CHAPTER 22

 

“We’re eating inside,” Liv said, gesturing for everybody to follow her inside the house.

“Angel,” Jax scowled. He’d just lugged a hefty bag of coal up the steps from the garden to the wraparound porch. The rain was lashing down and his skinny black jeans were stuck to his legs. He was wearing a navy-blue raincoat with the hood pulled up. The hem of the raincoat was flapping wildly in the strong winds. “I’ve got a fresh bag of coal.”

Liv looked distinctly unimpressed. She put her hands on her hips and sighed. Sofia, who was strapped to her front, giggled and blew bubbles. Liv’s breath danced across the cold air like tiny o’s. “You’ve also got a wife and baby who don’t want to get hypothermia tonight.”

“How’s Hadley?” Cate asked. She and Declan were the last to go inside. She was really pleased that he’d decided to come to the barbecue tonight. She didn’t want him to be on his own; he would only worry about Hadley. Unlike in L.A. where he usually lived while filming Stepping Out, he didn’t know anybody in Seattle and was only there because of Cate.

“She’s OK,” Declan shrugged and took another sip from his bottle of beer. “I talked to her earlier and she said that Sadie had been really kind.”

“So…?” Liv asked mischievously, “what dance are you and Cate doing this week?”

Cate didn’t usually find out what dance they were doing until she arrived at training on Monday morning. Declan spent Sundays locked in the studio by himself working out the choreography.

“It’s Rumba this week.” Cate’s stomach plummeted to her ankles. Rumba was the one dance she really didn’t want to do on Stepping Out.

She could see from across the dining room that Sierra, who was in Kian’s arms, was fussing so Cate went across to pick her up. As she reached to take her daughter from Kian, she felt her jeans slip off her hipbone and quickly tugged them back up. It was a reminder of just how ridiculous it was that she was going to be doing a Rumba next Saturday night on national TV. The Rumba was supposed to be romantic and seductive; two things that Cate just didn’t feel right now. She’d lost the curves that made her feel womanly. She and Kian hadn’t made love since before she’d had the miscarriage.

“Hey Cate,” Julian, Jax’s producer friend was talking to Kian. “I heard you’re doing the Rumba next week. How are you going to cope with seeing your wife getting all touchy-feely with another bloke on national TV, Kian?”

“It’s just a dance,” Kian gritted his teeth.

“Still,” Julian shrugged, “I wouldn’t like it if it was my girl.”

Kian squeezed Cate’s hand, “if she was just a girl, maybe it would bother me more but she’s not, she’s my wife. I trust her implicitly. Nothing makes me prouder than watching Cate dance on a Saturday night.”

“Thank you,” Cate mouthed.

Julian quickly changed the subject back to the MLS season.

“It looks like Galaxy will get the top spot,” Kian tickled Sierra’s foot, making her giggle. “Dallas has found some decent form lately but I still think we’ve got a good chance of making second.” There were only a few games left of the regular season.

“With the injury to Andreas, I think this could be our year,” Julian crossed his fingers. “Do you think you’ll still be there next season?” There was a lot of speculation in the local press because Kian’s contract with Seattle F.C. was up at the end of the season.

“There’s an offer on the table but nothing’s been decided yet,” Kian shrugged non-committedly. He wasn’t going to decide anything until after the season had finished.

“Cate, can I borrow you for a second?” Liv asked.

Cate turned to Kian, “can you watch Mats and Lola for me?”

“Liv?” Cate walked into the kitchen, looking for her sister. Jax was taking the steaks out of the grill. “Through there,” he gestured to a small anteroom just off the kitchen.

Liv had lifted up her t-shirt and was taking off her bra when Cate walked in. “Really?” Cate quickly covered both hers and Sierra’s eyes. “You brought me in here to show me your boobs?”

“Sofia’s hungry,” Liv giggled. “Don’t be such a prude. Breastfeeding is natural.”

“It might well be,” Cate scowled, “but it still doesn’t mean that I want to see your boobs. Are you covered up yet?”

Liv rolled her eyes, “yes, my boobs and my hungry baby are safely under a blanket.”

Sierra was getting heavy so Cate sat down on one of the padded wicker chairs. “What’s up?”

“Have you talked to Mum today?”

Cate shook her head, “I had a couple of missed calls from her while I was at the beach clean-up with Mats. I was going to call her back tomorrow.”

“She’s selling the house.”

“What?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you so when you talk to her tomorrow, act surprised. She said now that her children have all grown up and got their own families, the house is just too big for her. She’s thinking about buying an apartment instead.”

“An apartment?”

“The food’s almost ready,” Kian stood on the threshold. “Are you OK, angel?”

“Mum’s selling the house.”

“Liv!” Jax admonished. “You weren’t supposed to say anything. You promised Irene.”

“Can you burp Sofia?” Liv handed their daughter to Jax.

“Liv!” Kian winced, quickly covering his and Mateo’s eyes, “at least give me a warning if you’re going to show me your boobs. There are children present.”

Liv rolled her eyes, “you two are such prudes! How you ever conceived three children is beyond me.”

“I’m going to…” Cate desperately wanted to correct her sister. She and Kian had conceived four children not three but nobody else apart from Kian and Declan knew about the miscarriage. “Come on Mats, let’s go and wash our hands.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Liv asked Kian. “I was only joking.”

“I think she’s just upset about your mum selling the house.”

 

Later that night, when they were getting ready for bed, Cate said, “I know it’s the right decision for Mum to sell the house and buy something smaller. It’s a massive house for just one person. It’s just… I know I’m being really selfish but I’ve got so many memories tied up with that house. We had our first kiss in the alleyway at the side of the house. It was my refuge when I found out that you’d cheated on me at the World Cup. It’s where I went into labour with Mateo.”

Kian put his hands on her shoulders and tried to turn her around but she was just in her bra and she didn’t want him to see how much weight she’d lost, how unsexy she looked. “Let me just grab a t-shirt.”

When she was fully dressed, she turned to face Kian. “It just feels like everything is moving too fast. I’m not ready for it. Mum’s selling the house. You’re thinking about maybe retiring.”

“Like I said to Julian, I haven’t decided anything yet. We’ll talk about it as a family at the end of the season.”

“At least admit that you’re thinking about it?”

Kian climbed into bed, “of course I’m thinking about it. Since I’ve had the vasectomy and we know for sure that we’re not going to have any more children. Lola, Mats and Sierra, they are growing up so fast. I’ve missed so much with them over the years.”

Cate curled up on her side, facing him. She still found it difficult to think that she’d never have another child, even with the prenatal depression, that she would never be pregnant again. “It almost sounds like you’ve made your mind up.”

Kian shook his head, “I haven’t. Maybe it would be easier if I got injured…”

“Don’t say that,” Cate pressed her finger to his lips.

Kian kissed the tip of her finger. “It would just make it easier, that’s all. It doesn’t matter if it’s the right thing to do; it’s still going to be tough making the decision. It’s like your mum selling the house. The only thing I’ve ever known since I was a little boy is football. I guess if I could write the script, Seattle F.C. would win the MLS Cup at the end of the season and then maybe I could walk away from it knowing that I’d achieved everything I set out to in the game.”

“You know I’ll support you one hundred percent whatever you decide, right?” Cate rolled over on to her back. “Ugh, I so nearly corrected Liv tonight. We conceived four children not three.” She pressed her hand against her flat stomach. “It should be easy to make the right decision, shouldn’t it?”

Kian pressed the palm of his hand over hers. “Do you regret it?”

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, “sometimes.”

Kian gathered her up in his arms, “angel.”

“I just…” Cate’s voice cracked. “I don’t want things to change. I want Mum to still live in that house, I want you to play football and I want to know that…” She almost couldn’t get the words out. “I want to know that we could still have another child if we wanted to.”

“But we agreed…”

“I know we did. But I’m not like you, Kian. I can’t look at my F.A. Cup winner’s medal and my countless England caps. I don’t regret my children, not even for a second but all I’ve done since I was eighteen is be a mum.”

“That’s not true,” Kian said. “What about your first-class Psychology degree, 33 Rocks and Stepping Out?”