Ally
I’m pregnant.
No matter how many times I said it, I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. It didn’t matter that I had pretty much already figured it out before the test confirmed it. It still caught me off guard, so much so that I hadn’t been able to hear a word during the lecture. Pre-midterm lectures were in full swing, and although I studied through correspondence, I did have the benefit of attending some lectures throughout the year, which all happened to fall in line with Jaime’s roster. I was thankful for her, she went to classes every day, and then I copied her notes. She also helped me out with topics that were unclear in the online material supplied.
“Hey. Earth to Ally.”
Jaime’s hand flashed in front of my face, close enough to make me flinch. I jerked back and then glared at her.
“There you are. What the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t picked up your pencil once, have you heard anything that’s been said?”
Heat rushed up to my cheeks, embarrassed that I had been caught so out of it. That, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell Ally that I was pregnant, and that her brother was the father; not to mention breaking the news to Jason.
“Sorry, my mind’s been all over the place today, I didn’t sleep that well,” I fibbed.
“I figured, Jason told me what happened, at least you weren’t hurt.”
“I guess.”
As we were packing our bags to leave, Jaime’s cell phone rang giving me a reprieve from her interrogation. But it was short lived. As we walked down the hall together I could tell something was drastically wrong based on her end of the conversation.
“Jason. Wait. What’s wrong?” Her face drained of all color and she put a hand to the wall for support. Large fat tears pooled and began dripping down her face. Alarmed, I tried to ask her what was wrong but she waved me off, continuing with her call. We were drawing attention to ourselves, so I ushered her into an empty classroom and shut the door for privacy. Switching from one foot to the other, I anxiously waited for the conversation to end so I could find out what was wrong. All I knew right now was that it involved Jason. And whatever it was, it was bad.
“Okay, okay I’ll be right there. Don’t worry. We’ll get this all straightened out.”
She shoved her phone in her pocket, her hands visibly shaking and then looked at me without really seeing me, obviously distraught. When she reached for her keys, I put a hand on her arm.
“Jaime, you are in no condition to drive at the moment. Take a minute to calm yourself. Tell me what happened.”
She shrugged off my hand, but she at least set her purse and keys on the table. Her voice edged with panic she relayed the phone call.
“Jason was arrested this morning. He was talking too fast for me to get all the details, but it had something to do with the brawl last night at the bar.” She eyed me suspiciously. “What exactly happened last night?” she demanded.
I quickly told her the details of the fight. Apparently, Jason had left out the part about the knife because her face blanched again when I mentioned it. But she remained quiet when I finished.
“Jason said it was self-defense. If the guy attacked him from behind with a knife, I don’t understand why they would arrest him. He is saying they could send him back to prison for the rest of his original sentence!”
I didn’t say anything, but my expression must have spoken volumes. Despite the guy attacking Jason first, and with a weapon, there were several times during the fight where I thought Jason could have resorted to less violence. Seeing him that way, and what he was capable of, had shown me a side to him that I didn’t want to see. Now that I knew I was carrying his child, I didn’t know if I wanted to get involved.
“What?” she asked.
I just shook my head. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing Ally. I’ve known you for more than half your life, and can read you like a book. Now tell me what that face was for!” she demanded.
Sighing deeply, I hesitated while I searched for the right words. She just simply stood there with her arms crossed waiting for me to continue.
“It’s true that he was attacked from behind with a knife last night. But, you weren’t there.”
“Go on,” she urged.
“He disarmed the guy in seconds, and it should have been over. But, he broke his wrist and then smashed his face into the table. That’s when his friends got involved. I know they attacked him as a group, so it wasn’t a fair fight.”
I hesitated, feeling a mixture of dread and guilt swirl around in the pit of my stomach. How did you tell your best friend that you were afraid of her brother?
“I don’t know. It was scary and not because he was outnumbered. I was more worried for the other guys. Jason was a completely different person. He was cold and calculatingly brutal. He was savage and feral like a caged tiger that had just been let out.”
“So, WHAT? You’re saying he deserves to go to jail? That he’s some kind of monster?” she yelled back.
“No...no that’s not what I meant. It’s just…well maybe he needs some help, a support group of sorts to work through the anger,” I tried to reason. “I mean it’s not the first time he’s attacked someone and it got out of hand.”
I hadn’t meant to mention her step dad, but she had pushed.
“You have no idea what you’re fucking talking about Ally. Of all people, I would have thought you would have understood.”
Her face was a mask of agony and anger. I felt terrible and stepped towards her, but she held up her hand.
“I only know what I see, no one has ever bothered to tell me what really happened and why he is so angry,” I started, “I know prison can change a person, but Jason has a lot of rage that’s been bottled up for years, so please explain it to me so that I can understand,” I begged.
I could see her wrestling within herself, trying to gain control of her emotions.
“It’s true, Jason did kill my stepfather. But it wasn’t in cold blood. He was defending me.”
She took a deep breath and began to relay in detail the horrifying events that led up to the death of her stepfather and the traumatic events afterwards. I listened in shock and horror at the deplorable acts she had endured.
“You see, Wallace had taken a special interest in me about the time I turned fourteen. I didn’t think much of it at first. I mean it made me a little uncomfortable. But everyone was always talking about how he was such a wonderful man for taking Jason and I in as his own and how much his family had done for this town. I felt like I couldn’t complain. It started with little things he did at first. He would rest his hand on my thighs. Sometimes his hand would slip and he’d act embarrassed and apologize. Creepy things, but if I tried to say anything to Mom, she would tell me I was making things up and being ungrateful.”
At this point she had begun pacing the room, wringing her hands as she continued.
“Then one night, it escalated…”
I just stood there listing in horror as she told me what had happened that dreadful night, when Jason had taken matters in his own hands. I was shocked and angry, angry at Wallace for being a pig, angry at myself, angry at Ally for never having told me, or anyone else for that matter. As she told me in detail what Wallace had done, and how Jason had found him with her and lost his mind, my heart melted. All this time he had to live with the fact that he had killed someone, someone who clearly deserved it.
Jason was angry, and rightfully so. And maybe the way that other jackass at the bar acted when he pulled me onto his lap had triggered Jason’s anger.
Tears were streaming down my face too now, how could I not have known? How could I have not been there for my best friend during the worst time in her life? She not only lost her brother, but her mother, and her innocence all in a very short time. I felt selfish. But most of all, I felt ashamed. I should have known better.
“Jaime, I’m so sorry,” my lips trembled as I spoke. “I know it’s hardly enough to make up for not being there for you, or judging Jason so harshly, but I am truly and terribly sorry.”
It literally felt as if my heart had been shredded into a million pieces, the immense emptiness and sorrow that ransacked my insides, were like a tornado leaving only destruction in its wake.
She gave me a wan smile and then we flung our arms around each other, holding each other as we both cried for what seemed like ages. Eventually, sniffling we both drew back, and I was the first to speak.
“Where is he being held?”
“He’s being held at the County precinct. I don’t even know if they will grant bail,” she replied, her lips still trembling with emotion.
“Well let’s go and find out. I was there that night, I can attest to the fact that he was attacked first.”
With no time to waste, we rushed to Jaime’s car, she was in no state to drive, so I drove and we made our way to the precinct, as fast as the speed limit would allow us. The whole way there, I couldn’t help but revisit the past. Now that I knew exactly what had happened, little things I never bothered to remember, surfaced. The times I used to stay over at Jaime’s place, and how she always insisted that I don’t leave her alone. The little things I never bothered to pay attention to, like when Wallace would casually smacked her bottom when we were in the kitchen and how she used to swat his hand away angrily. It all made sense now. And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I just hoped that it wasn’t too late to set things right.