I was lying to myself. Damn if I hadn’t been been lying to myself all along. I couldn’t do this, couldn’t be with a man who might never accept me as his. Couldn’t go through life knowing that he’d never even mark me with his scent so the whole world knew who I belonged to.

He wouldn’t even give me a chance.

I was in love with Hunter, but I couldn’t do this. Not like this. Regret spiked inside of me, dragging my heavy heart even farther down into the hole of despair. I wrapped my arms around the baby slumbering in my womb and let the tears soak the pillow. The baby deserved a family, but what about me? I deserved to be loved, didn’t I? I deserved to be wanted.

When Hunter’s breath became even snores, I reached over and grabbed my glasses and my phone off the bedside table. The screen was blinding in the darkness. My fingertip hesitated over my brother’s number. No. I didn’t need Huxley’s anger. I needed an Omega’s opinion. I silently tapped out a text to Chance and pushed the send button. It was late, but he’d see it in the morning.

To my surprise, my phone buzzed only minutes later. What’s up, honey? Everything okay?

No. Nothing is okay. I sent him a long text going over the rough details of what happened, blinking away tears the entire time. I don’t know if I can do this, Chance. I love him. I do. I love him so much, but he might never feel the same and I don’t know if I can accept that. I thought maybe I could, but I want what you and Hux have. I want that bond. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to belong to him. He’s the only Alpha I’ve ever felt safe with. Am I throwing everything away?

The vibration of my cell was a small comfort. I held it close to my chest while the sadness leaked from me. I know that, honey, but you’ve gotta do what’s right for you and that baby. There are millions of Alphas in the world. There is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved, because everyone deserves that, Sor. Everyone. Even Hunter. He’s just too blind to see it, but I promise you, he’ll have his own regrets.

My breathing was ragged, try as I might to keep it together. It felt like my world was caving in on me. I know… I know you’re right and I hate it. I’m so sad. I can’t stop crying because I know I need to make a decision. I squeezed my eyes shut and touched my stomach, right where the baby kicked. Could it feel my sorrow?

Do you regret it? Chance asked. Loving him? Getting involved?

I bit down on my lip and replied, No. Never. I love him. I mean that. Maybe I’m being selfish for wanting more, but what sort of role model would I be to my child if it grew up wondering why its parents were never mated? Isn’t that what Alphas and Omegas are born to do?

I think you have your answer, as hard as it is. Stay strong and stick to your guns. If you need me to come pick you up, I’m only a call away. I love you, Soren, and remember: It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Love you too, so much, I typed back, though the words blurred in front of me. I swallowed a sob before it had the chance to hiccup through me, not wanting to wake Hunter. I would never regret him or our baby, but I needed to know I was loved. I needed to know that I had a mate who had my back. Who would keep me safe, not just from my nightmares but from the real ones too.

My sleep was filled with inky black shapes and splashes of red, a wild and wicked forest with a cold wind howling through the trees, and two empty blue eyes watching me at the very center of it all. I was reduced to whimpers.

“Hey… It’s okay, Soren. Just another dream.” Hunter’s voice floated above me. When I opened my tired eyes, his brows were drawn together and his gaze disquiet. I could feel my lips tingling where he kissed me, only moments ago, and it was a deep-seated ache that felt like it might never end.

I sat up in bed and shoved the blankets down. “We need to talk.” I forced my voice to be strong even though my insides were quivering. Hunter’s lips flattened to a thin line, but he nodded. “I need to know… I need to know if you’ll ever feel anything for me. I need to know that I’m not just wasting my breath, holding onto hope that someday you’ll love me. I can’t.”

Hunter’s jaw went slack. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. He quickly shook his head and tried again. “Soren. That’s not—” I pressed two fingertips to his lips, sealing his protests away. I didn’t want to hear them. I wanted a yes or a no. Not an excuse. Not a maybe.

“Look. I understand, I do. You’ve been through hell. I can’t even imagine the pain you must feel, but you need to understand my side of it. I want something real, Hunter. I want someone who will hold me and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that their hearts are filled with love, not just fear and uncertainty. I want a man who will be there for me, through thick and thin, and I… I’ve been through hell, too. I’ve spent most of my life afraid and I’m so tired of it. I deserve a mate who will proudly claim me as his and if you can’t, that’s okay. It is, but I can’t lie to myself and say I’m okay with this…whatever we have.”

When I swallowed, it felt like my throat was filled with shards of glass. I was shaking visibly now and tucked my hands beneath my armpits, crossing both arms over my chest. “I love you, Hunter. But I love me, too, and if you can’t be that man, then this time, I have to choose me.”

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t try to plead his case, to ask for a second chance. He stared down at his hands, fisted tightly in the sheets. Then he nodded.

I had my answer and it stung. “I’ll have Chance pick me up,” I whispered.

We avoided each other until his car rumbled up the gravel drive. I grabbed my overnight bag and looked around the cabin I’d come to know as my second home. My soul crushed and bleeding, I went home and spent the day sobbing while Chance and Huxley took turns trying to console me.

I knew I did the right thing, but why did it have to hurt like this?