46
June Crowley went to Mass every Sunday, but she was a practicing Catholic in the loosest definition of the phrase. It was just as important to her to be beautifully dressed as it was to attend the sacraments. Over the years it had never occurred to her to have a private conversation with Father Frank. But now, because she was frantic with worry about Alan, she decided to have a talk with him.
She called and asked if she could meet with him as soon as possible. He suggested that the next morning would be a good time for him.
When she arrived at his office, she was still framing in her mind how to tell him about her concerns. But when she was there, she simply blurted out the words.
“Father, I’m desperately worried that Alan may be suicidal.”
Father Frank was well aware that Alan Crowley had been arrested. He had been thinking of calling June and Doug to tell them how sorry he was for both them and Alan. Now he was deeply concerned that June might be right.
“What makes you think that, June?” he asked.
“It’s the way he’s acting. He sleeps most of the day and then takes off right after dinner. I don’t know where he goes, or if he’s even talking to anyone. And I doubt that. He swears that he was not the one who hurt Kerry, but he knows that everyone believes he did it and everybody expects that when he goes on trial, he’ll be found guilty and sent to prison for many years.”
“June, you’re a nurse, do you know any psychiatrists who could talk to him?”
“I’ve suggested that to him. He flat out refuses to go.”
“Do you think it would help if I had a talk with him?”
“It would be a great relief to me if you did.”
“It will be better if I can catch him alone. Are you and Doug working tomorrow afternoon?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Okay, I’ll drop by in the late afternoon and see if I can get him to speak to me.”
“Our housekeeper Brenda will be there. I’ll tell her to let you in.”
The next afternoon Father Frank drove to the Crowley home and rang the bell. It was answered immediately by a middle-aged woman he assumed was the housekeeper.
“You must be Brenda,” he said. “I’m Father Frank.”
“Mrs. Crowley told me you would be stopping by,” Brenda replied.
“Is Alan home?”
“Yes, he’s in the den watching TV. Should I tell him you’re here?”
“No, just show me the den, and I’ll take it from there.”
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
As Father Frank stood at the door of the TV room, Brenda made a noisy retreat in the direction of the kitchen.
Alan was watching a movie. He didn’t look up when the priest opened the door and walked into the room.
Father Frank barely recognized Alan, whose appearance was quite different from the well-groomed young man he often saw in church. He was wearing an old T-shirt that looked like he had slept in it and gym shorts. A pair of scuffed sneakers was next to him on the floor. It was obvious he hadn’t shaved in several days. It looked as though he hadn’t bothered to comb his hair.
Alan looked up. A surprised expression came over his face. “I didn’t know you were coming, Father Frank.”
“Your mother is very concerned about you. She believes that you’re depressed.”
“Wouldn’t you feel depressed if you were facing a long prison term?”
“Yes, I would, Alan.”
“Well, Father, don’t be disappointed. If you came over to hear my confession, I’m sorry to say I didn’t do it.”
“Alan, I came over to talk to you and to hear what you had to say.”
“Then let me say it clearly. I loved Kerry. I still love her. That night I went over to help her clean up. She told me she was tired. We could do it in the morning. I kissed her good night and went home. I know I lied about that to the police and asked the guys to lie for me. But you know why I did that? I was scared. Wouldn’t you be scared if suddenly everybody was looking at you like you’re a killer? Do you know what it’s like to have handcuffs on and be forced to wear an orange jumpsuit?”
“So you’re telling me that you are innocent of Kerry’s death.”
“I’m not just telling you; I’m swearing it to you. If you have a Bible with you, I’ll swear on that. But it’s obvious nobody believes me.”
“Alan, in my experience, the truth has a way of coming out. If you do go to trial, I’m sure that will be many months from now. What are you going to do between now and then?”
“Frankly, Father, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking how nice it would be to be with Kerry again.”
“Alan, you’re not thinking of hurting yourself, are you? Think of what that would do to your mother and father.”
“It would be easier for them if I just wasn’t around, rather than watch me get convicted in court.”
Deeply concerned, Father Frank said, “Let me remind you that it will probably be a year or more before you go to trial. By that time your situation may have changed.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice,” Alan said matter-of-factly.
When Father Frank left, he was deeply disturbed remembering what Marge had told him about Jamie being in the pool and how fearful she was that if the police found that out, they might get him to tell them that he was the one who had hit Kerry.
What should I do? What can I do?
He did not know that Brenda had been in the hallway catching every word and that she couldn’t wait to tell Marge all about it.