CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Lila hung up.
What just happened?
What the hell just happened?
Burke didn’t want to see her again?
She’d taken a shower when she gotten home after the gym, and changed into lounge pants and a T-shirt. Now, she stripped in seconds and hauled on her jeans and a bra. She yanked the T-shirt back over her head and topped it with a hoodie. She stuffed her feet into a pair of comfortable old sneakers and ran out the house, gripping her keys hard enough to dent her palm.
She pointed her car toward Kurt’s and drove with fierce concentration.
She did not sit there wondering what it was she had done to prompt this move. She hadn’t done a damn thing.
Other than kiss the hell out of him that afternoon.
Which he had started.
One minute they were all fine, the next minute he was on the other end of her phone sounding about as uncomfortable as she’d ever heard him as he fumbled around and dumped her.
She pulled up outside Kurt’s house and marched up to pound on the door.
Kurt answered. “Lila,” he said with a big grin. “This is a surprise.”
No trace of sarcasm. Burke hadn’t issued the storm warning, then.
“Coming in?” Kurt stood to one side.
“I would love to come in, Kurt. Thank you so much.”
“Burke!” Kurt yelled. “Lila’s here.”
Burke came out of the living room. His face was composed, but she could see the tension in the set of his broad shoulders, the fists he probably wasn’t aware he had clenched at his thighs.
His pose was familiar. He’d looked the exact same way when she’d kissed him in his RV.
“Uh…” Kurt started when neither of them spoke. “This is disturbingly awkward. Somebody say something.”
“I wish you hadn’t come here,” Burke said.
“Wow. That didn’t take the awkward down even a notch,” Kurt said. “Even half a notch.”
Lila lifted her chin. Ignoring Kurt, she said, “Call me old-fashioned, but when I get dumped, I prefer to do it face to face. I suppose I’m lucky you called and didn’t text.”
“Yep,” Kurt said. “That’s my cue to leave.” He shut the door behind Lila and headed for the living room, sparing Burke a pat on the arm as he passed. The television volume was punched up.
“We’re going to need more privacy than a loud television,” Lila said to Burke. “What with all the yelling I have planned.” She stalked past him and headed up the stairs to his room. She stood there and waited, tapping her toe.
Eventually, she had to concede he wasn’t going to follow.
She stomped back down the stairs and ducked her head into the living room. Kurt, avoiding eye contact, slunk lower in his seat.
Lila found Burke in the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher. He stopped when she entered the room, and he leaned against the counter, hands gripping the edge. His knuckles were white.
“I’m trying very hard not to be offended as well as furious,” Lila said in a conversational tone, “but it’s a losing battle. Is David here?”
Burke shook his head. “Studying with a friend.”
“Then let’s do this. What the hell is going on, Burke?”
“I’m sorry. About earlier. At the house. I never should have kissed you.”
“Are you firing me because we kissed? I don’t—”
“I’m not firing you. Lila.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m trying not to be a jerk here.”
“You’re doing a terrible job.”
“I know. I went about this the wrong way. But the thing is, I can’t spend time with you anymore.”
Lila raised and lowered her arms in a helpless gesture. “I don’t get it.”
“I can’t trust myself around you. This afternoon proves that.”
“You’re punishing me for your lack of self-control by firing me? Dick move, man.”
“You’re not fired! You’re the one who started using the word, not me. I just don’t want to see you! Can we do it over the phone? Do we have to meet again, or is that part over?”
“What part, the having-to-endure-my-company part? Definitely looking like that’s over.”
“Good. That’s…good. It’s a good idea.”
“You wouldn’t know a good idea if it sat on you.” Lila turned on her heel.
“Lila, stop.”
“Nope.” It was time to leave. Coming here was a mistake.
Burke lunged across the distance between them and caught her upper arms. He pulled her back against his chest. Lila didn’t struggle. She stood in his tight grip, feeling his hard body pressing the length of hers, his chest rising and falling with rapid breaths, his heat soaking into her.
She closed her eyes and made a concerted effort to not soften against him.
Burke’s breathing slowed. One arm shifted to slide under her breasts. “I didn’t want to upset you. That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it? Make me understand, Burke. Because from my perspective, we were getting on great as friends, and then you kissed me, and somehow that made you never want to see me again.”
Burke was silent for a few more breaths. “I lied when I said I don’t want to see you anymore because I can’t trust myself. It’s true, I can’t, but that’s not the reason. The reason is…it’s too hard. It hurts too much.”
Lila tried to turn around. Burke’s hold tightened, and he wouldn’t let her. “It hurts? How can it hurt?”
He gave a short laugh, then rested his jaw at her temple and whispered, “You don’t know?”
“No! I’d never do anything to hurt you, Burke.” She wrapped her arms over his. “Never.”
“I love you.” His voice was deep and rough. “I love you, and you’re leaving. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m tired of pretending.”
I love you? Lila began to struggle. “Let me turn around. I want to see your face.”
Reluctantly, he loosened his hold enough for her to turn in his arms. She reached up to touch him and he flinched, releasing her and stepping back. “Don’t.”
“Why not? You tell me you love me, and I’m not allowed to touch you?”
He dipped his head in a nod. “I didn’t want this. I don’t want this.”
“You love me but you don’t want to?”
Burke shoved his hands in his pockets and took another step back. “Beatrice mentioned your job offer while showing me around the house. Congratulations, by the way.”
It was incredibly uncool and inappropriate of Beatrice to share Lila’s business with a client. Lila made a note to share her displeasure with Beatrice tomorrow. “Are you having a knee-jerk reaction? Is that what’s happening here? Emotional flailing?”
“I’m not flailing.” No. He was still and solid. “It served as a reminder. What does it matter, anyway? This job, another job? You’re still leaving. I thought I could wait, thought I could handle it until we got through the house thing. But then this afternoon? I hit my limit. I’m sorry.”
Lila moved into him and rested her hands on his waist, tipping her head back to examine his face.
Burke’s hazel gaze locked with hers. “Don’t kiss me.”
Lila snorted. “Your lips are safe. How the heck am I supposed to get all the way up there, anyway? Jump?”
Burke tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I handled this badly. I can’t think straight when it comes to you. Lila, I want you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve done. You’re a great realtor—”
“Here comes that slap I mentioned earlier.”
“—and a better friend.” He stroked his big hands down her sides, then gently grasped her hips and set her away from him. “But I need some space. I want to fall out of love with you. I have to.”
“What if you don’t—”
He cut her off with a sharp shake of his head. “We’re not meant to be together. You know it. We’ve always known it. I never should have let myself have you even for one night, but I did. I underestimated what it would mean.”
“It meant something to me, too, Burke. It does mean something. You mean something. A lot. I don’t want to lose you. Is that selfish? It is, isn’t it? I don’t care. I don’t want you to not be in my life.”
He didn’t say anything. He looked at her steadily.
“Can’t we—” Lila started.
He cut her off. “No.”
“But I—”
“No.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You don’t even know what I—”
“Lila.”
She snapped her mouth shut and glared at him. Then she raked her hair off her face, held it back with both hands, and said in a conversational tone, “This is complete bullshit. No one’s ever told me they loved me before. No guy, that is. I kinda assumed that it would be a memorable moment for good reasons when the man of my dreams said it. Funny, but I never thought he’d follow it up with, ‘now please get out of my life because it was a mistake and I want to fall out of love with you as soon as possible’.”
Burke’s head came up and he looked over her shoulder. “David’s home,” he said. A second later, the front door banged. Burke glanced down at Lila. “Are we good?”
“Are we…?” she said indignantly. “No.”
“I don’t want him overhearing.”
“Let’s take it to your room, then. Please note, I haven’t yelled once. He won’t overhear.”
“We both know how it will end if I get you in my room.”
“D’you think that could have something to do with why I suggested it?” Burke didn’t move. God, he’d reduced her to begging. She had no pride left. “At least kiss me goodbye, goddammit.”
Burke put a hand to her chin and lifted her face to his as he ducked down to meet her. Lila was up on tiptoe, straining to reach him.
“Dad!” David’s voice came closer. “I’m back, and I’m starving. Tell me there’s food. Lots and lots of food.”
Burke’s lips ghosted over Lila’s and then he was on the other side of the kitchen, opening the fridge.
“Hey, Lila,” David said.
She turned and, since she couldn’t seem to get any words out, waved.
He laughed and returned the wave, dumping a backpack on the kitchen table. He dragged a chair out and threw himself into it. “Are you staying for dinner?”
She still couldn’t seem to force any words out past the knot in her throat. Her eyes clashed with Burke’s across the room, and she was the first to look away. She smiled at David, shook her head once, and walked out.