Despite my best plans to convince Eric to join me on my impromptu family vacation, he pled the need to study through the long weekend, and I couldn't argue with that. I'd have to compartmentalize my time carefully through the weekend just to make sure I didn't fall behind. With the bar exam only three weeks away, I couldn't afford to waste time, and I was pushing it with this weekend in the first place.
But although I could have canceled, I found I didn't want to. Despite all of the complications in our lives, Brandon and I were learning to deal with them together, and I didn't want to dismiss that progress.
In the interest of my time constraints, Brandon insisted on flying me out to Cape Cod via helicopter on Friday. I'd initially fought it, but it wasn't hard that for him to convince me to take advantage of his generosity for once. I couldn't study on the bus, and I needed all the time I could get.
I landed on a massive grass compound just after three in the afternoon on Friday. I had spent most of the short trip in awe, with headphones protecting my ears from the roar of the rotors while I watched the coastline through the glass windows.
When I stepped out of the helicopter, the combination of the wind coming off the waterfront and the whir of the rotor blades plastered my hair against my face. When I finally managed to tame it into a ponytail, I found Brandon jogging across the lawn. The wind pressed the fabric of his T-shirt and jeans against his torso in a way that left little to the imagination, his tanned skin healthy against the white of his shirt. Even with the vivid green of the grass, the bright blue of the sky, and the glow of the sunlight, his smile still outshone everything.
"Hey!"
I was picked up off the ground and swung around several times. I wrapped my arms around Brandon's neck and laughed.
"Welcome to the Cape!" he yelled over the rotors with another grin and a hearty kiss. He set me down and accepted the bags from the pilot in exchange for what was likely a sizable tip. "Thanks, Tony!"
The pilot nodded. "Anytime, Mr. Sterling! You enjoy your vacation, Miss Crosby!"
I followed Brandon across the lawn, forced to hold the edges of my skirt as the helicopter started taking off. It wasn't until it was well on its way that I was able to let go of the fabric and look around the property as we walked.
Brandon's house stood on several acres of land that created a luxurious solitude in the crowded Northeast. The property included a bluff overlooking a small bay, and was mostly scattered with trees around the big green lawn. It eventually dipped down to a beach of white sand and a rocky edge, Brandon informed me, though I couldn't see it from where we walked.
The house itself was large but not enormous, and of typical Cape Cod style: a simple, square shape covered with weathered gray shingles and white shutters and trim. It boasted a wrap-around porch and a deck that extended a good thirty feet onto the lawn. There was a kidney-shaped pool behind the deck, along with basketball and tennis courts beyond that.
Brandon led me up the deck stairs and through French doors that opened into a spacious living room. Everything was bright and airy, with high, white-beamed ceilings and a rustic, open floor plan. A living room situated around a large stone fireplace opened directly into a chef's kitchen, next to which was a farmhouse table that could seat at least twelve.
Like all of the spaces Brandon inhabited, it was big, but unlike his penthouse rental and the opulent mansion on the Commons, this house actually felt lived in. Although the kitchen was luxurious, the appliances were likely fifteen or twenty years old. The furniture, mostly leather sofas and weathered wood pieces, looked well used.
Brandon dropped my bags inside the French doors and pulled me to his body. He had been in Washington D.C. all week on business and had flown directly here. We hadn't been able to see each other since Sunday. There had been chats and texts, of course, but things felt...tenuous again. I wondered if we would ever get rid of that feeling completely.
Blue eyes or green? I wondered. Shut up, I thought right back.
"I missed you this week," Brandon murmured as he wrapped me up in his kiss.
I smiled against his lips and bit down on the bottom one lightly.
"Me too," I said. "Thanks for the helicopter ride, by the way. That was ridiculously fun."
Brandon winked. "Anytime. I don't want to wait for you any longer than I have to."
I closed my eyes, luxuriating in his familiar, almond-laced scent. Maybe I'd regret not spending the holiday weekend holed up with my study guide, but I was thrilled to be here right now.
"Come on, Red," Brandon said. "Let me give you a tour."
My hand clasped firmly in his, Brandon took me around the rest of house. Aside from the great room, the bottom floor also included a TV lounge and an office that was clearly Brandon's domain, plastered with Red Sox paraphernalia and a bunch of Star Wars collectibles. The desk was covered with a mess of papers and two open laptop computers. I glanced around with a smile––this was a side of Brandon I loved so much: the hometown boy, the Red Sox fan, the closeted dork who couldn't quite manage to pick up his workspace.
The tour continued upstairs, through a hallway lined with three guest bedrooms, all with en suite bathrooms, and stopped at the master suite at the end. A pair of double-doors opened into a room that included a white king-sized bed against a wall that faced an atrium-style window looking over the bay. A glass door opened to a smaller private deck and a set of sun-bleached Adirondack chairs.
I turned back to Brandon, who stood in the doorway of the room, watching me as I checked everything out. I grinned.
"This place is amazing," I said.
His face exploded with a grin.
"I'm glad you like it," he admitted. "It's kind of my favorite place on the planet."
I found myself looking for signs of Miranda; after all, they owned this house together. I walked up to the atrium window and pressed my fingertips against the glass panes while I looked at the water. Had they had good memories here together? They must have. I couldn't imagine being unhappy in a place like this.
As if he could read my thoughts, Brandon came up behind me and wrapped his long arms around my waist, leaning down to set his jaw on my shoulder.
"Don't think about her," he said.
"How do you always know?" I wondered.
"I can see it all over your face, Red."
I sighed and tried to turn in his arms, but he held me still, forcing me to continue looking at the view. I sighed.
"It's her place too, isn't it?"
Brandon finally loosened his grip so I could turn around, but he kept me pressed against his hard chest.
"It's mostly mine," he said. "She never liked it here."
I frowned, remembering some comment she had made so long ago about seeing her family at the Cape. "She didn't?"
Brandon shook his head. "Her family owns a place near Provincetown. She doesn't like how isolated this place is, so most of the time she wanted to stay over there."
"So why are you giving it to her in the divorce agreement?" I asked. "You were going to give her all of your property."
Brandon shrugged and rubbed my back meditatively. "A lot has changed since then. Six months ago, the most important thing to me was keeping my companies intact. But now I'll probably have to divest anyway, not to mention..."
I watched curiously as he trailed off. "Not to mention what?"
He cocked his head shyly. It made me want to tackle him onto the bed, except I wanted to know the end of his sentence.
"Not to mention that now I have more important things to fight for," he said with a hopeful gaze. "Maybe there are things worth keeping if they are important to you too. To us."
"Oh."
We gazed at each other, letting the gravity of his words, those others "things" sink in.
I looked around at the room. "So, the decor, then..."
Brandon gave me a lopsided smile. "Would you believe me if I said I pored over design magazines trying to find the perfect lamp?"
In response, I just raised my eyebrow. He laughed and dropped a kiss.
"I bought the property as is," he said. "I'll tell the previous owners you like it."
With yet another brief kiss, he released me from his embrace and took my hand again.
"You hungry?" he asked.
As he spoke, my stomach let out a loud growl. He laughed again, and it filled the room with even more light.
"Come on," Brandon said. "Let's feed you, and then I can show you the grounds."
~
We spent the next few hours exploring the property while Brandon pointed out all of his favorite spots: the cluster of driftwood that was perfect for reading on nice days and the tennis court where we could play doubles with Janette and Maurice. My eyes grew wide at that one; I'd played tennis maybe three times in my life.
"Don't worry, babe, I'll teach you," Brandon said with a laugh.
I couldn't help but laugh with him. He was different here, somehow. Lighter. Happier. It was infectious.
He led me into a small grove of oak trees on one edge of the property's bluff. At the end, there was another set of several deck chairs and a dining area underneath the of the trees. A tire swing had been hung from one of the trees.
"Indulging your inner child?" I asked as I hopped on it and swayed back and forth.
It was the kind of swing any kid would have dreamed of. As a city kid myself, I had often imagined living in rural place like this, with a swing of my own from this kind of tree. I closed my eyes in the sunlight shining through the leaves.
"Or one I might have one day."
My stomach dropped with his words. The slight squeak of the swing's chain fill the sudden silence.
"I think about it with you." Brandon came to stand in front of me, letting the swing come to a stop against his thighs. He held the chains that anchored the tire in each of his hands. "Do you ever think about it with me?"
I gulped. He was watching me very carefully, and I prayed the sudden guilt that had bloomed in my belly wasn't written all over my face––or at least that Brandon wouldn’t be able to read it as clearly as he could normally. I forced myself to inhale and exhale. Brandon cocked his head.
"Too much?" he asked. He shook his head with a bitter laugh and rubbed his chin. "Of course it's too much. We just got back together a few weeks ago." He gave a sardonic smile. "'Too much' is my middle name, isn't it?"
The disappointment and obvious sadness on his face broke my heart.
"No," I said forcefully.
I slid off the swing, and pulled him close to me by his shirt, standing on my tiptoes so I could wrap my arms around his head.
"I think about it too," I said, hoping our faces were close enough that he wouldn't be able to see all of the conflicting emotions I felt. "I think about it all the time."
"Yeah?" Brandon looked out meditatively over the blue water. A few seagulls cried out in the distance. "Sometimes I think it's crazy. What would I know about being a dad? I have absolutely nothing in the way of model. My father's still in jail for one of his many crimes, and Ray, well, you've met him."
He bit his lip, and my heart practically cracked in half.
"Hey." I picked up his hand and brought it to my lips. "You don't need models. Look at you. You are one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever met. Brandon, you'd be a wonderful father, I know it."
Even as I said the words, my heart physically throbbed. He would be a wonderful father one day. And in another life, he might have been on his way by now.
Blue eyes or green? Now was the time to tell him. We were alone, there was nowhere to run, no one to interrupt us.
"Brandon, I need to tell you something," I said, feeling sick even as I said the words.
Brandon looked down at me, eyes gray-blue and broody, but...maybe not surprised. "What's that?"
Do it, you coward! My conscience screamed at me, sounding irritatingly like Jane. I opened my mouth, but when I caught his wide blue gaze, nothing came out. I choked.
"Last May..." I tried again.
Brandon's brows quirked in confusion. "Yeah?"
I shut my mouth, then opened it again. "I was so...I was...miserable. Without you. I just realized...Brandon, I just love you. So, so much."
Chicken. No, I was going to do this. I had to.
But before I could speak again, Brandon swept me off the ground and sat us down in a surprisingly smooth motion, pulled me on top of his lap so that my knees straddled his hips. His hands settled on my waist, thumbs stroking lightly over the thin fabric of my cotton dress.
"Are you trying to fix me again, Skylar?" he asked in a low voice, echoing the same question he had said just after the first time he'd brought me to meet Ray.
I'd given him praise then too. The question had let to our frantic first coupling in the stairwell of the MIT electrical engineering building, a forceful condemnation of any suggestion of charity. In his own way, Brandon was even worse than I was at taking compliments or gifts. This time, however, I wasn't afraid to say how much I felt for him. I could at least be honest about that.
I cupped his face gently, gazing into the blue eyes that were subtly riddled with a life of pain that Brandon worked so hard to overcome.
"Aren't you trying to fix me too?" I asked softly, running my thumbs over his cheekbones. "Aren't we trying to fix each other?"
Brandon gazed, blue eyes unblinking, his jaw set tight. He took a deep breath, then exhaled slightly. His hands rose up my back, and he pulled me in for a kiss that started slowly, then quickly grew into something much more passionate.
"Yes," he said hoarsely as he tried to get closer. "Yes, we are."
He kissed me again, with lips that quickly turned primal. It was so easy to lose myself in the tongue that wrapped around mine and made me forget where I was.
A His hand slipped around the back of my head, tangled in my hair while the other drifted over the rise and fall of my breasts through the cotton. Brandon's fingers whispered over the fabric, plucked at the buttons until one by one, they fell open, baring my breasts in the late afternoon sun. He looked down to where he palmed both my breasts lightly.
"You are so incredibly beautiful," he pronounced while his thumbs drifted over my nipples.
Although his touch had me aching for more, I still looked around, aware of the fact that the only protection we had from prying eyes was our relative isolation and the scattering of trees.
"Relax, baby," Brandon said, reading my mind again, as was his uncanny talent. "This property is ten acres. There's no one around."
He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the ground, then drew me back so we were skin to skin in the cool grass. I burrowed in the cocoon of his chest, the warm muscles against my skin, the familiar smattering of hair soft against my face. I kissed the divot between his pectorals, and he shuddered.
He rolled me onto my back, and his mouth trailed down the side of my neck, nipping and biting while he twisted his tongue with some mystery of sweet torment. Eventually he returned to my breasts, and pulled one taut curve between his teeth, causing a ripple of tension to vibrate through me.
"Brandon," I moaned.
My hands threaded into his hair to keep him close. One of his hands drifted lower, pushing up the hem of my skirt to find the flesh beneath. He was so big, blocking out the rest of the world. Keeping me safe.
"Skylar," he murmured against my breast before switching to the other side.
His fingers found the edge of my panties and pulled them off.
"Please," I whimpered against his ear before I seized the edge of it between my teeth and bit lightly.
Brandon hissed, then unbuckled his own pants. When the heavy weight of him was freed in the damp warmth between my thighs, we both gasped at the sudden contact. Brandon took my mouth, sucking voraciously on my lower lip as he adjusted his hips until––aaaah!–––he found entry.
"Fuuuuck," he swore as he sank into me, slowly, surely.
I gripped his shoulders as my body adjusted to his girth, but sighed into his warm skin. Nothing felt better than him. Nothing felt better than this.
"Tell me what you need," he croaked as he pressed me further into the grass. "Tell me what you want."
From my vantage point, I had the full, sun-drenched view of his impressive physique. I ran my hand over him and rotated my hips, taking him deeper and causing him to hiss again.
"I just need you," I said as I slipped one hand between my legs. Brandon's eyes zeroed in on the moment, dilated sapphires as he watched my fingers find my clit and move in tandem with his hips.
Our bodies had reunited before, but this was different. It was slower, less frenzied. No forceful joining in his bed, no frenzied coupling in a public bathroom. No withholding, no games. Our eyes met, and neither of us could look away as we found our rhythm together, bodies rocking, joining, warm and light and free under the open sky.
As if of its own accord, my other hand ran up Brandon's chest to cup his face, torn as it was between pain and ecstasy.
"Brandon," I whispered.
He thrust deeper, and the lines on his brow deepened. "Skylar."
The fingers on my clit twitched. I gripped the edge of his jaw, forcing him to look at me.
"I love you," I breathed, the words floating on the air between us.
Brandon's eyes flew open, and his entire body clenched in response.
"God!" he cried, matching the calls of the seagulls looping through the sky behind us.
He throbbed within me, and I arched in response. I pressed hard on my clit, and Brandon took one, two, three more deep thrusts before we both exploded together, our bodies joining in a tangled mass of light and love.
"Skylar!" he called as he collapsed against my shoulder.
"Brandon!" My body shook under him.
And we trembled, slowing to shudders, until there was no more Brandon, no more Skylar. There was only us.
~
The sun was a warm blanket over my shoulders, and the distant sound of waves and seagulls combined with the hushed breeze through the grass-covered dunes lulled me partially to sleep on Brandon's chest. That feeling was finally back––that one we had worked so hard for before everything had come crashing down last spring. In this moment, I was perfectly content.
Before I had found out about Miranda, and before she had found out about us, Brandon has asked me to move in with him. And despite how overwhelmed I was by his wealth and his life––feelings that I would probably struggle with for a long time––the answer had been easy. I had wanted to share a life with Brandon, share a home with him, because somehow, I had known that Brandon was my home. He was where I belonged.
I didn't know if he would ever ask me that again, although he had mentioned it in passing. Likely not until he had his life straightened out, until he was fully divorced and determined his future in politics. But if he did, I knew the answer would be the same. No matter where he was, where he needed to be, I'd want to be there with him. He was home.
Which made what I needed to do all the more difficult. And all the more necessary.
Oh God, I thought as a ball of fear took root in my stomach. I pressed myself up, causing him to groan against the movement.
"Don't," he mumbled, already half asleep in his equally content, post-coital haze.
I kissed him lightly on the chest, but still sat up.
"Why?" he asked as he opened one lazy blue eye.
I smiled nervously and twirled a few strands of my hair. "I have to tell you something," I tried again.
A dark blond brow quirked. "Now?"
I took a deep breath. I might lose everything, or I might gain everything. But either way, Jane was right. I couldn't keep it to myself if I wanted us to be real. I opened my mouth to speak.
The sound of a loud car horn broke through the air.
Brandon tipped his head toward the house, then smirked back at me. "Looks like the cavalry has arrived."
I wilted. Shit. My mother really did have the best timing. The car honked again insistently, and I tugged my dress back over my shoulders.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," I mumbled to myself.
Brandon chuckled while he pulled on his jeans and T-shirt. The car honked a third time, and now I could hear Janette's "helloooo"s echoing over the lawn along with Annabelle and Christoph's curious voices.
"On our way!" Brandon shouted with a laugh as he slipped on his flip-flops. Then he looked back at me with sudden concern. "Wait. What was it you wanted to tell me?"
Tying my hair on top of my head, I froze, mouth open.
"I...just that I love you. Again."
The words came out before I could stop them, and immediately the ball of fear shrank to a tiny clenched fist. That wouldn't go away, I knew. It had been there for the last month and a half. But this wasn't the right time to talk about it, and I couldn't bring myself to kill Brandon's happy mood.
Brandon's megawatt smile lit up the entire wood despite the fact that we were out in the direct sunlight. He leaned in to give me a hearty, all-encompassing kiss and didn't release me until the car horn blasted for a fourth time and we were both completely out of breath.
"I love you too, Red," he said with another brief smack. "Now let's go welcome your family before they burn the place down."
~