Home Again…
Lucy
I grew up in Aurora, Illinois, about an hour’s drive from downtown Chicago.
The moment I passed the city limits I started to feel less like a nerve-wracked personal assistant trying to get away from her problems and more like the girl who grew up wanting to rule the world.
Or at least the one who knew what she wanted.
For the last two years I’d been in denial about what I wanted. Now I needed to re-think my life.
I climbed out of my car and walked up to the house I’d grown up in, walking in the front door and heading straight back to the kitchen—I could smell snickerdoodle cookies baking.
Mom always knew when I was going to show up.
It was one of her super powers.
“Lucy! What a surprise.” Mom was just pulling the tray of fresh baked cookies out of the oven. She settled them on a cooling rack on the kitchen table and then came over and hugged me.
“Hi, mom… snickerdoodles, huh?”
She kissed my cheek. “I just suddenly had such a craving.” She held me out at arm’s length and gave me a scrutinizing stare. “This isn’t the weekend. Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
I shrugged and pretended to be mesmerized by the cookies. “I took some time off.”
“Hmmm…” Mom set a copy of Commons Magazine down right beside the cooling cookies, Dante staring up at me as sexy as all get out. “I can well see why.”
I looked up at her and just burst into tears.
“Come here, baby girl.” She held her arms out and I went right into them, letting her hold me while hot tears fell from my eyes.
After some embarrassing sobbing, and a stream of consciousness mumble-fest where I had no idea what I was saying, I finally said, “I don’t know what to do.”
“I know… I know…” Mom stroked my hair and then handed me a paper towel. “Here, blow.”
I always snot up when I cry, as if water works weren’t embarrassing enough, then my noise would get in on the action.
I blew my nose a few non-too-dainty times.
I threw away the paper towel and then snagged a cookie.
Don’t judge, I stress eat.
Mom walked over and took hold of my chin, looking me in the eye.
“Ready for the mom talk?”
I swallowed the cookie I’d been chewing. “If it’s like the sex talk of 2013… probably not.” I’d never been so traumatized in my life than when mom had given me the talk… with a banana condom application prop, a comprehensive birth control display—including a dental dam—and a slide show about various sexually transmitted diseases.
Mom shook her head and then nodded to the magazine. “No. That’s my only prop.”
I sighed. “Thank god.”
“I’m just wondering, Lucy-bean,”—Uhg! Not my childhood nickname—“What took you so long?”
I blinked. “What?”
She gave me her no-nonsense single-mom look. “I’ve seen you two together five times since you took that job, and I’ve known you were going to end up together from the beginning.”
I stared at her, my forehead starting to cramp from scowling. “You can’t have known that!” I threw my hands in the air. “I mean… it was that obvious?”
She gave me another hug and kissed my forehead. “If I hadn’t seen it in person, I would’ve known by how much you two text when you’re here to visit. It’s kind of obnoxious.”
“Mom…”
“But I have to admit, you must be doing something right if he’s calling out your name during sex with another woman.”
Oh my god…
“Mom!” I couldn’t believe she’d just said that.
“Now you just have to get him to do that when he’s actually having sex with you.”
I fell over onto the kitchen table, covering my face with my hands.
I just couldn’t deal with my mom talking about my sex life.
Well, my complete and utter lack of a sex life.
“This probably isn’t the best moment to ask this…” Mom said.
Why not? You’ve brought up every other mortifying thing in my life.
“You’re still a virgin, right?”
Oh.
My.
God.
“I’m not talking about this!” I stood up and headed for the front of the house, and the stairs leading up to my old bedroom.
“I’m just saying you need to tell him before you two… you know, do it!”
I took the stairs two at a time, ran down the hall and into my old room, slamming the door behind me.
Breathe… just breathe…
This day was just…
And yes, I’m still a freaking virgin.
It’s not like I’d planned on holding onto it so long.
It’s just I hadn’t found a man that wasn’t just an overgrown child—sorry men of the world, but it’s true.
And then I’d met and started working for Dante right out of college and well…
Not that he’s not juvenile in his social—damn it! He’s a kid in a candy shop when it comes to his sex life. No matter how grown up he is in his daily life, and his business.
He’s not ready for a relationship.
I don’t even know if he’s ever been in love.
Yeah, but you’ve been in love with him for over two years.
You know, it’s not all that fair for my inner voice to throw things in my face when I’m on the edge.
But my inner voice was right. I have been in love with the man, even with his man-whore billionaire bachelor ways, since the moment I laid eyes on him.
I fell on my bed and stared at the ceiling. This was hopeless. I could never expect—even if he felt the same toward me (and that’s a big-big-BIG if)—that he would or even could change.
Because I’d never be able to share him.
I just wouldn’t be able to.
I’d need all of him or nothing at all.
I turned my head and gasped. There, beside my teddy bear night light was a box of condoms—a variety-pack in magnum size.
I grabbed my pillow and held it over my face as I screamed.