Chapter Eighteen
Jasper
Not exactly how I wanted to break the news to Fannin, but the arsehole Cafferty pushed and pushed until I snapped. I tried calling her before this meeting to explain to her, not wanting her to be blindsided. The room is completely quiet. Stunned. The only one I care about though is the beauty sitting next to me, color drained from her face, back ramrod straight. “Fannin.” She doesn’t let me get another word out, pushing my hand off her leg and turning to Noah.
“May I be excused? You can handle the rest of this without me, right?” Noah must agree, I don’t know because I haven’t taken my eyes off of her. When she stands to leave, so do I. She completely ignores me, her head held high as she walks around the conference table to the door. Taking a moment, I look over at Theo, who nods in understanding. Without making eye contact with anyone in the room, I follow after Fannin, her long legs making quick work of the hall as she heads to her office. I don’t bother to call out to her. It won’t make any difference. My only hope is that once I get her alone, she gives me the chance to explain. Jade is sitting at her desk outside of Fannin’s office, a baffled look on her face as Fannin strides past her. The secretary begins to stand when I wave her back down. “Hold her calls please,” I issue quietly. Not quietly enough though.
“You’re not the boss here, and I have nothing to fucking say to you,” Fannin says, the anger in her voice punctuated by the slamming of the door.
Relieved when I find she didn’t lock it, I step through and close it behind me. Fannin paces in front of her window, all of Manhattan stretched out beneath her. I want to give her time to be angry. I’ve betrayed her just like every other man in her life. I was angry with Adam, with her father, with Noah even, for not being the men she needed. For not putting her first, and here I am, no better than any of them. The difference between them and me though is that I’m going to fight for her. Because their loss is my gain. Because to me, she’s worth it.
“Fannin, I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be.” That’s as far as I get before she whirls on me. Eyes flashing fire, her cheeks are flushed in her anger.
“How mighty noble of you to allow me to be angry, Jasper. I don’t need your permission, just like I don’t need to hear any more of your bullshit lies.” She places two palms on her desk, a desk I was under, bringing her unbridled pleasure only yesterday. “You lied to me. You let me believe that you were a bartender,” Fannin huffs. “Did you think so little of me that you thought I would care what your title was? That I’m so shallow?” Little does she know how afraid I was, but not for the reasons she thinks.
“Fannin, I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to want me for me. To want to be with the bartender and not the billionaire.” She straightens and I can see she’s gearing up for more of a fight. Taking a step forward, I reach a hand toward her, not that I expect her to take it—I just want her to hear me out. “In Scotland, I had a girlfriend who worked in the office as my mother’s secretary. As soon as my parents stepped down and turned the company over to me, Lorna talked nonstop about marriage and babies.” I shake my head at the memory. “We’d never even discussed it. But she told my mother that we would be getting married soon, getting her excited about having a daughter, my father too. He thought he would finally get a grandchild to dote on. At first I thought it was the natural thing, the next step in our relationship. But as time wore on, I saw that it wasn’t what I wanted. That she wasn’t what I wanted. But by then, she had everyone convinced. It didn’t matter how many times I told Lorna that I didn’t feel that way about her. That I wasn’t going to marry her. She just kept weaving stories. She even went as far as to ask my mother to go dress shopping with her.” Fannin stands behind her desk, silent, sullen, arms crossed, but at least she’s listening. I take that as a good sign and continue. “I overheard her one day tell a friend of hers that she’d gone off the pill as that was the only way she’d be sure to get a piece of the distillery. That’s when I knew that she wasn’t crazy over me—she was crazy over what she could get from me. Get from my family. That very day I packed up and came here. I’ve been running the distillery, attending all the board meetings from here. My mother just thinks we had a bad breakup, even kept Lorna on at the distillery. She’s actually the one Adam has been talking with.” That irony is not lost on me. “I didn’t have it in me to hurt my mother by telling her that the woman she thought would be her daughter-in-law just wanted the money our family could offer, not our love.” Making sure I look her in the eyes, no matter that they’re full of hate for me right now, I go on, “I’ve never lied about the way I feel for you, Fannin. Everything you felt when we were together was real. The way you come apart in my bed, in this office, at the wedding. Wrapped around me. That was the realest I’ve ever felt. I just wanted you to want me,” I say earnestly.
“You?” Fannin bursts. “I don’t even know who you are! And why? Because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
“I liked you too much, damn it!” I can’t help but shout. Infuriated that I can’t make her see. “I kept it from you because I liked you too much. I liked me when I was with you. There was no wondering if you were fucking me because of the money or because of the way I made you feel. Do you know what it’s like to constantly question everyone around you? It’s bloody awful, Fannin. It’s made me push everyone away. Not giving anyone a chance to get closer than my bed. Until you. You I let into my bed, and my heart.”
“By lying. You only let me see what you thought I deserved to see. The rest was all lies. I won’t be lied to anymore. I won’t be made to look like the fool, and that’s exactly what you did. Made me out to be the fool. Again. Thank you for that. Being humiliated by a man in my place of work once clearly wasn’t enough.” She’s right. I never meant for it to get this far and I certainly never meant to hurt her. “I’m so fucking sorry, love—”
In a tone so flat and unlike Fannin, she interrupts, “Yeah, so am I. Goodbye, Jasper.” Fannin turns her back to me, the finality in the action like a knife to my chest. Before I can say anything more, fall on my knees and grovel, the door opens and Noah steps in without knocking. Probably heard the shouting.
“Everything okay here?”
“Everything is fine, Noah. Mr. James is just leaving.”
“Damn it, Fannin. I’m not leaving until you tell me you understand why I didn’t tell you.” Taking a step forward, I place my hands on her desk, the same way she did earlier. “I’m crazy about you. You have to see that.” I don’t care that Noah is standing just beside me, hearing me plead with the stubborn woman in front of me.
“All I see is a man upset that he got caught. For all I know this was all a game to you. Poor, bored, lonely Jasper.”
“I wasn’t lonely and I wasn’t bored, Fannin. It was never about that.”
“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” She looks past me to Noah. “You want to call security or shall I?” Ice practically drips from every syllable. I’ve never known anger like this. Even after discovering Lorna’s plan. Never felt so much loss. There is nothing I can say or do in this moment to get through to her. But she is crazy if she thinks I’m going to make this easy on her.
“That’s fine, love. I’ll go. Don’t think for a second that this is over though. You’re taking the piss if you think I’m giving up this easily.” Not waiting for a reply I’m certain I don’t want to hear, I stalk out of her office, my face a thundercloud, giving proper warning to anyone who might think to talk to me.
Theo waits by the elevator, hands in his pockets. He knows better not to say a word about the twisted mess I’ve made of things.
Once we’re inside the elevator he speaks. “I’m not going to say I told you so.”
“That’s probably smart.”
“But. I will say that she’s no Lorna. Fannin is nothing like her and never could be. You already knew that, said it yourself. So I guess the question is what are you going to do about this proper mess you’ve made?”
If he weren’t my best friend, I would probably slam him into the glass wall behind us. I can’t argue with him though. He’s absolutely right. I had known. And still I let myself believe that keeping this from her was best. That it wouldn’t blow up in my face. I got it twisted and now I’m paying for it.
“I’m going to give her some time to be angry. She deserves that. Then I’m going to seduce the fuck out of her,” I state matter-of-factly.
“With whisky and a plaid skirt?”
If that’s what it takes, then so be it. “Aye. With whisky and a plaid skirt.”