PRESENT DAY
On Saturday night, I am taking it easy at Dean’s place. After what happened at the beach party last year, I am determined to stay in control of all of my senses this time. That’s why I’ve been sipping the same can of beer for almost an hour while everyone else is chugging drinks and making fools out of themselves. It’s weird being the sober one for once. Is this how they feel whenever they watch me drink too fast? Because damn, it’s embarrassing to witness.
Dean has only invited a handful of his friends over. Jake and Meghan are here. Tiffani too, of course. Jackson and TJ from the football team are here, shotgunning beers at the same speed I was last weekend. The only other two people who should be here but aren’t yet are Rachael and Eden. I keep glancing at the front door, waiting for them to turn up, but they are clearly running late. Rachael always takes forever to get ready, so it isn’t surprising, just annoying.
We’re all in the kitchen and I’m leaning back against the countertop, minding my own business and observing everyone else when suddenly Dean throws himself in front of me. The beach party is the only party he ever really lets go for, and he’s already drunk. He grins wide at me as a bead of sweat trickles down his forehead. “You’re behaving. I like that,” he says. He taps his can of beer against mine and then walks away, and I stare blankly after him. Dean gets weird sometimes.
I heave a sigh and straighten up, heading over to Tiffani as she pours herself a drink by the center island. I lean over her shoulder and move my lips to her ear. “I’m going outside for a smoke,” I tell her over the sound of the music.
“I’ll come with you,” she says, spinning around with a smile on her face. She presses the freshly poured drink to her lips and knocks it back, closing her eyes as she drinks it all at once. When she’s done, she slams the plastic cup down onto the countertop and crushes it beneath her hand. What the hell is wrong with everyone tonight? Is there something new in the air that I’m not quite picking up on?
Frowning, I take Tiffani’s hand and we slip outside into Dean’s backyard. The early evening sun is still beating down and it’s so bright that I wish I had sunglasses. I lean back against the wall of the house and pull out my lighter and pack of cigarettes. I don’t smoke cigarettes all that often, but tonight, I am using them as my distraction since I am staying clear of getting drunk and getting high. I place a cigarette between my lips and light it up, inhaling. The smoke burns my lungs.
“You know,” Tiffani says as she rakes her hands down my chest, “you’re actually really hot when you’re sober.”
“Yeah?” I say, and I exhale a plume of smoke straight into her face in an effort to get her away from me, but she doesn’t budge. It was so much easier to put up with her when I didn’t like another girl, and now it feels like the benefits of being with Tiffani just aren’t worth it anymore.
“Well, maybe not when you do that,” she says, wrinkling her nose. When the smoke clears, she moves closer to me, linking her arms around my neck. She looks up at me. “Thank you for being careful tonight. I just don’t want you to embarrass me again.”
She thinks I’m doing this for her? She thinks I’m being responsible for once so that I don’t embarrass her? No. I’m doing this for me, for my own damn health so that I don’t nearly kill myself again. I’m doing the right thing for once, and for myself, no one else.
I smoke in silence for a few minutes while she buries her face into my chest, and our attention is grabbed when we hear the door open and close. We both look over, and honestly, I don’t expect to see Eden looking back at us. She must have just arrived. She hovers by the door, her posture radiating confidence, and if Tiffani wasn’t here right now, I would be all over her. Her dark, thick hair is straight for once and her eyes are heavily defined, her lashes thick. She’s matched a skirt with a pair of Converse. She looks amazing.
“Can you go back inside?” Tiffani immediately snaps at her. She has a nasty streak when she drinks too much, and she’s about to take it out on Eden. “And, like, give us some space?”
“Back off,” I order, and Tiffani cranes her neck to glower at me. Normally, I wouldn’t ever stand up against her, but I refuse to let her speak to Eden like that.
Luckily, though, Eden completely ignores her. Instead, she nods to the cigarette in my hand, concern crossing her features. “What are you doing?”
“Relax,” I say with a small smile as I place the cigarette back between my lips. “It’s just a cigarette.”
Her expression hardens and she presses her glossy, pink lips into a bold line. “That’s all you’re gonna smoke tonight, right? Just cigarettes?”
I inhale another drag of the cigarette as I stare at her. If Tiffani wasn’t here, I would talk to her about this. I would be myself with her. But Tiffani is here, so I have to stick to being Tyler Bruce, despite how much I hate him. “Go back inside if you’re just gonna interrogate me, sis,” I say. I narrow my eyes at her for a fraction of a second, praying that she realizes this is all just an act, and then I look away from her and back to Tiffani, pretending I don’t care. Tiffani laughs.
“We’re about to play shot roulette,” Eden states, ignoring me, acting normal. Good, I think. That’s what we need to do. “So if you wanna join in, then you should probably come inside.”
“I’m totally game!” Tiffani says, her attitude switching in a heartbeat. Now, she is suddenly beaming wide and skips over to join Eden, as though they are best friends. Even Eden pulls a face at the sudden change.
“Are you joining us?” Eden asks me, cocking her head to one side as she watches me take a couple more sips of my beer. I’ve been holding it for so long that it’s warm now. And gross.
“Obviously,” I say sharply, rolling my eyes. I hate using this tone with her, but it’s my Tyler Bruce voice. Tiffani, drunk or sober, would most definitely pick up on it if I spoke to Eden differently than the way I speak to everyone else.
She shakes her head at me, and then both she and Tiffani disappear back inside. Shot fucking roulette? They’re all going to end up wasted in there. I stay outside for a few more minutes, finishing off my smoke and pouring the remainder of my beer into a nearby plant pot, then I finally head inside to join everyone else.
They are all circling the center island where the roulette wheel is set up, cheering each other on, and I awkwardly hang back a little behind Tiffani. I don’t really want to get involved, but I have a feeling I’ll be asked to take at least one turn. I look at Eden across the kitchen. She is between Dean and Rachael, and Dean has his arm around her shoulders and is yelling something into her ear over the music while Rachael is murmuring something into her other. Suddenly, Rachael grabs her wrist and pulls her away from us all. The two of them disappear into the living room and then out of sight, and I almost charge after them. Rachael can be a bad influence and I don’t trust her with Eden, but if I grow too protective that would be suspicious, so I reluctantly force myself to stay put in the kitchen.
The game of shot roulette gets crazy real fast, with shots being taken and replaced every second as everyone becomes even rowdier. I am firing Tiffani disapproving glances every time she picks up another shot, but for once, she is the one to ignore me. Dean is also drinking way too fast, and I think Meghan may just end up passed out before we even get to the damn beach.
“C’mon, you’re the pro,” Jake slurs at me as he throws his arm around my shoulders and shoves a shot glass into my hand. He spills half the vodka on the floor and he is grinning at me as though we are suddenly best friends again. “Sober is boring. Drink up.”
Honestly, I don’t really want to go to this party completely sober, so I do give in and knock back several shots. I even crack open another two beers that I swig at while everyone else finishes off the game, and by the time we are getting our shit together and heading outside, I am feeling a little tipsy.
Dean’s older cousin is giving us a ride to the beach, and his minivan is parked up out on the street as he waits for us. As we are all piling out through the front door, my hand in Tiffani’s, I suddenly stop. “Wait. Where’s Eden and Rachael?” I ask.
“I’ll go find them,” Dean says, and he turns and heads back inside the house.
Jake and Meghan linger by the front door, but Jackson and TJ are already diving for the van, and Tiffani is squeezing my hand and tugging me across the lawn. We climb into the very back seats and she is so drunk that she swings her legs over mine, hooking her arms around my neck for support.
“Hey, Dean’s cousin, turn the music up!” she yells, and he does as he’s told, bumping up the music until it is pounding in our ears. Tiffani begins to grind against me as she dances, but I’m not paying attention to her.
I’m staring back at Dean’s house as Eden and Rachael emerge from inside. I don’t know what the fuck they’ve been up to, but they are both absolutely wasted. They can barely keep themselves upright as they stumble their way across the lawn, clinging onto one another, flanked by Dean, Jake, and Meghan. The five of them pile into the van and there aren’t enough seats for us all, so Rachael sits on Eden’s lap and Dean squeezes himself into the back seats next to Tiffani and me.
I stare at Eden in disbelief as she laughs out loud. I’ve never seen her like this, and it’s making me really uncomfortable. I don’t like the thought of her drinking too much, of losing control and regretting it the next morning like I always do. Getting drunk like this isn’t her.
As we set off for the beach, everyone is so lively, jumping around the van and singing out of tune to the music, screaming their words. Tiffani is laughing in my ear. Jackson has the window rolled down and is waving his arm through the air. Jake is filming a video of us all while he yells out another one of his shitty one-liners.
I grit my teeth and turn to face the window. I really didn’t want to go to this party in the first place, and now I’m wondering how long it will be until someone throws up. I can feel someone’s eyes boring into me, so I turn back from the window and find that Eden is looking at me over her shoulder among all of the commotion. Our eyes lock, but all she does is flash me a wide, goofy smile. She is so drunk, and I’m not sure how she is going to handle tonight. I can’t bring myself to smile back at her, because I’m worried. I turn back to look out of the window, tuning everything out.
It’s not a long drive down to the beach, and I can see the party raging on as we’re pulling up into the pier parking lot. As soon as Jackson slides open the door, we can hear the music thumping from the stage across the beach. The crowd is thick and energetic, and I have never seen the oceanfront look so busy. There are people milling around absolutely everywhere, and we all pile out of the minivan to join them.
“If any of you morons get us kicked out, I’ll personally kick your ass,” Jake warns us as we all huddle around one another. The girls are still giggling, and Dean can barely keep his eyes open. “Unless you’re a girl. If you’re a girl, you’ll get the silent treatment.”
The nine of us head across the boardwalk and make our way down onto the beach. I feel like I have to keep an eye on everyone as they stumble across the sand, unable to relax in fear that someone will face-plant the ground. There are a lot of security guards around, but as per usual, they are so distracted by the DJ performing over on the stage that they aren’t actually doing their jobs. We sail straight on past them, and that’s when we decide to split up. The girls head off in one direction, and us guys head off in another. I’m glad to get away from Tiffani, but I’m anxious about letting Eden out of my sight. She is with her friends, though. Or rather my friends. And although they are just as drunk as each other, I’m sure they will look after her. I doubt they do beach parties like this up in Portland, so I hope Eden will be alright.
Jake weaves a path through the crowd, fearlessly elbowing people out of the way while we all flank him. We are fighting our way toward the stage, and Dean is too light on his feet, because he keeps swaying into people. I throw my arm around his shoulders, firmly supporting him.
“Woah,” he says.
“What, Dean?”
“Woaaaaaah,” he says again.
Goddamn. Maybe I should have gotten as wasted as the rest of them so that I didn’t have to bear this, because I only end up babysitting the guys. TJ disappears from sight after fifteen minutes, and I have to keep apologizing to the strangers Jake keeps knocking into as he jumps around to the music, and I keep having to haul Dean up from the floor and check if he’s alright. It is such a drastic change from last year, and although I hate being the sober one, I’m at least proud of myself.
I try to relax into the music, to somewhat enjoy this party, but I just can’t get into it. We are in the thick of the crowd and we are being shoved around and the guys are yelling unintelligible shit into my ear and they are all laughing but me. I stand with my hands in my pockets, constantly checking the time, but we’ve only been here for an hour. The sun hasn’t even fully set yet, so it’s going to be a long night.
I am watching the stage when out of the corner of my eye, I spot Tiffani nearby. She is on her own, weaving her way through the crowd, her head on a swivel as she searches for something. And I know exactly what she’s looking for, and that’s me. I really don’t want to deal with her right now. I don’t need her drunkenly trying to kiss me, so without saying a word to the guys, I turn and throw myself into the crowd in the opposite direction from Tiffani. I am fast to make my exit, using my shoulders to nudge by people, desperately trying to put some distance between Tiffani and me. I head away from the stage, toward the back of the crowd where it begins to thin. It’s much more chilled out back here, and just when I think I have escaped Tiffani, I discover I have a new issue at hand.
In front of me, I see Eden. She is alone, still drunk, and in tears. I quickly glance around, but neither Rachael nor Meghan are anywhere in sight. Eden’s hair is no longer straight but rather tangled and wavy around her shoulders, and she is hugging her sweater around her while staring down at the sand. Her cheeks are smeared with mascara, and she is barefoot. Her Converse are tied around her fingers by the laces. What the hell has happened?
“Dammit, Eden,” I say as I rush over to her aid. Why the hell is she alone and upset? I’m glad I’ve found her. Who knows how long she has been left like this for?
“Tiffani is looking for you,” she sniffs through her tears as she looks up at me from the sand. Her eyes are swollen and she dabs at them with the sleeves of her sweater. “Your girlfriend.”
I don’t care about Tiffani right now. I only care about her. I step closer, tilting my head down so that we are eye level. “What the hell are you crying for?”
“Everyone left,” she says, and her lower lip trembles as her shoulders sink. She glances around at the crowd surrounding us, but it only makes her lose her balance. “Tiffani, Meghan, Rachael . . . My phone’s gone.”
I reach for her arm and hold her still, but she is still swaying slightly, unable to focus on me. “How drunk are you?” I ask her, frowning. I should have stayed with her. I knew she was drunk. This party was such a bad idea.
She cocks her head to one side, her damp cheeks glistening as the strobe lights from the stage hit her face. “Are you drunk?”
“Not anymore,” I say, even though I was never drunk in the first place. How the hell do I fix this? I’m never usually the one who has to sober anyone up, because I am usually the one who needs sobering the most. I look down at the sand. There are crushed cans all over the place, and I’m surprised she hasn’t cut her feet yet. I reach for her shoes, untangling the laces of her Converse from around her fingers and dropping them down onto the sand in front of her. “Put them back on,” I order. My voice adopts a new strict, firm tone. “There’s trash everywhere.” Eden immediately steps back into her shoes, and she grins up at me despite the fact that she was just in tears a second ago. “Your dad is going to kill you,” I mutter under my breath. Dave would have a heart attack if he saw his daughter like this. There is no way I can take Eden home, but I also can’t let her stay here.
Suddenly, she darts off, spinning across the sand until she is a small distance away from me. She pauses and turns back to face me again, her expression playful. Oh, God. What is she doing now? I watch her closely, trying to gauge her next movements. When there is a break in the crowd, she clumsily drops herself down onto the sand and forward rolls her way toward me, ending up in a giggling heap. The people around us are watching. They’re rolling their eyes at her, laughing at her.
“Get off the ground,” I snap, reaching down and grabbing her arm. I pull her straight back up onto her feet and fix her with a disapproving look. This isn’t funny. “What did I just tell you about the trash?”
“I loooove this beach,” she slurs, and suddenly, she has gone from crying her eyes out to smiling wide. She must be dizzy, because she sways to one side again, and I grab her shoulders with both hands. This time, I don’t let go of her, I just keep holding onto her, refusing to let her fall. “I’m going to come back next summer just for this party!”
“Are you coming back next summer?” I ask quickly. It’s something I haven’t actually thought about too much. I keep forgetting that in a couple weeks, Eden will be heading home. I wish she didn’t have to leave.
“I don’t know,” she says, shrugging beneath my grip on her shoulders. “It depends if my dad wants me back or not.”
“I hope he does,” I say. Please, Dave, invite the damn girl back again. “I know I do,” I add quietly.
Eden’s mouth curves back into a smile and she fights against my firm hold, breaking out into what I think may be dance moves. She isn’t even in sync with the music, and when I glance around us again, I can still see people laughing.
“You’re drawing attention to yourself,” I hiss into her ear. I drop my hands from her shoulders to her waist, firmly grabbing her body and holding her as tightly as I can, keeping her still. “You’re gonna get us kicked out.”
“But I’m twenty-one!” she screams through a fit of giggles, and even more heads turn in our direction.
“Oh my God,” I whisper, releasing a groan. This is getting bad, and I need to think fast about how I’m going to get her away from here. I close my eyes for a second, thinking through all of my options, and I realize that there aren’t many. I inhale as I open my eyes again, then I quickly bend down and slide my hands under her legs, swiftly pulling her onto my back. I straighten up again as I begin to carry her across the beach through the crowd. “You need to sober the fuck up.”
Eden rests her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding onto me just as tightly as I’m holding onto her. Her legs are locked around my waist and she is breathing deeply against my neck. I wish she knew that it was turning me on, but I fight hard to keep my mind focused on the situation at hand, which is making sure she is okay.
I don’t even know where I’m heading, but I spot TJ among the crowd. He looks even drunker than he did at Dean’s place, and I don’t even know how that’s possible considering none of us have had a drink in hours. He also has two much older, extremely attractive girls on either side of him who he is chatting to. Normally, I wouldn’t interrupt, but I know that he has an apartment nearby.
“Troy-James,” I call out to get his attention. Quickly, I walk over to him, still carrying Eden on my back. She is nearly strangling me, but I don’t mind.
“What’s up?” TJ says. He has a hand on the hip of each girl and he smiles at me, his gaze lazy.
“I need your apartment,” I say quickly. It’s a weird request, I know, but I’m begging him to help me out. “You’re still on Ocean Avenue, right?”
“Bro,” TJ says unsurely. He glances at the girls he’s with, both of them leaning in close to him, and he seems indecisive. I have a feeling he may want the apartment for himself. “What are your plans, man?”
I nod my head back over my shoulder toward Eden. She hasn’t said a word since I picked her up, so I don’t even know if she’s still awake or passed out. “Sobering her up,” I tell TJ, and the expression I give him is pleading, hoping for sympathy. “Her dad’ll kill her if she goes home like this.”
“Dude, you’re kind of messing up my plans,” he mutters, widening his eyes at me. He pulls a face and subtly nods to the girls by his side.
“My place is free,” one of them says, and suddenly, TJ’s features relax and he throws me the keys to his apartment without a second thought.
“Leave ’em under the doormat,” he says. He gives us no rules, and I manage to quickly thank him before he places his hands on the girls’ waists and guides them away.
I think I remember where the apartment is. It’s just across the street on the oceanfront, overlooking the beach, and I take a deep breath and begin to head in that direction. I never wanted to come to this party in the first place, so I don’t mind leaving with Eden. I need to sober her up as best I can and make sure that she’s safe.
“Why are we going to his apartment?” I hear her mumble into my shoulder after I’ve been walking for a while, leaving the party behind us. She’s still alert, which is a good thing. I really don’t want her to black out and fall asleep right now. “Why does he even have an apartment?”
“Because you’re just embarrassing yourself out here,” I tell her with a small laugh. I know the feeling, because I get way too drunk and embarrass myself all the time. That’s why I can’t get too mad at her. “And his parents are, like, millionaires. They bought him an apartment down here for his sixteenth birthday. Who the hell does that?”
“Millionaires,” she says, and we both laugh.
I continue away from the beach, but the music seems to follow us. We can still hear the party continuing without us, and I wonder if anyone will even notice that we have left. They are all so drunk that they most likely won’t. That’s a good thing. The last thing I need right now is Tiffani racing around trying to find me, so I can only hope that she is too preoccupied by the music and the lights.
“You can put me down, you know,” Eden says, and she begins to fidget on my back.
“What, so you can get hit by a car? No way,” I say. I tighten my hold on her as we cross Ocean Avenue during a break in the traffic.
“You’re missing the rest of the party,” she murmurs, as though I actually care about the damn party.
I don’t trust her enough right now not to do anything stupid, so I carry her all the way to TJ’s apartment building. When we reach the entrance, I let her down gently, and she seems even more unsteady on her feet than she did back at the beach.
“How are you feeling?” I ask as I shove TJ’s keys into the lock. It’s stiff, so I have to fumble around for a few seconds until I get the door open.
Eden looks down at her shoes and pulls her sweater around her. “Embarrassed.”
I reach for her elbow and guide her inside the apartment building, shutting out the music from the party as I close the door behind us again. “We’ve all been there,” I say in an effort to make her feel a little better. We’re young. Getting too drunk and making a fool out of yourself is almost a rite of passage.
“Like you last year?” Eden says, and I stop dead in my tracks in the middle of the lobby.
I look back at her, taken aback by the suddenness of that accusation. How does she know? Someone has told her what happened last year, about that bad trip I took. I don’t think she means to hurt me, though, because she guiltily bites down on her lip as though she is wishing she never said it. For that reason, I decide to just move on without talking about it, shaking my head at her and reaching for her wrist. I pull her into the elevator and press the button for the second floor.
“206,” I say out loud as I double-check the apartment number on TJ’s keys. I never let go of Eden’s wrist, and I guide her along the hallway of the second floor and all the way to the door of TJ’s apartment. I unlock it and lead her inside.
I have been in TJ’s apartment before, but only for a party. It’s much different seeing it when I’m sober and when the place isn’t trashed. I forgot that he has these amazing floor-to-ceiling windows that surround the living room, overlooking the beach. I can see the lights of the pier, the Pacific Wheel flashing bright as the sun sets in the distance behind it. Eden must appreciate the view, because she stands still, her gaze locked on the windows, completely entranced.
I walk over to the kitchen and fill Eden a glass of water, which I carry back over to her. “Here,” I say gently, keeping my voice low so that I don’t startle her too much. When she turns to face me, I force the glass into her hand. “Drink it. Now.”
Her smile is thankful as she presses the glass to her lips and gulps down the water. We were on the beach for over an hour in the heat, and I have a feeling she definitely didn’t stop by any of the refreshment stands to keep herself hydrated.
“Sit down,” I tell her, taking the empty glass away from her. I nod over her shoulder to the couch behind her. I’m not really sure what exactly I’m supposed to be doing, but getting her off her feet seems like a good place to start. I place my hand on her shoulder and lead her over, pushing her down onto the couch.
“It looks so pretty,” she murmurs as she focuses her gaze back on the windows again, at the picturesque Santa Monica in front of us. She sinks back against the cushions, and the sunset casts an orange glow across her face. “Doesn’t it?”
“Sure it does,” I agree as I walk back over to the sink again. I fill her another glass of water from the faucet and bring it back to her, drying my hands on my jeans. She is sitting cross-legged on the couch now, and I don’t really know what to do with myself, so I just sit down on the edge of the couch next to her. “You need to sleep this off,” I say as I watch her desperately chugging that water again. I’m trying to think of all the things people tell me to do when I’m too drunk, and usually, I am forced to drink water and sleep. I don’t think it actually works, at least not for me, but I am willing to try anything with Eden. “Come on,” I say, gently taking the glass from her again and setting it down on the coffee table. I reach for her hand, interlocking our fingers as I stand up, taking her with me. Just in case she topples over again, I clasp her waist with my other hand. “You good?”
“Good,” she confirms.
I take her across the apartment, her hand still in mine, and I guide her into TJ’s bedroom. Luckily, he keeps it tidy, and Eden seems desperate to climb into the huge bed in the center of the floor, because she is already kicking off her shoes. I don’t know why, but I find myself sliding my hands under her thighs and lifting her up again. She wraps her legs around me once more, her arms over my shoulders, her chest pressed to mine. I carry her over to the bed and gently set her back down again. I walk around the bed, fumbling with the sheets, pulling them back for her.
“I’ll go get your water,” I tell her. The silence of the apartment is getting a little awkward now, not because we are uncomfortable, but because we are alone and I still have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just glad it’s me who is looking after her and no one else.
I head back to the living room, grab her glass from the coffee table, then top it back up at the sink. I may have been tipsy earlier, but I am completely sober now. I don’t think Eden would have had a drink since we left Dean’s place, so I’m pretty sure she won’t be getting any more intoxicated than she already is. From this point onward, she can only sober up.
“Here,” I say as I walk back into the bedroom, and Eden flinches at the sound of my voice. She has stuck one of her fake eyelashes onto the bedside table, and I bite back laughter as I set the water down next to it. “Water and sleep: The only way to sober up and minimize your hangover as much as possible,” I explain with a laugh. I hope I can lighten the mood a little so that she doesn’t end up hating herself for this tomorrow.
“You should take your own advice sometimes,” she says as I’m closing the curtains, shutting out all of the bright lights from the pier. “Next time you’re drunk, I’m just gonna chant, ‘Water and sleep, water and sleep.’ ”
I smile at her as I turn back around, shaking my head. God, I really do like this girl. “Get some sleep, Eden,” I say softly.
Eden lets out a warm, gentle laugh as she scrambles under the sheets, fluffing up the pillows and pulling the sheets up to her chin. She lies on her back, getting comfortable, and so I head for the door, ready to give her some privacy to sleep off the alcohol, but I end up lingering longer than I mean to. Does she want me to leave or does she want me to stay? Should I give her some space or should I watch over her?
“Are you going back to the party?” she asks, lifting her head up.
“I don’t know,” I admit. I look down at the floor. Tyler Bruce doesn’t really leave parties early. “I mean, Tiffani’s probably looking everywhere for me.”
“Oh,” Eden says, and I can almost hear her heart sinking.
“I’ll let you sleep,” I say as I glance back up at her. I give her a small smile, one that lets her know that I’m here, I’m looking after her, I care about her.
She sinks back down into the pillows and rolls over, hugging the sheets around her. Reluctantly, I leave the room, pulling the door closed behind me. The apartment is in silence and I find myself paralyzed outside the bedroom. I squeeze my eyes shut and rest my forehead against the door, exhaling.
Going back to that party is the cowardly way out. Do I really care about what people think of me? Do I really return to a party just to prove to everyone that I’m there, that I’m happy? I’m stronger than that, I know I am. I don’t need approval from anyone. I don’t need everyone to think that I’m fine.
Fuck Tyler Bruce. I hate that guy. For the first time, I think I may actually like myself better. I like who I am with Eden, but around Eden, I am only being me. The real me, the me who has all of these secrets and all of these insecurities and all of these ups and downs.
Forget the party. I am not going anywhere. I’m staying right here with Eden, because she matters more to me than what my friends think of me.
I push open the door and step back into the dark bedroom. Eden is already asleep, because she doesn’t even stir as I walk across the room. I sit down on the floor in front of the window, resting my head back against the wall as I watch her. I wish she knew I was here, that I haven’t left. I will sit here and watch her for hours if I need to, just to make sure she is safe.
I think that’s the moment I realize I’m in love with her.