I opened my front door quietly. The house was still and dark, and I took a moment to appreciate it. It was rarely quiet in my home.
Before heading to my room, I stopped by the kitchen, flipped on a light, and looked through a stack of mail by the phone. There was nothing for me. I searched the drawers, but they were only full of odds and ends—batteries, pens, paper clips, pushpins, and a variety of other things that didn’t include a letter from San Diego State. Blaire had gotten her letter today. Did that mean I hadn’t gotten in? Maybe my mom had put the letter in my room.
A blue glowing light from the den caught my eye so I followed it. My brother sat on the couch watching some late-night television.
“Hey, Beau,” I said. “Do you know if there was any mail for me today?”
“Not sure.” He glanced at his phone. “Are you sneaking in late?”
“I’m not late, I just didn’t want to wake anyone.”
“Big night?” He looked at my outfit like Maxine at the corner mart had, with mild disdain.
“Studying with friends.”
He shook his head. “Only my sister would sneak in after a study session.”
“Why are you still up?”
“Can’t sleep.” He probably couldn’t sleep because he’d slept all day. “It’s not like I have anything to do tomorrow.”
“Are you regretting taking a semester off college?”
“No. I’m regretting not being able to find a job to pay for my next semester of college.”
“You should come to the zoo with me next week.”
“You’re in charge of giving people jobs now?”
“No, but they have a volunteer program you could sign up for. And if they like you, it could transition into a job.”
“Pass.”
“Come on. It’s actually really fun. I think you’d like it. The animals don’t try to talk to you or anything.”
He met my eyes with a tired stare. I didn’t like seeing him so down. I was used to my loud and fun brother. The one who hung out with his friends and always had something going on. This new version of him worried me.
“No, Maddie. That’s your thing.”
“You need to find a thing.”
He pointed to the television. “I found it.”
“A real thing. Not one where you sleep all day and sit in the dark all night.”
“Why don’t you work on saving animals, not people? You’re better at it.” Beau used his hand to shoo me away, turning his attention back to the television.
I sighed and headed into my room. After a thorough search, I found no San Diego State packet. I changed into my pajamas and fell into bed, determined not to think about college again tonight.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop analyzing the probability of whether San Diego State sent out their packets in waves or all at once. It was now 1:45 a.m. Years ago my mom used to come into my room at this exact minute and whisper “Happy birthday” in my ear. My gaze went toward the door, as if my thinking about it would bring her here now. It didn’t. There were a lot of things my mom used to do.
I shook my head. I’d already mentally chastised my brother tonight for being mopey. I wasn’t about to join him. Besides, I was eighteen now. I didn’t need childish traditions. “Happy birthday to me,” I said to myself with a smile.
I opened my eyes and stretched. Saturday morning. I was tempted to roll back over and sleep for another hour. Today of all days, I had the right to be lazy. But then my mind started running through the list of everything I had to do. I needed to shop for the party, and clean the living room where we’d hang out later, and shower.
I left my bedroom and heard my parents before I saw them.
Dad said, “Maybe if you had put it away when you were done, you’d know where it was.”
“Craig, all you had to say was no. No, you don’t know where it is. Do you have to turn everything into an insult?”
“I was just pointing out that I was the only one who cleaned around here.”
“Then why don’t you know where it is?” she asked.
“Are you serious?”
I stepped into the kitchen. “Good morning,” I said, even though it obviously wasn’t. But it was the same as most mornings, so at least it wasn’t worse than normal. And that was good … sort of.
My parents hadn’t always fought. The fighting started after my dad lost his job three years ago. He had yet to find a new one. I’d once heard money issues were the number one cause of divorce. I hoped that wasn’t true. I hoped that once my dad found a job and my mom didn’t have to work overtime and double shifts to cover our cost of living that everything would be fixed. In the meantime, we just had to make it through this rough patch.
“What are you looking for, Mom? Maybe I put it away,” I said.
“That can’t be true because your dad is the only one who ever puts things away.”
My dad let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t be … ” He glanced my way. “Mean. Don’t be mean. Just look for your stupid ID.”
“Have either of you seen any college mail for me?” I asked, trying to turn their attention to something different.
“I thought I saw something the other day.” Dad leafed through the stack by the phone. “I hope it didn’t get thrown out with the ads.”
My heart seemed to stop.
“You threw out Maddie’s college letter?” Mom asked.
“No. Of course not.” He got to the end of the stack. “Well, not on purpose.”
“I swear, Craig, sometimes … ”
“Sometimes what?” he asked.
“Are we still doing my birthday lunch today?” I blurted out.
Both of them, at least, had the decency to look chastised. They stepped toward me with “Happy birthday” spilling out of their mouths. I accepted a hug from each of them.
“Yes, of course we are,” Mom said. “I have to run into work for a few hours this morning and your dad is going to do a last-minute errand, but yes, I took the afternoon off just for you.”
A last-minute errand? Was it a birthday errand? What did my parents have up their sleeves? Something exciting for my biggest birthday yet?
Mom ran a hand down my cheek. “My new adult.”
I laughed. “I know, I’m so mature now.”
“I’ll see you for lunch.” She kissed my cheek and was gone. My dad followed soon after.
I searched the pantry for my favorite cereal that my mom only bought for my birthday. Cookie Crisp. It couldn’t really be called cereal when it was more sugar than substance, but I only ate it once a year so I was okay with that. I found the box but when I lifted it from the shelf it was too light. I saw that it was basically empty—three small cookies and a pile of cookie dust was what now sat on the bottom of my bowl.
“I hope you had a horrible sugar crash last night, Beau,” I mumbled, throwing the box away. I poured some milk over my cookies anyway and ate them one at a time, savoring each bite. I didn’t need childish birthday traditions, anyway. I had a banana and moved on to my shower.
The rest of the morning went more smoothly. I had just enough of my favorite coconut conditioner left for my hair. I found all the required food and drinks for my party at the supermarket, some of it even on sale. And the living room was mostly clean. It just needed a five-minute vacuum and dusting. Plus, I was never much of a style genius, but my outfit felt exceptionally cute, too—peasant top, skinny jeans, purple ballet flats. Now it was time for the fun part of the day—lunch and then party with friends.