It’s late. Kace isn’t back yet and I’m having trouble sleeping without him and worrying where he is and if he’s okay. Lying in bed was just not an option so I’m in the clubhouse kitchen getting a glass of water when I hear movement and talking in the main room. I race out to see Kace, Noah and Tanner. Kace notices me and he rushes forward as I stand in the kitchen doorway. I put my arms out to take him into an embrace, but my hands quickly fall when I see his black shirt splattered in blood. I stare at the blood as he steps up to me and I take a step back from him.

“It’s just me, baby. I’m sorry you had to see this. I thought you’d be asleep.”

Swallowing hard, I look up at him and his eyes are soft almost pleading with me as I chew on my bottom lip.

“Lily, I love you. Keep your eyes on my face. This is me, don’t look down,” he says reaching out taking my hand. The instant his hand touches mine it sends a soothing warmth right through me. His voice, his eyes—this is Kace, the Kace I know and love. It’s like the bloodied version is irrelevant at this moment. Sure it scares me, and I hate to think about what the hell went down over the past few hours, but I’m beginning to realize that when he comes back to me, he’s my Kace.

“I’m fine… now that I know you’re here. Now that I know you’re safe and alive… I’m okay. Now that I have you, Molly, the club and your team around me I feel more alive now than I have for so long. I don’t feel so isolated, and the end is starting to look clearer. I’m beginning to understand what I didn’t before. I was so concerned with pulling you from the darkness, I didn’t realize it was a struggle I was never going to win.”

The Kace who goes on missions during the middle of the night, that’s the Kace I don’t know. That’s a Kace who has a job to do, a job he does with skill and precision, a job where he has to be in the dark in order to do it or it will eat away and destroy him. He has this passion and I need to support that in him. I always thought it was about giving him the light he needed to break free from the restraints around him, but it wasn’t. It was about sharing my light with him, but accepting there were parts of him that I can’t change, that I don’t want to change. It’s about balance, not one or the other.

“You have pulled me from the darkness, Lily. But just sometimes, on occasion, the need to step back into it arises. Now, though, because of you I can pull myself back out, but it’s only because of you that I can do that.”

I bring my hand up to his face and caress his cheek. “I’m glad. I love that you have the strength to do that, Kace, and I’m glad I now understand that the darkness is a part of you. I get it now, I do. I don’t necessarily like it… but I get it. It’s who you are, it’s part of you, and I can accept that. I take you as you are, all of you, darkness and all.”

“You’re amazing.”

Smiling, I grab his hand and start leading him back through the main room. “I know. Do you need to be anywhere?” I ask and he moves in next to me and shakes his head.

“Only in the shower with you.”

Giggling, I nod and we make our way to the hall to go to our room. We arrive at the door and as I turn I see Noah stepping inside Molly’s room. I turn back to Kace in confusion and gasp.

He weakly smiles and sighs. “What happened tonight… this kind of stuff impacts on us all differently, and sometimes we know exactly what or who we need to help us get through it… to help remind us of who we really are… to pull us back into the here and now.”

Chewing on my bottom lip, I nod and open the door leading Kace in to help him shower.

 

 

“Good morning beautiful people!” Luca announces as he bursts through the doorway to our bedroom.

Kace instantly grabs the sheet and pulls it over me to protect my naked body from his view, but at this stage, I don’t even care. I roll over, groaning and burying my face in Kace’s shoulder. “Go away, Luca.”

“Sorry, Lillian. But I need to speak to your lover there about last night.” He chuckles. “Get your ass up man, you need to give me the low down.”

Clutching Kace a little tighter, I pull myself further onto his body. Last night after a hot shower he’d reminded me of who he was, of the man I’d fallen in love with. Kace is hard and often at times pretty damn scary, but when it’s just us together alone, he reminds me of the man I know he can be.

I’m learning to embrace both of these sides of him.

Kace’s lips brush the top of my head. “He’s right, I need to go chat with him for a bit.”

I huff, but pull myself away from his warm body and tuck the sheet tighter around me. He smirks as he leans over and dips his head for another kiss, this time, capturing my lips and running his tongue along the crease. It doesn’t take me long to give in and lift my hands, sweeping them around his neck and pulling him closer.

“Oh God, I saw boob,” Luca says in horror and I can’t help but giggle against Kace’s lips.

I sigh. “Go. Give Luca his briefing before I strangle him.”

Kace just laughs as he climbs out of bed, butt naked and walks over to the corner of the room to find his clothes.

“Can I look now?” Luca asks cautiously as he stands in the doorway with his hands covering his eyes.

“Sure, if you don’t mind seeing Kace’s bare ass,” I joke but I’m startled when Luca drops his hand and grins.

“You think that’s something I haven’t seen before?” He cackles. “This one mission we were on in Australia, Kace had to—”

Kace takes one step, slapping his best friend around the back of the head as he pulls on his pants with the other. “Less talking, more walking, dickhead.” With that they both slip out the door, the sounds of Luca’s laughter reminding me somewhat of a hyena as he taunts Kace down the hallway.

Just as I am figuring out how I’m going to get up and make it to the bathroom to get dressed, since the damn boys left the door open, Molly bounces through the doorway. She leaps onto the bed with a wide grin on her face.

“They’re gonna let me shoot a gun,” she says excitedly, her eyes bright like a child on Christmas morning.

I let out a long groan and roll my eyes upwards. “God, help us. Someone’s going to die today.”

She waves her hand through the air, the smile still very present on her face. “Pish posh… get up. They’re going to meet us out the back in five minutes. Come on, come on.”

“Exactly who agreed to let you handle a gun?” I ask suspiciously.

She huffs at me like it’s not a legitimate question I should be asking. Molly is crazy at the best of times, easily distracted and has the attention span of a goldfish. Guns come with responsibility and rules that need to be followed—two things that she doesn’t believe have a place in her life.

Great.

Since I’m already technically dead, that means I can’t die again… right?

“A couple of the club members suggested it, Noah said he would come supervise me,” she answers, tugging on my arm. “Come on, Lily! I want to be a badass.”

I sigh dramatically. “Fine! Close the damn door so I can get dressed.”

She does just that, pushing it closed and looking away as I climb from the bed and dash into the bathroom in search of clothes. The words I want to say tickle at my tongue, but I can’t figure out how to get them out without Molly clamming up. “So… you’ve already seen Noah this morning?” I call to her from inside the bathroom as I rustle through my bag in search of panties.

She doesn’t speak for a few seconds and I can practically see her standing in the other room, shifting from foot to foot and chewing her lip. “Yeah.”

Okay, clamming up.

“He um… stay with you last night?” I query as I tug on my pants and a tank top. Molly doesn’t answer and I briefly check my appearance in the mirror before ducking back into the room.

Molly stares at me with narrowed eyes, her hands tucked into her front pockets. “Why would you ask that?”

Snatching a hair tie from the nightstand, I work on pulling my hair back from my face into a messy ponytail. “He got home the same time as Kace and I was up getting a glass of water…” I let the words hang in the air hoping that I don’t have to fill in the spaces.

Molly doesn’t do relationships.

Ever.

I’m not quite sure where her fear of commitment comes from, given she has two amazing parents who have been together since they were in their teens. They’re a very Christian family, they hold positive values and have the kind of relationship that most people would give anything for. How Molly turned out the way she did completely blows my mind, but that’s one thing that we never talk about.

I hope one day she trusts me enough to share it with me, but I love her anyway. Secrets and all.

When she doesn’t offer me any more information, I take in a heavy breath. “It’s okay to like him. Noah is a good guy.”

Her disbelieving snort surprises me.

I’d never seen Noah as anything but polite, quiet and a little bit nerdy. Oh, apart from that time he tried to break into my apartment and kill me.

“You should know better than anyone else, Lily, things aren’t always as they seem.” Her words hang in the air and just as I open my mouth to question what she means, there’s a sharp bang on the door.

“You girls coming?”

Speak of the devil.

Molly turns and whips the door open, folding her arms across her chest and popping her hip to the side. “I’ll come when I’m ready,” she protests.

The corner of Noah’s mouth quirks and he squares his shoulders. “That’s not what—”

“Okay!” she cries, shoving at his chest and pushing him from the room. “Let’s go.”

I laugh softly while following behind them, unable to stop myself from analyzing every move they make, and every brush against each other. It’s kind of nice actually, to be focused on someone else’s issues for once and not the hot mess that seems to be growing thicker around me every single day.

Noah leads us through the clubhouse and out via a large roller door that heads toward a massive grass area out the back. “Wow! I would have never known this was here,” I say as I jog to catch up to them. There’s already a group of people standing outside near a large paneled fence that runs around the entire property.

“They don’t want people to know it’s here, that’s why,” Noah explains as we trudge through the grass.

I spot Axel who offers me a wide grin and waves us over with his hand. “I want you girls to meet a couple of my brothers.”

Molly bounds forward, flipping her hair back from her shoulder and plastering on a perfectly fake toothy grin for the three men who are leaning against the fence, club cuts proudly on display. Noah just follows behind, shaking his head like he already knows her game but is a willing player.

I take in Axel’s brothers one by one, they’re all tough and broody, looking like they have better things to do than be out here babysitting a couple girls.

Axel points to the first and I instantly see the resemblance between him and this guy who has a patch on the front of his leather reading ‘Vice President.’ “This is Ruin, VP of the club and my little brother,” he explains, a playful glint in his eye.

Ruin smirks, raising his middle finger toward Axel. “Fuck you.” Ruin has dark black hair, spiked up much like his brother’s. They could almost be twins, yet Ruin has a noticeable scar that runs down the left side of his face from his eyebrow to his chin. It doesn’t take away the fact that he’s still incredibly handsome and well-toned with wide shoulders and a slim waist.

“The next one along is Mack,” Axel continues.

Mack is huge, and I don’t say that lightly. He’s completely bald, with tattoos crawling up his neck and the back of his skull. He must be at least six foot six or something and built like a semi-truck. He has muscles upon muscles upon muscles and when he raises his hand in a silent hello, I could swear that his biceps are the size of my thigh and his fist almost the size of my face.

I swallow back the lump in my throat as I nod my head in greeting trying hard to keep my eyes from popping out of my head.

“The last one is Cap. He doesn’t talk much, so don’t be offended and think he’s ignoring you.”

Cap rolls his eyes but raises his hand to his forehead and shoots us a quick salute.

Molly is quickly over the introductions and spins on her heel. “Let’s get this party started, I’m ready to shoot some shit.”

Axel chuckles softly and the line of brothers seem to suddenly get a little nervous.

Can’t say as I blame them.

“Before we do this, we gotta go over a few safety things to ensure you don’t kill us,” Axel says, pulling a handgun from a holster inside his jacket. “Noah, run through it with her. Don’t fucking miss anything out or Dad is gonna have my ass.”

He passes the gun to Noah and I see Molly grit her teeth as he pulls her in beside him and starts explaining the parts of the gun and how the safety works.

Just as he places it in her hand, there’s a shrill scream that startles us all and has Axel stepping in front of me by using his arm to force my body behind him.

“Holy mother of God, they’re giving her a gun. Everyone stay calm!”

Axel’s body relaxes dramatically, and I look over to see the three brothers all slipping their own guns away.

“Fuck, Luca!” Axel swears. “Don’t do that shit, man!”

I peek around to see Luca running back in through the roller door like a mad man as Kace walks toward us, shaking his head.

“You sure he’s a fucking spy?” Mack grunts, pushing off the fence. “Fucker ain’t very stealthy.”

“He has problems,” Kace answers as he approaches. “I’m pretty sure his mom dropped him on his head too many times as a baby.”

Mack snorts. “Makes sense.”

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it,” Molly groans as Noah continues to run through things with her.

“Target is down there,” Ruin says, pointing to the far end of the yard where there are a range of different objects. There’s ten or so bottles sitting on a shelf, along with what looks like a shop mannequin and a round target with colored circles that you might see at an archery range. “Take your pick and let’s see how you match up.”

Molly squares her shoulders as Noah helps her to adjust her stance. He holds her gently as she lines up her first shot. I can’t help but smile at the determination on her face. When she’s set, Noah takes a step back but his eyes continue to stay solely focused on her with a soft smile touching at his lips.

She eases out a breath and pulls on the trigger and a loud bang resonates around us. It’s quickly followed by the shattering of glass and then stunned silence.

“Holy shit,” Noah mutters under his breath as he stares in awe.

Molly spins around, laughing maniacally. “I hit it!”

“No fucking shit,” Mack comments, looking over at the space on the fence where the bottle was sitting before.

Kace laughs as he steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Your girl is a natural.”

“Okay!”

We all turn to the clubhouse upon hearing Luca’s voice. As he steps out of the roller door, I can’t help but release a burst of laughter, the boys around me all joining in. Luca is dressed head to toe in what I would imagine a SWAT team would wear to protect them from armed offenders. But instead of a helmet he’s wearing a metal trash can, tipped back so that his face is clear. “I’m ready now!”

“You’re such a douche bag, Luca,” Molly yells at him as he slowly creeps toward us with his hands raised in the air.

“Hey now,” he protests. “Do you know how many missions I’ve been on and come out alive. You think I’m gonna risk dying at the hands of a crazed bitch with a gun?”

“I’ll show you crazy… you… you…” She steps toward him, but Noah quickly grabs her arm and pulls her back, still unable to hide his amusement.

Ruin walks over to where I stand with Kace, laughing and shaking his head. “Man, how do you work with this lot?”

Kace grins, slapping Ruin on the shoulder. “Patience and a lot of alcohol.”

“You sure hard drugs ain’t involved?” Ruin scoffs before looking at me. “You gonna have a turn, Lily?”

Before I can answer, Luca stops next to us, shaking his head. “Uh-uh, no way. She’s already tried to shoot me once.”

Ruin looks at me, his eyebrow raised.

I roll my eyes and reach up, flicking the trash can off Luca’s head. “You’re lucky I’m a good shot.”

“Pfft, a good shot? I think if I remember correctly, you missed.”

A smirk pulls at my lips. “And I think if I remember correctly I told you that you’d find out what happens if you come after us again.”

“Oooo…” Mack laughs, the sound is deep and throaty. “Kace, man, you sure you’re not dating a dude, ‘cause she’s got balls.”

Kace pulls me back against his chest, resting his chin on my shoulder. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

A shudder runs through me as I feel his hand sneak around, his fingers grazing the underside of my ass. I bite back a groan and fight the urge to rub my ass back against his crotch. There’s something about having your man believe in your abilities and your strength that’s so goddamn sexy.

“Nope, I’m not giving up this gun until I prove to dipshit that I’m quite capable and that he’s not going to die…” Molly says sternly before adding, “…today.”

Axel chuckles. “Come on, she might be a while.” He gestures to a picnic table a few feet away and Ruin, Kace and I follow, taking a seat while Noah and the others supervise Molly’s need to prove how big her balls really are.

Noticing how relaxed and happy Axel seems, I can’t help but ask, “Why did you join The Agency if your family has all this?”

He smiles at my question, but I can see the sadness behind it. “I’ve always known Dad’s history with The Agency, but the plan was always to join the club and be a part of the brotherhood because that’s what I grew up with. I love it here, this really is home for me.”

“So what happened?” I ask, leaning forward, eager to hear his story.

He places his hands on the table, and Ruin looks over to him with a look that tells me just how close they are. One that seems like he would be ready at any moment to step in and tell me to mind my own business if that’s what his brother wanted.

“Club kids are always close you know,” he begins, allowing Ruin to release the tension from his shoulders. “We’re often looked at as outsiders because we choose to live by our own rules and ways of life. Kids at school would avoid us, their parents scared of what we represent and the danger that sometimes surrounds us, so we stick together like fucking glue.”

I breathe in every word he says, anticipation building in my body as I learn more and more about what life is like for the members of the motorcycle club. The only knowledge I hold about the life they lead is things I’ve seen on television shows and news articles that paint them as a menace to society and a danger that needs to be exterminated.

But from what I’ve seen of these people so far, they’re loyal, private and hold their members to a certain standard that I have to think is somewhat better than a lot of regular citizens.

“My best friend growing up was another member’s daughter, her name was Kenzi. We were thick as fucking thieves.” I watch as his face lights up, just her name leaving his lips seems to brighten his day.

Ruin feels it too, his face mirroring Axel’s. “You two used to get in so much shit, you’re lucky Dad still let you patch in.”

Axel nods his head. “Totally true,” he agrees, his face morphing into something completely different. “Kenzi went away to college after high school, but we still talked almost every day, even if it was just a text or a two-minute phone call. Then one day… they just stopped.”

His head hangs and he takes a few labored breaths.

I instinctually reach out, covering his hand with mine. Kace tenses up beside me and I throw him a quick look, telling him he needs to calm down. I can see this story causes Axel pain, and the compassion inside me tells me to comfort him in whatever way I can. He doesn’t have to share this with me, he’s making a choice to open up and let me have a glimpse into his life and his purpose.

Kace frowns back at me but doesn’t speak or make a move to stop me.

When Axel continues to speak, I turn back to him, needing to hear every word he says, “After two days with no contact, both her dad and I were worried so we got on the first plane out there.” He takes a deep breath, looking up and meeting my eyes. I clutch the table, knowing in my gut that this story isn’t going to end well. “She was gone, disappeared, no trace of her.”

“What?” I whisper in a mixture of horror and sadness.

Axel clenches his fist beneath mine, the veins and muscles in his hands and arms protruding with the amount of force.

When he doesn’t continue, Ruin steps in, placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “We looked everywhere. We’ve never really stopped, I guess. Her apartment was left like she should have been walking back in the door any minute, half-eaten dinner on the table, school notes spread out around it as if she was studying.” He frowns as if recalling the images in his head. “It didn’t even seem like she could have packed a bag, there were still dry clothes in the hamper waiting to be folded.”

My heart is racing but at the same time I can feel a dull ache inside it. I’ve really gotten to know Axel, and while he can be very serious and quiet, seeing him in this environment has shown me who he really is. Bright, caring, intelligent.

I guess Kace isn’t the only one who has to put on a dark mask in order to make it day by day. I bet all of them have some kind of way they separate themselves and who they are on the inside from the job that they have to do.

Loud laughter has me looking over my shoulder and I see Luca, bent over in hysterics while Noah seems to dab at his lip with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

Luca is different, he isn’t like the others. While the others use hard exteriors to get by, he seems to be the opposite. A shiver runs up my spine as I think about what Luca could have going on inside him that he needs to use so much humor and sarcasm to cover.

“So, anyway…” I turn back and Axel seems to have composed himself, his body much more relaxed. “The Agency doesn’t owe my dad anything, given that he walked away, but he asked them to help anyway. It was a last resort. Camilla told him that they would only do those kind of things for members, so… I offered myself up.”

“Wow!” I say in awe of what I’m hearing. Knowing that Axel was basically willing to give his life to such a dangerous job just to find this girl had me completely stunned, and if I was being honest, a little smitten with him. “You must really love her.”

His eyes shoot wide and he shakes his head, while Ruin just throws back his head and releases a loud hoot of laughter.

“No, Lily. She was my best friend… and a member’s daughter for that matter. Love? No, no, no.”

I raise my eyebrow. “You obviously haven’t seen the googly eyes you make when you say her name.”

Axel just stares at me but Ruin’s amused gaze shifts to Kace. “I really do like her,” he says as Axel elbows him in the ribs. “What? I’ve heard the same damn story since we were kids. We’re just friends. It’s not like that. Ew yuck.”

“Because it’s true.”

Ruin rolls his eyes. “Brother, you love that damn girl or else you wouldn’t still be searching for her, because you know in your damn heart that she’s not dead like everyone else seems to think. But you… no, you know she’s out there.”

Axel suddenly pushes away from the table with a fierce look of intent on his face, his boots stomping and rattling the ground as he walks away.

Kace growls under his breath. “Camilla promised him she would find her. Yet, she keeps making excuses time after time, saying she doesn’t know where she is.”

Ruin’s eyes light up. “You think she knows where she is?”

Kace scrubs at his hair. “Man, after all the shit that’s gone down, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if she knew and was just keeping it to herself to pull Axel’s strings. She knows he won’t leave until he gets the information he wants.”

“Fuck!” Ruin curses, linking his hands behind his head. “You gotta take her down, man.”

Kace’s jaw twitches and his arm around me tightens. “Working on it.”