Chapter 1 

Kinsley

One Year Later…

 

His eyes were dark, and I often appeared trapped in them.  It felt like I was tumbling into an endless night sky. I loved how they looked, and how they made me feel important. He would give me his full attention even his body would be turned towards mine.

He never made me feel insignificant for what I said or what I did. I desired this man with a need that had to be described as combustion. My heart hurts just to look at him. He could never be mine. He would only ever see me as a piece of furniture.

I could never have him, although every so often I would catch a smoldering look. It was a trick of the heart and it was a foolish hope my soul didn’t need.

Like a phantom in the night, he would come to me. He would take my dreams, and leave me in a heap of flushed skin and heated thoughts.

There was this need under my skin. An itch so intense that I didn’t understand. I hated that my heart would leap, and my stomach would drop when he walked into the room.

Our lives couldn’t be more intertwined and yet so far apart. Slowly I sank onto the couch as I watched in both excitement and dread as he walked through the door. At this very moment, my life again tilted on its axis.

When will it cease? Nine fucking years and counting and he still had this effect on me? I married his brother, and he still me in knots. I couldn’t meet his eyes as desire coursed through me.

I would never cross that line. I could never cheat, but that didn’t stop this need to throw his ass to the floor and ride him to oblivion. Heat rushed to my face as those thoughts came unbidden.

I watched as his lips twitched and I know deep down, he can sense how I felt for him. I sank further into the couch begging it to swallow me and become one with it. Anything to escape.  He was family, my husband’s halfbrother. What I felt was wrong on so many levels. I reprimanded myself over and over.

Kinsley pull that foolish head out of your ass! Fin can never be yours.

I could see the lethal killer under the surface. Under all that muscle a man was willing to put a bullet into anyone’s head. He would do anything for her. She was the only one who would catch his eyes. The one who would be his.

I wasn’t his, how could I be? They took my chances of having more children. He would need an heir. He was the head of the family,

and his father married Daniel’s mother. 

I met Daniel and thought I found love at first site. I had the fairytale love, and then I met Fin, and the fairytale popped. My heart stopped, and my lungs stilled. His eyes locked on mine and I was drowning in them. I was drowning and never wanted to be saved.

It was like a piece of our souls changed places. Even after all these years I still felt that when I looked at Fin. Every night I would go to my husband and every night, Fin invaded my dreams.

Daniel took me to the one place I needed to be. In his arms. It was my own personal heaven and hell. My nightmare and my fantasy.

“Kinsley.”

His voice was like rich chocolate. Not the cheap stuff, but that super expensive stuff that had you moaning just sniffing it. Yeah, that was Fin.

“Fin.”

My tone was happy and full of the excitement, but I wish I could pretend wasn’t there. If he were a better man, but Fin wasn’t a better man. He gave me that telltale look.

The one told me he knew what I was thinking.

“Your hair’s shorter.”

My fingers glided through the short strands, which were twelve inches shorter than before. It was comfortable and different.

I wanted to be different, and maybe then I could stop this nonsense. If I were someone else, it wouldn’t matter anymore. I was just foolish.

Fin mimicked my movement running his fingers through his dark hair. It was a gift from his mother. His father was a classic Irishman, with red hair and freckles.

Red hair and freckles. I needed space, and yet I wanted to be closer. I wanted to smell his delicious scent.

I wanted to run from the house and go get wasted. Drink until the world was in triples and names were something of the past. Drinking reminded me of a moment, one that had haunted me. Pushing those thoughts aside, I stood and exited the room at a speed that I’m sure didn’t go unnoticed.