Irish

Four years later

WE’VE BEEN AT THE NEW clubhouse for a little while now. Shortly before we moved there was a massive attack on the clubhouse and we lost more than a few people. We weren’t expecting an attack of the size that we had. Now, there’s been a shift in our roles within the club. Grim is now the President, Joker is the Vice President, Cage is the Enforcer, Glock is the Treasurer, and I’m the Secretary. Grim is the one that continued pushing for us to move locations and be closer to our other charters and friendly clubs. Maybe if we had been when the attack occurred we wouldn’t have lost as many people as we did. It’s a loss we still feel today.

Around the same time, my girl suffered through another miscarriage. She tried to be strong and not let me know what was going on because I was still in church when it started, but one look at my girl and I knew something was wrong with her. When I finally got her to tell me what was going on, I discreetly talked to our Pres and got her to the hospital. He only sent two prospects with me because I knew that Caydence wouldn’t want anyone to know what was happening. This time it was going to be on her whether or not she told anyone. In the meantime, I made my excuses as to why she wasn’t around. The main difference this time was she didn’t stop going to counselling and she didn’t pull away from us. That I’ll always be thankful for.

We’ve all settled into life in this new town and a few of the guys have found love and are starting to settle down. Pretty soon there’s not going to be many single guys in the Wild Kings. But, we’ll see what happens.

Bailey has left and gone to help out Gage’s charter of the club for a little bit. At the same time, Caydence and I have had a life altering event take place. Some bitch, Vicky, came in here trying to claim that she was going to have a baby and Grim was the father. She was caught hiding out in his office and we dragged the truth out of her. Vicky was pregnant by the President of the Soulless Bastards MC and we ended up taking her precious little girl. Caydence named her Cassidy Rose and we couldn’t be happier. Well, I couldn’t be happier. Caydence is going through some changes and wants to stay in our room most of the time. She barely comes out these days. I’ve been trying to stay with her as much as possible, but I have club things that I need to do. The guys are only going to tolerate my absence for so long before my role within the club comes into question.

We’ve been through some trying times with different things the women have gone through. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything in the world though. It’s brought us closer together as a club and it’s been a change of scenery for Caydence. Something we all desperately needed.

I’m finally falling asleep after being up for a few days on club business. All of sudden, I hear Cassidy crying. Caydence is lying in bed and not making any move to get up and take care of our daughter. So, I get up and go get her. She’s soaked from head to toe and I’m not sure when the last time she was changed. I take her into our bathroom and give her a bath so that I can get her back in some pajamas and a bottle.

“Caydence, can you help me here?” I call out.

When I get no response, I walk out drying Cassidy off and see that she’s still lying in bed crying. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her, but I can’t talk to her until after I get our daughter settled back down and asleep. I’m still getting used to this whole not sleeping thing. I’ve done it for the club, but doing this as a father is completely different. I don’t have to be on guard with Cassidy. It’s just a matter of getting up every few hours so we can take care of her and get her back to bed.

I’m finally done putting Cassidy back to sleep, and I’m ready to see what’s going on with my girl. We have to figure out what’s going on, and see what we have to do to help her get past this and able to be back to her normal self. It’s only gotten worse the longer we have had Cassidy.

“Caydence, what’s wrong?” I ask. “This is only gettin’ worse and I’m about ready to do somethin’ I know you’re not goin’ to want me to do.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, turning tear filled eyes and stained cheeks towards me.

“If you can’t get past not havin’ a baby of our own and ignore Cassidy when she’s cryin’ I’m goin’ to put her up for adoption. You can’t carry on like this. It’s not healthy for anyone.”

“You wouldn’t?” She cries out.

“I would. You don’t want to seem to have anythin’ to do with her and I can’t do it all. I’m already missin’ out on club business because you can’t take care of her. This can’t continue, and I won’t allow it to.”

“What do you want me to do Irish? I lay here, and I hear her crying. I know I have to get up and take care of her, then all I can think about is the fact that she’s not really our child. Cassidy isn’t a part of both of us. She’s someone’s else’s child and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed and take care of her. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Then we need to get you in to the counselor and make sure you talk to them about this. There’s got to be somethin’ we can do to get this under control. Some way that we can help you.”

“I truly want to get through this and be the mother that I know I can be to Cassidy. I’ll talk to Karen in the morning and see if I can get in to see her first thing. I’ll go extra if I have to and there’s nothing that’s going to stop me from being a mother to our daughter.”

“She is our daughter no matter how we came about havin’ her babe. We just need to get it in your head that she’s our daughter, because I know you feel it in your heart. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and the way you take care of her when your thoughts don’t get to you. Cassidy is goin’ to be here for the rest of our lives and she’s goin’ to make us better people babe. We just have to get you where you can talk to me and lean on others in the club when you are feelin’ overwhelmed and need a break. We don’t have to do this alone and no one expects us to.”

“I know that Irish. I just feel like if I let her out of my sight that Vicky is going to know and come back and take her from us. It’s not rational and I know that she’s going to be here for the rest of our lives. No one will take our daughter away from us.”

I hold my girl and let her fall back to sleep. Sleep can wait for me. Right now, I need to figure out the best way to help Caydence stay out of her own head. That’s what’s killing her. She can’t stop the thoughts running through her mind, and she lets them get the best of her. If I could take them away from her I would in a heartbeat. Caydence is getting in her own way of being the great mom I know she can be. So, I feel at a loss because I can’t fix this for her. I can’t take the pain away.

It’s been a few weeks and Caydence has been doing better. She gets up and takes care of Cassidy without me having to worry about what’s going to happen when I’m not here to watch over them. I’ve had to do a few more things regarding club business so it’s one less worry I have while I’m trying to get my head in the game.

We really stepped in it when we found a ring of sex traffickers and now we may have the cartel coming after us. Cassidy and Caydence are my number one priority in making sure they’re safe. I will send them away if I have to in order to protect them. So, when I’m on club business, my head really needs to be where I am and not focusing on what’s going on in my room at the clubhouse. If any of the girls think anything is wrong, they’ll step in and make sure that Cassidy is taken care of. But, Karen seems to be doing wonders with my girl and I’ll forever owe her a debt I’ll never be able to repay.

I’ve decided that as soon as this cartel business is over with, Caydence and I are going to be looking for a house. Staying in our room at the clubhouse is fine for right now, but we need to have a home for Cassidy to grow up in. She needs to know that there’s always going to be a place for us at the clubhouse, but at the end of the day we have our own personal space with a huge backyard and room to do what we want without having the members of the club around constantly. I think it will help Caydence out too. Knowing that she has somewhere to call her own, being able to decorate and make our home ours with her special little touches. It’s always been a dream of ours to own our own home, we’ve just never done anything about it. That changes now. My girls deserve it and I’m going to give it to them.