“This is something we’ll laugh about with our grandkids one day,” Kyle mumbles as we wait for Alex to return.

Whoa, grandkids? That means kids first. Is he expecting us to have children? My eyes bulge, and it takes me a moment before I can gather my thoughts to reply.

“Grandkids?” My words come out slower than normal.

When Kyle turns, he has an odd look in his eye. “Yeah. This will be nothing by their day.” The words are as if he didn’t notice my shock, but he delivers them at the same cautionary pace as I did, mirroring the finest detail of my reaction.

“We haven’t talked about this before, have we?” I pronounce each syllable, eyeing him back.

“What?”

“Kids. We’ve never discussed whether we want them.”

“Well, doesn’t everyone?” He smiles, but his gorgeous dark eyes are glassier than normal.

I need to tread carefully here. “Not everyone.” I decide against adding, ‘I don’t.’

A silence hangs as we each consider our next move, our senses alert to the tiniest advancement, each of us judging our position relative to the other.

Kyle picks at the cut on his thumb from working on my car. It’s scabbing over. “Madeline and I never got around to having children. Our lives weren’t happy enough to bring another human into it. But I have always seen myself as a dad.”

“OK.” I flounder, running a series of words and phrases through my internal filter, making sure I don’t blurt out the wrong thing. “How will that fit into our lives?”

“I don’t know. I just know that I’m contented enough with you to at least consider it now.”

Phew. I can get away with that. “Sure, we can consider it.” If that’s all he wants, it buys some time.

“Yeah, because it will take some organization. And time is ticking.”

Is he for real? We’ve barely moved in together, something he wasn’t overly fond of committing to and now he’s done a full one-eighty and wants to start planning a family. My hand flies up to my mouth. I catch myself and pass it off as though I’m scratching an itch.

“When were you thinking of us actually becoming a unit of more than just us two?” I brace myself for his answer. and my voice is tight. The tension that has contracted my chest showing.

“I don’t know. That will be part of the fun of planning. And the good thing is, neither of us has to live with a hormonal woman.” He laughs, continuing the pretense that this isn’t the most awkward, disjointed conversation we’ve ever had. The subtext is screaming silently while we dance around it.

For the first time since I met Kyle, I’m feeling caged, unable to breathe from the pressure of bearing someone else’s dreams. It’s not just that we’ll have an extra person in tow if we have a kid, but how will I be able to concentrate on driving? How will we travel?

“What do you intend to do about your job? You love it.” I ask.

“Yeah, I know. I haven’t thought this through. It’s just that I’ve always seen myself being a dad one day, that’s all. I’m not sure when or how it fits in our lives, but we’ll make it work when the time is right, won’t we?”

OK, so this is good and bad at once. He’s left me a loophole with which to maneuver by not having considered this fully before bringing it up, so it’s not on his imminent to-do list. However, he just asked me to confirm it will be possible one day. And I can’t do that. The thought whizzes through my consciousness in a heartbeat as I scramble for some appropriate response.

I decide on, “Let’s just see.” I keep my gaze focused on the street outside and cringe as I release the sentence into the atmosphere between us.

Every nerve is on red alert. I sense Kyle looking out of the opposite window as the words hang. He doesn’t reply.