My breath came out in ragged bursts, pleasure zipping through me with each clenching squeeze of Soren’s body around my cock. Good god above, why did he have to feel so good? My knot tugged inside of him when I shifted my weight and Soren let out the softest of moans. I braced myself so I wouldn’t be laying on top of him. When I gazed down at him, his amber eyes were soulful things, brimming with emotion.

“I love you,” he whispered, sounding so damn sure of himself.

My heart slammed on the brakes, screeching to a halt. Fuck. Dread peeked its ugly head up, hissing warnings that I knew I should heed. Fuck, fuck, fuck… I knew it was coming—how could I not? We’d been all but joined at the hip for months. I was beginning to lose track of where I ended and where Soren began, but Jesus Christ…

Love?

Love was dangerous. No. Love was goddamn deadly.

“Soren…” His name was heavy on my tongue.

He closed his eyes with a small shake of his head. His smile was sad. “No. It’s… It’s okay. I don’t expect to hear it back. I know you don’t want a mate. I’ve known it all along, but I wanted you to know.” Just in case, were the words he didn’t speak. I heard them nonetheless. Just in case you might someday feel the same way.

Could I? Would I?

I couldn’t breathe. Guilt was like a blade slipped in between my ribs. I was such a goddamn bastard. It wasn’t fair to lead him on like this, wasn’t fair to let the Omega hope for more, all because I was too selfish to cut him free. “I don’t deserve it,” I said, my voice thick as molasses.

Soren frowned, sucking his kiss-swollen lower lip into his mouth and nibbling on it. “I don’t understand. Why don’t you? Doesn’t everyone deserve to be loved?” I saw the way his throat worked, his Adam’s apple bobbing like he was trying to swallow back tears.

“I just don’t. I don’t deserve a second chance, not when I fucked up the first time.” With a firm tug, my cock slipped free and I pulled away. Everything inside of me wanted to run, to back away from this painful conversation and put distance between us. Coward, I seethed. Doesn’t he deserve the truth? Doesn’t he deserve to know why you can’t love him?

I sat on the edge of the bed and raked my fingers through my sweaty hair. “Fuck, Sor. I’ve been alone for so long. I told myself I’d never take another Omega to my bed, but you came waltzing into my store and I wanted… I wanted so badly that I couldn’t keep my goddamn hands to myself.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry.”

Soren slowly knee-walked across the sheets. His hand was timid at my shoulder. I knew he was afraid of everything crumbling apart like sandcastles beneath the tide, but that’s exactly what was happening.

“Talk to me. Don’t push me away, Hunter. Please.”

I closed my eyes and dragged in a deep breath. “I had a mate once, years ago. His name was Wesley. We were both young and foolish, but I fell hard for him. All it took was one hot summer together and I was a goner. His family didn’t like the idea of him mating a stag, but we did it anyway. Ever the rebels.” My smile was rueful.

“I was an only child, but I’d wanted a big family for as long as I could remember. When Wes got pregnant, I was the happiest man in the world. He made me happy and I could see us, ten years down the road, with a houseful of boisterous children who ran around like wild things. I wanted that, and Wes did too.”

“Our daughter was born and she was beautiful, a porcelain doll with big brown doe-eyes and a smile as bright as the moon. We’d been prepared for colic and all-nighters, but Anya was perfect from day one and we were so in love. Wes wanted to try again, so there wouldn’t be too many years between Anya and the baby. He grew up in a very tight-knit family and he was close to his sisters, and he wanted that for us. Of course, I agreed.”

I closed my eyes and focused on the gentle touch of Soren’s fingers, dancing up and down my arm. It was such a simple comfort, but it made my chest ache as if he’d dug in with his claws and yanked my still-beating heart out. Still, I forced the words out, bleeding my emotions drip by crimson drip.

“He conceived and we started planning for lucky number two, but it was all wrong. This pregnancy was rougher and he was miserable, and so was I. Then Wes got really sick. He miscarried and there was too much blood. I freaked out and took him to the hospital, but the man that came home with me… It wasn’t the same man. It wasn’t my Wes.”

“He was so depressed, so goddamn angry. We fought for the first time in our relationship and it was heartbreaking. Worse than that, he was bitter towards our daughter, and it worried me. We agreed that he needed some help. I got him into therapy and he started seeing a shrink, who put him on a mild antidepressant, and things started looking up.”

They had—things had gone almost back to normal. Wes began to smile again, to laugh again. I thought maybe it was just hormones, his body going crazy or something after losing the baby. The doctors had told us that depression could happen after something traumatic like that, and I held onto hope that we were out of the woods. That we could pick up the pieces and try again.

How wrong had I been? God, just thinking about it made me feel sick. I rubbed my gritty eyes with my thumb and forefinger, trying to work up the nerve to speak the truth aloud, for the first time since it’d happened.

“I—” I choked on the words, swallowed the nausea down, and tried again. “I came home from work and the house was quiet, which was unusual but not that startling. Wes sometimes took Anya out to the park. I thought maybe he’d done that, or that they’d gone to his parents’ for a visit.” Sorrow twisted me in knots and I drew in a shaky breath. Goosebumps freckled my skin. I quickly rubbed my palms over the backs of my arms to ward them off.

“Went to take a shower and Anya’s face-down in the tub, bobbing there. Unmoving. I started to scream for Wes to call an ambulance. I pulled her out of the water, but she was so heavy, so cold… I knew before I ever touched her. Her beautiful face was swollen and her skin was turning blue. She wasn’t even two.”

Soren whined. “Oh, Hunter.”

I ground my teeth together hard enough that I felt my jaw pop. “I found Wes in our bedroom covered in blood. Dead. The cops said he’d more than likely drowned Anya and in his grief, couldn’t cope and shot himself. I lost them both. I wasn’t even scheduled to work that day, goddamnit. Had I been home, it never would’ve happened. I failed my Omega and our daughter.”

“Hunter, it wasn’t your—”

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?” I recoiled from his touch, shoving his hands away. “I can’t! I can’t do that again. I barely survived the first time. They wrecked me and I can’t… I don’t want to hurt you, because you deserve so much more than this, but I can’t risk losing it again. I’m as broken as I’m gonna get. I won’t take another mate. I can’t and I’m sorry.”

Tears glistened in his eyes. He reached for me again, his touch suddenly uncertain. “But I’m not Wes, Hunter. It would be different this time—”

“It won’t be,” I snapped, sharp enough to cut. Soren flinched and wrapped his arms around himself, dropping his gaze to the rumpled sheets between us. He didn’t say another word. I didn’t have to look at him to know he was crying. I could smell the salt of his tears. My shoulders slumped. I was such a bastard.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, suddenly too raw and too vulnerable. I stood and made my way to the bathroom, leaving him curled up in my bed. Alone.

When I finally composed myself and crawled in behind him, he was lost to me. I could feel the chasm opening up between us, my chest empty and aching for everything that I’d just thrown away. Because I knew there was no coming back from this.

I’d fucked everything up and I only had myself to blame.