PRESENT DAY
I pace back and forth across the hall for the entire hour that Eden is gone. I have the house to myself, and it is so very tempting to hurl my fist into the wall, but I manage to keep both my temper and the house in order. Something is up, I know it. Tiffani is angry at me and I need to fix it. I have tried calling her numerous times, but it keeps going straight to her voicemail. I doubt she’ll reply to any of my texts, either. The longer I am pacing, the more panicked I’m growing. I should have made more effort with her the past couple days. I can’t afford to upset her right now. Not when she has every control over me.
That’s why, when the front door slowly creaks open and Eden steps foot inside the house, I am desperately begging for information from her. I march straight over to her with my fists already clenched.
“What’d she say?” I ask, my voice demanding. I don’t mean to talk to Eden in such a bitter tone, but I can’t help it right now. Tiffani brings out the worst in me, and I hate it. “What did you say?”
There is no color in Eden’s face. She is white, her gaze dominated by fear, and she shakes her head as she steals a glance into the living room. “Where’s your mom?”
“Picking up Chase,” I answer quickly. I just need to know what is going on. “Now what the hell happened?”
Eden is quiet as she deeply inhales, locking her terrified eyes on mine. “Someone saw us last night,” she says, and her lower lip quivers as she glances down at the ground. “Austin Cameron . . . He told Tiffani.”
God, no. Austin can’t have seen us. My windows are tinted for a fucking reason. “Are you kidding me?” Who the hell does Austin think he is? Now I understand why Tiffani is so livid at me, and she most definitely won’t let this go easily. Is that why she took Eden with her? To confront her? I feel sick at the thought of just how quickly this news will spread. Tyler Bruce and his stepsister . . . I throw a punch now, but only at my own palm. What has Austin done? “I will floor that motherfu—”
“They don’t know it was me,” Eden interrupts, offering at least some sort of reassurance. So Tiffani knows I was with another girl last night, but she doesn’t know who. That’s if the guilt in Eden’s eyes hasn’t already given the game away. “She’s devastated, Tyler,” she says quietly.
I fall silent as I think. This has happened before. I have kissed other girls, and Tiffani has heard the rumors, but she has never really believed them. This time . . . I don’t know. She seems to believe it, and the weight of the situation feels much heavier. Those other girls before . . . Those kisses were meaningless. This time is different, and I know that if Tiffani discovers this information, then she will make my life hell.
“I’ll fix this,” I finally tell Eden. My gaze meets hers, and I really hate how uncomfortable and worried she looks right now. With Tiffani in my life, I should have known that I would inevitably drag Eden into a situation like this. “Look, she’s pissed off. I get it, but I can make it up to her. I’ll tell her I made a mistake, I’ll buy her something nice, and then she’ll forget about it and everything will be fine again,” I say. At least that’s how I usually win Tiffani’s forgiveness. “And then we can figure the rest out.”
Suddenly, Eden’s entire demeanor changes and now she is furious at me too. “Everything won’t be fine,” she spits, glaring back up at me as though this is all my fault now. I guess it is. “Nothing is fine, Tyler! This needs to stop.”
I furrow my eyebrows at her. “What needs to stop?”
“This.” She throws up her hands and motions back and forth between the two of us. She looks exasperated as she exhales and weaves her fingers into her hair. “You have a girlfriend, Tyler. I refuse to be a cheater.”
“You won’t be,” I reassure her. If anything, the only cheater here is me. I like that Eden is the kind of girl to be concerned about this, though. The kind of girl who wants to do the right thing. The kind of girl who doesn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s so attractive to me, and I can’t help but step closer to her, reaching out to touch her elbow. When she raises her voice at me, when she narrows her hazel eyes at me like that, she becomes irresistible. I pull her toward me, leaning in closer, desperate to press my lips to hers.
But before I get there, she pulls her arm free and jerks away from me. My eyes flash open and she is retreating from me, her hands on her hips as she stares at me in disbelief. I figure that, okay, sure, maybe it was bad timing. But oh my God, the things she does to me.
“Are you serious?” she asks. “Now really isn’t the time. Even if you could completely guarantee that she wouldn’t find out—which she will—I still wouldn’t do this anyway.” She takes yet another step back, increasing the distance between us, shaking her head at me. “I am not doing this,” she states firmly.
“C’mon,” I murmur, smoldering my eyes at her in an attempt to win her over. It’s such a Tyler Bruce thing to do, and I hate myself for doing it, because she can clearly see straight through me. She wrinkles her nose at me and then storms upstairs. I turn around and watch her, but before she can disappear out of sight, I tell her, “We can figure this out.” I’m being serious. I will figure this out.
“How, Tyler?” she asks, her voice laced with skepticism as she promptly spins back around, stopping halfway up the staircase. She stares back down at me, her hands resting on the banister. “We only have two options.”
“Only two?”
“Two,” she says, and presses her lips into a firm line. “You have to break up with her.”
“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “I can’t.” Tiffani plays too big a role in my life. She’s toxic and controlling, but she’s also my safety net. It’s reassuring to know that she isn’t going anywhere, that she’ll always be there to keep my mind occupied when life gets a little too hard. I guess I just like that security, even though I know being with Tiffani is wrong. I think maybe I could survive without her, but breaking up with her isn’t an option. Not when she is using my involvement with Declan to blackmail me. Right now, I’m just not in a strong enough mental state to challenge that.
“Why not?” Eden questions.
Do I tell her? I don’t think I can, at least not without explaining that I am more involved with Declan Portwood than everyone thinks I am, and it is a long, long story anyway. My relationship with Tiffani is a three-year-long mess. “Because it’s more complicated than you think it is, alright? Tiffani’s . . . Look, don’t push it.” I narrow my eyes at her, something I always do when I need someone to realize that I am being deadly serious, then I heave a sigh. “What’s the other option?”
“We ignore whatever we have between us,” Eden answers, and her shoulders sink. I hate the sound of that option, and I think she does too. She is coming from the right place, though, and her honesty makes me want her even more.
“So basically,” I say, leaning back against the wall and crossing my arms over my chest, “I get to be with you if I break up with Tiffani? It’s you or her, right?” I look softly up at Eden on the staircase, wishing she was closer to me. I hate that we’re having this conversation. This situation sucks. I am being blackmailed to stay in a toxic relationship that I do actually enjoy being in sometimes, but I also really think there’s something different about Eden that I want to explore.
“Why are you acting surprised?” Eden asks. “That ultimatum is pretty obvious. You should have known that it was going to come to this.”
I tilt my head back to the ceiling and run both my hands back through my hair. “Fuck,” I mutter. I can’t talk about this for a second longer, because I will only end up losing my temper over it all, so I decide to leave while I’m still calm. I head through into the kitchen, and a few seconds later, I hear Eden slamming a door upstairs.
Now I am torn. There is no way I am breaking up with Tiffani, but now I’m worried Eden is going to distance herself from me if I don’t. And right now, I can’t even begin to think about which would be worse: breaking up with Tiffani and having her expose all of my secrets, or never getting to figure out what more could have happened between Eden and me. My head is spinning and I know that either way, I can’t win. I’m feeling hopeless and defeated, but also frustrated with a desire to just relax. I will definitely be meeting Declan tonight. I just need something.
I fetch myself a glass of water, send Declan another message, then head upstairs to my room. Eden is in hers, but I decide not to bother her. I think we both need some space right now. Instead, I pace my room and try calling Tiffani again. I listen to the monotonous dial tone on repeat for half an hour, calling and calling, begging her to answer so that I can at least try to explain myself. My heart stops beating for a second when she does finally pick up my calls, but only to promptly hang up again before I can get a word in.
I give up at that point and hurl my phone across my room, only angering myself more when I hear my screen smash. As I’m reaching down to pick it back up to examine the damage, I hear my door open, and I’m disappointed when Mom walks into my room and not Eden. She must have heard the thud, because she leans against my doorframe and frowns at my phone in my hands. She’s still holding her car keys, so she must have just got back.
“Tyler,” she says.
“What?” I snap. Yeah, I’ve added another crack to my phone. I am always smashing the damn thing, but it always feels so good just to throw something. Sometimes, I wonder if Dad felt the same satisfaction when he threw me around. I hate him, but there are moments where I think that maybe I might understand him.
“Okay, so you’re still in a bad mood,” Mom states, releasing a tired sigh.
“I’m not in a bad mood,” I argue, turning to face her directly. I throw my phone down onto my bed and fold my arms across my chest, staring evenly back at her.
“Yeah, sure.” She purses her lips at me and her eyes grow sad. She lowers her voice and softly asks, “Why did you curse at me like you did earlier?”
“Because I’m an idiot, Mom!” I yell at her. I am craving a buzz more than ever right now, and I am quickly losing my patience. I still feel bad about the way I spoke to her earlier, but I really can’t deal with her questioning me about it. I’m already dealing with enough as it is.
We argue back and forth, growing more and more exasperated with each other, until finally, Mom gives up and leaves my room, most likely feeling even more disheartened than she did when she first entered. I do feel bad, and I contemplate heading out right there and then to meet Declan, but dinner is soon, so I decide to hold off. It’s only for a couple hours. I can cope until then.
Even when dinner does roll around, though, my mood hasn’t improved. Mom was right, I am in a bad mood, and I can’t even hide the disgruntled expression I’m wearing as we all sit around the kitchen table. Minus Jamie. He’s at his friend’s house for dinner, which leaves us as only a family of five tonight. Mom is trying to keep the conversation happy and light, and Dave is talking about some meeting he had at work today, but I am totally tuned out.
I am staring across the table at Eden, my gaze never leaving her. I watch as her mouth curves when she speaks, as she glances down at her lap every so often, as she frowns unsurely when Mom sets a dish of barbecue ribs down on the table. She doesn’t ever really look at me. I think she is still waiting for me to choose which option I am taking in regards to Tiffani, but the truth is, I’m not taking either option.
“I can’t sit here,” I announce, pushing my chair back from the table and getting to my feet. The smell of those ribs is making me feel sick, but that’s not the only reason I refuse to stay. My desire for a hit is growing stronger every minute. “I’m heading back upstairs.”
Mom immediately looks at me. She is standing behind Dave, her hands on his shoulders, her smile faltering. “But yours is just comin—”
“I’ve got some stuff to do,” I cut in. Nothing will make me stay at this table, not when I can sense Eden’s anger at me. As I leave the kitchen, I call over my shoulder, “I’ll heat it up later.” Yeah, when the munchies kick in.
I head up to my room, taking two steps at a time, and I fire Declan another message asking if he can hook me up as soon as he possibly can. I am desperate now, but he isn’t replying. I try to call Tiffani again instead, but it’s yet another failed attempt. If she doesn’t talk to me tonight, I will have no other choice but to turn up at her house tomorrow. That’s most likely what she wants me to do anyway. She’ll want to see me beg.
As I impatiently wait for Declan to get back in touch with me, I sit down on the edge of my bed and interlock my hands between my legs, focusing on nothing in particular as I try to calm my breathing. I listen to the silence in my room, inhaling, exhaling. It is quickly interrupted when Eden walks straight in without even knocking first.
“We’re watching Chase,” she casually informs me, her voice back to its usual husky tone. “Jamie’s maybe broken his wrist.”
My eyes immediately flick up to meet hers as my heart misses a beat. It is such a sensitive subject, and I am so protective that I am instantly on my feet and walking toward her. I am ready to kill someone. “What happened? Where is he? Who?” I ask, and already I can find my body heating up from the panic that is flooding through me. Dad used to break my wrist all the time.
Confusion crosses Eden’s calm features. “What?”
I shouldn’t have asked who did it. That was my subconscious asking that, a question that is so ingrained in me from my childhood. There was always someone behind my injuries. I clear my throat and swallow hard. “I mean, how?”
“I think he fell on it,” Eden says with a small shrug. She is still analyzing me, confused by my questions, and I know I slipped up there. I just hope she doesn’t think too deeply about it. “I heard you’ve broken yours, tough guy,” she adds in a lighter tone, a small smirk on her face.
What the hell? How does she know that? And why is she joking about it? I broke my wrist three damn times in one year, because my father was out of control. “Who told you that?” I demand.
“Um, Chase,” Eden says quietly. Clearly, she didn’t realize just what exactly she is reminding me of. She bites down on her lower lip and searches my eyes for answers. “What’s wrong?”
Oh, Chase. He can’t have told Eden the truth about Dad, because even he doesn’t know the truth. He only knows that growing up, his big brother always seemed so clumsy. “What else did the kid tell you?” I ask. I have to make sure. There are so many things his young, innocent self could say.
“Nothing,” Eden breathes.
I step closer to her, my eyes never leaving hers. “Are you sure?”
“Stop freaking out,” she tells me, though she looks uncomfortable with my reaction. “I’m sure.”
I should be trying harder to hide my emotions right now, but for some reason, when it comes to Eden, I don’t care if she sees. I’m alarmed at the thought of her knowing about my past, and she can most likely see the panic and the fear in my eyes.
“You know what?” I say, finally releasing all of my emotions in the only way I know how: as anger. “I can’t deal with this. I can’t deal with you and I can’t deal with Tiffani. I can’t deal with your dumb questions and I can’t deal with Tiffani’s whining. I can’t deal with any of it right now.” I walk away from her, striding into my bathroom and resting my hands on my sink. I keep my head low, focusing on my breathing again. I was trying so hard to keep it steady before Eden walked in on me. I need Declan to answer me. I need him to give me something that will allow me to forget about today for a few hours.
“You’re getting so worked up,” Eden says. She has followed me into my bathroom and I can sense her hovering by my side.
“Watch the door. The lock is fucked,” I tell her through gritted teeth. I am growing more frustrated with each second that passes. The bathroom seems to be getting smaller and smaller. I feel like I am suffocating. When Eden tries to place her hand on my arm, I can’t handle her touch. I flinch away from her.
“I need a hit,” I admit, my voice seething as I reach up to open my cabinet above my sink. I see my antidepressants, the bottle knocked over on its side. Did I take them today? I reach up to the top shelf and desperately fumble around until I find the cash I have stored up there. It’s some of the cash I’ve made from selling Declan’s shit, and lucky for him, it gets sent straight back his way. I’m a loyal client, I guess. I slam the cabinet door shut again, but when I try to turn around to leave, I find that Eden has thrown herself in between the door and me.
“Don’t even think about it,” she threatens, pressing into my chest. She has her chin tilted up, her jaw clenched, her eyes set solely on mine. She is being serious.
“Eden,” I whisper. I lean forward, moving my lips to her ear so that she can hear and understand me perfectly clearly, and I growl, “I. Need. A. Hit. Right. Now.” If only she knew just how desperately.
She glances down at the cash in my hand, then back up at me. “Because coke is totally going to fix everything, right?”
“Eden,” I say, this time more firmly. Right now, she really shouldn’t try and stop me. I am meeting Declan and getting the high I need whether she likes it or not. “Move your cute ass out of my way before you really piss me off. I gotta meet Declan.”
“I’m not letting you,” she says, pushing closer up against me, her chest against mine. Her gaze is fierce and unrelenting.
“It’s not fucking up to you!” I yell, slamming my hand into the wall behind her, right by her ear. As soon as I do it, I regret it. I don’t want her to see me like this, so angry and so desperate and so pathetic. I don’t want her to see my violent side, because violence is never, ever necessary. I learned that at a young age.
Suddenly, Eden slides out from in front of me and throws herself against my bathroom door. It falls shut and she presses hard against it until it clicks into place. All of the color drains from my face as my jaw hangs open. No fucking way did Eden just do that. We are now both trapped in here, in this tiny bathroom, just the two of us with no possible way out, and if I wasn’t suffocating before, then I definitely will now.