Chapter Thirty
Katie
Early the next morning my mom and I were sitting alone in the pool house kitchen. We’d stayed here instead of the Conners’ house. There was more room, more space, and more privacy. We were sitting side-by-side, drinking coffee and enjoying an easy silence.
When she reached for a muffin I grabbed her hand. “Where did those come from?”
“Lexi sent them with us last night when we left.” She was frowning, looking at me in confusion. “Why?”
I took the muffin out of her hand and chucked it into the garbage. “Trust me.” She studied me over the rim of her coffee cup as I cleared my throat, sitting up higher in my seat before speaking again. “I need to tell you something.”
“Other than what I’ve already learned in the last twelve hours? Did you get another tattoo? Planning on eloping in Vegas?”
I grinned, humorlessly. “Funny.”
“I thought so.” She laughed quietly and put her hand on my knee. “What’s up, Bug?”
“Cash, in this grand romantic gesture, booked plane tickets and hotels to come with me on the European leg of Dad’s tour.” When my mom raised her eyebrows, I rushed to continue. “He wanted to be with me while I got to see the world, which is really like one of the sweetest things ever. And, I want to tell Dad. I want to talk to him about it before Cash shows up side stage, you know?”
She nodded. “I think that would be wise, yes.”
“Would you mind staying here another day?” I put my coffee cup back on the counter. “I want to fly to London, alone. I want to get a cab and meet Dad for dinner. I want to talk to him about Cash.”
I’d been lying awake last night, alone in my bed for the first time in days, and thought about how my dad would react. Blindsiding him with Cash wasn’t an option. And I didn’t want my mom to be the one to tell him. I kept saying that I was an adult; it was time to let my actions speak for themselves. “This is something I need to do, and I need to do it on my own.”
My mom was silent for a few more moments than were comfortable before she spoke. “I think you’re right. And I think you and your dad are long overdue for a talk like this.” She wrapped me in her arms, squeezing the life out of me. “You’re going to be fine, Katie.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Was there ever a question that I wasn’t going to be okay? Geeze.
“One word of advice though.” She pushed me back, holding me by my shoulders. “Your dad goes through life utterly terrified that his little girl is going to get a tattoo and meet a boy and fall in love, and move away and leave him and not be his little girl anymore. So when you talk to him, be gentle.” Her smile was small, nostalgic even.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I will, Mom, I promise.”
***
Twelve hours and a whole bunch of flights and layovers later, I was in London. I walked off the plane with my head held high, switching my phone back on as I weaved my way toward baggage claim. My cell immediately started to light up. I had texts from my mom, as well as Cash. Once I made it to the giant steel carousel that should spit out my bags, I read through my waiting messages.
Mom: Your dad thinks we’re both meeting him for dinner at 8:00, The Five Fields in Chelsea.
Mom: Did you make it? I know you’re being an adult today but I can’t help but worry.
Mom: I’m sure you made it. I haven’t seen any plane crashes on the news.
Mom: Don’t forget to wash your hands after you leave the airport. There are so many germs.
Mom: When you get a cab, make sure it’s a real cab. Not some Taken situation.
Mom: You know what? Snap a picture of their license plate and their face, send it to me immediately.
Mom: Maybe I should send you a car.
Mom: I sent you a car. He’ll be waiting by the exit outside baggage claim. His name is Paul and he has five grandchildren.
I shook my head, laughing at my phone in the middle of the busy airport. The light came on, signaling that suitcases were about to start spilling out and spinning around too fast for anyone to actually grab them.
Me: I’m at baggage claim. Thank you for the car. What’s Taken? Is that like a movie or something? I’ll text you when I get to the restaurant, love you.
I shoved my phone in my pocket, sad that Cash’s texts would have to wait. Politely, I shouldered my way to the luggage conveyor belt. One of my suitcases was already circling, and I caught it on the next go-round. My other one didn’t come out until the absolute end, but that was okay because that meant there weren’t a lot of people around to see me walk the wrong way and have to get escorted to the exit by a nice security guard.
Avory was right; my sense of direction was shit.
Paul had a signed that read BUG, which was equal parts embarrassing and heartwarming. I tried to help him load my bags into the trunk, but he told me, in the greatest British accent, that it was his job.
Apparently, my mom had asked him to drop me off at the restaurant, and then take my bags to the hotel. I hadn’t thought about where I planned on keeping my bags while I had dinner with my dad. Adult in training.
Once we were on our way, I pulled my phone back out of my bag. I felt almost giddy at the thought of reading Cash’s text messages. He’d never texted me before. Granted we’d only know each other for a week and this was the first time we’d really been apart.
Cash: It’s weird not having you here. Life is boring without you Katie Baby.
Cash: Also. Bug? When we were discussing nicknames the other day, you didn’t want to mention that your family called you Bug?
Cash; It’s sweet. Not as sweet as Katie Baby, but sweet.
Cash: Crue and Avory are fucked. They aren’t speaking, Crue hasn’t left his room and Avory is walking around like nothing happened. It’s odd. I wish you were here.
Cash: I’m packing for my trip. You think 86 condoms is enough? We can buy some there, I’m sure.
Cash: My dad walked in while I was tossing an economy sized box of prophylactics into my bag. We had to have a talk. It lasted forty-five minutes. I’m traumatized.
Cash: I love you.
I giggled at the image I had in my head of Mr. Matthews and Cash sitting in his room, talking with a ton of condoms sitting between them.
Me: I feel so terrible for Crue and Avory. I’m sure it’s hard on you, to be in the middle like that. Your twin and your cousin…and yes. Bug. I know. But they’ve all called me Katie Bug since I was a baby. I’m sure they sell condoms in Europe if we run out. I’m almost at the restaurant. I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel. I love you too, which still seems surreal to say. But I do.
“Miss? We’re here.” Paul got out, opening my door, and then helping me to the sidewalk. “Have a good evening, miss.”
“Thank you.” I smoothed the front of my shirt. I was wearing a grey tunic sweater over the tank top I’d left Austin in. It got cool at night in London, while in Texas it just got muggier.
“Cadence, please.” The hostess was tall and willowy. She looked like she belonged on a runway, not standing behind a glorified podium. She also looked a little snotty, like how could I possibly be here to meet up with Mason Maxwell? Well, girl-looking-to-climb-the-ladder, I’m his daughter, and he’s married AF.
“Hey, sweetheart.” My dad stood as soon as he spotted me, drawing me in for a big hug and then pulling my chair out so I could sit. “Where is your mom?” He was looking back toward the entrance, an expectant smile on his face.
I suddenly felt really shitty. Of course he’d missed her, he was probably so excited to see her. They weren’t ever apart either, and I’d delayed their reunion for twenty-four hours. “She’s, uh, she’s not coming until tomorrow.”
“What? Why? Is Kasen okay?”
“I asked her to wait. I wanted to spend some time with you.” I took a sip from the fancy water glass sitting on the table.
“You flew here alone?” My dad reached out, taking my hand in his. “What’s going on, Katie?”
“I wanted to talk to you about a few things.” And I wanted to do it without mom’s help. I want you to see me as an adult. I want you to hear me. “I guess there is really no easy place to start, so I’m going to jump on in. Okay?”
“Okay…you’re scaring me a bit, kiddo.”
Well, hang on, Dad. “I um, I got into UCLA.” I smiled, tight and nervous. “I’ve been planning, for the last year or so, to move to California. I was terrified to tell you. I knew you wouldn’t like it. You and Mom have been talking about me staying close to home for school for as long as I can remember. But I’ve always wanted to go out of state, to live on my own.”
When he opened his mouth to speak, I cut him off. “I fell in love with a boy. Cash Matthews, actually. And it turns out, he’s going to Pepperdine to play baseball.” Talking about Cash was making the anxious smile on my face turn genuine. “I know you sent me to stay with Dash and Lexi so that I would be safe, so that I would have supervision, and I’m sorry if hearing any of this disappoints you. That was never my intention.”
My dad was blinking too rapidly; it looked odd. “You’re moving to California. And you fell in love with a boy you met a week ago?” His voice was quiet, but high-pitched at the same time. Like maybe he wanted to yell, but didn’t want to cause a scene in the posh Chelsea restaurant where thirty cell phones would record every word, gesture, and grimace. “Katie.”
“I know. I know it all sounds so out of left field, and crazy.” I shook my head, still not able to shake my smile. “You are so protective. Like, I can’t do anything.” I laughed a little, no idea why. “Kasen gets to go to camp, and go to public school, and have sleepovers.” I pointed to myself. “I never got a chance to do any of that. And the first time you agreed to give me an iota of freedom? It lasted like twelve hours. Then you promptly banished me to the Devil’s Share compound.” I took another sip of water. “Not telling you about UCLA, that was a shit move on my part.”
“Shit?”
“Oh. Uh, sorry. That was a bad move on my part. I should have been honest with you guys. But, hell.”
“Hell?”
“Crap. Sorry, those Devil’s Spawn kids use the worst language.” I cleared my throat and started again. “I didn’t want to disappoint you. You gave your life for mine. You gave it all up to raise me. And I know you were scared, and I know that the media was a circus. But I think, in trying to protect me, you isolated me.” I watched his expression turn from thoughtful to shocked.
“Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I’ve always kind of wanted to run.” And that was the truth, a truth I hadn’t realized until I’d actually been on my own. “I’m not a girl that’s meant to be confined. That’s not who I am, and, it’s not who I’ve ever been.” It took Cash to help me see that. To help me embrace my wild heart. “And honestly, Dad, I don’t think it’s who you are either.”
“Oh, you’re telling me about me now? Where is this coming from, young lady? UCLA, cussing, boys? You’ve been away from us for seven days.”
“Dad. Please. Stop.” I sent him a sad smile. “You caged yourself for me, to keep me safe. And I know you’re happy, and I know you love us, that you love Mom. But don’t you ever wonder what your life would have been like if our parents hadn’t died?”
I rarely called them our parents. But here, in this moment, it felt right. We were twenty-one years apart, and if tragedy hadn’t struck he would’ve been my big brother. Maybe I’d still be sitting here with him in London. But maybe we’d be sharing a bottle of wine and laughing. Maybe he’d be hugging me, telling me congratulations on getting into UCLA. Maybe he’d have introduced me to Cash one night after a show. But instead, I was sitting next to my dad, and he looked utterly terrified, exactly as my mom had predicted. But underneath his fear was disappointment, confusion, and anger.
I got to my feet, putting my napkin back on the table. “I’m going to head to the hotel. It was a long flight, and I’m tired.”
And I’m sad. I don’t know what else to say to make you see me. To make you hear me. To make you understand me.