Just Helpless
I’M HOT, IT’S SO HOT, like I’m surrounded by heaters. My back is especially extra warm and I need to pee. I throw the covers back and sit up. Little fuzzy dots prickle my vision and I take a minute to let it pass. Slowly, I get up, go to the bathroom and relieve myself. I wash my hands and brush my teeth since my mouth feels like a thousand birds shit in it and then dried up to dust.
When I return to bed I lay on my back. I still feel like shit, but not like death. The bathroom trip really took it out of me, so I’m going to lie here until I can muster the energy to go downstairs for water. As I’m contemplating whether it would be overstepping to text Betsy to ask her to bring me water, an arm drapes across my chest. Interesting. I turn my head to see the arm is attached to Betsy. She tries to snuggle in so I move my arm up so she can.
Five minutes is all I get of uninterrupted viewing of the most beautiful woman I’ve met cuddled into me. Her eyes flutter open and she sees me staring at her. I’m rewarded with a half-smile.
“Hey there,” she whispers and if I wasn’t already in love with her, I would be just because she’s trying to be quiet while my head throbs. It’s taking every molecule I have working to keep other parts from throbbing because she’s here in my bed. Her hand goes from my chest to my cheek and then forehead. “You’re still warm. I’ll go get you some more ibuprofen.”
She starts to pull from our cozy spot and even though I feel weak, my arms stay put. “I’m okay for a bit, don’t go,” I say and my voice is raspy and it hurts to talk. Her arm goes back to my chest and I like the feeling of it there. In fact, I like all of her here. Now I have to figure out how to get her to stay.
I must fall back asleep because when she wakes me, she’s sitting on my bed next to me. She gets me to take the pills and I drink a bottle of Gatorade. She made me oatmeal and I manage a few bites. When she makes to leave I grab her wrist. “Will you stay?” She nods and gets up to go sit in the chair. “No, here.” My hand pats the space next to me.
She hesitates for a minute and then gets back under the covers. “I’m working from home today so I can hang but I’ll have to do some work.”
I nod, “Just for a little bit, please?” I pull her in, her back to my front so I can spoon her. Maybe I’m taking advantage of the situation. I’m totally doing that and I don’t care. I need her.
Her hand caresses mine and then she places it on her heart, over her breast. “Whatever you need, Joe, I’m here.”
“Thanks,” I whisper into her neck. Mmm, tangerines. “You smell good.”
She giggles and I feel it through my whole pathetic body. “Get some rest, you perv.” I give her tit a light squeeze and she laughs again, moving my hand to her hip. “Behave yourself,” she says but doesn’t seem annoyed in the least bit.
Later, I wake to find her propped up next to me on her laptop tapping away. Her headphones are on and she is humming along. I don’t think she realizes she’s doing it but it’s cute. I like her here in my room, in my bed. She looks over at me and smiles as her headphones come off. “Hey, sleepy. How you feeling?” she asks, putting her hand on my forehead.
“Okay, I need to get up,” I say and attempt to sit up. I’m successful and I stand, swaying. She is up in a flash to help steady me. “You can walk me there but I draw the line at the bathroom.”
“Noted,” she says. “I’ll wait out here though.”
When I come back out, she is changing the sheets on my bed and the warm feeling in my chest is not illness related. “Need help?” I ask leaning against the wall.
“No, just sit there until I’m done. Or you can change, I put clean pj pants and a shirt out for you.” I sit in the chair and find the folded clothes on the ottoman. When I lean forward to grab them, I catch a whiff of myself and it’s not pretty.
“I think I’m going to attempt a shower before I put clean clothes on,” I say and stand up slowly and make my way to the shower. I don’t make the water too hot, knowing that would be a bad idea. I drop my boxers and step in. When I turn, I see Betsy walk in.
“I’ll leave your clothes here and I’ll be right back with a clean towel, I went ahead and washed everyone’s linens, get the sick out of them and all that.” She heads back out but is back in less than a minute with a towel. I wash as quickly as I can but any exertion is a challenge. When I step out the shower, she is there with the towel, it’s warm and she wraps it around me. “Get dressed and then I’ll help you downstairs if you want.” She pauses for a bit, just hugging me with the towel, my arms pinned to my sides, then let’s go and walks out.
We make it downstairs and she sets me up on the couch. I channel surf while she makes me some soup. I’m able to eat almost the whole bowl and I take more pills to keep my fever down. I watch some old cartoons while she works next to me, my feet in her lap. She’s stayed within a foot of me all day. I catch a few worried looks from her too.
“I’m going to live, okay?” I try to reassure her.
“I know, but do you think you should go to the doctor too?”
“I’ll call her but she’ll just tell me to do exactly what I’m doing now.” She gives me a look so I pick up my phone and call the doctor on speakerphone. I tell the nurse my symptoms and that we were just in for my brother with the same and he was diagnosed with the flu. She tells me to keep with the fluids and rest and to call if it gets worse. “See, it’s the flu. I swear you can call back if I get worse or my fever gets high.” She nods and I put a pillow in her lap and lay my head there. There’s no hesitation of her hand brushing my hair from my eyes. “Your hair is getting long in the front,” she observes. My usual hairstyle is a little long and floppy on top and short on the sides. She’s right, I haven’t had a haircut in a while.
I don’t answer her, just enjoy her hands in my hair. My eyes close and I drift to sleep feeling safe and well cared for. I am in and out of consciousness, that restless sleep when you’re sick. A few times I feel Betsy’s lips on my face, the kiss test for fever is what she tells me but I think she likes kissing me.
When I wake sometime later, it’s dark and I am alone on the couch. I feel lousy still and drag myself to the sink to drink some water. I’m not hungry but I heat up some soup anyway and force a few spoonfuls down. When I put my bowl in the sink, I notice the note stuck to the front of my shirt. It’s from Betsy telling me she went to work but will come right home after. She reminds me of my promise to call if I need her or the doctor.
I’m not well, but I can handle getting myself back to my room. I lay in bed wishing she was here with me, and I was not sick. Through the night I toss and turn and have weird and vivid dreams about the band, my brother, and Betsy. At some point I feel Betsy holding me, begging me to wake up. I’m barely conscious but she gets me to take some pills and water. I’m shivering violently, it’s so cold. Betsy’s warmth as she spoons me calms my shivers down and I fall back into sleep. She’s been whispering to me the whole time, trying to calm me down. In there somewhere I swear I hear her say she loves me. Or maybe it’s just my delirious wishful thinking.