CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LEIGH
"I kind of hate myself.” The wig Sealy threw on my head doesn’t want to stay put. "This is... a lot of maroon."
"Where is your school spirit?" Sealy drags me through the parking lot, Whooping at every tailgate we pass. "How do you have none after this many years here?"
"Three years here is precisely why I don't have any. Also, I look terrible in maroon."
"No one looks terrible in maroon."
"Well, call me No One, Polyphemus."
Sealy rolls her eyes and side steps around a gaggle of blondes in tight-fitting maroon tank-tops. I can't make out what their shirts say, but they pass out small airline-sized bottles of liquor to everyone who walks by.
"Here." Sealy snags an Absolut Vodka mid-stride. "You need this."
"Absolutely." I tip it back and relish the burn before we cross into the stadium. "Get it? Because it's—"
"I got it. Your jokes are terrible. Why does Heath sleep with you?"
Everything in me runs warm. "My big brain."
"You say brain, I say tits. Okay, follow me and do not get lost. They won't let you down otherwise." Sealy grabs my hand and launches us through the thick crowds of maroon and small pockets of burnt orange. "God, who would wear that shitty color?"
I don't tell her that I like their colors better because I don't want to be murdered in the middle of the "friendly old Aggies". For the millionth time, I feel like a ridiculous outsider here. I could have gone to UT. That could have been my life in a bustling large city with ample intern positions to launch my career.
"Remind me again why I came here?" I ask her over the swelling voices in the crowd. "Why did I pick this tiny town?"
"Fuck if I know, but I'm glad you did." Sealy yells back.
We take a series of hallways and staircases until we hit a brightly lit tunnel much quieter than the rest of the facility. It was like walking into a bomb shelter. Huge signed posters of pro players are framed and hung up in between closed doors. The whole place reeks of old sweat socks.
"Lovely." I shudder.
"You ever notice how they all smell vaguely like another dude's sweat, even right after they shower?" Sealy leans in conspiratorially. "Clark does."
"Maybe Clark is busy rolling around in another guy's sweat before he comes to roll around in yours."
"Rude. But also probably." Sealy stops mid-stride and I nearly trip over her shoes. "Hey, I need to step in here real quick to talk to Coach Hemsley. If you follow this hallway down to the end and make a left, there will be a bunch of signs pointing you to the locker room. That okay?"
"Sure. I'll see you." I wave, not sure what she needs but anxious to keep moving.
I don't like being in big hallways alone and would rather she stayed, but I'm also eager to see Heath. I want him to see that I can get all dressed up and excited for a game. He's given me plenty of shit for not coming in the past weeks or saying I didn't have enough school pride when I do. I wore the t-shirts and yelled all the chants. It was plenty.
Familiar fuzzy bubbles well up in my stomach after I round the corner and hit the locker rooms. I really want a close-up view of his butt in those pants. But now, I’m not sure whether I should knock or just walk in? After a minute of waffling, I crack the door open.
"Nah, bro, you earned that shit." Someone says. I freeze by the door, not sure where to go, listening for Heath's voice. "You took her home and tried to keep her. Never works."
"I thought she was different, man. You can't fault me for that shit." Someone else answers. Not Heath. "I should just stay away from blondes. They are all the same."
"Not the same. You just find crappy girls." Clark’s deep voice is instantly recognizable. "My blonde is fine as hell and a real badass."
"Clark finds the gems in all the shit." There's my Heath. I slide around the lockers, but stop to listen to him brag about me to all his friends. It's like a once in a lifetime opportunity to catch the guys in their native environment. "Gotta be envious of the man. He finds what none of us can.”
Everyone laughs, but I can't move. Envious of Clark? Envious of his blonde girlfriend? That he can’t find? I know we have an agreement to not be anything serious, but I thought that's what he wanted. That's what we wanted.
I force myself to chalk it up to bullshitting his friends. There's no sense in turning crazy over the stupid shit they say in here.
Right?
"Heath can't score a girlfriend anyway." I immediately recognize that voice. Jack. Holy hell I hate that guy so much. Even his voice makes me queasy. "He pretends he's not interested because he can't follow through. Bet his dick don't work right."
"Don't you worry about my dick." Heath throws back easily. "It gets plenty of workout. I just don't need some chick around all the time to make it happen."
The air in my lungs turns to cotton. That's how he views me? Something easily picked up and cast aside? One of many he can resort to when he feels like shit? And holy hell, I'm not even worth bragging about in the locker room? I know I'm an unknown, but this campus has tens of thousands of students. Surely, surely, I'm worthy of something.
"Heath is a ramblin' man whose only real love is football. You slackers know that." Clark says. "Can't no one hold him down."
"It's the dream, boys. It really is." Heath brags.
I can't stomach anymore of it and slip out the back door. This was such a terrible idea. I know the nature of our agreement and can't honestly expect anything else out of him. He says all sorts of ignorant things to make me upset and can't even mention me when guys are talking about who they screw, so I'm clearly worth nothing to him.
All these things I think I already knew, but to have them confirmed is more painful that I expect.
"Sorry!" Sealy says, sliding next to me. "I'm trying to organize that thing for Clark's birthday in two weeks and needed the Coach's help. Did you go in?"
I want to tell her what happened and run far away, but can't put words together because my brain still doesn't want to process what was said. So I shake my head.
"Come on, scaredy cat." Sealy links her arm in mine and knocks loudly on the door. "Hello, boys! Special delivery!"
There's some rustling behind the door and then Clark appears, a large grin on his face. Sealy jumps him and kisses him like they are in some foreign film, and I stand there awkwardly, looking for Heath behind him. He finally pops out just as Clark and Sealy break for air. A big smile erupts over his face and I want nothing more than to hope that everything I just heard was all an act anyway.
"I was just telling the guys about you!" Heath scoops me up in a hug and kisses my forehead. "Look at you, all marooned out!"
That sound? It's my heart slowly shattering. Which is confusing because my heart should have never been involved in the first fucking place. But I'm a big girl, so I force a smile all the way into my voice.
"Well, after all the shit I got over the past few weeks, I felt I needed to prove you wrong. I can have just as much spirit as the rest of them."
"You always surprise me." He kisses my forehead again and pulls away to throw a look behind him. It may as well be a dagger in my side at this point. "Where are you sitting?"
"Fifty-yard line, first row. Won 'em at work." Sealy grins up at Clark. "Can't wait to see my man out there in action."
"I'll make sure to wave when I'm on the sidelines." Heath promises. "You'll look for me?"
"Of course." It all feels like a terrible lie.
"We gotta go. See you out there?"
"Good luck!"
Sealy throws her arms around Clark's neck once more. Heath squeezes my hand and disappears into the locker room. The difference is enough to pour ice into my heart.