I glanced over to the wings. The only things keeping me from crawling out of my skin with nervousness were the pills Bennett had handed me this morning right before disappearing. They kept the anxiety at bay, but my brain was still stuck on one thought.

Where was Noelle?

And then, suddenly, she was there, appearing like a mirage in the desert. One minute she wasn't there, and the next minute she was sitting cross-legged on the floor to watch my sound check.

I breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't matter where she'd been all day, because she was here now. The tight, sick ache behind my eyes eased up when I saw her. If only a little bit.

"We good?" I asked the sound engineer.

He switched the house mic on, "Yeah Gabe, sounds good on my end."

"I'd like to hear channel two again?" Jonah broke in. I shot him a glare and caught him staring straight ahead, jaw clenched.

"It sounds good. You heard the man," I tried to joke.

But Jonah only shook his head stiffly, still not looking at me. And all at once it dawned on me what he was doing.

Keeping me at sound check. Keeping me away from Noelle.

I lifted my guitar off of me and shoved it in the direction of my waiting tech. "Fuck this shit," I hissed. The hangover had only gotten worse as the day went on, and the bright lights were starting to play havoc with my brain cells. I needed my girl and I needed a drink, in that order. "The man says we're good, I'm good. See you tonight, Jonah."

"Gabe!" Beau called, but I was already moving. Noelle giggled as I twined my fingers with hers and started off, pulling her down into the rabbit warren of hallways that tunneled under this arena. I hadn't seen her since last night. She hadn't been there when I woke on the bus this morning.

The green room for this arena smelled like the ghost of every nervous pre-show cigarette ever smoked, but it had a couch and that's all I wanted. I collapsed into it and reached out for her, tugging her arm. "Babe," I sighed, needing to taste those lips. I leaned forward, but my head throbbed in protest and I winced.

Noelle saw it in an instant. "Hey baby," she whispered in that little pouty voice of hers I loved so much. "You not feeling good?"

"I'm fine now that you're here," I promised her. And it was true. She was so damn pretty, and she was all mine. She didn't want Jonah, she didn't want my brothers, she wanted me.

She slid into my lap, wiggling a little until she could feel me getting hard for her and then smiled against my lips. "I missed you," she murmured, still pouty as she nipped my jaw.

I sighed and let my head fall back as she went to work, kissing that place under my ear that drove me crazy. "Missed you too," I sighed, or maybe I didn't say anything at all. It was hard to tell underneath the haze of pain in my body and pills in my blood.

Her tongue slid against mine. The bright, minty shock of her mouthwash took me by surprise, but her fingers on my zipper weren't a surprise at all. My hand was heavy as fuck, but I managed to lift it anyway, sliding it into her hair the way I knew she liked. She liked it when I left marks. She wanted people to see what we had done.

She let out an appreciative little moan and then opened her eyes. "I'm so happy you finally came to your senses."

I blinked for a second until it dawned on me that she was talking about the duet. "Right," I said. "Yeah I guess I did."

She sighed happily. "It will be so nice to finally work together, don't you think?"

"Sure will, baby. Now come here with those lips."

Kissing her reminded me of the vision I'd had of her last night. Of her wearing a white dress and telling me 'I do.' I pulled back a little, trying to imagine her in Crown Creek. "Babe?" I asked, suddenly curious. "What's your favorite place we've ever been?"

"Bali," she replied immediately.

I felt something sinking and sliding in my chest and I didn't know why. Of course she loved Bali, I knew that, but I had sort of been hoping she'd pick somewhere more...familiar.

She got up and reached into the bag she'd dropped on the floor. "I need a little something," she said, shaking the sparkly, rose-gold flask. I watched her tip it to her lips and lick the little droplet hanging at the corner of her mouth, mesmerized. "Bali, for sure," she repeated, nodding her head, and I almost succeeded in ignoring the sinking feeling again.

Her eyes grew distant and I could tell she was reliving the four days we'd managed to sneak away together last winter. "It was so warm, and we could have just laid around with no clothes on all day but no," she complained, striking up a familiar refrain. "Always wanting to do stuff. You scared me to death with that kitesurfing.

"Aw come on, baby. It was a blast."

"I just wanted to lie there on the beach."

I sat up and slid my hand under her shirt. "And you looked damn good doing it too."

She grinned and straddled me. "That's still our moved loved post on Insta."

I chuckled. "And I'm not even in it."

"Does that bother you?" she asked, all pouty-voiced again.

"Not even a little," I promised. "You're a star."

She smiled proudly. "And maybe people will finally realize that once we do this duet, right? When can we get to the studio?"

I took a deep breath. Her eyes could get so big sometimes and she looked right into my soul. "Soon," I finally sighed. "I'll talk with Bennett. Hopefully your pretty voice will drown out my bad one."

"Gabriel!" she squealed, wrapping her arms around my neck. I sank gratefully into her kiss, tasting the cherry whiskey on her lips. Something went ding inside of my head. "Mm, you taste good."

"I saved you some." She shook her flask with a wicked look in her eyes. I leaned in, but she snatched it away and poured it into her mouth.

Then she kissed me.

I drank in her sweetness, the cherry red of her lips now tasting like cherries too. "I could eat you," I told her.

She giggled and poured the rest of the flask into my mouth. I swallowed again and again, the burn feeling just like relief in my stomach. I leaned in to kiss her...

Just in time for the door to fly open.

"The fuck, man!" I shouted, adrenaline suddenly pounding. A guilty stab of something I didn't want to feel made my chest hot and I was sure in that moment I was capable of murder.

But Jonah didn't even blink at my guilty anger. "I knocked," he said, all crisp business. "Several times."

I really hated him sometimes.

"What do you guys want?" I sighed as I saw Finn and Beau slid in behind him. Fuck. Three against one. I could usually count on having Beau in my corner, since he was the biggest softie on the planet, but even the nice brother was glaring at me right now. "What's going on?"

"We go on in," Jonah looked at his phone. "Twenty minutes."

"Bullshit," I slurred. Noelle giggled into my neck.

"We've been looking for you everywhere," Beau piped up as Finn glowered.

"Leave him alone," Noelle huffed. "You guys are such a bunch of tight-asses."

"Stay out of this," Jonah said dismissively.

"Don't fucking talk to my girlfriend that way!" I shouted. "I'll kick your ass!" I stood up, but my legs didn't seem to be working right. I slid to the side, catching the leg of a chair and sending it crashing backwards. "Fuck!" I shouted as bright pain flared in my hip.

Noelle made to help me but Jonah was there first, yanking me up by my shirt collar. "Get your hands off of me!" I yelled.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bennett was suddenly in the doorway, all smiles and placating hands. He seemed startled to see Noelle there, but quickly shook his head. "What's going on with my favorite boys?"

Jonah shot a murderous look at him. "Did you give him something?" he demanded. I glared at Jonah, what was he getting at? What did he know about - ?

"You boys don't know - " but Bennett fell silent as Jonah let me fall and strode over to him. He was faintly muttering something about "you boys" even as Jonah stood a head taller than him.

"We're not boys," Jonah growled. He held Bennett's gaze for a moment.

"Jesus, you're way too intense," Noelle giggled.

Jonah turned to her, silent and dangerous. I knew that look. I hadn't seen it too often, but I knew to be wary of it growing up.

But I wasn't a boy anymore, either. Jonah forgot that. "Watch it," I growled at him, trying to stand in front of Noelle, but stumbling again.

Jonah looked disgusted. "That's it. Band meeting," he announced. "Everyone not in the band needs to get the fuck out."

Noelle's eyes went wide. "Are you really going to let him kick me out, Gabriel?" she pouted. "I have just as much right to - "

"Band. Meeting." This time it was Finn talking and if I was wary of Jonah's temper, I was downright scared of my younger brother's. Beau put a placating hand on his twin's shoulder, gently holding him back.

Noelle shot me a piteous glance, but all I could do was shrug. "I'll be out in five minutes," I promised her, glaring at my brothers. "This won't take long."

She silently retreated, holding her head high as she passed Jonah. Bennett watched her leave for just a beat too long. Then he turned, all smiles. "So what did we need to meet about?"

Jonah shook his head. "You need to leave too."

"You said 'band meeting.'" Bennett was still smiling, but it no longer reached his eyes. "I'm the manager of this band. In case you forgot."

"Fine then," Finn piped up. "Brother meeting." He raised his voice louder. "Anyone without the last name King needs to get the fuck out."

Bennett looked suspicious, but he finally backed down, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he did, I slumped back into my chair, watching the way the haloes around each individual light on the makeup table melded together into one shimmering beam.

"Why are you fucking this up?" Jonah's voice swam up out of the depths.

I blinked at him. He looked angry, but it was real anger, rather than his usual irritation. Which threw me.

Jonah was always some variation of annoyed, which made his complaints easy to ignore. But he got angry the same way our mom got angry.

She only lost her temper when you really worried her.

The concern on his face made me feel panicky...and paranoid. Like he knew something I didn't. "I'm not fucking it up," I protested.

"Look at you. You're a mess. What did he give you?"

I shrugged.

"You can't keep taking pills, man. Drinking is one thing, but you're going to a place I can't reach you."

I closed my eyes. It was scary how nice that sounded. "Maybe I don't want to be reached," I said. My voice sounded off and I remembered how Bennett hadn't told me what he'd given me this morning. I'd just swallowed them without question.

"Gabe," Jonah said.

"What?"

This time it sounded like he was pleading with me. "Come on," he said, sitting down on the couch next to me. "What's up? You haven't been right in weeks."

I watched the haloes. "I'm trying," I whispered. Suddenly it all felt like way too much.

"Trying...?"

I opened my eyes, feeling that guilty stab again. Hot in my belly. "I know this means everything to you guys."

There was a beat of silence where my words just hung in the air. I had a feeling like I could reach out and snatch them back, stuff them back in to my mouth. They were hot and guilty, just like the rest of me.

But then Finn cleared his throat. "It doesn't mean everything," he corrected in a sharp voice.

Another beat of silence. I opened my eyes and saw barely suppressed panic in Jonah's eyes.

"Yeah," Beau finally said. "I'm just here for the chicks."

Finn snorted, and the tension drained from the room. Beau lived like a monk. As far as I knew - or at least cared to know - he was still a virgin at twenty. I opened my eyes and felt my mouth turning up into a smile.

Jonah was nodding. "We've worked too hard to fuck this up now, though. Right, Gabe?"

I swallowed. I hated him right now. But I also loved him. I loved my brothers.

So that's the only reason I tried to stand up. Jonah caught me under one arm, Beau under the other. "You good?"

I shrugged. "I can be."

"There you go," Jonah encouraged. "You're a real Prince, you know?"

I grinned at the old joke. How many times had we made it? Who else could I make it with? Only these guys. Only my brothers. "I'm not a Prince," I declared, straightening up. "I'm a fucking King."