I watch him leave and I’m not gonna lie, when he walks by the girl at the bar, who just minutes ago I was sure he was going to leave with, my heart does a little happy dance. The look on her face thrilling me even more. I try to pay attention to what Cristiano is saying to me, but all I can think about is Deacon and how he is relentless, trying to convince me that we should be together. Could I do it? Do I want to take that chance? What would everyone think? We have been friends, best friends, inseparable friends for the majority of our lives. Would they accept us being together? Do I even fucking care? I’m lost in my thoughts and on fire from his words. Crossing and uncrossing my legs in an attempt to ease the ache that he caused, when she walks in.
Mav groans and mutters something under his breath that I can’t hear over the raucous bar noise and the sound of Kings Of Leon’s song “Your Sex is on Fire,” which couldn’t be any more fitting really. She obviously notices us all sitting here, because Veronica makes a beeline toward our table like she’s on a mission. This should be interesting, since she has always disliked the shit out of me, and I, for damn sure, don’t like her.
As Veronica nears the table, I look over at Indie, who rolls her eyes and mouths “cunt,” making me burst out laughing. Needless to say, Veronica isn’t our favorite person.
Finally making it to our table, Veronica flips her long, mahogany colored hair over her shoulder and looks down her nose at me.
“Should you be out, Francesca? I thought you were hurt and that’s why Deacon had to throw all his fights.”
“Well, not that it’s any of your business, but I’m recuperating just fine. Thank you so much for your concern though.” My voice is saccharine sweet, my smile condescending as all hell. If she thinks she’s gonna shake me by being a bitch, she’s dead wrong. This is the first time that I’ve gone anywhere other than the studio, and I’m not going to let her make me feel guilty.
“Whatever, I was more worried about Deac and his standings than you breaking a nail,” she retorts snidely.
I am just about to let loose a string of filthy words when Sonny speaks up.
“Watch it, Veronica. You’re talking about shit you know nothing about and it won’t fly here.”
“Oh, Sonny, I’m just messing with the Princess.” She says “Princess” with such disdain it’s almost comical.
“Where’s Deacon? He told me to meet him here.”
“Uh, you sure about that?” Mav asks dubiously.
“Yes, Maverick, my boyfriend wanted me to come out and have a good time with him and his friends,” she says while aiming her fake ass smile at me.
Indie barks out a laugh.
“Bitch, you are delusional!” Shaking her head at Veronica she continues to laugh.
“Cute, Indiana. This bar isn’t really Rockabilly. I’m surprised that they let you in,” Veronica says snarkily.
“Oh, clearly, they’re not real picky about who they let through the door.” Indie eyes her pointedly.
Huffing out a bored breath, Veronica zeroes in on Cristiano, her look and body language instantly changing. Looking at Indie, I just laugh. This must be skank mode that I’m witnessing. Before she can go in for the kill, Mav speaks up.
“He left a little while ago; he has an early gym time.” He’s clearly trying to discourage her.
“Perfect, I’ll just head over there then and make sure he’s not too tense for the morning,” she says glancing at me.
I swear she’s trying to get a rise out of me by rubbing it in that she knows him intimately. Get in line, sweetheart, there’s not many who don’t. The boyfriend jab hurt a little, as did her saying he wanted her here. Maybe he did, he hadn’t known that I was going to be here. I’ve never known Deacon to lie though. Not to me especially. If he said that he hadn’t been with her in a while, then he hadn’t.
Right?
Shaking my head I give her a doubtful look. “Funny, he never mentioned that you were coming.”
She throws me a wicked grin as she turns away from our table heading toward the door. “That’s because I’m not…yet,” finger waving before she disappears.
Well, fuck. I guess she made the decision for me. There is no way that I’m going over there now. I hadn’t been sure that I was going to begin with—no, that’s a lie. I had every intention of going, even if I had been trying to deny it. He had me too worked up with a few dirty words not to. Even if it was only to talk about whatever this thing was with us. He had a lot to drink tonight and as convincing as he can be, drunk sex with him isn’t what I’m looking for. Well, my body is, but not my mind.
The guys look around the table in apprehension.
“Should we text him and give him a heads up, Sonny?” Mav asks.
“Already did, brother. There’s no way he invited her ass here and he for damn sure doesn’t want her at his house. He’s been dodging her calls for weeks, dude!” Sonny tells him.
I stand and grab my coat. “This has been lovely, but I’m going to head home.”
I want to believe what he’s saying, what they’re saying. I’m just not sure that I can. I know Deacon too well and the lines are slightly blurred between reality and what I hope is the truth. He’s the guy with a different girl in his bed, on his arm, every night. The thought that I might be different is almost too much for me to accept. Veronica shook my faith in him and I hated her for it. After what I’ve been through, trusting people isn’t as easy as it used to be, but I never thought that would carry over to Deacon.
Leaning in, I give Sonny a kiss on the cheek and then do the same to Mav before making my way over to Indie.
“Don’t let that bitch get to you, Frankie. You know where Deac stands; it’s all on you now,” my best friend whispers to me. She knows me so well.
Reggie and Trent stand to follow me out when Cristiano stops, telling them that he can see me home safely. I nod my head letting them know it’s okay and say my goodbyes. Not believing for a second that they won’t be right behind us.
Cristiano takes my hand and leads me outside to hail a cab. Unfortunately Veronica is also curbside waiting for one. I stand with the wind blowing, whistling through the tall buildings around us. My mind once again wanders to Deacon and my feelings for him, which are becoming more and more apparent to me. Obvious, yet still I tamp them down as best as I can. He is breaking me though. One by one I can feel my defenses crumbling. I try to not think about her being at Deacon’s house with him. He’s expecting me; will she be an adequate replacement though? I’ve never felt uncertain when it came to Deacon, but we’re on a completely different playing field now and I’m not sure that I like it. It leaves me feeling unsettled mostly because I am trying to separate the kind of guy that I know Deacon to be and the man I want him to be for me. My mind is at war with my heart…and with Veronica on her way to him, my mind is regrettably looking like the victor.
Doing my best to ignore Veronica and her destination, I stuff my hands into my pockets against the chill in the air, when suddenly on a gust of wind I smell him. Cherry and tobacco. Whipping around, breaking the hold Cristiano has on my arm, I search the darkened street for a glimpse of him. That smell. God, is my mind playing tricks on me? My gaze darts over the many faces crowding the entrance of the bar, smoking, laughing, under the heaters.
The smell of cigarettes wafting, replacing the sweet but sinister smell that reminds me of that night, I can feel myself begin to tremble as the panic and fear bubble up to near hysteria. Cristiano, sensing that something is wrong, takes hold of my elbow and leans down peering at me. “What is it? What’s the matter, mi amor?”
Shaking my head, I grip onto his arms, my fingernails digging into his biceps through his coat. “Do you smell that? Cherries and tobacco?” I ask him in a voice radiating alarm.
He glances around. “The cigarettes?” he questions, baffled by my reaction.
“No, no, it’s different, sweet and smoky, but…not smoke.” I struggle to explain what I mean, frustrated because I still can’t put all of the pieces together, details eluding me. This fear holding my mind hostage causes me to quake in dread, overcome with terror and anxiety. I curse the feelings and my lack of control as the tears start to fall. Cristiano pulls me into his warmth, his scent the one now surrounding me. Safely wrapped in his arms, he strokes a hand over my head.
“Shhh, shh, it’s okay. I don’t smell anything, Francesca. Whatever you thought, it’s not. You’re all right.” He whispers to me in Spanish, the words washing over me making me feel slightly crazy and embarrassed but no less fearful. I bury my face into his sweater and will the anxiety and trembling to subside.
Finally we’re ducking into the back of a taxi, Veronica a thing from the past, though I can feel her eyes on us as she gets into her own cab.
Cristiano slides all the way over so that our thighs are touching and puts his muscular arm around my shoulders. His woodsy, slightly spicy scent fills the car and I settle into his side, still uneasy and with tears sliding down my face, dropping from my chin in rapid descent. I know I shouldn’t, that he wants us to pick up where we left off years ago, but right now I just need to feel comforted. I need Deacon, but clearly that isn’t going to happen.
After a few moments, I’ve calmed down and my eyes, though sore, and I’m sure red rimmed, are dry.
“You okay?” Cristiano asks softly as he runs his nose across my cheek.
Nodding I pull back to look at him. “I’m good now, I think. Tired and ready for bed.”
He smiles his sexy smile. The one that used to get him into my panties without a word. “Would you like some company? We can just hold each other, or if you like, I can remind you of how well I know this beautiful body of yours.”
His voice is hypnotic, his accent like a caress. He continues stroking my arm looking at me with hooded eyes. It would be so easy to forget about everything and just let myself be taken care of by him right now. This vulnerable, needy person is so not me. The attack has left me completely raw, inside and out. It’s left its mark on me physically and emotionally.
“Cristiano, you have a girlfriend. I’m sure that she would not appreciate your reminder,” I say lightly, trying to break the trance he has me in.
Thankfully, it works because there is no way I’ll be the other woman for him or anyone.
Cupping my cheek, he leans in until our lips are almost touching. “Ahhh, mi amor, that’s where you’re wrong. Our relationship was over the moment I stepped into your hospital room. She just doesn’t know it yet because I dread hurting her over the phone.” Brushing his thumb over my bottom lip, he says softly, “Say the word, princessa, and I’ll call her right now no matter what time it is in Spain.”
Looking into his eyes, I see that he’s serious, but is that what I want? Not twenty minutes ago I was contemplating going home with Deacon. Who is probably showing Veronica a good time as we speak. So she gets him and Cristiano will break up with his girlfriend, but only if I give the word to? Where do I fall with either of them? The reality is I have no clue and I’m not sure that I want to know. I’m still trying to come to terms with the life changing fact that I was attacked in my home and left for dead. I do not need this added confusion on top of it all.
Sighing, I pull away from him and lean my forehead against the cool glass of the window, watching the lights of the city pass by in a blur. When did my life fall to pieces and become total chaos? It’s so exhausting.
Melancholy, I turn my head so that I’m looking at him again.
“As flattering as that is and as much as I appreciate you being there for me just now, I’ll be going to bed alone. Thank you.”
And just like that, I choose Deacon no matter what my mind is screaming at me.