The night is silent. The moon hangs high in the inky sky. Stars twinkle as I watch the sky turn a dark shade of navy, then turn to black. My feet are perched on the railing of the balcony. I’m sipping a glass of wine, and I’m trying not to think about Carrick, Oliver, and everything that’s happened over the past few weeks.

The memory of losing myself in a man like Rick is like stealing my breath, leaving me flailing for air. And the problem is, he’s the only one who can give it back to me. My heart aches for what I lost. What I chose to walk away from, and what both of us had fucked up.

The doorbell buzzes, dragging me from my thoughts of a man better left in my past. Heading to the door, I peek through the peephole to find Callan. There’s something far darker about Carrick’s brother. His demeanor, his personality, and the way he carries himself.

He’s dangerous, and I know it. Yes, they’re both sons of a mob boss, but Callan is different. I pull the door open to meet his seductive smirk. The dark dusting of stubble on his chin is vastly different to the smooth jaw of Carrick.

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t wait for me to invite him in. Instead, he pushes past me into the apartment.

“You can’t just—”

“Rick’s in the hospital.” His words cause my heart to stutter. My lungs don’t work as I try to pull in air. “He’s fine.” Callan turns to regard me. “I figured you’d want to know.”

“What happened?” I shut the door with my eyes on the man before me. I can’t help but shiver at the thought of Rick hurt. Or worse. Shoving the thought away, I move into the living room where Callan has settled himself on the sofa.

He looks out of place here. My feminine furniture with his rugged appearance is like black and white. His eyes pin me to the spot, rooting me in place.

“He was shot. The bullet grazed through him. He’ll be out soon. I wanted to talk to you about something, and I wanted to do it without my brother around.”

I settle on the corner of my sofa, my legs pulled up under me, and I don’t miss the way Callan’s eyes shoot to the spot where my heels meet my ass. His mouth quirks. His gaze darkens considerably. “My brother and I never really saw eye to eye. All the years we’ve been doing this shit, I’ve been the one who loved it. He never did. This is something I wanted for my life. Killing people, it’s in my blood. My nature is to see the life drain from them.”

He stops for a moment, and I’m certain he can see the shock on my face. There’s a raw honesty to him, blatant and unapologetic. I wonder if he’s ever been in love. It’s a stupid thought, and once more, I have to squash it down where my love for Carrick hides.

“Rick is a man who wants a family. When I saw him and Rory together, I knew that being a killer wasn’t what he was cut out for. He’s a business man. He enjoys running the club, and when he needed to kill Moran today, I saw him flinch.”

“He killed someone?” The question comes out in a breathy gasp. Shock lacing every word. I knew what Carrick does. He told me. But the thought of him actually killing someone is different to just the idea of him doing it.

“No. Carrick couldn’t do it. There’s where the problem lies, Peyton. If he lives the life my father wants for him, he’ll be dead with no questions asked. And you know why? Because he loves someone. It’s an emotion that makes men weak.”

“Rick is far from weak,” I bite out, moving closer to the man who’s angered me. He doesn’t flinch. He chuckles at my outburst. “Perhaps because you’ve never loved someone, you don’t know, but I believe that love makes people stronger than anything else.”

“You’re a woman who loves him. Of course you’d say that. When you’re in this business, pretty girl, you can’t flinch. You can’t second guess yourself. And that’s what happened today. He did it, and I only realized in that moment why he would ever allow himself to die.”

“Why?” I blink, tears fall. My heart, which I shut away, leaps into action, wanting to go to Carrick and make things right.

“He believes he doesn’t deserve you. He’s convinced that because of his past, because of Rory, you shouldn’t be with him. And you know what? I agree. I don’t want my brother to die over pussy. He can get it anywhere he wants, but for some godforsaken reason, he wants you.”

Shaking my head, I rise from the sofa and pad into the open-plan kitchen. Grabbing a mug, I fill it with coffee, then I pour a double shot of Jameson whiskey into a tumbler and join Callan again. Handing him the alcohol, I settle in the same spot and watch as he downs the drink in one gulp.

He doesn’t even wince when he swallows. The man is a beast.

“He wanted me because I reminded him of Aurora. He said I looked like her.”

His gaze lands on me. He watches me, not just my hands trembling, or the slight trickle of tears on my cheeks, but he sees my heart. It’s as if he’s trying to reach into my chest and rip it from its cage.

He rises, heads to the cabinet, and lifts the bottle in gesture. I nod. He pours another shot and joins me once more. “Thank you, little lady,” he smirks, gulping it down like it’s water.

“You’re welcome.”

“He doesn’t want you because you look like Rory.” I watch him, furrowing my brows in confusion. That’s what Carrick told me. I look like her. He chose me because I reminded him of her. “You see, when Rory died, Rick told me something before he left. He said that one day, he’ll come across a woman, it didn’t matter what she looked like, but she’ll make him love again.”

I’m trying to breathe. I’m trying not to cry. But I can’t stop.

“He said that when she comes along, he’ll know. I, of course, told him he’s full of shit. And even a few days ago in his office, I still had a feeling he was holding on to a ghost, and I told him that much, but he was adamant it wasn’t the reason you were in his life. I’ve only ever seen Carrick that confident once before. The day he moved here. He knew what he wanted, and he went for it. You see, I don’t ever believe my brother loved Aurora the way he loves you, because with her, he was what our family would say is destined to be together. An arranged marriage, so to speak. With you, it was natural. It was real.”

I gape at him for a long while. We sit in silence. He swirls the nonexistent liquid in his glass while I grip the mug so tightly my hands burn from the liquid. I don’t know what to say or how to even fathom how much I fucked this up. I asked for time. I got jealous when I saw him with another woman.

“I love him,” I tell Callan. He nods as if he knew that all along. “Is that why you came here?” Once again, his head moves in ascent. “I’ve fucked it up.”

“You couldn’t lose that man even if you tried. If there’s one thing you need to learn about my brother, it's that he’s a stubborn ass. When he wants something, he doesn’t give up easily.”

“He told me he’d never stop fighting for my heart, but Callan, he hasn’t been by here to fight. He hasn’t given me any reason to believe he wants this. Wants me.”

He watches me for a little while before he smiles. “He has been a bit of an asshole, but I want you to know, he loves you more than anything, or anyone. If you feel that he’s your one, then I suggest you go there and you make sure he knows it. Because right now, he’s just being an asshole.”

“He is,” I agree.

He chuckles. I watch as he rises to full height, but before he can leave I ask him something I wanted to voice earlier. “Why did you come here?”

“You needed to know my brother may be a stubborn dick at times, but he’s not a bad man. He’s so far from it.”

“Are you the bad man?”

He doesn’t respond with words, only offers me a chuckle before he pulls the door open and leaves my apartment.

* * *

The golden sunshine that streams through the windows wakes me from a dream of Carrick, a leather whip, and a few million orgasms. Okay, maybe not a million, but there were too many to count.

After Callan’s visit last night, I called Savvie and Chance. I want to go shopping. I need the perfect outfit to wear tonight when I go and see Rick. Callan said he’d be out of the hospital and back at work. Even though the doctor told him to take it easy, I know he’ll never listen to someone telling him how to live his life.

My time with Rick has changed me. It’s cemented in my mind who and what I am. As much as I never believed it, I know without a doubt I’m his. He’s owned me since the moment he kissed me.

And every day since then, I’ve only been here for him.

He played me like a musical instrument.

He showed me pleasure and pain.

And now, I’ve got to show him I’m no longer scared. I have to give him the one thing he’s wanted all along. He was just too afraid to ask me for it, and I was too scared to give it.

I may have submitted the few times we did play, but never like this. I want him to have me. All of me. The parts I never showed anyone before, even the pain I’d experienced as a child, I want him to know me.

I know now that I found him for a reason. I was meant to be with him. Our paths crossed for me to learn from him, and that’s why I couldn’t move on. I couldn’t bring myself to be with another man. Even though so much time has passed since he last touched me, kissed me, held me in his arms, he’s still there. Inside me. My heart soars at the realization. My chest is no longer tight with fear and anxiety. And the tears have stopped.

I head into the shower, turning on the taps. Quickly, I strip down and step under the spray. Tiny prickles of lukewarm water cascade down my body. I pick up the orchid body wash I bought a couple of days ago and lather my skin with the silky liquid. The scent of the flowers fills the small steamy space, and it takes me back to the moment I first walked into Carrick’s home.

I make quick work of rinsing off then toweling myself dry when I step back into my bedroom. I decide on a pair of jeans and a bright pink flowy T-shirt that hangs just below my ass. I slip my feet into my sandals and make my way into the kitchen.

“Baby girl.” My brother’s voice comes from my living room entrance, causing me to glance into familiar eyes as if I’m looking into a mirror. “You needed a shopping partner?” He smiles. It’s bright and carefree. He’s not mentioned Oliver again, but I have a feeling there’s more to their friendship than my brother has let on.

“I do. It’s time I went to my man. I want him, Chance. All these stupid fears that held me back only stopped me from having what I want and need.”

“I’m happy for you, Peyton. If he is the one who makes you smile, then I’ll have to overlook what he did with those other girls.”

“He wasn’t with them. I spoke to Oliver, and Callan was here last night as well. They’ve both confirmed Rick hasn’t actually been with anyone.” My brother’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. His face is a picture of shock and elation. And I’m sure I looked the same way when Callan told me how much his brother loves me.

I sigh, knowing my brother isn’t going to let this go. His hand on my shoulder is evidence enough of that. “If he ever hurts you. I’ll kill him.” A giggle escapes my lips at my Chance’s vow, and I nod. “I meant it, Pey.”

“I know.” I wrap my arms around his middle, needing his safety for a moment. The way my brother cares for me always made me feel special. Now I have two men who love me, and I feel like a princess.

“You know what, sugar plum? I’ve only got one sister, and I need to make sure she’s happy. And I have to tell you all about Oliver. We can gossip on the way to the store.” Chance leans in, his mouth on my cheek. “I can’t believe how intense that man is. Utterly, beautifully, filthy, but exquisite in every way.”

“Seriously, Chance?” I retort, playfully slapping his shoulder. “I don’t want to know about my brother fucking.”

“Why not?” He winks. We’ve always been honest with each other. And this will be no different. As long as there are no graphic details, I’ll be fine.

“You drive me crazy. I can’t believe you’re here. Will you stay?” I question hopefully. Perhaps now that Chance has a reason to stay, he’ll be able to move his stuff in and spend time in Chicago.

“Oliver said he’d love for me to stay. He wants to see me more often. I’m not sure how it’s going to work because Leigh is there too.” He seems to be considering this as he speaks. “She’s beautiful, delicious.”

“Oh my God, have you had like . . . I mean . . . Are you?”

“There’s a lot we need to work through, but I’m in a relationship with them both. It’s exciting. I’m happy, Pey.” His words have me grinning like an idiot.

“Just watch your heart. I know you end up smitten like this and then get in way over your head.” It’s a sisterly warning which he needs to hear. I’ve seen Chance with a broken heart. It’s not pretty.

“Don’t worry about me. You need to worry about yourself, baby girl.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek, and I nod.

“You’re my brother. Worrying is something that comes naturally.”

“Let’s go shopping,” he declares, pulling me into the living room as the door to my apartment opens, and I find Savannah dressed in a pair of jean cutoffs and a purple tank top.

“Let’s get this party started.”

The three of us giggle as we make our way out the door.

My stomach is a flurry of excitement and I just hope that Carrick is still waiting for me when I get to him.