FIFTY-THREE
How to Kill Giants Politely
Just kidding this time.
It only felt like we were going to die.
The horse must have enjoyed the feeling of free fall. I didn’t. I grabbed his neck and screamed in terror (which was not very stealthy). Meanwhile, Blitzen grabbed my waist, and behind him Sam somehow stayed on board while managing to keep Hearthstone from slipping into oblivion.
The fall felt like hours, though it probably lasted only a second or two. During that time I thought of several more colourful names for Stanley. Finally he churned his eight legs like locomotive wheels. We levelled out and began to climb.
Stanley punched through a cloud, zigzagged along the face of the mountain and landed on a window ledge near the top of the fortress. I dismounted, my legs shaking, then helped the others with Hearthstone.
The ledge was so wide that the four of us plus the horse could stand in one corner and seem no bigger than mice. The window had no glass (probably because there wasn’t that much glass in the world), but Stanley had landed us behind a panel of gathered curtain, so nobody inside could’ve seen us, even if they were randomly scanning the window for mice.
‘Thanks, buddy,’ I told Stanley. ‘That was horrifying. I mean, great.’
Stanley nickered. He gave me an affectionate nip, then disappeared in a burst of dust. On the windowsill where he’d been standing was the ehwaz runestone.
‘He seemed to like me,’ I noted.
Blitzen slid down next to Hearthstone and said, ‘Eep.’
Only Sam didn’t seem ruffled. In fact, she seemed exhilarated. Her eyes sparkled and she couldn’t stop smiling. I guess she really did love flying, even if it was a near-death free fall on an eight-legged horse.
‘Of course Stanley liked you.’ She picked up the runestone. ‘Horses are one of Frey’s sacred animals.’
‘Huh.’ I thought about my experiences with the Boston mounted police that patrolled the Public Garden. The horses always seemed friendly, even if their riders weren’t. One time, when a mounted officer had started to question me, his horse had suddenly taken off, galloping towards the nearest low-hanging tree branch.
‘I’ve always liked horses,’ I said.
‘Frey’s temples kept their own herds,’ Sam told me. ‘No mortal was allowed to ride them without the god’s permission.’
‘Well, I wish Stanley had asked my permission before leaving,’ I said. ‘We have no exit strategy, and Hearthstone doesn’t look like he’s going to be casting more spells anytime soon.’
The elf had regained consciousness … sort of. He leaned against Blitz, giggling silently and making random signs like, Butterfly. Pop. Yippee. Blitzen clutched his stomach and stared into space as if he were thinking of interesting ways to die.
Sam and I crept to the edge of the curtain. We peeked around it and found we were at ceiling level of a stadium-size room. In the hearth burned a fire as big as an urban riot. The only exit was a closed wooden door on the far wall. In the centre of the room, seated at a stone table, two giantesses were having dinner, ripping into a carcass that reminded me of the roast beast in Valhalla’s dining hall.
The giantesses didn’t look as tall as the dead one back in the river, though it was hard to be sure. In Jotunheim, proportions made no sense. My eyes felt like they were constantly adjusting to different funhouse mirrors.
Sam nudged my arm. ‘Look.’
She pointed to a birdcage suspended from the ceiling, hanging just about eye-level to us. Inside the cage, waddling around on a bed of straw and looking miserable, was a white swan.
‘That’s a Valkyrie,’ Sam said.
‘How can you be sure?’
‘I just am. Not only that … I’m pretty sure it’s Gunilla.’
I shuddered. ‘What would she be doing here?’
‘Looking for us. Valkyries are excellent trackers. I imagine she got here before we did and …’ Sam mimed a hand snatching something out of the air.
‘So … do we leave her?’
‘For the giants to eat? Of course not.’
‘She set you up. She got you kicked out of the Valkyries.’
‘She’s still my captain,’ Sam said. ‘She … well, she has her reasons for mistrusting me. A few centuries ago, there was a son of Loki who made it into Valhalla.’
‘He and Gunilla fell in love,’ I guessed. ‘I kind of got that impression when she was taking me on a tour of the hotel.’
Sam nodded. ‘The son of Loki betrayed her. Turned out he was a spy for my dad. Broke her heart. Well … you get the picture. Anyway, I’m not going to leave her to die.’
I sighed. ‘Okay.’
I pulled off my pendant.
Jack the sword hummed to life.
‘About time,’ he said. ‘What did I miss yesterday?’
‘Bunch of climbing,’ I told him. ‘Now we’re looking at two more giantesses. How do you feel about flying up their nostrils?’
The sword tugged at my hand, his blade peeking around the corner of the curtain. ‘Dude, we’re on their windowsill. We’ve technically crossed the threshold of the giants’ home.’
‘So?’
‘So you have to follow the rules! Killing them in their home without provocation would be rude!’
‘Right,’ I said. ‘We wouldn’t want to kill them rudely.’
‘Hey, señor, guest rights and host rights are important magic protocols. They keep situations from escalating.’
Blitzen groaned in the corner. ‘The sword has a point, kid. And, no, that wasn’t a joke. We should go in, claim guest rights and barter for what we need. If the giants try to kill us, then we can attack.’
Hearthstone hiccupped, grinned and signed, Washing machine.
Sam shook her head. ‘You two are in no condition to go anywhere. Blitz, stay here and watch Hearthstone. Magnus and I will go in, find Thor’s hammer and free Gunilla. If things go wrong, it’ll be up to you two to figure out how to rescue us.’
‘But –’ Blitzen put his fist over his mouth and stifled an urp. ‘Yeah … okay. How are you guys going to get down there?’
Sam peered over the ledge. ‘We’ll use your magic rope to reach the floor. Then we’ll walk up to the giants and introduce ourselves.’
‘I hate this plan,’ I said. ‘Let’s do it.’