"An interview within an interview," I muttered to no one in particular. "Interview-ception."

"Gabe," Jonah hissed, elbowing me in the ribs.

I stood up straighter. The heat of the lights belied the claim that this was a "candid backstage chat," but that's what they were calling it. A backstage interview before the real sit-down interview. Post it on YouTube, get a billion clicks. We knew the drill.

My veins felt like they were singing. I couldn't keep the smile off my face even if I wanted to. These pills were goooood.

I glanced up and realized the interview had already started without me noticing. "Right," Jonah was saying, his eyes flitting expertly between the interviewer and the camera. I always wondered how he did that. "It's truly an honor to play the GardenMax Arena tonight."

I like to think I hid my laugh well.

"You boys - " they always called us boys, "- ever make it to a Sharks game? Minor league I know but - "

"Oh yeah," Jonah said as we all nodded. "We love sports. Watching them. Playing them."

Bullshit, but continue.

"What do you play?"

I saw my moment. "Our wonderful tour sponsor, Greeling Automotive, organizes baseball games for us." I grinned at Darla who looked relieved I'd squeezed in the tour sponsor's name.

"We put Finn in far right field," Beau deadpanned.

The interviewer took in this playful, brotherly banter with a studied grin. "You know, I hear a lot of people say this about you, and I wonder if it's true. That the great thing about the King Brothers is that they don't know they're the King Brothers."

I blinked. That was a new one. Of course I knew we knew we were the King Brothers. It was in our face every day. There was no escaping it. The only time I could be my own person was with Noelle, and those moments with her were snatched out of the chaos of....being a fucking King Brother.

But Jonah had an answer all ready. He probably fucking studied a list of canned responses, all focus group tested for maximum fan satisfaction and ranked in order of effectiveness. He smiled winningly at the interviewer. "We're a family first," he intoned. And I had to give it to him. He sounded like he meant it. "We know how lucky we are to get to live the dream together."

The interviewer seemed touched. "You've said that before," he said with a nod. "You've said it often."

"You don't believe him?" I jumped in, suddenly protective of my older brother's sincerity. At least Jonah was still able to feel things on his own, without the help of pharmaceuticals. "He's telling the truth."

Darla gave me a look.

But the interviewer pressed on. "Is there a downside to all this?"

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him all about the downsides to being us. But as usual Jonah had a slicker, faster response. "We've learned to live without expectations," he said, smiling at the camera winningly. "We enjoy the moments we have."

"Is there even time to enjoy things?"

"I really enjoy this green room," Finn deadpanned.

The interviewer took that in stride. Clearly he'd been briefed to just ignore Finn's outbursts entirely. "Last question. What's it like out there on stage?"

We glanced at each other. This was the part I had an actual answer for, because it was the part I actually enjoyed. All four of us loved to play music. It was just the rest of the shit that accompanied it.

"The roar of the crowd is the best," Jonah began.

"It gets me hyped," I added. "I don't even need caffeine to get excited because hearing that is the biggest rush around."

"I like that this tour, it's the same show every night," Beau added. "We're practiced and ready."

"But little things can still crop up," Finn reminded him.

"Right, but there's always that point in the show where you look at each other and have that connection, like, 'this is going really well,'" Jonah finished. Then his eyes widened a little before he added. "And we have the best fans in the world too, so that makes it even better."

"Definitely," I added, looking directly at the camera. Darla was nodding as she ran her finger down her checklist and I took that to mean we did well. "The fans are great."

"Okay, that wraps it up," the interviewer said. "Anything you want to add?"

Jonah grabbed the mic. "Thank you Springfield! Tonight is going to be awesome."

The camera man nodded. "Aaaand... we're clear."

"Thanks for that," the interviewer said. I never did catch his name and I didn't care enough to ask it now, not when we had yet another one of these things to do in - .

Darla slid from her chair. "Nice work boys. Ready to do it all over again in fifteen minutes?" She disappeared to make some pressing phone call and I took the moment to sit back down again and let my mind wander back to the fantasy I'd spun out on the tour bus.

Noelle in a wedding gown, walking across the lawn. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed less like a fantasy and more like a vision of the future. With a flower crown on her head, bare feet in the grass, she'd walk to me as I stood at the edge of the "cliff" on our property and smile as she took my hand - .

"What are you grinning about?" Finn wanted to know. I hadn't realized he was watching me, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered with these pills singing through my bloodstream.

"Remember the cliff?" I asked my brother out of the blue.

Finn rolled his head around on his neck and sat down next to me. "Course," he grumbled, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. Finn was always grumbling. "You threw me off there once."

I shook my head. "No way. That wasn't me."

"Was too."

"Oh shit," I remembered. "It was."

A faint grin played around Finn's lips. "Claire got you back though."

Our little sister was a hellcat. I nodded at the memory. "She launched herself at me from the tree. Nearly broke my fucking back."

"Served you right though."

"I suppose it did."

"You okay over here?" Beau came over, wanting to know.

My body was still humming with the thought of asking Noelle to marry me. Little thrills shivering down my spine clinched it.

I was going to do it.

"Just fine," I told my brother as he shoved Finn over. "Why?" Beau leaned in and sniffed. Instinctually I moved away from his scrutiny. "Come on now."

"Just checking."

"Well cut it out."

"You almost missed the last appearance." Jonah was suddenly there, looking like an old man in that fussy new haircut of his. Like he'd left rock and roll and joined up in the army.

"I didn't though," I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes. "Because we came and found you."

I clenched my fists. Any warm feelings I'd been having about my brothers dissipated into thin air. How many years can you spend with the same people, day in and day out? I was born into this family and I worked with this family too. There was no escaping it. I was Gabe-the-screw-up. At home and at work. There was no place, no room for me to just be me.

Except with her.

Noelle knew me. I closed my eyes and pictured her in that white gown, how beautiful she looked. I could see it now. The honeymoon, the private beach. Then after, the little house on a big plot of land, far from everyone. Just the two of us. A private escape.

I needed that.

I needed that...

Now.

But there was no way I could get that now, because I was stuck here in a room with my three brothers, waiting to be called out into the studio. I slid off the couch, feeling like my bones were made of jelly. "I gotta go do something," I mumbled.

"We have an interview," Jonah reminded me. "Ten minutes."

The shakes were starting to come over me. I needed a drink...badly. "I know," I said. "I'll be right back."

But in that moment, I wasn't honestly sure that was the truth.