3 months after the club
“Dad. Did you see the proposal for the animal sanctuary on your desk last night?”
“What are you going on about now Beth?” He complains.
Ugg. I wish he wouldn’t call me by that name. I have always hated the shortened version of my name. I prefer Liz, but of course my family doesn’t care.
“On your desk. I left a proposal and messaged you about it. You said you would look at it.” I say to him with as much exasperation as I can put in my voice.
“Oh yeah, sure. I did look at it. What I do not understand is why in the world would you want to do something like that? You don’t have the education or experience for such an undertaking and McIntire’s don’t dally in such things. Are you bored? Do you need more money? Look, I will have money transferred into your account. I’m sure you can find something to buy. I have a meeting. Goodbye.” He throws over his shoulder on his way out the door.
Wow. I shouldn’t be surprised at what he said or that he is not taking me seriously. My parents have been dismissing me as nothing more than an accessory, that needs more accessories my whole life. But, even after all this time it still stings when they treat me this way.
I have come to the realization that I have to stop looking for their approval and find what makes me happy. Thinking of precisely that, brings me back to the day three months ago when I ventured into this BDSM club called Stormy. At first, I was not sure what I was doing there and to this day I don’t know what compelled me to go in. But I did.
My curiosity began and was peaked when I met Melinda on an animal retreat. It isn’t as weird as it sounds. I have an affinity for finding things that need to be protected and helping them. I know it seems out of character with the ‘bitch’ everyone else has seen, especially in this town but I am a very sensitive person. Somehow, I think a part of me has gotten lost in the need to be loved and seen.
I decided to go on this retreat I found while doing some research on the internet. It is an opportunity for an individual to become a global ambassador for endangered creatures of all kinds. While I was there I met this woman, who was also there for the same reason. We were paired together for the training and informationals. While we there, we struck up several different conversations. During one of those conversations, she mentioned how she was going through a vortex of emotions without having her master here with her to balance her out.
At first, I looked at her a bit perplexed. I had no idea what she was talking about initially. The confusion must have shown on my face because she went into an explanation.
“I’m sorry sweetie. I sometimes forget there are people outside of my world who don’t know what I am talking about sometimes. See, I am a sub/slave and I have a master.”
“I’m sorry. A Sub/Slave? Are we talking about some amped up Christian Grey stuff?” It must have tickled her fancy because she laughs a full-on laugh that goes on forever. When she is finally finished with the case of the giggles, she looks at me seriously and says, “Oh honey. That shit in the movie is so far out of the realm of the what it is all about and does for each person involved. What I am talking about is real life changing ‘service’.”
“Service? Nothing about that sounds sexy or emotionally uplifting.” She seems to contemplate something before she pulls me to a seat, turns towards me, and precedes to change the way I think.
“Have you ever felt whole? Not like, ‘that was a great yoga class whole’, but complete. A feeling that says, you have found everything you ever wanted and have reached the pinnacle of self-actualization. Have you ever felt protected, cherished, adored, and so sexually fulfilled that your skin feels brand new? Have you felt absolutely one hundred percent connected to someone and so at peace that you know this is what your life was meant for? Found a man that loves you more than himself? He worships you, puts you before all others, and all he asks is that you give yourself to him. He helps you manage yourself hate by telling you and showing you how beautiful you are. He fulfills your dreams by asking what they are and leading you to them. He stands in front of you and the world by demanding you walk behind him. Have you ever had any of that?”
The questions she is asking does not register at first, because halfway through her speech my body begins to come alive and my heart starts to pound. My mind started to wonder how all of that would feel.
“Honey, have I scared you? I’m sorry. Sometimes I come on too strong. I just want everyone to find their peace like I did.”
“N-no. You didn’t scare me. I-I want that. Everything you just said. I just don’t know about the slave thing and what it would entail? I wouldn’t even know how to begin.”
“Oh honey. There are so many, different ways you can achieve that through submission. You don’t have to be a slave. That is my story. You need to look up BDSM online and find some forums or online groups you can join for newbies. Find a club or dungeon in your area and go for the social to get information. It’s not for everyone. But if you find yourself picturing and yearning for it as you learn more, I would highly consider it.”
For the rest of the trip I could think of nothing else. As soon as I got home I began my journey into the inquiry. A few weeks later after joining a few online groups, I found Stormy. Although I was scared out of my mind, I decided to go and check it out. They were holding a newbie meet and greet, and I thought this would be a good way to pop my cherry so to speak.
What I didn’t expect was to see, HIM. I also didn’t expect for him to stalk me across the room in a possessive way. He turned my insides into mush causing the outside parts of my body to go on high alert.
I did not expect for him to grab me and light me on fire with one of the best kisses I have ever had in my life. Being in his arms made me feel like I was home.
It has been three months since the night at the club and there is not a day he doesn’t make an appearance in my life in some way. But that’s not what is worrying me. It’s how far into my soul I can already feel him.