Chapter 17: Aiden

 

 

 

My eyes still shut against the cold, blue glow of morning, I reached for Erick only to find his side of the bed empty.

Alarmed, my eyelids jerked open. To my relief, Erick was only three feet away in the wicker chair stuffed in the corner, staring pensively into space over steepled fingers.

"Hey," I said softly.

Erick barely blinked at the sound of my voice. He remained still as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes so I could get a better look at him. His back was bent slightly, his shoulders slumped, while his elbows rested on his knees. He was still naked, except for the boxer-briefs I'd loaned him. His hair was smooth and swept to one side over his shoulder.

I gave myself a moment to enjoy the sight of him in my bedroom. Briefly, I thought back to the morning I'd walked through the woods under the dawn sky. I'd caught only a glimpse of his dragon then, a few slivers of dragon skin spied through the trees.

It was hard to believe that this alabaster-skinned, sable-haired man sitting before me had something like a dragon inside him.

With a final sigh of determination, I pressed my hands into the bed and slid upright, letting the covers fall off of my chest and into my lap. "Something on your mind?"

Erick's back moved with his swift exhale. "Yes. Last night."

Secretly, I was glad he brought it up first. "Yeah, you were kind of weird, now that you mention it. What happened?"

Erick finally sat up straighter, the first movement he'd made since I first opened my eyes. He began running his palms up and down his thighs, as if he were trying to soothe himself.

"It…it was strange. It was like my body, or my mind—maybe both—was shutting itself down. I haven't been affectionate with another person since Sigurd, you see."

"I know what you mean," I said with a sad smile. "Sex was used as a weapon against me, on the night when I was bitten. So it's hard not to feel attacked. But with you…"

I couldn't finish the sentence, because I broke down in tears. Shuddering, I buried my face in my hands, silent sobs gasping out of my trembling lips.

The mattress pitched and creaked beneath me, so I knew that Erick had climbed on the instant before his arms circled me. I expected words of comfort, but they didn't come. Instead, he simply held me against him.

"I'm so happy I'm not a shifter," I whispered into my hands. My ear was right by his chest. When he responded, it sounded like a shout even though it was no more than a murmur.

"I know."

I hastily dabbed at my eyes with the bedsheets and pulled myself out of Erick's arms. "I'm sorry. You were in the middle of saying something, and I kind of took over."

Erick smiled with only one side of his mouth, but his blue eyes remained cold and detached. "It's been centuries since Sigurd's death. I'm just not sure if I can open myself up quite in the same way again. Do…do you understand how that must feel?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

Now, the only part of him that was touching me was a patch of his knee that was bent against my thigh. We were both staring at it, waiting to see who would be the first to pull away. Neither of us did.

"I don't think I'm ready," Erick finally said.

Again, I nodded, faster this time, as if nodding quickly would allow me to outrun my emotions. "I'm not ready, either." I hadn't believed how true it was until I finally admitted it out loud.

"I am deeply fond of you, Aiden," Erick continued, still staring at his knee, "but perhaps it would be best if we spent some time apart. So we can think properly."

As he tucked some hair behind one ear, I struggled with the thoughts rolling loose around my head.

Is this what he was thinking about while I was still asleep? I wondered. Another bitter, indignant thought made itself known: He's completely right. It was obvious that there was some sort of magnetic, animal attraction between us. It was also obvious that we were the most mismatched couple Riverrun had seen since…well, since Kaden and Josh.

A guy who can't stand shifters, and a shifter who's still in love with a thousand-year-old guy, I thought. My lips twisted into an ironic smile, holding back silent laughter.

"Good idea," I said after a while. "I have to show my face at work today, anyhow. How are you going to spend your day?"

Erick picked at a loose thread on the corner of my pillowcase. "I suppose I could go visit Rowan." He finally pulled his knee away from my leg. "Do you know where I could find her?"

"She works at the public library downtown. I can give you a ride there if you want," I said.

"That would be great. Thank you…Aiden."

The fact that we showered separately was what really drove it home for me. It was true. Neither of us was ready to express our feelings for each other, no matter how intense they were. Erick even combed his own hair this time. He pulled his damp hair over his shoulder and scraped out the knots and tangles as if he'd done it a thousand times before by himself.

He doesn't need me, I found myself thinking.

I drove him to the library, just like I promised. He thanked me before he got out of the car, without any extra words of affection or appreciation. I left him on the sidewalk and drove on towards work, feeling slightly sick. I was disappointed, but why? All along, I knew that our time was limited. Even if it wasn't, he was too close to the Black Paws, and I was too close to Eliza Vreeland's coven. We belonged to two different worlds, even here on earth.

When I finally walked into the spa for the first time since that night I broke in with Rowan, I finally figured out where the disappointment was coming from. Even though I wasn't willing to open myself up, I'd expected Erick to do the exact opposite. But he was just as broken as I was.

I didn't fight for us, and neither did he.

I wondered what would've made the difference. Saying the right words? Enduring the first night of sex? I drove myself crazy thinking about it, until Eliza Vreeland walked into the spa.

Then, things got too crazy for me to do much thinking at all.