Two months later

Tate fidgeted with the sleeves of his suit, eager to get out of the damn thing. His stomach ached after the heavy banquet, but he always made sure to eat a lot in front of the guys. More than he needed to, since he’d regained a lot of the weight he’d lost and didn’t look so pathetic.

His cast had been off for a while, and his arm was strong enough to play the drums again, but he was still wearing a patch over his eye, since it had to be glued shut after the surgery his ophthalmologist hoped would bring back about eighty percent of his vision in his right eye. Tate had gotten used to the patch though, so he didn’t mind having to wear it a little longer.

Standing near the open bar, he waited for his drink, deciding he needed a few before he had to leave. He checked the time on his phone, cursing under his breath.

Only thirty minutes.

“Hey.” North joined him, a hesitant smile on his lips. “You’re…you’re looking great.”

I can’t do this. Not now. Tate dropped his gaze. “Thanks.”

“Fuck, will you look at me?” North put his hand on Tate’s shoulder, stepping back abruptly when Tate cringed. He held both hands up, pain filling his pale eyes. “What did I do, Tate? I thought we had something, but now you won’t return my texts or my calls.”

“Because I don’t want to talk to you.” Tate’s tone was thick, and he struggled to get the words out. He couldn’t look at North as he spoke. “Do I have to fucking spell it out for you? We had fun, but I’m done with you. I thought you knew how things were gonna be, but then you got all needy.”

North paled, shaking his head. “You wanted more too, Tate. I know you did.”

“How many of the girls and guys you’ve fucked have said that to you, North?” Tate let out a cold laugh, feeling like he was slowly tearing out his own heart. “I hadn’t even fucked you. You hadn’t fucked me. If you’re this hung up on me after a few blowjobs, I don’t even want to know how you’d be if I’d let things go further.”

The bartender approached them cautiously, looking like he wanted to say something but thinking the better of it. He set Tate’s rum and coke on the bar and turned to North. “What can I get you?”

“Whiskey. On ice.” North’s tone was sharp. He was shutting himself off. He smiled at the bartender. “And your number.”

Smirking, the bartender jotted down his number before even pouring North’s drink. “I’m free after, if you’re interested.”

“Very.” North drained his glass in a few swallows, handing it back for a refill. “And contrary to what you heard, I don’t need much besides a nice hard cock, a tight ass, and a soft pair of lips. I’ll probably kick you out of bed in the morning. Just so we’re clear.”

“Crystal.” The bartender smirked when Tate glanced over at him. Then he shrugged, mouthing. “Your loss.”

Tate glared at him. “How about you get me a couple shots of tequila? Connor’s paying you to work the bar, not fuck his friends.”

Shrugging, the bartender poured two shots, then went to the other end of the bar to serve someone else.

Throwing back one shot, Tate turned to find North had walked away. Good. That was good. He could deal with almost anything at this point, but having North waiting for him… Knowing he still had the chance of something good…

That hurt too much.

He checked his phone again.

Fifteen minutes.

Finishing the other shot, he went to find the bride and groom. Connor was practically glowing, he looked so happy. He’d cut the cake with Annette a while ago, but he was still standing there, feeding her little bites before pulling off another piece and bringing it to Balthazar’s lips.

Balthazar shook his head, but whatever Connor said made him laugh. He caught Connor’s wrist, taking the cake into his mouth, then sucking the icing from Connor’s fingers.

Some of the guests must have thought it was weird, Connor toying with Balthazar in front of his bride, but so far, people had kept their opinions to themselves. Tate smiled as Balthazar trailed his finger in the icing, then pulled Annette close, keeping his finger just out of reach as she tried to lick it.

He didn’t want to interrupt, fuck he loved seeing them all finally get what they deserved. A strong, solid relationship. The beginning of a really awesome life together.

But if he left without telling anyone, his bandmates would worry. So he stepped up to Connor and gave him a big hug, holding him a little tighter than necessary, because he wished Connor wouldn’t let him go.

He wished someone could stop him.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Connor put his hands on Tate’s shoulders. “I hardly get to see you outside of studio time.”

“I know. Physical therapy really tires me out. I’m sorry.” Tate didn’t have to fake the regret in his tone. “We’ll be on tour again in a couple months though. With XVI Hours.”

“It’s going to be amazing. I’m so glad our collabs did so well.” Annette nipped Balthazar’s finger when he brought it close to her lips again. “And I get to do a music video with Danica and Shiori!”

Connor arched a brow at her. “And the rest of both bands. Do we not matter?”

“I love you, but sorry. No.” Annette giggled when Connor dug his fingers into her ribs. “Stop it and say goodbye to Tate. He looks like he’s in a hurry.” She frowned as he checked his phone again. “Is everything all right?”

Eight minutes. He scrambled to come up with an excuse. “Yeah, I just have this… This thing I gotta do.”

She nodded, not pressing him for more, which he appreciated. He was so tired of lying to everyone.

After hugging her, then Connor again, Tate inclined his head to Balthazar—the man was too observant to risk him asking any questions—and made his way to the door.

He couldn’t be late, but he didn’t want to be early either. He checked his phone one last time.

Three minutes.

“Tate?” Malakai cut in front of him before he could reach for the door. “We need to talk. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you will tell me.”

Shit! Tate had managed to avoid Malakai almost as well as he’d avoided North, but they’d been so close he hadn’t expected Malakai to let that slide for long. He answered Malakai’s texts now and then, using the excuse of physical therapy, being tired from surgery, having the flu, then pneumonia to cancel every plan they made to hang out.

“Please don’t, Malakai.” It had killed him to hurt North, but he couldn’t do the same to the man who’d been the closest thing to family he had besides his grandmother for years. “Please just let me go.”

“Where? Where are you all the time? I know you’re not at your grandmother’s. She called me.” Malakai’s brow creased, the dark shadows under his eyes deepening. “She’s worried about you. So am I.”

Tate pulled away from Malakai. “If you let me go now, I’ll tell you. Tomorrow. I promise.”

Malakai’s eyes narrowed. He finally nodded. “Fine. But no more excuses.”

“No excuses. I’ll be there.” He threw himself at Malakai suddenly, hugging him tight. “I’m sorry. Just know that.”

“Tate—”

“Tomorrow.” Tate slipped past Malakai, jerking open the door and taking the steps of the reception hall two at a time.

He wouldn’t be answering Malakai’s call. Or telling him anything. He’d have to break that promise, but at least he’d bought himself some time.

The car was parked at the end of the block. He climbed into the passenger seat, his lungs burning as he struggled to catch his breath.

“You’re late.” Ray turned off his phone and started the engine. “You’re lucky YouTube uploads so slowly. A minute longer and I would have hit publish on the video.”

Tate shivered, staring at Ray. He’d been worried about being late, but he hadn’t really believed Ray would end their deal this fast. “Please don’t—”

“I didn’t, but you owe me.” Ray pulled the car out onto the street, his jaw hard. “I’m beginning to think you don’t take this seriously.”

Tate kept his mouth shut as they drove to Ray’s house, not sure what he could say to convince the man. He did everything Ray told him to, without question. Except for one thing, which Ray hadn’t pressured him on too much.

Maybe if he was extra nice, Ray wouldn’t bring it up again. He glanced over at Ray and smiled the same fake smile he’d been wearing for months. “Do you want to get something to eat? We can go somewhere nice. My treat.”

“Tomorrow. You don’t have studio time, do you?”

“No, not until Friday.”

“Good.” Ray cocked his head thoughtfully “Maybe another treat then. How much money do you have on you?”

“You asked me to bring five hundred.”

“That’s just for what you’ve been using.” Ray chuckled. “You have expensive tastes. And so do my clients. Consider this an investment. Another two grand should cover it.”

“Okay.” Tate shrugged, not giving a fuck about the money. His savings were getting low, but he made enough to give Ray whatever he wanted. He got out of the car when Ray pulled up in front of a bank, withdrawing the cash from the ATM, returning to hand it over to Ray.

Sometimes, when he gave Ray money, the man didn’t ask for anything else. He bought some good drugs, got high, then passed out. The next day he’d be moody, but Tate could handle that.

They made another stop, Ray meeting up with one of his dealers who always wore suits and scared the fuck out of Tate. At least he got to wait in the car. Some nights, Ray liked to show him off. The interest these guys showed in Tate made his skin crawl, but so far, Ray had laughed off any offers.

Once they reached Ray’s house, Tate got out, going ahead of Ray, pulling out his key to unlock the door. He slumped down on the sofa, flicking on the TV.

Act normal. He likes it when you act like this is normal.

Ray sat beside him, putting his hand on Tate’s thigh.

Tate managed not to flinch.

“You look really sexy in that suit. Maybe you should wear it when we go out tomorrow.” Ray stroked Tate’s leg, his eyes never leaving Tate’s face. “But for now, take it off. We wouldn’t want to ruin it.”

Smile and nod. Don’t shudder. Take off the suit like it’s no big deal.

So far so good. Tate reclined on the sofa in his boxers, detaching himself from his body as Ray stroked him.

“You’re not even hard.” Ray’s tone sharpened with irritation. “Did you let one of your buddies fuck you at that party?”

Pressing his eye shut, Tate shook his head. “I’m just tired. Stressed. Everyone’s always asking where I am, and I can’t tell them. If they knew I was with you…”

“Mmm, that’s true.” Ray bent down, pulling a large metal box out from under the coffee table. “But this new stuff will help you relax. And make you feel fucking amazing. Then maybe you can give me what I want.”

Tate pressed his eyes shut, hissing through his teeth when Ray injected something into his inner thigh. He didn’t even care what it was. He’d stopped asking, or resisting when Ray wanted him to take something. He only hoped Ray would wait until the drugs started to work before touching him again.

When the drugs were really good, he could escape. Ride the high as Ray used him.

They weren’t Tate’s favorite though. The ones he really wanted, the ones he’d started to beg for when Ray was in a generous mood didn’t make him feel good. They gave him the numbness he craved. He didn’t have to think about how dirty he felt. Didn’t have to worry about what the drugs were doing to him. He felt what he longed for most of all.

Nothing.