Chapter 44
Hope tossed and turned. The sheets twisted around her legs. Finally, she threw the covers aside and got up. The stress of the day had caught up with her. Sleep would be impossible.
“I’ll grab that book I’ve been planning on reading. Maybe it’ll put me to sleep.” Then she remembered. She’d left it lying on the kitchen counter, forgotten in celebrating the boy’s safe return.
She grabbed her robe and belted it around her small waist. Stepping out into the corridor of the barn, she noticed a light streaming from under Kade’s office door.
Hope smiled to herself. Kade couldn’t sleep either.
Anxious to see him, to spend quiet time with this man that had the ability to make her pulse race and her heart to fill with love, she barely tapped on his door before opening it wide.
“Can’t sleep either . . .” The smile fell from her face, the words caught in her throat.
Kade pierced her with a look of cold distain, his hand clutching papers and the dreaded manila envelope.
“Lies weighing heavy on you, Hope?” he snarled. “Hard to sleep when you’re hiding such a colorful past. Do come in. You can share stories of your incarceration.”
Hope looked into his glacial blue eyes. Any earlier warmth and love was dead, banished, replaced with cold distrust and loathing.
“I . . . I didn’t lie to you, Kade.”
“No?” He held up the papers. “Guess I must have amnesia. Can’t remember you sharing this little secret.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“When? When I made a fool of myself again by telling you I was falling in love with you? Or would it be when I praised you for not being the type of woman Caroline was—a liar and a deceiver?”
“I tried. I said we needed to talk. I was going to tell you. I really was. I didn’t lie.” The words ended in a sob.
“A lie by omission is still a lie. I believed you. I trusted you. I loved you.”
Hope felt her heart break in two at the past tense use of the word.
“Kade, I was innocent. I . . .”
“Yeah,” he snarled, cutting her off and slapping the papers down on the desk. “I’ve heard every con makes that same plea.”
Tears streamed down her face. Kade steeled himself not to be swayed by her forlorn look and her abject misery. He wanted nothing more than to grab her and tell her it didn’t matter. But it did. It mattered that he’d been deceived and taken in by another woman like Caroline. He’d been lulled by Hope’s sweet innocence, her giving nature, and her eagerness to offer her love.
Well, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. He took a deep breath and rose from behind the desk.
“Get out.”
“Whaat?”
“I said get out. Leave. Grab what you need. We’ll send the rest along with your final pay.”
“Don’t do this, Kade.”
“You did it, Hope. You did it when you allowed me to believe you were what you claimed to be. I told myself you were different. You were a woman I could trust with my love.”
“You can,” she cried. “Please let me explain. Let me show you the full report. Let me tell you what happened. Kade, the only thing I’m guilty of is falling in love with you and being afraid to share my past. Please listen.”
Hope stepped farther into the room only to be halted by Kade’s next words.
“Get out,” he hissed. “I don’t need to hear anymore lies. I want you off the Double K as soon as it’s light.”
“What about Ida?”
“Ida’s not your concern.”
“But she needs me. You all do. Let me stay at least until she’s fully recovered.”
“I don’t need you. I thought I did, but I don’t. I don’t need anyone.”
“Kade . . .”
“There’s nothing more to say. You had your chance, but it seems you are quite adept at making the wrong choices. You chose to lie. But the fault really lies with me. I allowed myself to care.”
Hope saw the hard lines of his face, the bleak coldness of his eyes, and knew there would be no second chance.
Tears blinding her, she bolted from his office to the safety of her apartment. There, she fell across the bed, sobbing. Kade’s harsh words were ringing in her ears. “I want you off the Double K as soon as it’s light.”
Wearily, Hope got to her feet. The urge to run, to leave immediately, surged through her. She was ashamed. She had to get out of here fast, before anyone else witnessed her shame. It wouldn’t be light for hours, but now was the time to go.
Panicky, she grabbed her suitcase from the closet and began stuffing clothes into it. A voice in her head urged her on faster and faster. She quickly surveyed the rooms she’d come to think of as hers and realized nothing meant anything anymore. She wished for a hole to crawl in and never come out.
“Damn you, Kade McKune,” she cried. “Damn you for being so self-righteous. And,” the sound tore from her raw throat, “damn me for being a coward and thinking the past wouldn’t rear its ugly head. Why? Why didn’t I find the courage? Why didn’t I find the time? And why didn’t I trust you and give you the chance to understand?”
Resolutely, she threw on jeans and a shirt and, grabbing the zipped suitcase, ran to her car.
Throwing it in the back seat, Hope got behind the wheel, and with trembling hands, inserted the key. Then numb with powerless pain, she laid her head against the steering wheel, willing her hand to move. She had only to turn the key and step on the gas. She’d be gone, away from the hurt and torment and away from the Double K and the disgust she saw in its owner’s eyes.
Think. I’ve got to think. Tears bathed her face. I don’t want to leave. I love that man. I love this beautiful ranch and all the people it houses. This is where I belong. She took a deep breath. Okay, Hope. No more running. No more turning your cheek for another slap. I’m not a coward. The words infused her with resolve and strength. I have been one, though, for the last several months. I’ve run from accusations, and I’ve run from my true feelings. Well, it’s over. I’ve hung my head and accepted all the injustice I can. Angrily, she brushed the tears from her cheeks. I’ll not run again. She raised her head, stiffened her spine, and welcomed back the old Hope of courage and determination. This time I’ll fight. This time I’ll stand my ground against all odds. Then if I fail, I’ll walk away with my head held high.
“Hope Jackson,” she railed loudly against herself, “cowboy up. And do get those big girl panties back on. No more letting yourself be judged and found lacking. No more meekly accepting unfair judgement. You love that hard-headed man, so fight for him. It’s past time letting one mishap in your life destroy your future. You didn’t fight the school system as your attorney advised. You didn’t fight the judicial system that unjustly punished you. And a few minutes ago, you didn’t fight a man hurting from his past. Once again, you were going to slink away with your tail between your legs like some whipped cur.” Fire burned in her eyes. “Like hell I am,” she shouted, getting out of the car and slamming the door.
Head held high, Hope marched back to the barn, a veritable lioness ready to face down any challenger. She halted outside Kade’s office, seeing a whisper of light that crept under the door—proof he was still there. Good. If he hadn’t been, she would have changed direction and confronted him in the house, even in his bedroom or in front of anyone. She would not be deterred. Mr. Kade McKune had no right to judge her. And by damn, she intended to tell him just that.
Twisting the knob, Hope used the flat of her hand to smack the door open.
Kade was standing at the window, his back to the room, looking out into the blackness. His tall frame silhouetted against the night.
He turned at the sound, and in an unguarded moment, pain radiated from his eyes. His shoulders were slumped, his proud body beaten down. His face was rigid with anguish, and his arms hung limply at his sides, hands curled into knuckle-white fists as though he was fighting against feelings strong enough to defeat him.
Then he realized who had invaded his private hell. With visible effort, he straightened. A mask fell over Kade’s face.
“I thought . . .”
“That’s the trouble,” Hope snapped, cutting him off, “you didn’t think. You elected yourself judge and jury. Well, I’ve been tried by a judge and jury of my so-called peers, and guess what, they found me guilty, too.”
Kade started to say something.
“Shut up and sit down, Mr. McKune. It’s about time I had my day in court. You’re going to listen to what I should have told you. No, let me correct that—what I was afraid to tell you.”
Hope held herself stiffly erect, glaring at him through narrowed eyes until he lowered himself to the chair.
Feigning indifference he didn’t feel, Kade laced his hands under his chin and shrugged one shoulder.
“Thank you,” Hope said quietly.
He gave a brief nod.
Inhaling deeply, then exhaling through her nostrils, she began her story, starting at the beginning.
“Two bags of uncut heroin were found wedged between the spare tire and jack of my car.”
“Two bags?” The question flew out of his mouth. Kade averted his eyes and looked to the side of Hope, trying to quell his revulsion and fiery reaction.
“Yes.” Hope never took her eyes from his face. “I tried to explain, but there was no explanation. I had no idea they were there. I didn’t even know what heroin looked like.”
“You expect me to believe your car was randomly searched, and by accident, just by accident, the heroin was found?” His lips curled in a sneer.
Hope chose to ignore his condemning sarcasm. “Undercover cops had just witnessed from a distance what they knew was a buy. They followed the person, not sure if it was a man or woman wearing a floppy hat and trench coat, to the parking lot and losing him or her there. Then they saw my car, trunk gaping open. It didn’t require a search, all they had to do was glance inside and see the two bags. Of course, a thorough search followed It was all legal and binding.”
This time Kade didn’t look away. He leaned forward, absorbing her every word.
“Then I appeared on the scene. And guess what I was wearing? A trench coat. It had been raining that morning when I left to go shopping, ergo, trench raincoat and floppy hat.”
“Circumstantial evidence,” Kade muttered.
“What? Yes, circumstantial evidence backed up by hard facts. There was no denying the two bags.”
She sighed, her voice catching. “I tried. Oh, how I tried. But nothing I said made the judge and jury change their minds.” She gave a bitter laugh, and went on.
“The judge said I was a disgrace. He even went on to mock my defense, saying I was using the SODDI defense of, some other dude did it.”
Hope blinked hard, remembering and seeing again the courtroom and hearing the scorn in the judge’s voice. Finally, she continued, breaking the heavy silence in the room.
“I was given eighteen months without parole.”
“Hope . . .”
She held up her hand, stopping him. “I spent two months slaving in a hot steamy laundry, locked in at night with cries of the other inmates ringing in my ears and the smell of fear and unwashed bodies in every breath I took.”
“You were tried, convicted, and served your time. You were found guilty.” Kade said hoarsely, as he struggled to equate the crime with the beautiful woman standing before him. A beautiful woman he would have staked his life on, both inside and out.
“NO!” Hope shouted. “No, I didn’t serve my time. The junkie that had made the buy was apprehended making yet another purchase. Hoping for a shorter sentence, he recounted past deeds. And lucky me,” she said bitterly, “I came up as one of them. He told how he’d left with the heroin, saw what he thought was an unmarked police car, panicked, jimmied my trunk, and stashed the bags. End of story.”
“You were released.”
“Yes. I was released after serving two months and ruining any chance of getting a decent job. I came here, to my sister, hoping to run from the past. But, as you’ve already guessed, it caught up with me. Bless background checks,” she said bitterly.
“Background checks and responses that don’t tell the whole story,” Kade muttered.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?” She looked him in the eye. “I’m not ashamed anymore. I didn’t do anything to be ashamed of. Granted, I should have tried harder to tell you, but do you think you’d have listened? You were so determined to distrust all women. Like the judge, you labeled me guilty, as guilty as Caroline.” She turned and started for the door.
Kade’s next words stopped her. “I’m ashamed.” His voice broke. “I’ve been a self-righteous, pig-headed, unfeeling, know-it-all fool.”
Hope was still, barely breathing. “You forgot mean spirited, accusatory, judgmental, and hateful,” she said, her words drifting softly back to him.
Quietly, Kade rose and rounded the desk. He put one large hand on Hope’s shoulder and turned her to him. Placing a slender finger under her chin, he raised her face until her eyes met his. His indigo blue eyes were pooled with tears he was trying to blink back.
“I’m that and more,” he whispered. “But there’s a description you left out.”
Hope bit her bottom lip, afraid to shatter the moment. Here was the Kade she thought lost.
“What?” She mouthed the word.
“Crazy in love. So crazy in love with you, Hope Jackson, I almost let my pain and distrust rule my heart. Can you ever forgive me? Because if you can’t, I’ll spend the rest of my life dogging your every step and begging you. I need you. I need you by my side. I need your healing smile, your gentle laughter, and your understanding. Please Hope.”
She laid her fingers across his mouth, silencing him.
“Yes.”
“Yes? Is that yes you forgive me?”
She nodded.
“And would it also be yes, you’ll marry me, share my life, take on my ready-made family, fill my days with happiness?”
“Yes,” she said louder, joy ringing in the lone word. “Yes, yes, yes.”
“And will you tell me when I begin to doubt that a mere mortal full of as many faults as I’m full of deserves an angel like you? Will you tell me of your love?”
“Yes. I love you so much, Kade. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his strong arms around her, locking her in his embrace. “I almost lost you,” he said raggedly, placing feathery kisses on her hair, her forehead, and the side of her face. Through my puffed-up arrogance, I almost lost the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“No, you didn’t. I fought back. Now, I’ve been exonerated. I put on my big girl panties and fought for you—fought for my place by your side.”
“Your what?” he growled intent on finding her lips.
“Never mind,” she whispered. “Just kiss me.”