---

“I’m just saying that maybe you want to consider a one-night stand or something. You’re not getting any younger, and at the rate you’re going, I’m concerned your vagina will forget what to do when you finally decide to let a man in again.”

I ignored my mother while continuing to lay the dining table. Acknowledging her, and continuing the conversation, would only encourage her to give me more unwanted advice.

“Lily, did you hear what I said?”

Placing the last set of cutlery down on the table, I looked up at her. “Yes, I heard you, but my vagina has special memory powers so you can take it off your long list of things to worry about.” Honestly, the list she had was longer than my list of shit I’d like to do to my ex-husband before he died. And that was saying something, because that list was long and I was adding to it daily.

She twirled out of the dining room into my kitchen, her long floral, boho skirt flaring. “Darling, I’m trying to be serious here. I’ve watched you navigate this single world for three years, which was fine because you were actually dating, but this celibate thing you’re experimenting with is disconcerting.”

My mother trying to have a serious conversation while twirling around the place was a daily occurrence in my life. I loved her dearly, but man, she was hard work sometimes. A patchwork of mixed and often conflicting traits, thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes, Hannah Bennett was anything but dull. She often said the same about me, though, so I took great comfort in the knowledge I was just as much hard work for her.

I followed her into my tiny kitchen so I could grab the eggs and bacon I’d cooked for breakfast. “I’m thinking of extending my celibacy just to annoy the fuck out of you.”

Her lips flattened and she shook her head at me. “Six months is long enough.” She gathered the juice and coffee pot and took them into the dining room while continuing on. “I could set that dating profile I made for you to public. Mmm, maybe I will. You’ll have a list of suitors by the end of the day.”

I joined her and placed the food on the table while hitting her with a stern expression. “Don’t you dare. And who says suitors anymore?” And whose mother even kept track of their daughter’s sex life like this?

A smile lit her face. My mother was a beautiful woman, but when she smiled, she glowed. And she looked all of forty-five rather than the fifty-five she was. “I could call them beaus if you’d prefer.”

And she would, if only to exasperate me. She liked to use flowery language and big words and long freaking sentences because she knew it irritated me. I was all about getting to the point and getting there fast.

Turning to face the lounge room, I called out, “Kids! Breakfast is ready.”

Mum’s lips flattened again. “Really, Lily, must you always yell?”

It’s going to be a long day.

It was only 7:00 a.m. and I’d already dealt with a clogged shower drain, a cat that had clawed her way through the screen on my back door, and the cranky old man who lived next door and who always wanted to talk to me about my children at six in the morning.

I took a deep breath before saying, “I like to use the beautiful voice you gave me.”

She always liked it when I engaged in positive self-talk. I mean, it wasn’t that I didn’t believe it, but I wasn’t convinced today was gonna be a day for extreme positivity. Some days you just had to get through. They couldn’t all be days of profound thoughts and actions, could they? Today was possibly gonna be a survive-rather-than-thrive kinda day.

The sounds of my children running through the house filled my ears. I counted to three in my head, knowing it would only take my mother that long to say what she always said.

“Children, the food isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need to run through the house.”

Yep, without fail. She’d said it to my sister and me while we were growing up, too. You had to wonder if she ever got sick of saying it.

The whirlwind that was my children filled the dining room, and I watched as the three of them scrambled for their breakfast before they’d hardly taken a seat. Even Robbie, which was odd. He was my eight-year-old nerd who loved to read more than eat, but this morning he was all about the food, too.

I frowned at him. “Are you okay, baby?”

Zara stopped filling her plate for a moment and looked up at me. “He’s on a mission to get back to his iPad.”

I didn’t have to ask him why. Robbie was currently obsessed with a YouTube science show, and they’d just released their latest episode.

Smiling, I said, “Ah, I get it.”

Mum sat down and threw in her two cents. “Whatever is on that iPad can wait. We’re enjoying our breakfast together this morning.”

God.

Help.

Me.

She was in a mood for all her old-school ways this morning, and I was far from being in the kind of mood to just let her be. Usually I simply ignored her, but then again, she didn’t usually start the day with a lecture on opening my vagina up for anyone who wanted in.

I sat next to my oldest daughter, Holly, who shot me a sympathetic look, and said, “Mum, we always have our breakfast together.”

“Yes, but you always just let the kids leave the table whenever they want. I don’t get to have breakfast with you very often, and for once, I’d just like everyone to take their time so we can catch up.”

I tried not to laugh. And I also made a mental note to say no next time she asked if she could sleep over. I mean, my mother lived five freaking minutes away from us, yet she was acting like she lived in another state and hardly ever saw us.

“You know my thoughts on this. Please don’t push me to defend them,” I said. She and I often argued over the way I raised my kids. I didn’t rule with an iron fist, and she would have preferred a little more of that style.

She finished filling her plate with food and stopped for a moment. “I’m not asking you to defend them. I’m simply asking for some time with my grandchildren. Is that too much to ask?”

If she was going to be so intent on being this dramatic, I was going to need a smoke.

Standing, I muttered, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Holly glanced at me, stifling a laugh. When Mum started talking again, she quickly interjected, “Grandma, how did your date go the other night?”

Smart kid.

She knew the best way to divert the conversation when her grandmother was involved.

As I headed outside to the back patio, Mum called out after me, “I know you’re going for a cigarette.”

Seriously. Could. Throttle. Her.

I made another mental note: find her a man fast. She needed something to focus her attention on rather than my sister and me, and all the problems we apparently had.

After I took my first drag, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted my sister.

---

Me: Your mother is slowly killing me.

Brynn: Not my mother today. She’s all yours. And BTW, I’m already dead. She killed me yesterday.

Me: How?

Brynn: She sent me a male prostitute.

---

I called her.

“What the fuck, Brynn? Are you kidding me? And why didn’t you call me straight away?”

“Not a word of a lie, big sister. Be prepared. I’m pretty sure your turn is coming since you haven’t had sex in six months. And I didn’t call you because I was dead, remember?” She sighed. “What planet do you think our mother is really from? What kind of mother sends her daughter a fucking prostitute?”

I took a long drag on my smoke. There wasn’t enough nicotine in the world to get me through this morning. “I don’t care if you’re dead, you still need to warn me about these things.” I frowned. “Wait, did you fuck him?”

She laughed. “I thought about it. Instead, I made him play scrabble with me. We took a selfie and I sent it to Mum. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”

I almost choked on my own laughter. “Maybe you and I are the weird ones, babe. I mean, who the hell turns down sex for scrabble?”

“Sex with a prostitute is not the kind of sex I want in my life, thank you very much. But, I do have to confess the dude was hot, and I mean, fucking hot. And on top of that, he’s a pro at scrabble. I asked him for a rematch.”

“Did he say yes?”

“Kind of.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I had to agree to do something with him first.”

“Jesus, stop dragging this out. Just tell me already. What?”

“He wants me to go fishing with him on the weekend.”

This story was getting weirder by the minute. “So let me get this straight—you just met him last night and now you’re suddenly hanging out with each other? I honestly think I’m existing in some alternate universe today.”

“No shit, Lil, we got on so well. Like, he’s so easy going and funny. I wish the guys I dated were this easy to get on with.”

“Is this fishing thing not a date?”

She was silent for a beat. “No. He told me he likes to do it with someone, but that none of his friends like it.”

“Well, dude must be hot. You hate fishing. Make sure you ask him how he selected his profession. I’ve always wondered why someone would have sex for cash. I mean, it’s hard enough to have good sex. I can’t imagine having shitty sex more than once a day.”

“That’s because Linc didn’t know what the hell he was doing and neither have any of the guys you’ve dated since him. Maybe Mum will hook you up, too, and maybe the guy’ll know what he’s doing.”

I finished my smoke as I said, “If she sends a guy my way, I’ll put him to good use in my kitchen while I go take a bath and a nap.”

“Hey, before you go, how did you go with Zara and the boy problem?”

“Ugh, did you have to remind me about that?” My fourteen-year-old was giving me grey hairs long before any woman should have them. Her obsession with boys was out of control. “I told her the only way she’d have a night-time date with that boy was with me or her father in attendance.”

“You know, just because you didn’t have these issues with Holly doesn’t mean you can bury your head in the sand over this. At some point, you’re going to have to let her out on a date.”

“I do. She can go out with him in the daytime, but no fucking way am I allowing her out at night with him.” It was beyond me how I’d managed to raise such different girls. Holly was all about study rather than boys, while I was fairly sure Zara didn’t even know what a textbook looked like.

“What’s the difference?”

“There’s a huge difference! Babies get made at night.”

“Oh, God, please tell me you aren’t that naïve. Babies can get made during the day, too.”

“Brynn, I’m not that naïve, but I know from what Linc and I did when we were kids that there’s more likelihood of sex at night. I do not want Zara having a baby at seventeen like I did.”

“Jesus, Lil, it doesn’t matter what you and Linc did. The fact is that if Zara wants to sleep with this boy, she won’t care if the sun is shining or not.”

I knew she was right. God did I know that. But for the life of me, I couldn’t get my brain to think any differently than it did, and it was screaming at me not to let my daughter out at night with a boy. I was so fucking terrified of my girls making the same mistakes I had. I’d managed to get Holly to sixteen without a pregnancy so far, and I’d do whatever it took to get Zara there, too.

“I’m hanging up on you now. And let me tell you that when you have a daughter, I’ll be the first one to say ‘I told you so.’ Girls plus boys plus no sun equals babies.”

She laughed. “Fine, be stubborn. I promise I’ll be the good aunt who is there to make sure your kid is okay when she refuses to talk to you because you’ve turned into your own mother.”

“I am not turning into my mother.” Good fucking God, I better not be.

“Lil,” she said softly, “you are. But I still love you. Just don’t start sending me male prostitutes. I’ll have to reassess the relationship if you start doing that shit.”

The door to the patio opened and my ex stuck his head out.

“Shit, Brynn, I’ve gotta go. Linc’s just turned up.” And I’m going to fucking kill him.

“I’ll get on my knees and start sending prayers up for Linc’s life.”

I ended the call and took a step toward the man who consumed way too much of my time these days. “Did you have a brain fart, Linc? Because I could have sworn I asked you to stop showing up at breakfast time without warning.”

His face pulled into the scowl I could trace with my eyes closed I’d known it for so long. “Why you gotta be such a smartass all the damn time, woman? And why can’t a man show up at the house where his children live whenever he has something for them?”

Oh, he wanted to get into it, did he?

I moved closer to him, fixing a shitty look of my own on my face. “One, don’t call me woman. I’m not your woman, and I haven’t been your woman for a good three years. Two, it’s a pity the father of my children only wants to show up to visit said children when it suits him. And three, my bank account seems to be minus a few numbers this week, so if you have something for the kids, you suck. They’d rather have their excursion fees paid and their swimming fees paid and their—”

He raised his hands in defence. “Okay, I get your point, Lily. You don’t need to go on. The money should be going in your account today. And for the record, you never used to be this bitchy.”

I lifted my brows. Fuck him. “And you used to handle your shit.”

Shoving his fingers through his hair, he muttered, “Fuck. I’ve had a bad month. There’s not much work coming in, okay?”

“Okay? Are you kidding me? I get that things are tight, but would it have killed you to warn me? Or to pick up the phone and let me know that the cash was going to be late? Because let me tell you, this mama already has enough shit to stress over. So don’t come at me, all casual and ‘I’ve got presents for the kids’ when I’m over here spending my nights trying to figure out how to pay the damn electricity bill because you didn’t uphold your end of this parenting gig.” And not for the first time.

He hit me with one final glare before turning to walk back inside, not another word on the matter.

I contemplated taking the day off and locking myself in my bedroom. If I didn’t love my job so much I probably would have done that. Instead, I gave myself a talking to and went back inside. I had shit to get through today, and I refused to give Linc any power over my actions. I’d pep talk the fuck out of today if I had to.

“You good for tonight, hon? I mean, you look like you need some time with your girls, but if you wanna cancel so you can sleep, I’ll understand.”

I watched Adelaide, my bestie, shove her bag in her work locker and wondered just how bad I looked. It hadn’t been the best morning so far, but I thought I at least looked okay. “If I look as bad as you’re saying, I shudder to think how awful I’m gonna look by tonight.”

She pulled her long red hair into a ponytail and shook her head. “Okay so you don’t look that bad, but I know you well enough to read the signs that shit isn’t right with you. Is Linc still being an ass?”

“Ugh. Ass doesn’t cover it. I’m not sure why, after three years of doing his best to ignore me, he’s suddenly always on my doorstep. He doesn’t listen when I ask him to please give me some notice he’s coming over, or even to ask if he can. And his child support payments have gone from bad to worse. I used to at least count on some money from him; these days I either get nothing or I get it late. That shit makes it hard for me to budget, you know?”

“Oh, honey, I know. You know I freaking know. Some days I want to scream at Jedd for what his bullshit support has done to my financial situation, but you know what? We’re stronger because of these men, Lily. Because of them, we’ve had to figure out how to stand on our own and give our kids what they need. When it gets too hard, remember that and be proud of who you’ve become and what you can achieve on your own.” She threw me a wink as she added, “And just know that there are good men out there and that one of them’s going to rock your damn world one day.” The wink was because after two years of being single, Addy had started dating Mr Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and he was rocking her world in ways it had never been rocked.

“Just ignore me, babe. I’m having one of those weeks. I’ll get my shit together again soon.”

Usually I didn’t allow anyone or any situation to interfere with my mojo. Usually, I’d get my meditation cushion out, light some candles and meditate my way through this kind of stuff. Or I’d burn some oils, fill my bath and chant my way through it. But Linc had been screwing with me for too many weeks now, and I was all out of sync with myself.

“What you need is a girls’ night out. I’ll organise one. And maybe we’ll find you a guy to blow your mind for even just one night.” She whipped out her phone and shot a quick message off before I could stop her. Looking back up at me, she hit me with the huge smile Adelaide Sutton was well known for. “Quinn and Georgia are in the loop. We’ll finalise plans tonight. And Lily? I have the exact right dress for you for this!”

Before I could say anything or stop her, she was out the door, and I was alone thinking about the exact right dress she had for me. It would be slutty and most likely red. Addy had a thing for red dresses. I was all for colour, but I just knew this dress was going to scream “fuck me all night long in any way you want and I’ll be sure to blow you real good” from a mile away. I closed my locker and headed out to start my shift, putting all thoughts of the red dress out of my mind after I decided I’d definitely wear it. God knew, this celibacy thing had to come to an end. I needed to get laid.

“Lily! Wait up,” my boss called out, hurrying to catch up. Falling into line, he said, “Fuck, it’s madness here today.”

I eyed the exhaustion lining his face. “You need to take that holiday you’ve been talking about for six months, Jackson.”

“Don’t get me started on that,” he muttered. “The higher-ups keep pushing our workload. At this rate, I’ll be getting around Greece with a fucking cane.”

Hospital life was never slow. The problem was, though, that these days it wasn’t just hectic, it was unbearably so. Staffing and funding cuts were killing us, to the point where I’d even started considering leaving the hospital to work for a physiotherapist friend who had her own successful practice. She’d been after me to join her for over a year, but I loved working with Jackson and Adelaide so much that I hadn’t entertained the idea.

He shoved a chart at me. “I need you to start with this woman today. Her brother is causing me no end of fucking grief, and while I’m loathe to give him what he wants, I just want him gone.”

I frowned. “What’s going on?” It was unlike Jackson to get this worked up over anything. His patience and calm way of getting through work were what made him so good at his job.

“She had hip surgery yesterday, and he’s in everyone’s face about her recovery. One of the nurses mentioned physical therapy was up next, so he’s been harassing them to get us down there. Apparently, he wants to be there for our first session, but he’s busy and doesn’t have all day to wait around for us.” Anger clouded his face. “Like we’re not fucking busy ourselves.” He exhaled loudly and muttered, “Fuck.”

“I think maybe you need to take the day off. It’s so unlike you to get worked up over an asshole like this and to cater to his demands.”

“The nurses want him gone too. I haven’t met him, but I’ve been told he’s menacing.”

I nodded. “Okay, well with the mood I’m in this morning, he can menace me all he likes. I’ve had just about enough of asshole men.”

His face turned serious. “Be careful, Lily. These guys aren’t worth messing with. I don’t need another Mackie case on my hands.”

The case he referred to had caused our team no end of headaches. The father of a young girl had assaulted one of our physiotherapists when he’d refused to cave to the guy’s demands. His treatment plan didn’t fit in with the father’s work schedule, and while we’d tried to accommodate that, we didn’t do enough as far as the father was concerned. They’d had a roaring argument that ended in the father punching our guy. Jackson had been the one who had to answer to bosses and deal with the fallout.

“I’ll tread carefully, but I won’t allow him to walk all over me.”

He sighed. “God help me.” Shaking his head, he added, “For once, I’d just like to be given a team member who doesn’t ruffle feathers.”

I grinned. He didn’t mean that, but I knew both Adelaide and I created headaches for him. “You’d be lost without me.” I took a step away from him. “I’ll do my best to keep the peace.”

Ten minutes later, I entered the hospital room of Skylar King and came face-to-face with who I presumed was the guy Jackson had mentioned. And I could see why the nurses were keen for me to get him sorted and out of here.