caused my heart to race. Her gorgeous father would be bringing her in, and although it was impossible not to notice just how attractive he was, it bothered me that his precious daughter needed an emergency session. My mind wondered what was going on, although the truth was, I would never know. Amie would never break doctor/patient confidentiality, nor would I ask. But unfortunately, thanks to the horrid things I’d witnessed as a child, my imagination ran wild, worried about the multitude of things that could make this meeting necessary. I hoped she was okay.
But I didn’t have long to let my imagination run wild. The bell on the door rang, announcing their arrival. I jumped to my feet and busied myself at my desk, refilling the candy bowl and straightening my files—more than once—in an effort to distract myself from the nervous butterflies that flailed around in my stomach.
“Good afternoon, how are you?” Landon gave me that million-dollar grin when we made eye contact; although, I could see something else in his eyes. Pain. Worry. Sadness. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was there. I’d seen it way too many times not to recognize the turmoil.
“I’m doing good.” It was a lie, but I continued anyway. “How are you, Mr. Beck?”
“Please, call me Landon.” he insisted, and I quickly turned my attention to the little girl with the obviously tight grip on his hand.
“Hello there, Lindsey. It’s very nice to see your beautiful face today.” I knelt down, closer to her level, and gave her a genuine smile. My other worries faded from my mind, if only for a brief moment.
Her downcast gaze lifted to meet mine. Hers were filled with tears, and everything inside me wanted to scoop her up and hold her tightly, reassure her that she would be okay and that she was in a safe place.
“I know Miss Amie is very glad you’re here, too,” I spoke softly, and physically had to press my fingers against my leg to prevent myself from reaching out to comfort her.
“I don’t want to talk today, Daddy.” Lindsey looked up at her father, shaking her head repeatedly. I rose up and took a couple of steps back, hoping to remove myself from a situation that should be private.
“Honey, you like Miss Amie, remember? Last time you said she was really nice.” He perched himself low and gently ran his fingers through her long locks.
“Don’t make me. Please, don’t make me.” She began to cry and her voice shook when her sobs overtook her. My chest tightened, and my overwhelming urge to comfort her begged to let me do so.
I stared at the floor, but I could feel Landon’s eyes darting back and forth between the two of us. Mine involuntarily looked in his direction, and I could see his pleading stare. He appeared helpless in the situation, unsure of what to do next.
After mentally arguing with myself for several seconds, I took the initiative to intervene, hoping I didn’t cross a line or get myself in trouble.
“Lindsey?” I knelt in front of her and waited patiently for her to give me her attention.
Her sobs filled the air, and I had to fight back my own tears. “I just want to go home.” She stared at the floor with her hands at her side while Landon rubbed her back, attempting to comfort her.
“I know you do, honey. But can I tell you something?” I touched her chin gently as she raised her attention in my direction.
“What?” She wiped the back of her hands over her face and looked directly at me.
“Some days, I get really sad,” I admitted and looked right into her piercing-blue eyes.
“You do?” She let out a loud sigh, and her sobs slowed.
“And some days, I even get kind of mad.”
“Yeah,” she agreed while bobbing her head up and down as if she knew exactly how that felt.
“And Miss Amie helps me when I feel that way. She’s a good listener. Because it’s okay to feel sad or even mad sometimes. But it always helps to talk about it, even when it’s hard.” I pushed her hair out of her face that stuck to her wet cheeks.
“She helped you?” She stared at me. Into me. Through me.
“She does. She helps me so much.” And it was the truth.
Although I’d never had therapy sessions with Amie, we’d spent many hours talking over lunch or after work. I’d opened up to her a lot about my childhood, and she’d helped me see myself as a survivor instead of a victim—one who deserved a good life.
Some days, I still struggled with the survivor part, but she assured me it was an ongoing process.
“She is nice.” She looked up at her father and grabbed his hand again.
“Think we could just go to her office and talk a little bit?” Landon looked at his daughter with pain in his eyes and worry lining his face.
“Okay,” she agreed and began to walk in the direction of Amie’s office, pulling her father behind.
“Thank you,” he mouthed as he brushed past me, and I gave him a small nod.
As I stared in the direction they went, I noticed Amie standing in her doorway, and I realized she had witnessed the whole conversation. My nerves kicked up a notch, hoping I wasn’t wrong for stepping in. But the wink she gave me before turning around let me know that I was okay. What I’d done was okay, and maybe it even helped her.
At that moment, a little confidence rose inside me, and I decided I didn’t want to go home tonight. I wanted to cuddle with Mama and tell Sara everything that had happened this morning. I needed my family right now. I also needed to show Jackson that I wasn’t a doormat, and I wouldn’t accept him treating me like one or talking to me like shit.
I also knew I was scared to go home, scared he would find me there without any way to defend myself. And that wasn’t a chance I was willing to take.