Bailey
It's been a long, long day filled with the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows – and everything in between. We're sitting in the back of Colin's car, and I stretch out my legs. My feet are killing me. Colin looks at me, and even though his face is cloaked in shadow, I can still see the enigmatic smile he's wearing.
“What is it?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Nothing.”
He grabs hold of my legs and puts them in his lap. I watch as he slips off my shoes and starts to rub my feet for me. My eyes practically roll into the back of my head as he rubs my stiff, sore feet. I melt into the seat and feel like I could drift off to sleep right here and now.
“You know,” I say. “If the whole exploiting the world thing doesn't work out for you, I think you could have a real career in foot massage ahead of you.”
“Foot masseuse doesn't quite have the same appeal as exploiting the world around me,” he says. “There's no power trip to be had when you're rubbing people's feet.”
“No, probably not.”
“Definitely not,” he says.
Between the gentle sway of the car and Colin's foot massage, I'm being lulled into a near catatonic state. And all the while, Colin is looking straight at me, his eyes glittering like chips of ice in the darkness.
I still can't get over the shock of him offering Matthew a job. It's one of the most generous things I've ever seen a person do for a total stranger. Not only is Colin giving Matthew a job, and a chance to build his dignity back up, he's giving him a sense of hope. A sense of purpose. And that's something you can't put a price tag on.
Seeing the unfettered joy in Matthew's face is something that will stick with me forever. It's a memory I'll cherish and treasure for the rest of my life. In a lot of ways, I feel like the people who come into the shelter are my children. I doubt I'm ever going to have any of my own, so I've taken on an almost motherly role with the people I care for. I love them. I want to see all of them succeed.
And, I'm fiercely protective of them. Which is why I went off on Colin like I did – something I feel terrible about, after finding out his offer was genuine and sincere.
“You know I don't actually think the worst of you, don't you?” I ask.
He shrugs again. “Kind of seems like that sometimes.”
“I'm sorry, Colin,” I say. “I'm just very protective of them.”
“And I get that,” he replies. “That's one of the reasons I'm not upset. Actually, I think it's sweet. Endearing.”
A faint smile touches my lips, and I let out a soft moan of pleasure as he works one of the sorest spots on my feet.
“I was watching you with them tonight,” he says. “The people in the shelter. You're really good with them. They all seem to love you. I can tell you’ve made a real difference in their lives.”
“They deserve to know somebody cares about them,” I say. “They deserve somebody who will fight for them.”
“And that you do,” he says with a soft chuckle. “In spades. It's one of the many things I respect and admire about you, Bailey. You fight for what you think is right.”
I reach down and take his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you,” I say. “That means a lot.”
We ride in silence a few minutes, and I continue to watch him from the shadowy back seat. He seems content, just absent-mindedly rubbing my feet. Seems content – maybe even happy – to just be with me. And as I turn it all over in my mind, I know that I feel the same way about him.
“You're a good man, Colin Anderson,” I say.
“And here I thought I was a greedy corporate pig,” he replies with a grin.
“Those things are not mutually exclusive, you know.”
He laughs as the car pulls to a stop in front of my building. I see flashing yellow lights strobing throughout the interior of the car and sit up quickly. I see work crews surrounding my building and notice that the doorway has been taped off. As I stare at the scene outside, I feel nausea and anxiety rising in my stomach.
“God, what now?” I groan.
“Let's find out,” Colin says.
The driver opens the door, and we slide out – stepping into at least an inch of water. Actually, it's more like a raging river that flows past our feet, down the steps of my building, and out into the street. I look over at a man in a hard hat standing there, looking up at the building.
“What is going on here?” I ask.
“You live here?” he turns to me and asks.
“Yeah, I do,” I reply.
“Bad news,” he says. “Water pipes on the top floor burst. Everything's wasted.”
“What?”
My heart falls into my stomach, and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I live one floor from the top, meaning that if the pipes on the floor above me burst, my place is completely flooded. Actually, judging by the amount of water flowing out of the building, I'd say it's a safe bet the whole building is flooded out.
“I need to get into my place,” I say. “I need to see if anything can be salvaged.”
The man shakes his head. “Can't let you in, lady,” he says. “It’s too dangerous. What floor do you live on?”
“The seventh.”
His face is pinched, and gets the expression of a man who really doesn't want to deliver bad news. He looks over at Colin, and then back to me.
“If you're on the seventh floor, it's safe to say you're not gonna be able to salvage anything,” he says. “The whole place is wasted, lady. Sorry.”
It's a good thing Colin is standing beside me, otherwise I might have thrown myself into the river at my feet and let myself be swept away. He holds me as I burst into tears. It's as if all the emotion of the day is suddenly hitting me all at once. My body heaves as I'm racked with sobs, and salty, thick tears roll down my face.
“It's my home,” I say. “All of my things.”
Colin pulls me to him and wraps his strong arms around me. He holds me tight and strokes my hair, doing his best to soothe me.
“It's okay,” he whispers softly into my ear.
“No, it's not,” I wail. “It's really not.”
I let him lead me back to the car and slide me inside. He closes the door himself, and then gets in on the other side. He scoots close to me, and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me tight against him. I bury my face in his chest and keep sobbing.
We spend the entire ride to his place like that, and it's only when he's helping me out of the car that my tears seem to dry up. I barely even look at his house as he leads me inside. I feel completely numb right now.
“What are we doing here?” I ask.
“You're going to stay here,” he says. “You need a place to rest.”
“I can go to a hotel, Colin.”
“No,” he says. “I have more than enough room. You'll stay here, and we can figure out what to do in the morning.”
I nod, only because I don't have the strength or energy to argue. Everything I own – which admittedly, isn't much – was in my place. And now, it's totally gone. All of it. I know it's just stuff. But, it's mine. I bought it myself. And when you grow up without anything to call your own, you cherish your belongings more than the average person.
Colin leads me into the kitchen and sits me on a stool at the large granite island. I glance around, noticing that there's a lot of brick in the place, and of course, all of the modern, state of the art gadgets a person could want.
He reaches into a cupboard, grabs a couple of glasses, and a bottle of something alcoholic. I don't really care enough to look at the label right now. All I know is that it's an amber-colored liquid that will help keep me numb – which, for now, is all I want. To shut down my emotions and feel absolutely nothing.
He pours a couple of fingers into each glass and slides one over to me. I reach out, grab the glass, and down it in one fell swoop. I grimace as the liquid fire slides down my throat. It hits my belly like an atomic bomb and starts spreading warmth throughout my body. Without a word, Colin pours me another, and I repeat the process. Only this time, it goes down with much, much less pain.
It feels like my body is glowing from the inside now, and although I'm numb, I'm starting to feel somewhat more human again. Colin sips on his drink in silence, just staring at me over the rim of his glass. There is an overwhelming amount of compassion and concern in his eyes, and it sends a warmth shooting through me that has nothing to do with alcohol.
“I'll be okay,” I say. “I just need to get over the initial shock of it all. It's been a long, emotional day.”
He nods. “I'm sure you must be exhausted.”
I give him a weak, fragile smile. “I really am.”
“There's a spare bedroom you can have,” he says. “It's quiet, near the back of the house, and has its own bathroom. You'll have total privacy.”
“Thank you, Colin,” I say. “For everything. I don't even know –”
“You don't need to thank me for anything, Bailey,” he says and then grins. “Besides, it might be nice to have some company in this big ol' place for a change. Come on, I'll show you the way.”
I follow him through the house, really seeing it for the first time. The place is enormous – practically a palace. The floors are done in a dark-colored hardwood, and the interior design is soft, earthy, and muted. The architecture is unlike anything I've ever seen. I don't even know what to call it. Honestly, it reminds me of a castle.
We pass all the packages we picked up today. The driver has them all stacked up in the foyer, lined up and waiting for me. I don't even want to think about it right now. All I want is a hot shower and some quality time in a comfy bed.
Colin leads me up a spiral staircase, and down a long hallway decorated in the same earth tones and dark paneling. The further we go into the house, the more it reminds me of a castle. The art on the walls is classic – all of the old masters are well-represented, of course. And for good reason – they're not called the masters for nothing. I see many prints, obviously, but there are a few that could be original works, something which is mind-boggling to me. The price of an original is more than I make in a year. Hell, it’s probably more than I'll make in my freaking lifetime.
The hallway ends at a rounded doorway which Colin holds open for me. I step through and into a room larger than my entire apartment. The room is dominated by a large, four-poster canopy bed. The bedding is a rich shade of crimson and looks heavenly soft from where I'm standing. There's a large armoire against one wall, a highboy dresser against another, and a luxurious walk-in closet that also might be larger than my apartment. A pristine daybed sits beneath a large, oversized window that overlooks what has to be at least an acre of land behind the house.
Wow. Must be nice to be rich as sin.
Colin disappears and lets me walk around the place, getting a feel for it. He comes back a few minutes later with a t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, and some basketball shorts.
“I wasn't sure what you'd be comfortable in,” he says. “I guess we should have gotten you some casual wear today too, huh?”
A regretful chuckle passes my lips. “If only we knew, huh?”
He takes my hands in his and gives them a reassuring squeeze. “It's going to be okay, Bailey,” he says. “I promise you it will. You can stay here as long as you need to. I'm down the hall, but you'll pretty much have this side of the house to yourself. So, however long it takes to get your apartment squared away, is fine with me. You’ll always have a roof over your head here.”
As I look at him, I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky, or what I did to deserve such good fortune. My eyes sting with tears I'm trying my best to bite back but failing at miserably. Colin's generosity humbles me, and I am profoundly grateful to him. It's a debt I don't think I'll ever be able to repay.
I lean against him and revel in feeling his powerful arms wrapped around me. Delight in the warmth and closeness of his embrace. Having him pressed against me makes me feel safe in ways I've never experienced before. I turn my face up to him and find a gentle smile on his lips as he looks down at me.
I put my hand behind his neck and pull him down to me, hungrily pressing my mouth to his. I part my lips, and let his tongue fill my mouth. Our kiss is sensual. Passionate. And exactly what I need right now. I feel so unhinged and untethered at the moment, that I need this human contact. Need this affirmation of life.
Colin leans into me, letting his hands roam my body as our kiss intensifies. He cups my breasts, rubbing my hard nipples through the fabric with his thumbs, drawing a soft moan from me. He slips the cardigan off my shoulders, and lets it fall to the ground at my feet. He presses his soft lips to my neck, planting a line of tender kisses down to my collarbone.
I reach around to my back and slide the zipper of my dress down. I let the straps slip off my shoulders, and it joins my cardigan in a pool of fabric at my feet. I stand naked before him and watch his eyes explore my body for the first time. He draws in a breath as he drinks me in from head to toe, his expression rapt, desire burning bright behind his eyes.
The way he looks at me makes me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. Colin looks at me like I'm a goddess, and as those intense gray-blue eyes soak in every inch of me, I feel myself becoming more and more turned on.
“Are you sure you want to do this right now?” he asks.
I nod. “Very sure.”
I need to feel something. I need to feel him. I'm teetering right on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and I feel like he's the only one who can pull me back and return me to reality. I step forward and reach for his belt. He stops me though, taking my hands in his. I cock my head and look at him, and he flashes me that enigmatic, roguish smile of his.
He leads me over to the bed, sitting me on the edge of it. Suddenly, Colin darts out of the room, and I hear his feet padding down the hall. I lay back on the bed and close my eyes, letting the sensations wash over me. My body is glowing with an inner light, and I feel a warmth burning bright between my thighs. I reach down and idly stroke my clit, teasing myself until he gets back.
I circle it with my fingers, making my body hum with a carnal electricity. I'm smoldering with desire, anxiously anticipating the feel of Colin's thick, hard cock deep inside of me for the second time. I bite my bottom lip and stifle a cry as I slip two fingers into me, pressing down on my clit with my thumb.
As I pleasure myself, I suddenly realize I'm not alone. My eyes pop open and I sit up to find Colin standing there, his cock already encased in the condom, his eyes lit with pure lust and desire.
“Sorry,” I say. “I was getting tired of waiting.”
“Don't let me stop you,” he says.
“But I want the real thing.”
“Your wish is my command.”
I scoot up on the bed and he falls down on top of me, holding himself up on his arms. He looks down at me, presses his lips to mine, and gives me a kiss that's surprisingly affectionate. Sweet, even. I spread my legs for him, giving him access to me.
Colin positions the head of his cock, pressing it against my opening, and as he passionately kisses me again, he parts my lips with his cock. He slips between the velvety folds of my pussy with a surprising gentleness and ease. He slides himself all the way in until he's fully sheathed inside of me and holds himself there.
I press my head back against the bed and bite my bottom lip as he stretches me open, the slight stab of pain blending with the wave of pleasure sweeping through me. Colin starts to gently move his hips, his eyes locked onto mine as he slides himself in and out of me with a sense of tenderness. He kisses me, and our tongues meld together as he moves inside of me.
I grip his forearms, my nails digging into his flesh. We're moving slowly, making sure to take our time, and I’m savoring every single moment I have him inside of me. He never breaks eye contact with me, and somehow, it makes everything even more intense than the other day.
The way he fucked me in my studio was hot. Beyond hot. It was amazing. I was so turned on – so ready for him – it barely registered that I was finally losing my virginity. And I orgasmed harder than ever before. But I’m sure the way he's making love to me right now, sweetly, and without any sense of urgency, will make me come just as hard.
I gasp as I feel every inch of him slide deep into me as Colin slowly drives himself into my most sensitive spots. I shudder and gasp, digging my nails even harder into his flesh as I'm buffeted by waves of utter bliss.
His breathing is growing ragged, and his voice is hoarse as he moans, softly calling out my name. I arch my back, taking him even deeper inside of me, and his body grows even tighter. I know he's racing to the edge of bliss himself, and given the powerful currents of ecstasy raging through my body, I'm going to get there with him – if not before.
The intensity is driving me wild. The way he looks at me, and how he holds me with his gaze, like he thinks I'm the most beautiful creature in the world, only adds more kindling to the fires of desire spiraling wildly out of control.
He stutters and gasps, losing his rhythm for a moment. I see his jaw clench, and know he's holding back. Trying to draw this out and make it last.
“Come for me, Colin,” I call softly. “Come inside of me. I want to feel you.”
He squeezes his eyes shut as he thrusts himself into me deep, holding himself there. He hits that spot and sends me tumbling over the edge. I tremble and cry out as a powerful orgasm crashes over me. A moment later, Colin lets out a garbled breath. He shudders, and that's it. I feel his cock throbbing and pulsing within the condom inside of me.
He lowers his head and grits his teeth as he explodes. I cling to him as I tremble while he shudders on top of me. Together, we ride the twin currents of pleasure that have us soaring higher and higher.
Colin collapses on the bed next to me, his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat. His eyes are wide and he stares up at the canopy, doing his best to try and catch his breath. I lay my head on his chest, snuggling up next to him and relishing how his strong body feels next to mine. I've never felt safer in my life. And honestly, I've never felt more loved.
It's ridiculous, really. We don't know each other well enough yet to even be thinking, let alone saying the “L” word out loud. That doesn't mean, that I can't feel it, though. This man has demolished all of the walls and defenses I’ve built over the years. He's destroyed everything I used to keep myself out of harm's way – emotionally speaking, of course.
I wasn't necessarily looking for a partner when Colin came crashing into my life, but, here we are. Curled up next to him, feeling his body pressed to mine, listening to his slow, steady breathing, and strong heartbeat, just feels natural. It feels right.
And that scares me to death.
I don't know how Colin feels. I mean, I get the idea that he likes me. But, not knowing if his feelings are as intense as mine, or if he actually feels the same, scares me to death. I feel like I'm way out on a ledge without a safety harness here. And nobody’s there to catch me if I fall.
It's a terrifying feeling – but it's exhilarating at the same time. In a weird, kind of perverse way. I haven't closed myself off to love as much as Colin has, I just haven't been looking. I've been focused on my art and activism, and haven't had much time or room in my life for anything else. It's not that I wanted to be alone, I just figured that when the time was right, the perfect man would reveal himself to me.
I never expected that man would be someone with totally opposite views from my own.
But, are we really that different? After seeing what he did tonight – all day today, actually – from buying me a closet full of clothing, to offering to pay for Father Gus' medical care, to giving Matthew a job – it makes me think the man might have a heart of gold. Sure, it's buried under layers upon layers of baggage and other dark stuff, but at the end of the day, Colin is a man with compassion and integrity. With love in his heart.
And that's the kind of person I want to be with.
The real question is whether or not I'm the kind of woman Colin wants to be with. I sometimes see glimpses of him that make me think so. Other times, I doubt myself. Doubt that what I'm seeing, and experiencing, is real.
His breathing is steady and regular. He's passed out, asleep. I curl myself around him tighter and try to shut out all of the negative thoughts in my head. Try to drown out the nagging voices of doubt. I just want to live in this moment and enjoy it to the fullest.
A small, satisfied smile upon my lips, I let the darkness of sleep wrap its tendrils around me and pull me under.