CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE | BRADY
My eyes flicked up and I saw Cassidy, watching us from the edge of the driveway with wide eyes.
“We’ll finish this conversation later,” I muttered to Josh. “I’m going to go back and apologize to Mrs. Laurent--”
“Good idea,” Josh called after me. His face wrinkled in disgust as his eyes shifted from me to Cassidy. “While you’re at it, maybe you can apologize for lying to her, too. Starting with the lie about the fake pager and the fake emergency call.”
I stopped in my tracks and exhaled through my gritted teeth.
“This is your fault, too,” Josh snarled at Cassidy. “It’s so fucked up that you’re putting your mom through this, after everything she has already been through. She deserves better. She deserves a lot better.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I demanded, shoving my brother’s shoulders back. “Don’t talk to Cassidy that way!”
My eyes flicked back to Cassidy. Her face had gone red and streaks of tears were slashing down her cheeks.
“Cass, don’t listen to him,” I told her, but she just shook her head and blinked through the tears.
“He’s right, Brady,” she said sadly. “This is fucked up and wrong… we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Cass, you don’t mean that…” I felt my face crumple, and I took a few steps towards her. I reached out to grab her hands, but she pulled away.
“We’re playing a game that nobody can win,” she said. “Everyone just loses.”
“We didn’t lose,” I said. “Cass, I won you…”
“Don’t kid yourself,” she shook her head. “You didn’t win anything. I guilt-tripped you into marrying me. Now we’ve lied and hurt everyone else in the process…”
“This isn’t a lie,” I said. “None of this is a lie to me, Cass… none of this is fake anymore. This is how I really feel, and this is what I really want.”
Cassidy pinched her eyes shut. I could see the guilt and hurt burning through her face as tears poured down her cheeks.
“We can make this work,” I said. My voice was soft as I pleaded with her. “We can make this right…”
“The only way that we can make this right,” she said softly, “Is to stop this before it goes any further.”
“Ladybug...” I could hear my own voice starting to falter.
“Stop making this harder than it needs to be,” Josh snarled, stepping up behind me. “It’s over, Brady. This whole big lie that you’ve built for yourself… it’s all over. Accept it, move on…”
Cassidy couldn’t look me in the eye. She turned on her heel and ran back towards the house.
My instincts told me to run after her, but what good would that do? What would Mr. and Mrs. Laurent think? Would that just make everything worse?
I turned back to my brother and I felt a wave of hatred snake through my entire body. I had always felt a range of emotions for Josh -- pity, compassion, responsibility, obligation… but I had never felt pure, bitter loathing before.
There was a lump in the back of my throat that felt like gravel. I swallowed and stepped towards my brother.
“Why can’t you just mind your own fucking business and back off?” I growled.
“This is my business. And it always has been my business,” Josh said, stepping towards me. “It became my business the second you got Cassidy and Mrs. Laurent involved. They’re my family, too. And I can’t let you hurt them like this.”
“Don’t act all high and mighty,” I snorted. “You’re not standing here because you care about Cassidy or Mrs. Laurent. The only person you care about is yourself. You’re so bitter and miserable, and you can’t stand to see anyone else be happy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s so obvious, Josh,” I said. “You’re jealous. You’ve always been jealous. When we were kids, you were jealous that I got to spend more time with Mom before she died. You were jealous that Dad liked me more than he liked you--”
“He didn’t like you more,” Josh interrupted. “You were just better at following orders and kissing his ass than I was.”
“I was better at a lot of things,” I barked back. “And I still am. You would have been lost without me. If I didn’t get you that job at Firehouse 56, you’d probably still be scrubbing gum off the streets in Hartford.”
“Well at least I’d have some fucking dignity,” Josh raised his voice. “Instead of having everything handed to me because of Dad.”
“I haven’t had anything handed to me,” I stepped forward. “I worked my ass off for everything that I’ve had! Maybe if you had learned how to work for things, you wouldn’t still be stuck living in my shadow!”
“Some shadow,” Josh scoffed. “Look at yourself, Brady. What exactly am I so jealous of? Am I jealous that you were in some cheesy pin-up calendar a few years ago? Am I jealous that you get more pussy than me? Am I supposed to be jealous that you’re on the front page of the newspaper, and everyone in Hartford thinks you’re some kind of hero?”
I was fuming, but I said nothing.
“I’m happy, Josh,” I said in a flat, low voice.
“Are you?” my brother scoffed, shaking his head. “How can you be happy? This is all a lie…”
“None of this is a lie to me!”
“Really? So, you honestly think you’d be marrying Cassidy right now, if Mrs. Laurent wasn’t sick?”
I pinched my eyes shut. Even though Cassidy was gone, the image of her crying in her driveway was still etched into my memory. I saw her trembling with emotion as tears rolled down her cheeks, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and kiss away the pain.
Then I opened my eyes, and she disappeared.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” Josh laughed, assuming that my silence was an answer to his question. “You’d still be fucking anything in a miniskirt at Rusty’s Tavern. You told me yourself that you weren’t ready to settle down. Nothing has changed…”
“Everything has changed,” I growled.
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
“I want to be with Cassidy, no matter what,” I raised my voice, and I could feel the anger rushing through my veins.
My brother stepped forward, his face directly in front of mine, so close that I could see the red in his eyes and count the beads of sweat on his forehead…
“You’re full of shit,” Josh hissed. I felt his hands press into my chest and push me back, and it ignited a rage inside of me.
“I love her!” I shouted back.
Everything went perfectly silent and perfectly still. My anger immediately dissolved, and the enormity of what I had just said sunk in.
I had never admitted it out loud before, not even to myself. But now that the words were out there… I realized just how much I really meant it.
Josh’s face immediately softened. The wrinkles of a frown disappeared from his brow, and his mouth dropped open in shock. His arms, which had been raised for a fight, dropped limp at his sides.
“I love Cassidy Laurent,” I repeated. “And I always have.”